by Karen Aldous
Struggling for breath, Caroline stood, unable to take her eyes off her cousin. ‘God.’ She covered her mouth with her hand, which was shaking, as she ambled towards her. ‘She found you. Oh, my goodness, I can’t believe it. How on earth?’ Caroline held out both arms and took her hands. Both looked one another up and down. ‘Emily’s baby. Well I…’ She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Angela couldn’t speak.
Both women had height and slenderness, Lizzie observed, and their noses were very much a family thread.
Caroline stood back, pressing her hand on her décolletage with dark smears of make-up rolling down her face. ‘I am delightfully shocked. Darling, I don’t know how you did this but…phew, I don’t know what to say.’
Angela dabbed her cheeks with her tissue, then wiped her nose. ‘I’ve known a few weeks now and I have been so excited. I could hardly wait. I thought I might die waiting for this moment.’
‘Oh,’ Caroline tilted her head. ‘Oh, do come and sit down, we must hear all about you. Lizzie darling, I can’t begin to thank you enough,’ she said holding Lizzie briefly. ‘And am I guessing you are Angela’s daughter?’
‘Ah, yes, so sorry. Pheely. Yes, it’s Pheely, short for Ophelia.’
‘What a beautiful name.’ Caroline kissed her cheek then hugged her too. ‘And this is Michael, my partner. I lost my husband fourteen years ago. But this little one here is Thierry, Lizzie’s child, I was going to say baby, but he’s a proper toddler now, he’s three and a half.’
‘Aww, hello, Thierry. You are a handsome chappy,’ Angela told him gazing down.
Pheely leaned to one side. ‘He certainly is. Aww, how adorable.’
As everyone sat down Lizzie poured drinks and they devoured the tasty feast, the chatter about Caroline’s mother and family whiling away the time. Lizzie was so relieved the initial meeting had all gone so smoothly. They both seemed really lovely people.
Lizzie explained to Caroline and Michael, who was now on the floor with Thierry, how, after several weeks, she had received a response from the internet, the neighbour who Angela had no recollection of on account of being so young.
‘Wow, you would think it would be far more complicated. I thought you had scoured adoption agencies and orphanages,’ Caroline said.
Lizzie laughed. ‘Well, yes. I must have explored every avenue I could think of but, hey presto, the magic of a forum on the internet did it for us. It was via an East London forum. I had actually read about others on there, successfully finding relatives, which made me think it was worth a gamble.’
‘Brilliant,’ Caroline said. ‘What would we do without our daughters?’ She peered at Angela.
‘She’s been my rock has Pheely, bless her. Especially since I lost David seven years ago. She spends too much time with me. I keep telling her she needs to find herself a man but will she listen?’
Pheely took her mother’s hand. ‘And I keep telling this old dear, I haven’t got time for a man. I wouldn’t mind but she won’t retire yet so she rarely comes to see me in London. If she retired she could.’
‘Really? Surely you don’t still work full time?’ Caroline said.
‘No. Just three days a week now. I only sit at a desk in a solicitors.’ Angela pulled a face at her daughter.
‘That’s still tiring I should think.’
‘What else would I do? I’m not one to sit around and,’ Angela brushed her wedding and engagement rings with her right hand and caressed them with her fingers, telling them all about her marriage and hobbies. ‘So, I do all David’s part of the garden now. Don’t forget, we didn’t have Pheely until I was forty, so we worked and had a full life before she finally made her entrance. Took her bloody time mind!’
Caroline smiled. ‘Pheely was a shock then?’
‘Yes, you could say that. We’d given up trying years before. And then this little miracle happened.’
Lizzie sighed. ‘What a lovely story.’
‘Yes, we were both over the moon. We couldn’t have been happier. Most of her family were our friends and their children. My brothers and my sister still lived in south London so we didn’t see them much. She’s done me proud though, going to university, and she’s made a good life for herself, her job and friends.’
‘What do you do, Pheely, career wise, I mean?’ Caroline asked.
‘I work for a cosmetic manufacturer formulating new products.’
Caroline turned to Lizzie. ‘Well, well. Another beauty expert. Lizzie has a beauty salon here in Cannes, I was a beauty editor in my younger days. Went freelance writing at the end.’
‘Something in the genes, I’d say.’ Angela chuckled. ‘Must have missed me out. Mum and Dad used to sell fabrics. No, of course, that wouldn’t be right would it?’ They all laughed.
‘Your real mother was a seamstress, I believe, as my mother was.’
There was a silence as Angela gathered herself. ‘Oh, she was only sixteen, a mere child.’
Caroline scooped her hair behind her ears with both hands and dropped her head as if gripping her own tears. ‘When we get back to Kent, you must come to our home. I have a few photos.’
‘Yes,’ Lizzie agreed. ‘That would be nice for you to learn a bit more about your origins and Mum has a very special locket with a photo of you as a baby with your mother.’
Angela gasped. ‘Oh, oh really, how wonderful. I never in a million years thought I would find out about her. My mum and dad only met my grandparents once or twice when they agreed to let them adopt me. They thought I would be happier with a young family moving out of London. And, really, all I knew was I was on a bombsite in my pram. The pram saved my life it seems.’ Droplets spilled from Angela’s eyes.
Lizzie found herself welling up too. ‘Poor Emily, deprived of her child too.’
Angela slowly shook her head from side to side. ‘So tragic. Thank you so much for finding me. I feel…like it’s a miracle at all this has happened. Caroline and Lizzie, you are my blood, like Pheely. And it’s comforting to know Pheely will know her history now. That is such a blessing. With any luck, one day, she’ll have children and maybe even grandchildren she can tell about this moment.’
‘Oh, Angela,’ Caroline reached out for her hand, ‘that’s such a wonderful notion. I’m so thrilled we’ve had this opportunity.’
Tucking her tissue in her sleeve, Pheely said, sniffing, ‘Well, the good thing is, you ladies have all week to get together again. We are visiting some more gardens but you are welcome to come along or we can set some times to meet again.’
‘But it’s your holiday, a treat for your mum,’ Lizzie interrupted. ‘We wouldn’t want to intrude.’
‘We’re not out all week. Mum’s not that fit.’
Giggles circled the table. Lizzie took out her diary and made a note of Pheely and Angela’s schedule so that she could work something out with Caroline and Michael.
‘I’d love to come along and see the salon too if we can fit it in,’ Pheely told her.
‘Of course, and let’s have dinner on Friday evening before you go home. In fact, I’ll do a buffet at the apartment and invite some friends. I want to show you off.’
Just seeing her mother’s reaction had made all the effort and occasion so worthwhile. And, as both Caroline and Angela lived in Kent, they would still be able to visit one another. She decided she was fond of Pheely too, so she would like to stay in touch. It was great to have more family. Now, all she wanted was Cal. After all the emotion spilling in the afternoon, and with her nagging frets about Cal, Lizzie felt drained. Since saying their goodbyes, and leaving Angela and Pheely to continue looking around the gardens, Lizzie drove her mother and Michael back to Cannes through the countryside. Caroline chatted incessantly about what she could gather at home for her cousin to see.
Entering Cannes, just after six o’clock, Lizzie steered through traffic along the busy Croisette to drop Caroline and Michael off. The promenade was heaving with visitors still able to enjoy their weekend
in the scorching sunshine. She stopped behind a car at a crossing and several people tramped across. Lizzie, almost day-dreaming with tiredness, turned her head to the crowd wandering aimlessly on the path and jolted. Her jaw dropped. You bastard!
Chapter 34
So, she had been right. The lying bastard! There he was, with Kelly. There they were right in front of her, meandering in the crowd. How dare he deny it! She could barely contain herself. The urge to wind down the window and scream expletives at him raged inside her. Had he seen her car? She swung her head back to the traffic trying not to draw attention to herself, and in the hope nobody else in the car would see them and be witness to her humiliation. This was the reason she had used her defences. Inside, she just knew he would hurt her. The car in front couldn’t move fast enough. With the urge to toot, she somehow maintained her composure as they inched over the crossing and began moving again.
After dropping off Caroline and Michael, which seemed to take forever as her mother very gratefully thanked her time and time again for such an enchanting day (It was, Mum, I’m sorry someone just ruined it!), she took Thierry back home and straight to the bathroom, turning on the tap and digging out his toys. Distraction, she needed distraction.
‘Does Thierry want to help Mummy take off his clothes? Let’s do your T-shirt first.’
An hour and two story books later, she opened the terrace door for some air and held her mobile in her hand ready to call him. There was no point Cal coming up tomorrow evening as clearly there was nothing to discuss. She paused, then decided she would grab the biggest wine glass and think it through. Maybe it was just best to confront him while she could. She was just in the mood for a fight.
‘A mother wishes to come and congratulate her son. Terrible isn’t it?’ Cal said now looking at her with great disdain.
‘I don’t believe you.’ Lizzie paced the apartment floor barefoot as she had been all day feeling physically sick seeing the image playing over and over of Cal and Kelly together in the centre of Cannes. But, oh dear, she had really upset him this time. Lizzie was stunned at his anger. She had seen them together for God’s sake.
‘Why don’t you just ask me why Kelly was here? Why do you have to go out guns blazing thinking the worst of me?’
He stared motionless as she paced. ‘So, explain to me why Kelly can’t come and see her son?’
She had never seen him this fierce before. His body was physically shaking. It was a surprise he’d turned up; didn’t he have his visitor to entertain? His stare was hard, evil in fact. Self-consciousness enveloped her. She’d smartened herself up this afternoon, not to Kelly’s level when she’d seen her with Cal, but enough to hide her grief.
‘No, I didn’t mean that. I was…’
‘I know exactly what you were implying. Lizzie, I offered her accommodation and we took Jack out on Saturday to celebrate his success. Kelly is his mother, and I can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, because of Jack, she has to be part of my life. Why am I even having to explain myself? Whatever was with Kelly and I is dead and buried. I don’t know why you can’t understand that notion. By the way, she went back this morning, should it be of interest.’ Cal wiped his brow. ‘I thought I was coming here to have an adult discussion. I thought you’d finally seen reason. Come to your senses and that maybe we could…’ Taking a step back he said, ‘There’s really no point is there?’ He threw out his hands.
Lizzie felt a jolt in the pit of her stomach. Had she really got this so wrong? Had her suspicions plagued her head so much that she hadn’t bothered to think about what was real and what wasn’t? If she had any chance of saving this, she had to act.
‘Yes, there is. I had wanted to discuss us. That was the plan.’ She grabbed the front of her hair in desperation and pulled it back from her forehead. ‘I obviously got the wrong idea when I saw you with Kelly yesterday afternoon. What do you expect me to think?’ she asked. It was a reasonable request.
‘Find out the facts. Ask. It’s far easier than jumping to unnecessary conclusions.’
She stood still, daring herself to look him in the eye. Why was it so easy for him to think logically? ‘I’m sorry. I’ve messed everything up.’ Lizzie clawed her nails into her palms, squeezing her knuckles.
‘Bravo. I’m going home. I’m just amazed you don’t or won’t, maybe can’t even, trust me.’ Cal made for the door.
‘Cal. I do. I do. Please, don’t go. We can talk about it. I do trust you. I’m sorry. I love you and miss you and want to be with you. Please…I… What more can I say?’
Very slowly, he turned before he reached the door. Please don’t walk out! Lizzie blew out a sigh and held out a hand towards the sofa.
‘Can we sit down?’ she asked. ‘Please. I really want to listen to what you have to say this time. I was completely wrong not to hear you out and offer more support. I’m sorry. Really sorry.’
Resting his eyes on the corner of the sofa he walked forward. Lizzie’s heart began to thump. He sat on the edge of it and Lizzie sat in the armchair opposite with just the coffee table between them.
‘Look, is there any point in me trying to tell you anything until you have sorted out your trust issues? You don’t trust me. That’s where the problem lies.’
Fiddling with her hair, Lizzie kept her head down. He was probably right. And, yes she did have issues, but he was still with Kelly all that time. It was still hard to believe… She held her tongue and nodded. The street noise suddenly became deafening, and she daren’t speak in case the wrong words came out. She peered up at him.
His head tilted. Her heart gave a flutter as his eyes searched hers. ‘We can’t be a team if I can’t communicate with Jack’s mother and rely on you to be there for me at times like these. I mean, like I’ve had with Jack. It won’t work, Lizzie.’
‘But I so want it to work.’
‘So how will that happen? Do you think you have a problem with trusting me per se, or is it just Kelly, do you think I really want to get it on with a woman who walked out of my life seventeen years ago with my son?’
Lizzie gave a huge sigh and cleared her throat. ‘Well, I thought I had got over my insecurities and I was fine. It’s Kelly, she was all over you when I came out to the beach house that week and, although I didn’t like it, I dealt with it.’
Cal nodded. ‘Yes, I agree. It was very uncomfortable, and that’s why I told her, if she came near the place, I would take Jack and rent elsewhere.’
‘I didn’t realise that but, anyway…’
‘I thought I mentioned it,’ Cal broke in rubbing his chin. ‘Well, I should have made that clear and communicated my reassurances to you too. I apologise for that misunderstanding.’
‘You may have done. Maybe I wouldn’t believe you could keep her away. Anyway, after a few weeks I read the texts she sent you.’ Lizzie paused, anticipating a reaction. ‘I shouldn’t have read your messages, I know, but she was – and this sounds so silly – but, they were familiar, and provocative. They suggested intimacy. Then after that, my imagination just went on overdrive and I suppose…as Sophie would say, I created a monster. A fierce monster at that. And I couldn’t tell you because you would think I was being dramatic… I felt betrayed. It made me wary and suspicious, taking me back to being hurt and humiliated by…’
‘OK, I think I understand,’ Cal nodded.
Lizzie wasn’t sure if he did. He looked at her, a sympathetic glance. That’s not what she wanted. She needed him to know, to properly understand exactly what it all meant to her.
‘Cal, I had so much to lose. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, and what we had, and what we could have together. We were a family and I’ve never felt that since I was very young.’ Lizzie tried to catch her breath as her emotions began to erupt. Unwittingly, she twisted her hair round and round. ‘It was all becoming so threatening. Our relationship I mean. I was convinced Kelly was trying to manipulate you and take you away from me. I tried to be strong. I really did. S
he was taking what was precious to me and I couldn’t…’
Cal crossed to her chair and, taking her hand, pulled her to her feet. Immediately she buried her head into his shoulder and let the weight of her tears fall.
‘I did everything in my power to keep her away. I can assure you. I’m sorry, you seemed to have everything under control and I just didn’t realise. I should have reassured you she was kept at a distance. That’s why I saw no harm in letting them over to be together for the day. Jack was going to be leaving Nantucket and we had all gone through a lot with all the tension of him going back to his school and then his erratic disappearance. Kelly was having her issues with Reuben. But she got my message loud and clear, the first day we went out there. She was upset for a bit when I told her I was only there for Jack, not as her friend, but she got over it. And why would I be her friend? Probably toughened her up if anything.’
Lizzie gave a giggle and swayed back, beginning to melt as she gazed into familiar steel-grey eyes. Instantly the fire ignited with flames roaring inside her as she reached his lips.
Cal drew back. ‘Lizzie, come and sit down, let’s not rush. Obviously we both feel much better for talking about it. And I want nothing more than to kiss you, believe me. I’m…’
‘Not in love with me any more?’ Her heart was stuck in her mouth. He had lost interest.
‘No, Lizzie, no. I do love you. With all my heart, I love you. I just think we should hold back on anything physical, just until we’ve given ourselves some time to work through these issues. I couldn’t face rushing back into our relationship without you feeling you can trust me and me you.’
Unsure, Lizzie stepped back. It had felt the most natural thing in the world for them to kiss, to make up and make love. Why was he saying this?
‘I’m only trying to prevent this happening again, Lizzie. I think what I need is for you to feel happy within yourself that you can trust me. You need to believe that I’m not seeking any other woman’s attention so that it enables our relationship to have stability. I’m not saying everything has to be perfect. I’m saying I have been to hell and back these last few months and the one thing I was relying on was your love and support. OK, so, I knew you were busy. I accept there will be times when we have external pressures, but if I have to go to London with Jack, and I’m hoping it won’t come to that, but I would really like to know if our relationship could withstand it. Do you get where I’m coming from?’