A few hours later I was at my desk having my usual daily caffeinated intercourse with a grande caramel macchiato with an extra shot and preparing transcripts for seniors who requested them for their college applications.
Just then, Crystal appeared in my doorway with tears screaming from her face.
“Oh my God! What’s wrong?!”
She responded, “Are you okay?”
I was taken back a bit, and then I got nervous.
“I’m fine.”
Instantly, her sobbing ceased as she ran around my desk and knelt down in front of me. “You didn’t hear?”
“Hear what? What’s wrong? Is my baby okay?!” Then I instantly picked up the phone to call the sitter.
“Vic, it’s not DeSire. Put the phone down.”
I hung it up curiously. “Well, what the hell happened? Is it Sean? What…”
“Delilah was killed this morning.”
Instantly, I felt as if the floor was rocking violently. I waited for tears as I wished that I were still lying in bed dreaming. “What do you mean?! What happened to her?!”
Crystal spoke slowly as she held my hand and wiped her tears. “It’s been all over the news. Her boyfriend’s house was ambushed early this morning… ”
I broke down as I put two and two together; the news broadcast of the ambushed condominium in Hyde Park and the couple found dead in their bed shot in the head execution style. My stomach began to turn in knots as the conversation Delilah and I had yesterday played over and over again in my head; me promising her that everything would be okay, telling her to have faith, and to just hold on.
I felt nauseated as I wondered if the same words played in her head as she lie on that bed with her hands tied behind her back.
“Noooooooo! Please, God, no,” I begged as I began to cry.
Crystal could only shake her head in grief as her tears became worse and mine began to flow.
TRICEY
I was lying across my bed not paying any attention to the television that was on.
I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I thought it was so strange that my life had so suddenly changed from being inattentively in love to a hot mess.
For some reason I wanted to be sad that I lost Amiel, wanted to have the distressed conversations over and over again with him asking why he doesn’t want me.
But strangely those feelings didn’t exist.
I thanked God for this baby because it gave me no option to cry and feel sorry for myself.
My only choice was to deal.
Just then, my doorbell rang and I got butterflies. I checked my cell before heading towards the door to see if I missed any calls since it was on silent.
I hadn’t.
I wondered if it was Amiel and prayed that it wasn’t. I wasn’t ready for this confrontation. I simply wanted to close my eyes and pretend that he disappeared.
I nervously asked through the intercom, “Who is it?”
“Veronica.”
I was relieved, but still irritated nonetheless. I didn’t want to confront Amiel, but I damn sure didn’t want to confront Veronica for Lyric either.
I let her in anyway.
I opened the front door and sat on the couch in preparation. I thought maybe I should text Lyric to let her know that Veronica was here, but figured I would just tell her later.
Veronica peeked into the front door and actually stood there as if she wasn’t welcome.
“Come in, girl,” I told her.
She did so and locked the door behind herself. She must have just gotten off of work, because she still wore a pair of pink scrubs and black crocs. Despite the fact that she obviously just got off work, she looked so flushed and disheveled. Her fair skin lacked life and color, and her movements were weak and lifeless.
I wasn’t going to front like I didn’t know why she popped up at my house without calling first. I knew this was a move made by a heartbroken person who needs to vent.
“I just needed to talk,” Veronica told me.
“You can talk.”
As she sat beside me on the couch, I felt so bad for her. For the most part, she and I were in the same boat; feeling minuscule and insignificant because those that we loved with all of our hearts wanted nothing more to do with us with all of their hearts.
“I’m just so sick over all of this,” Veronica began. “It’s tearing me up. I can’t believe Lyric is acting like this. She won’t even return my calls. That’s so mean. Am I crazy? Should I not be hurt and upset?”
“I understand you being both,” I answered. “Loving someone who doesn’t love you back, when there is only proof that the two of you belong together, is always confusing and upsetting, but you have no choice but to accept her decision. You can’t make her choose you.”
“I just expected so much more from her. If we were truly friends, why not help me deal with this? Why be so cruel?”
“I don’t think she’s being cruel.”
“Not answering my phone calls isn’t cruel?”
“Not if you’ve called twenty times in a row.”
Veronica didn’t look ashamed at all. She actually looked as if she had all rights to act a fool. It’s easy to feel like you have that right when you are doing everything that the other person’s mate isn’t. It’s easy to feel like the one that’s in the committed relationship when you’re carrying out all of the love, friend, and partner duties.
“I call like that because I can’t believe her audacity,” she replied. “I can’t believe that she is willing to throw away what we had so easily.”
“It wasn’t easy for her. She fought over it and to make the decision was very hard for her at first. You made it easy.”
“She used Rick as a scapegoat.”
“No, you gave her Rick to use as a scapegoat. That was a dirty move, Veronica.”
“I just wanted her to feel how I feel.”
“You got what you wanted.”
“But her reaction was cruel. I have put up with far worse from her. She is being so selfish. What kind of friend is she to not even consider my feelings? It’s all about her and Bradley, and forget me and my pain.”
“She has considered you, Veronica. She’s told you over and over again. The problem is that nothing will make you feel better or will make you happy unless she leaves Bradley.”
Veronica looked like she was fighting back tears. I felt so hypercritical sitting here as if I have all the answers when I was dealing with the same hurt that she was.
Ironically, I was having this conversation with myself.
“I honestly never thought that she would go through with this.”
“So you thought the ring and the wedding plans were a game? She’s told you the entire time that she wants to date a man and that she would never be in a relationship with a woman.”
“Though Amiel is married, don’t you believe that the love you share is so strong that one day you all will be together no matter how he thinks he feels right now?”
Just looking at Veronica made me realize how pathetic I must have been to want something so bad from someone who blatantly wanted the opposite. But I also felt the pain of watching someone who felt you sexually desirable but did not want you emotionally or permanently.
“Admittedly, yes, but that’s a fantasy,” I answered. “You cannot make decisions based on your emotions. You have to make decisions based on reality. I don’t sit here scolding you as someone who knows it all. I sit here as someone who is going through the same pain right along with you. I can cry, curse him out, and complain. I have cried, cursed him out, and complained, but in order to live your life without pain, you have to come to grips that you have not been chosen.”
Eighteen
Friday, December 12, 2008
TRICEY
Veronica only stayed for about ten more minutes before leaving.
I still don’t think that I was able to tell her what she wanted to hear, but what she wanted to hear was a fairy tale.
/> As soon as I got to work, I checked in with my administrative assistant and then walked over to Lyric’s office. Today is the wedding rehearsal, so I honestly didn’t want to rain on her parade, but she needed to know about Veronica’s visit.
“Knock, knock,” I said, introducing my presence as I walked into her office.
“Hey, girl.”
Lyric sat at her desk wearing a pair of jeans and an Abercrombie and Fitch signature tee with a pair of casual ballerina slippers. She looked laid back, relaxed, and happy; much like a woman who was about to get married.
“You ready for this, missy?”
She smiled big as she answered, “So ready.”
“Aaaaaw! Isn’t that sweet?”
She smiled while continuing to beam with joy. “Isn’t it?”
I was so happy for my friend. To experience this love with her has been such a joy. It helps me realize what I desire from my own relationships.
“Veronica came by my house last night.”
Lyric’s face seemed to lose all enthusiasm that it once had.
“For what?” She sounded absolutely disgusted.
“To talk to me since you won’t answer her calls.”
Lyric simply rolled her eyes in the back of her head.
“She’s hurting.”
“I know,” Lyric quickly replied. “But what can I do about it?”
“Be nicer.”
“Being nice got us to this point. I am nice, but she still gets pissy when I talk about my husband.”
“That’s normal.”
“Normal it may be, but I can’t deal with that. Then she’s acting all erratic; sleeping with his friend and calling my house constantly.”
“She is a woman in love.”
“She shouldn’t be, and I shouldn’t be punished because she fell in love despite what I told her. I can’t keep feeling bad for something that I didn’t do.”
I just sat there allowing her to vent as I allowed Veronica to do last night.
“She seems to think that I’m faking, that I’m just marrying Bradley because it’s the normal thing to do.” Then Lyric looked at me waiting for a response.
She finally asked me, “What do you think?”
“About?”
“Do you think I love Bradley?”
“We already talked about this.”
“And your answer is still the same?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“I think you love him, but I don’t think that you are in love,” I answered. “You are in love with love. You are in love with the idea of marriage because you’ve wanted it for so long.”
“Every woman is.”
“True, but I have seen you in love. There is more of an emotional connection between you and Veronica than you and Bradley. I think that is what she sees and that’s what she is talking about when she says that you aren’t in love with Bradley.”
“Marriage is not about having butterflies in your stomach all the time with a constant wet pussy. It’s about a partnership, the commitment, and knowing that a very good man has chosen you. I may not be all goo-goo over Bradley and lusting after him twenty-four/seven as I did with Veronica, but ‘he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing’, and I am never too gay to forget the significance in that.”
VERONICA
Talking with Tricey yesterday didn’t do much good. I still felt like shit. I needed to talk to Lyric ASAP.
At this point, I didn’t want her to choose either me or Bradley. I simply wanted answers. I needed to know how she could be so cold, totally deny our bond, and play this friendship like it’s meant nothing to her.
I felt so played. I felt as if Lyric had been using me this entire time until she found true love. I am never too blinded by love that I don’t realize that she was very honest about the platonic state of our relationship, but Ray Charles could see and Helen Keller could hear the passion between us.
Had I calmed down before making my trip to the banquet hall of Saint Lutheran Church in Orland Park, I probably would have changed my mind. Yet, attempting to have this conversation on the telephone is obviously not an option and this discussion will take place before she walks down that aisle. I need her to think of me just this once before I allow her to concentrate solely on her and her husband.
As I pulled into the parking lot of the banquet hall, I spotted Bradley standing in front of the entrance talking on his cell phone. He saw me and gave me no particular expression. I parked and jumped out because I assumed that Lyric was inside.
“Hey, Bradley. Where is Lyric?”
He simply answered, “She’s not here yet.”
“Will she be here soon?”
As he nodded, I couldn’t read his expression and that bothered me. Bradley was never so nosy that he invaded me and Lyric’s friendship, which was why we so easily were more than friends damn near all up in his face. But the look he was giving me told me that he was itching to say something.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I think I answered “yes” before he even completed his sentence.
“Why have you been calling Lyric so much?”
“Just trying to get in touch with her,” I simply answered.
“Well, I think her not answering your calls lets you know that she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Instantly my face got hot. I was sure that my fair skin was turning pink and then gradually red with both embarrassment and anger.
“Excuse me? I don’t think you should comment on something you know nothing about.”
“Baby girl, all I’m saying is that it’s obvious that she doesn’t feel like being bothered with you. I’m not trying to come between you alls friendship. I don’t even want to know what happened. All I’m saying is it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to talk to you, so stop calling my house, stop interrupting my time with my woman, and stop being a buzzard.”
I was so floored by his nerve that the ground beneath my feet felt like it was spinning. Instantly my anger was now retribution and rage. I knew that in order to save face, Lyric had to do a lot of lying. Yet, to demean me to this man, so much so that he is now disrespecting me, just so that her fake ass can have this spectacle of a wedding, was a move that I be damned if I allow her to make.
“It’s obvious that you did something to piss her off. You fucked up. Just drop it. Don’t cause drama when she’s trying to enjoy this.”
“I did something to pissher off?!”
Bradley was obviously taken back by how loud I got.
“I’m the fuck up? Is that what she told you? Your wife is the fuck up,Bradley. Know that shit.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, really. And I think that I am the one that knows her better, seeing it as though I have been in a relationship with her much longer than you have. That’smywoman, so you’re the one interruptingmy time, which I’m sure is news to you.”
TRICEY
Lyriclooked like she just shitted bricks when she saw Veronica and Bradley on the steps of the banquet hall.
She snapped as she slapped her hands against the steering wheel. “What the fuck!?”
I was stunned at Veronica’s nerve. I could only look in amazement and pity for Lyric as we pulled up.
Then she simply parallel parked in front of the steps.
“I guess you gotta talk to her now,” I said.
“I guess fucking so! Urrgh! She is determined to act a damn fool.”
Just then, I peeped the scene; Bradley and Veronica were in an obviously heated conversation. Veronica’s neck was rolling, and Bradley looked like his world had fallen apart.
“Hold up,” I told Lyric. “Doesn’t it look like they’re arguing?”
Lyric paused long enough to watch. Bradley and Veronica were in such a heated confrontation that they noticed us, but continued their conversation as if Lyric’s presence wasn’t even necessary.
“Oh my God,” Lyric said with a sigh of terror. “Plea
se tell me that she did not.”
As she prayed and pleaded, I looked over and saw her tears.
“Get it together,” I told her. “You don’t even know what they’re talking about, so don’t over react.”
“Whatever it is, it ain’t good!”
“Calm down before he sees you, though. You’ll give yourself away,” I ordered.
Lyric took deep breaths as she gathered her purse, and then both she and I got out of the car.
“Ask her,” is what we could hear Veronica saying to Bradley as we walked up the steps. “Just ask her!”
“Ask me what?” Lyric tried to sound calm and collected, but the terror in her heart still made her voice tremble.
Veronica stood with her arms folded looking like Lyric disgusted her. She also looked ruthless, merciless, and satisfied.
“Maaaan,” was all Bradley could mutter as he leaned against the wall of the building.
“Don’t be shy now,” Veronica snapped at him. “Talk all that shit now! Tell me how I am the one that fucked up now! Tell me how that’s your woman now!”
“I am his woman,” Lyric corrected her.
That’s when Bradley asked Lyric, “You been fuckin’ her?”
His voice reflected that of a heartbroken man. If Veronica and I weren’t convinced that Lyric was in love with him, there was definitely no denying how much in love Bradley was with her. The devastation of her deceit in his expression told it all. He looked as if all his energy had been smacked out of him. He suddenly looked weak and fragile.
I so wanted Lyric to lie. I wanted her to get away with it. I wanted her to be able to experience this wedding and this man, because everyone deserves to experience those things no matter the negativity that they have sowed in life.
“Bradley,” was all that she could say as she began to cry.
Veronica’s contentment was so stomach-turning that I hated her, when just last night I was in agreement with her pain.
Though Lyric has been deceitful, she’s not so heartless that she can stand on the steps of this church and lie so blatantly to someone that she admires so much, so she simply said nothing and let the silence answer Bradley’s question.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 19