LAUREN’S DILEMMA
By
Margaret Tanner
ISBN: 978-1-927476-31-4
PUBLISHED BY:
Books We Love Ltd.
(Electronic Book Publishers)
192 Lakeside
Greens Drive Chestermere, Alberta, T1X 1C2
Canada
http://bookswelove.net
Copyright 2012 by Margaret Tanner
Cover Art Copyright 2012 by
Previously published as: Shattered Dreams
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Chapter One
“Come on, Laurie, let’s go for a walk, I’ve got something important to tell you.” Danny Williamson’s white teeth flashed against his tanned cheeks as he swept off his hat and dropped it on the shop counter. His excitement was tangible, his eyes glowed, and his face was practically slashed in two, his grin stretched so wide.
“I don’t know,” Laurie answered cautiously, remembering her father’s tirade from yesterday about the wild company Danny had been keeping.
“Please, Laurie, I want you to be the first to know. Uncle Alf doesn’t even know yet.”
Staring into his brown eyes she was dismayed to see the look of expectancy and excitement beginning to fade.
“All right, just a minute. Dad, would you look after things here for me? Danny wants me to go for a walk with him.”
Matthew Cunningham bustled through the curtain separating the shop from their private residence. He glared at the young man who lounged against the counter. “What are you doing here? Haven’t you got anything better to do?”
“No.” Danny stood stiff-legged with his feet apart, but Laurie knew that his sudden belligerent stance covered up some inner turmoil. “I’ve got something private to tell Laurie.”
“Please, Dad,” she implored, willing her father to let her go. “It’s important, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“All right.” Matthew gave them a suspicious stare. “Remember what I told you. You’re seventeen now and should start acting like a young lady.”
“Good afternoon, Mr. Cunningham.” Danny smirked as he picked up his hat before following Laurie out of the general store.
“Why do you keep on goading my father?”
“He asks for it.” A scowl marred his boyish good looks “Doesn’t like me, thinks I’m not good enough to be seen with his precious daughter.”
“Don’t say that.” She touched his arm, but withdrew it as they passed old Miss Munro dressed in her habitual long black coat and matching velvet hat.
“Silly old cow,” Danny said. “It will be all over town in five minutes about us touching in public. Wonder what the old biddy would say if I’d been kissing you?”
Laurie’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. “Danny, please, Dad says people have been talking about us. I have to be more ladylike from now on.” She tugged agitatedly at one of her long auburn curls.
As they made their way to the creek, a weak August sun tried to part the clouds. When they came to the bridge they stopped. Danny stood with his back pressed up hard against the rail, his feet apart, while she leaned on propped elbows staring down into the fast-flowing water.
He shocked her by saying. “You’re beautiful, the only person in the world I care about.”
She edged closer to him. He was a good eight inches taller than her five feet two inches. Slim but muscular, his skin gleamed like polished teak from working out in the open so much.
“I love you.” A calloused brown hand covered her soft white one.
When she recovered from the shock, the only words she could murmur were, “Do you?” This was a different Danny from the boy she had grown up with, who had taught her to climb trees and ride as well as any man. She had flirted with him now and again, made him jealous by feigning interest in Wally Bryson, or goaded him into losing his temper sometimes.
“I’ve joined up, Laurie.”
“Joined up? You didn’t!” Oh, he might get killed! Her mouth dried up and her heart felt as if it were being squeezed in a vice
“Yes, I did.”
“Why? You’re only eighteen. Is it because I let Wally walk me home from the church social?”
“No. I just wanted some excitement, a chance to travel.” He punched the rail with a clenched fist. “I want to get away from Uncle Alf, the miserable old bastard. This is an opportunity for me to make something of myself. To save up so we can get married. I love you.” He kissed her fiercely.
She returned his kisses, liking the feel of his lips moving against hers. When his tongue started a probing exploration of her mouth, she trembled but clung to him just the same.
As soon as he lifted his mouth away, she pleaded with him. “Don’t go. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you.”
“Don’t be silly,” he scoffed. “I’ll be all right. Let’s go to our secret place for one last time.”
“All right.” She slipped her hand into his.
“You’ll have to write. I won’t be much good at answering, though. I’ve joined the Australian Imperial Force with Wally and Jim Bryson. We’re leaving on the evening train for Melbourne.”
“Of course I’ll write. You will be back again? I mean, before you go overseas?” She shuddered and her limbs turned icy cold. She literally felt the warmth draining out of them. The papers had been full of it, England declaring war on Germany and the Australian Government pledging its support to the mother country. To the last man and the last shilling, the Prime Minister had vowed.
They ambled along following the course of the creek, and Danny’s fingers tightened on hers every now and again. She knew they were heading for a small cave a mile or so up from the bridge. It was so well hidden no one else had ever discovered it.
When she was about thirteen, she remembered camping overnight here with him. The excitement of doing something so daring had been ruined by the specter of her father somehow finding out. She didn’t venture there again at night, but after a row with his uncle, Danny often stayed there to save himself from one of Alf’s vicious thrashings.
The cave had become so overgrown she couldn’t find the entrance, but Danny let go her hand and shoved the thick spiky bushes aside, holding them with his body so they would not spring back and scratch her.
She inched her way in, as the ground was rough underfoot. After venturing a short distance into the hillside, the cave opened up into what was almost a room of solid rock. Light filtered in from somewhere high above them, and she craned her neck to catch a glimpse of the sky.
She jumped when he came up close, knowing full well they should not be alone together like this. If anyone ever found out her reputation would be ruined. Fear shivered all the way through her.
“What’s wrong?” His warm breath caressed her cheek. “Are you cold?”
“Yes.”
“I can warm you up.” He gave a soft intimate laugh.
“I’m frightened.”
“Don’t be.” He put his arms around her. “You’re my girl, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
“You do love me, don’t you?”
“Yes.” His mouth closed over hers. This kiss was different from any others they had shared. Fiercer, more desperate. He moved his tongue inside her mouth, probing, exploring. When she entwined her tongue with his he moaned and trembled. His hand slid up to cup her breast. An unfamiliar fluttering sensation stirred dee
p within her stomach, butterfly soft at first but gaining momentum. Only when his fingers started pulling and squeezing did she try to push him away.
“Please, I mightn’t see you for ages. Let me touch you. I love you so much. I’d never hurt you.”
He moved his body frantically against hers and she was shocked at what she felt. Things had never reached this stage before.
“We should go home.” Her voice rose with agitation.
“No, no, not for a while. Oh, Laurie, touch me,” he begged.
He pushed her hands up under his shirt. The feel of warm, hair-roughened skin against her fingertips made them tingle. This couldn’t be wrong when they loved each other.
He fumbled with her blouse and, when the buttons gave way, lowered her to the ground. The sandy floor felt soft against her heated back. He rained kisses all over her eyelids, the warm soft flesh of her throat and around her earlobes, until she became a mass of trembling need. He caressed and suckled her breasts until the nipples blossomed, his passion now out of control.
She tried grabbing his hands as they fumbled with her skirt.
“Please, I’ve got to.” He almost sobbed the words out. “I can’t stop now, it will kill me.” He trembled so much and sounded so desperate she couldn’t refuse to give him what he wanted, not when he was marching off to war.
When she felt the weight of his body pressing on hers she willed herself to relax. Danny wouldn’t hurt her, not when he loved her so much. She couldn’t see what he was doing, but she felt his hard manhood entering that forbidden part of her body. He started frantically thrusting, and she cried out with pain as he took her virginity. She began crying, great sobs racking all the way through her.
“Oh, God, I didn’t plan this, I swear.” He held her close, rocking her gently. “I just wanted a few kisses and for us to be alone for a while. Did I hurt you?”
He was full of remorse now his passion had cooled. He shouldn’t have taken her in a cave like some wild animal. It wasn’t how he always dreamed of making love to her, but his impending departure for the war had caused his urgency to spiral out of control.
“Danny,” her voice rose hysterically. “What if we made a baby?” The consequences of what might befall her now sent a terrifying shiver all the way through her. The shame. The scandal. It would kill her father. She would be ostracized by decent society. The poor little baby. What would happen to it?
He rained kisses all over her hot wet cheeks. “You can’t, not the first time. I’d ask your father about us getting married straight away, but he wouldn’t agree. When I get back from the war I’ll have some money saved up, so your old man will have to give us his consent. The army’s paying six bob a day.”
“I’m being idiotic, aren’t I? It’s just… Do you still respect me? I mean, you don’t think I’m bad for letting you?” She didn’t want to lose his good opinion of her, didn’t want him to think she was one of those girls everyone whispered about. Harlots were what the pious old biddies called girls who let men have their way with them outside of marriage.
“You’re the best girl in the world.” The feel of his strong young arms allayed her fears. After he left and she was alone, it would be sheer purgatory.
“We better get back or your old man will start looking for us. God, if he finds out what I’ve done he’d flog me worse than Uncle Alf ever did.”
“He won’t find out from me.” She stroked his chin. “You’re whiskers are starting to poke out.”
“I haven’t shaved for a couple of days,” he confessed with a wry grin. “Better tidy ourselves up, we can check each other in the light outside. I love you, Laurie. I always will, no matter what happens or where I go.” His voice was raw with passion. “I’d have cleared off years ago if it hadn’t been for you.”
The clouds had swallowed up the sun, and it was cold by the time they left the cave. He made sure her clothes were back in place, and ran his fingers through her tousled curls to tidy them up.
“There, you look the same as when I brought you here.”
“Do I?” She took his proffered hand. I’m not like before, though. She felt sad. A little inner voice whispered. ‘One day you might regret giving away the most precious gift a woman could bestow on her husband.’
They dawdled along, their arms entwined, stopping every now and again to kiss. At the bridge, he released her, shoved his hands into his pockets and put a couple of paces between them.
He did not speak again until they stood under the verandah of the store. “Goodbye, Laurie. I’ll write when I get settledTake care.” He traced the outline of her jaw with one finger before adding. “Try and see me off at the station.”
She watched as he loped towards the back paddock, where he had tethered his horse, and then with a pounding of hooves he raced away, giving her one last careless wave. Her heart felt weighted down with rocks. What if he didn’t come back? Sobs rose up in her throat and tumbled out of her mouth in a low, guttural wail. Tears welled up in her eyes and overflowed, the droplets burning her cheeks as she brushed them away with trembling fingers.
The shop bell tinkled as she opened the door. “Lauren,” her father roared. “I won’t put up with this defiance.” He strode towards her, ready to let go with another angry tirade. He must have realized how upset she was because he suddenly opened his arms and she dashed straight into them. “What is it, princess? You can tell your old dad.”
“Danny joined up.” She sobbed against his chest.
“Joined up? You mean enlisted in the army?”
“Yes, he’s leaving on tonight’s train for Melbourne with the Bryson boys. I don’t want him to go.”
“Enlisted eh? Well, I didn’t think he had the guts. Let’s have a cup of tea, hmm? It was always your mother’s panacea for every little upset.”
As an only child, she had always been close to both parents, but the bond with her father had grown even stronger after her mother’s death. Mrs. Tresize, who came in daily to help with the housework, was an absolute gem and without her, they would never have been able to cope with the practical matters of life.
Laurie glanced up at her father’s plump, ruddy cheeks and twinkling eyes. What would he say if he knew what she had let Danny do? What if Danny decided he didn’t love her any more? Tears filled her eyes again and she tried to blink them back. Don’t be an idiot. She reached in her pocket for a handkerchief to soak up the tears. Too late for recriminations now.
“Danny will be fine. The papers are saying the war will be over by Christmas.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Of course, princess,” he used her childhood name again as he put her away from him. “I’m surprised Alf let him go. Miserable old coot’s used the boy as slave labor ever since he arrived here.”
“Danny put his age up.”
“I suppose Alf could get him out if he went to the authorities. He’s probably too lazy to bother now Danny’s refused to work for him anymore. How about getting your old dad a cuppa?”
Their small house attached to the store, had a kitchen, sitting room and two bedrooms, but she liked its homely comfort. They made a reasonable rather than rich living. Their biggest customers were from the outlying farms, although town families patronized them as well. They never went without anything. In comparison, Danny’s life had been a harsh, deprived one under the brutal rule of his uncle. Many were the times he ate at their place when he was younger. Most days at school she shared her lunch with the skinny, barefoot boy who had worked his way into her heart.
“Dad.”
“Mm.” Matthew Cunningham swallowed a mouthful of cake.
“I promised Danny I’d see him off on the seven o’clock train tonight. Is that all right?”
“You should have spoken to me first. You aren’t going on your own, and I planned to do some bookwork after dinner.”
“Please, Dad, I have to go. He might be gone for weeks.” She tossed her head, and her long, auburn curls danced around her shou
lders. “If you don’t drive me, I’ll walk.”
“Enough, for heavens sake. That boy’s a bad influence on you, always has been.”
“I love him,” she whispered, the declaration coming from the depths of her soul.
“Love! What rubbish, you’re only seventeen.”
“I love him, I really do.”
Matthew Cunningham feared for his only child. She had always been impetuous, feeling things much too deeply. Her association with Danny was far too intense. He should have stopped it long ago. As he stared into her moss-green eyes he was shocked. Behind the over-brightness lurked genuine pain.
What had that young wretch done to her? There was a reckless streak in Danny Williamson that even Alf’s brutal beatings could not eradicate. Good thing he was going to the war. A bit of army discipline and responsibility might be the makings of him. He cursed the day, more than eleven years ago, when the ragged orphan boy had come to live amongst them.
“All right then, I’ll drive you.”
“Thanks, Dad, it means an awful lot to me.”
They were late. The train, already pulled in at the station, belched out clouds of black smoke. Laurie dashed onto the platform, almost colliding with a signalman who waited with his lamp.
Groups of well-wishers made their farewells to loved ones through the carriage windows. Her hasty glance confirmed the train was full of young men from further up the line, all heading for the army camp in Melbourne. She ignored a wolf whistle from one young man as she rushed from carriage to carriage searching for Danny. I have to find him. It would be awful if he thought she couldn’t be bothered seeing him off.
In desperation, she used their childhood secret emergency signal. Putting two fingers into her mouth, she emitted three loud whistles.
“Laurie?” He poked his head through the carriage window. “Thank God you made it on time.” He gave a relieved grin.
“I wanted to see you off.” Her voice wobbled as she fought to keep it under control. There would be plenty of time for tears later, in the privacy of her room. She wanted him to carry away happy thoughts of her, memories that would sustain him even in his darkest hour. “Good luck.” She forced a smile, vowing to keep it pinned to her mouth no matter what the cost.
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