“WHAT?!” I couldn’t believe it! “You’ve been in jail all this damn time and didn’t call me?!”
“The fuck you mean, man?! He told me you was through fuckin’ with me after that shit went down. He said it scared the shit out of you and that you wanted me to leave you alone.”
Then, I felt more faint. The room was spinning around me. I even thought that maybe I was still dreaming.
Smith continued to lie on the floor as guilt held his tongue.
“He made me change all my numbers. He made me move. He told me that he gave your family all of your stuff.” I wasn’t necessarily explaining this to Blood. I was repeating what happened in amazement of Smith’s calculated deception. “He told me that they would probably come back and try to kill me too.”
With every word from my mouth, Blood became angrier with Smith.
I too became violently angry, charging through Blood to get to Smith. Now it all made sense; Smith didn’t have the money to help bail Star out because he apparently owed a lot of money to Blood.
I wanted to claw Smith’s eyes out for being so fucking conniving, but Blood quickly grabbed me around the waist.
“Tricey, you gotta go.” It felt so good to have him so close to me again that I didn’t want to move. “You can’t be here.”
And, as he had always done in the past, he looked at me and his eyes told me everything – what was about to happen and what to do. I also saw sadness and tears in his eyes; a battle between his heart and pride because, in his eyes, he had to kill his best friend.
I was so puzzled and outdone that I just gave up. Before walking out, I took Blood’s phone from his hip, dialed my cell phone number, and waited for the phones to ring on both ends so that the call was logged.
I simply told him, “Call me when you’re done,” as I returned his phone to his hip.
Smith actually looked surprised that I was so willing to leave him there to die. However, my desire to know what the fuck was going on far surpassed my interest in his impending death.
STAR
“I have to be honest with you, Star. This doesn’t look good.”
Jean and I were in a consultation room at the court house. County guards stood outside the door as Jean and I talked before my court appearance.
I was being arraigned for Gigi’s murder.
She died from multiple stab wounds.
I stabbed her more than thirty times. She died from punctures in many vital organs, blood loss, and internal bleeding.
Jean stood over me looking at me with so much disappointment. I couldn’t even cry. My life was officially over, and I had no more fight left in me.
“The district attorney has offered you a plea of fifteen years for all charges, including the drugs and Tim’s murder.”
I sat at the table staring out of the window onto downtown Chicago. Remembering the freedom that I had just weeks ago made me sick. “Do you think I should take the deal?”
“Considering the evidence against you, I honestly feel that you would get much more time if we take this to trial. Gigi’s murder was brutal. You stabbed her more than thirty times in her face and neck.”
“She was trying to kill me!”
“But you were the one with the weapon.”
I was tired of worrying about my outcome. I wanted to just get it all over with. I had done wrong, lots of it, so I deserved to pay. “Have you talked to my sister?”
“She called me this morning, but I have been so busy with your case that I haven’t been able to return her call. She has left me so many messages. I haven’t had time to listen to them. I am sure she is worried about you.”
“Well, when you talk to her, tell her to stop trying to help me. She doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ll take the deal.”
Jean sighed with relief in response. Whether Jean suggested it or not, I was willing to take the deal if that meant that this would be over. I was tired of causing my family pain, and I was tired of waiting to find out what my future would be. I was ready to know what was going to happen to me and just deal with it accordingly.
Jean and I stood to leave the room. It was minutes before my arraignment. Before opening the door, she reached out and hugged me. It was sad how she felt so sorry for me. It meant that my future was just that fucked up.
I didn’t look around as we entered the court room and my trial began. I quietly prepared myself to live this new imprisoned life. I began to lose memories of my mother, sister, and child. I began to identify myself as prisoner number 7KR26, not Star Anderson.
As she read my charges, the judge’s voice faded further and further away from my consciousness.
Jean had to grab my arm and lead me to stand when it was time.
“I understand that the State has reached a plea agreement in this case.”
“Yes, we have, Your Honor.”
“Star Anderson, in exchange for serving the amount of fifteen years with no possibility of parole, how do you plea to the charges before you?”
I was lost. I wondered if I was doing the right thing, but, finally, the worry and wait of my fate would be over. I didn’t want to plea to offenses that I only committed in defense of me or my child’s well-being, but my options only seemed singular.
“Guilty.”
a year later . . .
Love Drug
One
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
TRICEY
It was very early on a warm Wednesday morning.
The weather was finally changing from a cool spring to a blazing summer, so I was very eager to get out of the house, jump into my Lexus, and drop the top in order to feel today’s high of seventy-five degrees on my skin as I headed to work.
However, before I could get out of the house and enjoy that heat, I had to wait for Blood to bust his nut.
He lay on top of me with his arms under me as his hands firmly gripped my ass. He whispered love and raunchiness into my ear as he administered slow and deep strokes into me. He told me how much he loved me, how much he loved the pussy, how tight it was, and how it belonged to him.
I squirmed when he would kiss my ear and play with my neck.
I obliged when he kissed me lovingly.
Above our sex sounds, I forced myself to listen for Ariana. Though she should have been fast asleep, now that she was almost two years old, she liked to get out of bed on her own and roam around the house.
Since I didn’t hear the pitter-patter of little toddler feet, I focused back on Blood, who was nearing his orgasm. He’d gone from a slow wine to a consistent and purposeful rhythm. He’d stopped talking shit and was now quiet with focus, so I knew that his end was near.
I stared at the ceiling and attempted to pretend like there was someone else on top of me; someone that I felt more for than a lackadaisical connection that occurred by happenstance. I tried to pretend that I was happy and in love. As Blood floated in and out of me, I forced myself to feel the butterflies in my pussy that I should have felt.
I tried so hard that I damn near gave myself a headache from the pressure and heartache from the disappointment.
Soon, I grew tired of faking it, squeezed my walls together so that they hugged his dick, and encouraged his love to come out and play.
About an hour later, my cell phone rang as I was riding down 94 West on my way to work.
I knew that it was Lyric returning my call.
I had been desperately waiting for her to return my call since calling her as soon as I pulled out of the driveway at home.
I needed to talk.
I answered her call with a heavy sigh and loads of frustration in my voice. “Hey, girl.”
“What’s up? What’s wrong with you?”
“Girl,” I said while sighing again. “I don’t like Blood.”
I didn’t. I mean, I loved him because of our history and the life that he provided for me and my daughter. Now that Blood was out of jail and back on the scene, things had gone back to normal. He was onc
e again controlling the major weight on the South and West side of the city. He had also moved into my condo and was supporting me and Ariana.
It was like he’d never left.
The only difference was that we were now in a relationship.
Lyric smacked her lips as she replied, “Here you go with that bullshit again.”
“I know! I feel so stupid. But I don’t like him, Lyric! I love him as a friend, but I am not in love with him. I don’t love him intimately, and I absolutely hate having sex with him. We had sex this morning, and, I swear, I wanted to slit my damn wrist!”
“Was it that bad?!”
“Yes!”
“Why?”
There was no umph between me and Blood. We had grown too close as platonic friends to jump into a relationship. Had I had time to consider that, I probably wouldn’t have gotten into this relationship, but it just happened! I thought the man was dead and gone. Then he miraculously appears like a phenomenon, and, when he asked me to be his woman, I just couldn’t imagine telling him no when, for months, I thought that I would never see him again.
“I don’t have any romantic interest in him. He’s like a brother to me. So, when we have sex, there is just something missing. I can’t get as into it as he does.”
“Well, you better get some counseling or something. That man takes really good care of you. I be damned if I let you walk away from him because the sex is whack. Would you rather have good back breaking sex with a broke nigga?!”
Lyric was right. I couldn’t deny that Blood had gone over and beyond to make sure that Ariana and I were comfortable. No sooner than he returned, my life went from laptops to Ipads, from Androids to iPhones, and from that Chrysler to a Lexus LS 460. He was even paying for the best attorney to look into my sister’s case and, hopefully, get her conviction overturned.
“No,” I answered Lyric. “I’m not stupid. I just want to be sexually fulfilled!”
“Well, make love to that Lexus then!”
“Lyric, I am being serious,” I whined.
“I am too! Sex is not everything in a relationship. It’s not always going to be great. You’re not always going to hear birds chirping when he puts his dick in you, but, with a man like Blood, your rent will always be paid, the lights will always be on, and there will always be food in the frig. Most women don’t have that assurance. If the sex is that bad, get a vibrator.”
It was easy for Lyric to tell me such a thing when she and James were over there swinging from trees and having great and spontaneous sex every other day. Therefore, I kept any further comments to myself. It was very hard to justify why I didn’t like a man like Blood.
He was everything that any woman would want. This woman just didn’t want him.
VICTORIA
I was walking down the corridor towards the exit when I spotted Jolanda at her locker. I immediately did an about-face, jogged down the hallway, and took the other corridor.
I had been avoiding my sister and brother, Jolanda and Jahleel, since they started attending Kraton High last September. I thought it was a cruel joke when I saw them walking down that hallway wearing backpacks on the first day of school.
Luckily, Lynn, a friend and co-worker of mine, was their counselor, so she was able to find out that Jahleel and Jolanda wound up attending this school because Jesse, our father, and his wife moved into the neighborhood.
Two years ago, Jolanda reached out to me when Jesse told her and Jahleel, her twin brother, that I was their long-lost sister. It was a smack in the face that his molesting ass had the audacity to even allow her to contact me. However, I put a quick stop to that when I told Jolanda to never call my house again. Therefore, when we saw each other on that first day of school, and ever since, we did not speak to one another at all. When I saw them coming, I ignored them as if I had no clue who they were, and they did the same in return.
If I would have just gone ahead and told Jolanda and Jahleel that I didn’t want anything to do with them because their father beat and molested me when I was younger, they would have probably understood, but I wanted to be so far removed from Jesse that I didn’t even want to have that conversation with his children.
Besides, they were now seniors, so after a few months, they would graduate and I would never have to see them again.
Anyway, Lynn and Crystal, another friend and co-worker, were standing outside when I exited the building.
“Took you long enough,” Crystal fussed.
“Sorry. I had to take a detour. Jolanda was in the hallway.”
Immediately, Lynn and Crystal shook their heads in disappointment.
I quickly told them, “Whatever.”
“You know you need to be ashamed of yourself! Treating those kids like that,” Lynn fussed.
“Lynn, she doesn’t care. She isn’t going to change her mind, so don’t waste your breath,” Crystal told her.
“You’re right! I’m not going to change my mind. I don’t want anything to do with them, and that’s that!”
Lynn continued to shake her head in disgust. “Can you imagine how bad they feel that they have a sister that refuses to even acknowledge them?!”
I simply shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly as we walked away from the school. We headed towards Subway while Lynn continued to lecture me about my refusal to have a relationship with Jolanda and Jahleel.
I didn’t expect her or Crystal to understand. I kept my father’s abuse a secret from them, so they simply think that I don’t want a relationship with Jolanda and Jahleel because I hate their father for being a bad parent.
They don’t need to know the gruesome details.
Later that evening, I met Vince for dinner.
When I walked into the restaurant and saw the look on Vince’s face, I knew that something was wrong.
As he sat at the bar drinking a beer, he looked uneasily at me. When I sat next to him, he gave me a half-ass hug and did not kiss me as he usually does.
That alarmed me.
Vince had been in Vegas playing arena football up until his return to Chicago six months ago. Upon his return, I decided to swallow my pride and tell him how wrong and stupid I was for leaving him two years ago.
Back then, I couldn’t take advantage of the unconditional love that Vince was giving me. I was still hurt over how things ended with me and Taij, my daughter’s father, so I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with Vince, or anyone else for that matter. I decided to get my life together in order to deal with that and the family issues that haunt me. First, I tried therapy, but that didn’t work too well. Then, I got into church, and, though it helped a little, I still felt a huge void in my life and continued to suffer from panic attacks because of my past experiences.
At any rate, ever since I swallowed my pride, Vince and I had been dating exclusively.
Were we madly in love? No.
However, we did love each other very much and were happily preparing ourselves for a future together. So, when he told me that we needed to talk and wanted to meet me for dinner, I was very curious and anxious about what this talk was going to be about.
Because I was so curious, I immediately asked him as I sat, “What’s going on? What do we need to talk about?”
“Do you want to order a drink first?”
“No,” I told him. “I want to know what’s going on. Why do we need to talk? Are you leaving again?”
Though Vince loves to coach football at Kraton High, his passion is to play, so I was sure that this melancholy yet secure look on his face was present because he had to tell me that he was leaving to play again.
As I anxiously awaited his response, Vince continued to give me this blank stare.
“Spit it out,” I told him.
“I love you so much.” Then Vince sighed long and hard and began to fiddle with his drink.
Because of his obvious reluctance, my heart began to beat fast and hard. Vince’s words didn’t come out as if they were about to speak of a future with me.<
br />
They sounded like a conclusion.
Vince loved my dirty draws two years ago. He was head over heels for me and would have done anything for me. When we started back dating, I knew that it would be hard for me to get him back to that point, because my actions years ago caused him to put his guards up.
Yet, I hoped that we were working towards him letting those guards back down.
“But I think we should see other people.”
His words threw me for a loop. Like I said, Vince and I weren’t in love, but I was happy, and I thought he was too.
I was so confused and shocked that my voice came out in a whisper. “What?”
“I think we should…”
“I heard you!” Vince looked both nervous and concerned about my sudden anger. “Why do you think that we should see other people? Did I do something?”
“No.” Then Vince took another deep breath. “My ex called me a few weeks ago and told me that she was pregnant.”
“A few weeks ago?”
Vince ignored my puzzlement and continued to talk as if this matter was said and done, as far as he was concerned. “I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. You and I have history, but we don’t love each other…”
“What are you talking about? I do love you, and I thought you loved me.”
Vince sighed, attempting to stay calm while watching my anger grow. “I would like to try to work it out with her so that I can be with my family.”
The room was literally spinning. I was so shocked at how cold and concrete he was being.
“What are you talking about? You’re just leaving me that easily?”
“We like each other, but we don’t love each other…”
“Stop saying that! I do love you. Maybe you don’t love me.”
“Maybe I don’t.” I flinched in shock of his rawness as he continued to throw unapologetic blows at me. “And you don’t love me as much as you love Taij.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?!” I was becoming so angry that I was starting to draw attention to us. “If you want to leave me, do it without insulting my intelligence and putting this shit off on me!”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 54