I walked away before Raven could respond that she wanted a plate or not. I was to be damned if I was going to make her a plate, and I would have knocked James over had he stood up to do so.
I never made him a plate. I started mingling to keep from messing up my mood any further. However, as I walked back and forth, I couldn’t keep from continuously glancing at James and Raven, who stayed parked in those seats the entire night. Literally, as the liquor and sexual energy began to take an effect on everyone, James and Raven sat in those seats like they just met one another at a bar downtown and were getting to know each other.
I kept myself company by mingling with others who weren’t playing and then peeking into the various play rooms to see who was playing and how. I found myself sitting along the wall in the Playroom, sipping yet another Long Island Iced Tea and watching two couples from Dallas get it in. I didn’t recognize them as anyone that I have frequently seen on the BSC site; however, Phoenix often drew crowds from various lifestyle and swinging groups from all over the country.
Anyway, the two couples were getting it in. Myself and about four other people sat quietly in our underwear or lingerie and mentally masturbated to their sex scene. It was a beautiful sight. The couple had full swapped, so as one guy banged the other’s wife missionary style, his wife sat on her face while giving the other guy a blow job. She knew what she was doing too. There was so much spit and sound effects that I wanted to hold her curly weave back out of her face to help her continue the great job with no worries of her hair getting in the way. She held his dick with both hands, and while jagging it, opened her mouth wide and deep throated it like a big girl, while still managing to moan with gratification from the service she was receiving.
We all sat against the wall quiet as church mice. Often, I would close my eyes and allow their sex sounds to arouse me. Their moans of pleasure weren’t normal, and I recognized the difference. They were amplified, and I knew that it wasn’t all because of the pleasures that they were receiving. The eroticism of having extraordinary sex makes you cry out in sexual pleasure like no other noise you have made before. There was something about voyeurism, group sex, or swapping that made the inside of your body come alive in such a burst that you can orgasm from the thought of it alone.
Yes, sex feels good, but something about participating in the lifestyle amplified sex and made it pleasurably different.
Despite the erotic detractions, my mind stayed on what James and Raven were talking about.
I know it may seem like it was no big deal that James was talking to her. However, in the lifestyle, James was committing a felony. That “gaze” was present in his face because he liked Raven. I knew it because it was how he looked at me. There was no lust in his eyes as he watched Raven. Lust for another woman was all there was room for in our relationship. There was no need to “like” another woman because he could have simply gone into any of those rooms and fucked any willing woman; no “liking” required.
“Like” is an emotion and emotions can develop. There are no emotions in swinging. You don’t “like” the people you swing with. Of course, you are attracted to them, and you may even become friends with some of them; but you do not “like” them.
Five
Sunday, March 7, 2010
LYRIC
I was able to hide my frustration for the rest of the night. I never had to argue with James about another woman, and I was not going to start.
Yet, James was making it difficult for me to stay calm. He and Raven exchanged numbers. I knew it because ever since last night, any time he got a text message, this little school boy grin appeared across his face.
I had to get it out of him. I needed to know where his head was at concerning this chick, because our relationship was as open as it was because of our willing honesty.
The fact that he had yet to talk to me about Raven or their conversation made me nervous because that meant he felt as if it was something that needed to be hidden.
I watched him across the table as we sat and waited for our breakfast at a local truck stop. I was attempting to come up with the perfect way to bring this up without looking like the "dramatic girlfriend". However, I was too damn hungover to think that deep.
It was about one in the afternoon and I still felt drunk.
I tried my luck and asked, “You had fun last night, babe?”
Quickly, he answered, “It was cool. Did you?”
I simply nodded nonchalantly. “You didn’t play last night. What was up with that?”
“Raven wasn’t down.”
“You wanted to play with her?” I already knew his answer. His dick was probably getting hard just thinking about her. However, I had to trick him into a detailed conversation.
He nodded as a provocative grin spread across his face. “I’ve seen her around online, checked out her pics. I think she’s gorgeous. Yesterday was my first time meeting her though. I got her number. I think she’s digging me. She text messaged me a few times this morning.”
The excitement in James’ tone as he excitedly rambled about his new interest scared the living shit out of me.
“You like her.”
“Is that a question?”
“Nope.” I didn’t bother hiding my uneasiness. I loved James immensely. I thought that I would never find a man that would accept me for me, and I had finally found that in James. He was sexy and cool, and we were on each other’s level in a way that I never experienced with another man.
To see the man that I love pursue another woman was heartbreaking. Usually men do this shit behind your back. However, since we were in the lifestyle, I guess he thought it was okay to do it in my face.
“I told you that there were certain things that I wouldn’t accept, James.”
In response, James sighed and sat back, as if he were readying himself for a lecture.
“I don’t mind you having sex with other women. That’s not a big deal to me, but don’t take advantage of me…”
“Babe, I’m not taking advantage of you.”
“You like her.”
“I can’t like her?”
“No!”
“Why not?’
“What you need to like her for?! You like me…”
“I love you.”
“And I am the only pussy that you should love.”
“And you are.”
“Like turns into love.”
“Lyric.” He softly said my name as he held my hand. “I have to have some kinda like for a woman in order to sleep with her.”
“The hell you do! All you need is to be attracted to them. Nothing more and nothing less. You have never had to like any of the other women that you’ve slept with.”
“And I have only fucked them once, maybe twice. I don’t want this continuous revolving door of pussy. It’s great, don’t get me wrong. But I can’t get into it and enjoy it if it’s not someone that I at least know. I want to get to know the pussy, know things about the woman, and know what she likes and what she doesn’t like.”
I wanted to spit. James never had this need before, and I knew better than to think that it was now present for any other reason than the fact that he liked Raven and wanted to know things about Raven.
“I don’t have to have feelings for her, but I want to like her so that I can enjoy her more than once.” James seemed to be justifying his reasoning, but his words were just making it worse.
“I will not share you emotionally, James. That is not a part of the deal.”
STAR
I had the bubble guts all day and night.
Last night, Benz told me that he and Scoop planned to stick DeShawn up before the weekend was over. He insisted that I figure out a way to spend as much time with DeShawn as possible so that I knew the perfect time to tell him when it was okay to hit. The staying by DeShawn’s side part wasn’t hard because ever since he admitted that I was his woman, he wanted me with him whenever he had a free moment.
For some rea
son, Benz was adamant about sticking DeShawn up right away. So, it was about to go down at any moment.
I tried assuring Benz that there wasn’t much money in DeShawn’s stash, but Benz was ready to hit DeShawn for whatever he had.
I was so torn. I was sitting in DeShawn’s bed biting my nails and damn near in tears. Part of me wanted to just tell him what was about to happen so that he could prepare himself. Yet, I couldn’t figure out who I owed my loyalty to. Benz, Scoop, and Roxie had been feeding me for nearly a year. If it weren’t for them, I don’t know how I would have been able to take care of myself and my son. It was because of them that I was able to nearly complete school while being a single parent who was not on government assistance.
All women do not have that luxury.
But when I looked at DeShawn, I saw potential in us. Regrettably, I didn’t know if that potential was real or whether it was my pussy and pockets wishing it.
My only choice was to carry this out and hope that DeShawn was smart enough to lead them to as little money as possible and hope that he never realized that I had anything to do with it.
As DeShawn lay beside me taking a nap, my cell phone began to vibrate and the bubbles in my stomach got worse.
It was a text message from Scoop that said, “We on our way.” Before I could react, DeShawn’s doorbell rang. Since DeShawn didn’t say that he was expecting anyone, I got anxious and wondered had there been a delay in the text message delivery.
“Babe.” I called for DeShawn as I tapped his shoulder. “Babe, the doorbell is ringing.”
He stirred in his sleep for a few more seconds. Then the doorbell began to ring frantically, waking him up.
“You want me to get it?”
“Nah. I don’t know who the fuck that is. I ain’t expectin’ nobody.”
In his basketball shorts and shirtless, DeShawn got out of the bed and exited the bedroom. I felt like I was having an anxiety attack. My face got hot and the room seemed as if it were slightly spinning.
I wanted so badly for this to carry out in a way that everyone came out winning; Benz and Scoop, Roxie, and DeShawn. Hell, I didn’t even want any of the money if in the end I still had the man.
Again my cell phone vibrated. This time it was a text message from Roxie saying that she will be around the corner in her car waiting on me when Benz and Scoop let me go. Earlier in the day, Benz told me that the plan was that he and Scoop would act as if they were “letting me go to spare me” since I was with DeShawn. I thought that was careless. It would look better if they hit DeShawn while I was nowhere around. That way, he really wouldn’t suspect me, but Benz was acting too damn frantic to at least wait until the next day.
I soon heard voices coming down the hallway. I was relieved when I recognized Tim and Mac’s voices. Luckily, their presence gave me a reason to put my clothes on. I felt too vulnerable having all this about to go down with me in my underwear.
“I’ll be back,” DeShawn said as he entered the bedroom. Then he curiously watched me as I slipped into my jeans. “Where you goin’?”
“I heard Tim and Mac. I didn’t want them to see me without clothes on.”
“Lay yo’ ass back down,” he told me flirtatiously. “I ain’t finished. I just needed a nap.”
When that would usually give me goose bumps, it only heightened my anxiety.
I asked him, “What are you all about to do?”
“I forgot I was supposed to help them pack this shit. I’ll be back in a little while. I will only be in the garage.”
“This shit” meant drugs. I thought, great, Benz and Scoop could hit the garage, take the drugs, and be happy with that. DeShawn only handles major weight, so it would be, at the very least, twenty to thirty thousand dollars worth of work.
As soon as I heard the back door close, I called Roxie.
I didn’t feel like talking to Benz. He was acting frantic and money hungry. That shit was getting on my nerves on top of my already rising anxiety.
When Roxie answered the phone, she even sounded frantic and anxious. “Hey, girl. Where are you?”
“In the bedroom. Tell Benz and Scoop that he is in the garage, but Tim and Mac are with him. Maybe they should wait.”
Immediately, Roxie repeated what I said. Then I heard Benz’ voice say, “Fuck that. We hittin’ that nigga tonight.”
I asked Roxie, “Benz and Scoop are with you?”
“Benz is in the car with me. We are around the corner from DeShawn’s crib waiting on Scoop to pull up. He’ll be here any second.”
“Ask Benz what the fuck is the rush? Why are we doing this shit tonight? It’s too random.”
Before Roxie could say anything, I heard Benz say, “Tell Star to get her ass outta there now! We about to hit.”
Then I heard some shuffling and the car door close.
“He is getting in the car with Scoop. Here they come,” Roxie told me. “You might as well get out of there now.”
“It’s gonna look suspect if I leave and then they come! I don’t have my car, remember? He picked me up from your house! He gonna know I had something to do with it. It’s too obvious!”
“So!”
I tried to think clearly as I made sure that all of my belongings were together. Whenever it got to the point that I had to get the hell outta there, I didn’t want to leave anything behind.
Benz, Scoop, and Roxie were being so irrational. Usually they think things through and make sure that plans are carried out carefully before jacking somebody, but tonight they were being anxious and frantic, like kids who just started hustling.
As I stood in the middle of the bedroom floor contemplating what to do, I suddenly heard commotion outside of the bedroom window that was above the garage. I recognized Benz and Scoop’s voices as they barked threats and orders. Then I could hear what sounded like shuffling.
“They’re here,” I told Roxie. The words came out in regret and unease. I didn’t know what to do. I desperately did not want DeShawn to think that I had anything to do with this. He didn’t deserve this, and I deserved him.
Over my thoughts, I could hear Roxie yelling for me to get out of the condo. I could also here thuds, crashes, and yelling in the garage. The room was spinning around me.
Suddenly, I heard gunshots. As loud popping noises rang out over and over again, I began to scream, “They’re shooting! Nooooo! They’re shooting!”
“What?! Star, get out of there now! C’mon! I’m pulling up in the front right now. COME OUT NOW!”
“He’s going to know it was me!”
“And if one of them motherfuckers end up dead, the police gone know it was you too!”
As the shooting continued and I began to hear shouts and screams, it was apparent that I had no choice.
I had to go.
Roxie’s car was in front of DeShawn’s condo waiting by the curb. As I ran down the steps, I saw the passenger side door swing open.
As I reached the sidewalk, I could see visions of Scoop and Benz running out of the garage and down the street.
It seemed as if no sooner than my butt hit the seat, Roxie sped off as I attempted to pull the rest of my body into the car and close the door. As we drove at ninety miles down the street, I could see Benz and Scoop’s images as they ran to where they parked Scoop’s car.
Tears were streaming down my face. “I knew we shouldn’t have did this shit! I told them that motherfucka was trigger happy! DAMN!”
Quietly, Roxie replied, “We aren’t supposed to hurt people.”
“Hell-n-the-fuck nah we ain’t supposed to hurt nobody! I didn’t sign up for this shit!”
As Roxie turned the corner onto a main street, she slowed down and began to check her phone.
“Have they called?”
She shook her head. “Not yet.”
I sighed and attempted to calm down, but I was hysterical. My heart was racing and I couldn’t stop crying.
My phone began to vibrate, bringing me out of my trance. Roxie
and I nervously looked at the Caller ID.
It was DeShawn.
“SHIT!” I was livid.
“Answer it.”
“What the fuck am I suppose to say?!”
“Say something, shit! If you don’t, he gone suspect something.”
Roxie was right, so, regrettably, I answered. When I did, all I could hear was Mac’s voice yelling and crying. “Aw nah, man! Tim! Tim! He ain’t breathin’, man! Where the fuck is the ambulance?!”
I spoke nervously. “Hello?”
“Bitch, you set me up!” DeShawn had so much hate in his voice, but I stayed in character because, more important than him not suspecting me, I wanted to remain his girl if I could.
“What?! Babe, what are you talking about? What happened? All I heard were gun shots, so I ran.”
“Where the fuck you run to? You ain’t in your car! You at the bus stop or something? If you didn’t set me up, come back.”
Roxie watched me nervously as my head fell in my hands. I could still hear Mac yelling in the background. “Man, get the fuck off the phone with that bitch and help me get this shit before the cops get here!”
“Baby, I swear I didn’t…” DeShawn hung up on me before I could grovel any more.
Twenty minutes later, Roxie and I finally made it to Benz and Scoop’s place without a word from them.
They hadn’t called me or Roxie, but we went to their place anyway.
Scoop’s Cadillac was on the block, so they had at least been there.
I had no energy. As Roxie practically ran up to the house, I was slowly walking up the block, replaying everything that had just happened and praying that Tim wasn’t dead.
Roxie was banging on the door like a maniac. There were lights on all over the house, so someone had to be home.
As I finally ascended the few steps that led to the front door, Benz swung the door open. He looked flushed when he was too damn black to be flushed. He also looked worried and uneasy.
Roxie began to fuss. “What the fuck happened?!”
“Man, be quiet! Get in here.” Then Benz pulled her into the house and held the screen door open for me.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 42