Lauren's Dilemma

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Lauren's Dilemma Page 11

by Margaret Tanner


  Blair’s hand had been resting on Laurie’s shoulder, and suddenly he drew her into his arms. His head blotted out the sky as his warm, firm lips tentatively sought and found hers, and she tasted the merest hint of pipe tobacco. His hands caressed her shoulders before sliding down her spinal column.

  Sudden heat fused their bodies together. The soft hollow of her throat felt the hot, searching caress of his mouth. She locked her arms around his waist.

  “Laurie, Laurie,” he whispered over and over.

  She returned his kisses, shyly at first, but gaining in confidence as a long-suppressed passion flared into life. His hand cupped her breast, his fingers gently kneading the soft flesh until she moaned with heated delight.

  He released her so abruptly she felt bereft, as if something special had been cruelly snatched away. His breathing sounded rapid and uneven, hers a little less so.

  “We’d better be getting back while I’ve got the strength to let you go,” his voice sounded low, raw with emotion.

  He held her trembling hand as they made for the homestead. “Goodnight, Laurie.” He escorted her to the door. “I might have a pipe before I retire.”

  “Goodnight.” She fled to her room, where by the lamplight she surveyed herself in the mirror. Her hair was tousled, her cheeks flushed to a warm pink, her burning eyes the color of jade. Tentatively she touched her lips with one finger. They were sensitive, slightly tender from Blair’s fierce, passionate kisses.

  *

  Laurie awoke next morning to the caroling of magpies. By the time she dressed and went into the kitchen it was nine o’clock.

  “Good morning, Miss Laurie,” Fergie greeted her cheerfully. “If you give me a couple of minutes I can set up the dining room.”

  “I can eat here.” The table was already set for breakfast. “It doesn’t worry me, as long as I have something to eat. I’m starving.”

  “You’re a considerate young lady, I must say. We’re short-handed at the moment. The girl who used to help out up and got married.” Fergie gave a resigned shrug. “Mr. Blair has already eaten and gone out.”

  Hurt surged through her because he had left without her. After last night she wanted to see him, was desperate to see him, in fact. Was he too embarrassed to face her?

  “He said to tell you he’d be back for morning tea about ten.”

  Her heart rate returned to normal. She ploughed through a plate full to overflowing with bacon, eggs and fried tomatoes. “I’ll get fat if I keep eating like this.” Two cups of tea and a piece of toast later, and she felt replete, but rather ashamed of her unladylike appetite.

  After helping with the dishes, she volunteered to dust the furniture. By ten-thirty she had tidied her room and was up to her elbows in cake batter when Blair limped in, a wide grin chasing away his normal sobriety.

  Bet I’ve got flour on my nose. On remembering what had happened between them last night, her hand flew to her lips. If he noticed he gave no sign.

  The lines etched so deeply on his face had disappeared miraculously overnight. His hair, tousled from wearing a hat, gave him a raffish appearance.

  “You seem pleased with yourself, Blair.”

  “Do I?” He leaned over and tilted her chin with one finger. “Enjoying yourself?”

  “Yes, I’m having a nice time cooking.”

  “A domesticated young lady, hmmm?”

  “Oh, Mr. Blair, Miss Laurie has been such a help,” Fergie gushed, detailing the jobs they had performed.

  “You don’t mind, do you? I had nothing else much to do, and Fergie is so busy now the other girl who used to help out has left.”

  “I told you to replace Sally.”

  “I was going to, but with you away and all, I coped.”

  “I’ll see about getting someone else straight away. I won’t have you overdoing things, and Laurie is my guest.”

  “I’m all right. Even without Miss Laurie’s help, I can get by.”

  “I don’t mind helping. Fergie can’t do everything—it isn’t fair. My being here creates extra work.”

  “Until we get another maid, I would be grateful if you could help out, but I must say I’m not happy about it.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not a social butterfly. I’m used to doing a certain amount of household chores.” Laughing, she left the kitchen to collect her hat.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” he teased as they met up in the hallway.

  “You promised to show me around, remember? I mean, after you’ve had morning tea.”

  “I had morning tea at the McKinlays. Let’s go then if you’re so anxious.” Clamping his brown work hat on, he limped towards the door. He wore work clothes, grey shirt, riding breeches and black leggings. She caught her breath. What a ruggedly handsome man. A sudden yearning almost overwhelmed her. She did love Blair, she felt certain of it now, but there was the dilemma of her guilty secrets. Living a lie wasn’t a nice feeling. Would he despise her when he found out? No one liked being duped. A man like Blair would feel it even more acutely because of Helen’s betrayal.

  They ambled towards the front yard. Laurie, forgetting her guilt, let out a gasp of sheer delight. A large chestnut horse, tethered to the verandah post, must be Firebrand, but the trim, coal black filly next to him immediately captured her eye and her heart.

  “Well, what do you think?”

  “Blair, is she mine?”

  “A little on the small side for me.”

  Neatly pricked ears, a small head with a broad forehead and delicate muzzle, large round eyes and arched neck. This little filly must be half Arab, at least.

  “Where did you get her?” She dragged her eyes from the filly for a moment to ask, but her hand never stopped its gentle caress of the creature’s velvety neck.

  “I rode over to see George McKinlay. Wally thought this filly would suit you. Her name is Bolinda Vale. Young Dick helped train her.”

  “She’s beautiful, thank you!” She threw her arms around his neck in a happy, spontaneous gesture.

  “I have her papers in my pocket. She’s yours now. I’ve had her registered in your name, too. She has an excellent pedigree. It’s my engagement gift to you.”

  “It’s the best present ever.”

  He smiled at her enthusiasm. “Would you like to go for a ride now?”

  “Yes, please. I can hardly wait.”

  His gaze skimmed over her. “Do you have some riding gear?”

  “Yes, I bought myself a new outfit in Melbourne.”

  “Right. While you change, I’ll see about getting you a sidesaddle.”

  “Sidesaddle? Danny taught me to ride astride, and my habit has a split skirt.”

  “Good girl.” He nodded his approval. “I always thought riding sidesaddle was rather ridiculous in this day and age.”

  Laurie hurried away to change into her riding clothes, a brown split skirt and matching jacket. As it would be hot, she decided to wear a white blouse instead of the heavier top. After pulling on a pair of boots, she grabbed up a straw hat and almost ran down to the stables where Blair waited, with Firebrand’s reins draped over one arm.

  “Want a leg up, Miss Laurie?” Wally asked as he tightened Bolinda Vale’s girth strap.

  “No, thanks.” She gathered up the reins and mounted in a neat, fluid movement, sitting the filly without speaking as Blair mounted carefully. Although his leg was stiff, it did not appear to be giving him much pain now.

  They set off at a trot, waving to Wally as they went. After passing through the first gate, they headed out across the paddocks at a half gallop. The filly seemed very perceptive, answering instantly to the merest touch of her heels. She already admired Blair, but on horseback he looked splendid.

  The horses’ hooves clattered over shiny white pebbles as they crossed a creek that effectively cut Blair’s property in half.

  “That track leads to McKinlay’s,” he pointed out. “The bridge is only a temporary one; the original got washed away in a freak
flood a couple of years ago. Before we could put up a more permanent structure, the war came. It doesn’t really matter. There’s another crossing further up stream, so in flood time we aren’t completely isolated.”

  “Tell me about the McKinlays.”

  “It’s a tragedy really, they only have two boys. “Jim’s fighting in France, and Dick got evacuated from Gallipoli with severe shell shock.”

  “How sad for them. This war is wicked. Destroying families, killing off fine young men.” She blinked back angry tears. “Why won’t God make it stop?”

  “As an army officer, my opinion is. We started a job and we have to finish it, no matter what it cost.”

  They rode for a short time without speaking. When the creek widened out into a pool of water, they dismounted to let their horses drink. Blair produced a package from one of his saddlebags. “Lunch.” He gave a boyish grin, and what a difference it made to his appearance.

  “Ooh, this is nice.” She sat watching as he hammered two stout sticks in the ground and laid a tea-tree pole across them to hold the billycan in place. Sandwiches and fruitcake washed down with sweetened black tea. A splendid meal, made all the more enjoyable because she shared it with Blair.

  He leaned back against a tree and lit his pipe. “You really enjoyed this, didn’t you?” He smiled, and his eyes changed from grey to a misty blue. They were like deep, hypnotic pools and she was powerless to look away. In silence, they savored the peaceful tranquility of the bush. No words were needed; they were perfectly attuned to each other and to nature.

  “Time to leave, I’m afraid.” Blair finally broke the magic silence wrapping itself around them.

  He took hold of her hand and pulled her upwards. His lips were only inches away, his warm breath caressed her. Instinctively, she opened her mouth to receive a kiss that never came. Both of his thumbs traced a circular path on either cheek. Pushing her hair back behind her ears, his tongue slowly came out to touch one shell-pink lobe. Then he stepped back a pace, and she felt somehow cheated. Deprived of a treat that she had been longing for.

  Before they left, he poured water on the fire to extinguish it, and then they rode back at a steady, loping pace. At the stables they dismounted, leaving their mounts in the care of an aboriginal youth who flashed his white teeth in a beaming grin.

  After dinner they sat on the verandah in the cool of the evening. Blair smoked his pipe thoughtfully while Laurie sat next to him. It was the happiest day she had ever spent without Danny. She could think of him now without the pain and desperate longing of before.

  She had enjoyed the friendly camaraderie of the three men at dinner. Blair, surprisingly enough, possessed a rather droll humor. So much uncharted depths within him, secret places where she could not venture. Would she ever really get to know him?

  Chapter Eight

  The weeks passed quickly and pleasantly. Autumn came early. It was a pretty time of year. Laurie admired the scenery as she rode a bicycle down to the main gate to collect the mail, one of the few jobs Blair had allocated to her. The green leaves had turned to red and amber as the trees prepared for their winter sleep.

  Mustering scrub cattle would begin in the spring and she looked forward to it. There was simply no need to leave Coolibah. Blair or Wally went into town for supplies and posted her regular letters to her father. She was quite content to stay behind. The peace and serenity here appealed to her more than a shopping trip.

  Blair’s skin looked smooth now, tanned like polished teak from working outdoors. The lines of pain had disappeared from his face, yet he often brooded because his memory did not return. This caused fits of deep depression every so often. Some nights he slept restlessly, muttering and moaning as he threshed around in a nightmare world no one else could enter.

  Laurie woke one night to screams and delirious ranting. She dashed into his room. “It’s all right, Blair,” she soothed, kneeling by his bed and clasping his hand. “You’re having a nightmare.”

  Only half awake, yet tremors shook his body. “Stay with me until the stretcher bearers come,” he pleaded. “Don’t leave me out here to die alone.”

  She shivered in her thin nightgown. Without thinking about propriety, she slipped under the covers with him and wrapped her arms around his waist. I’ll stay until the nightmare passes.

  “Blair, you’re safe now. You’re home at Coolibah, I’ll never leave you,” she vowed passionately. His pajama top felt damp against her skin as she rested her cheek on his chest.

  Blair’s fingers tangled in her hair as he feathered tiny, exquisite kisses along the side of her jaw. His tongue gently caressed her right ear lobe. His mouth shifted. She felt bereft until his lips covered hers in a long, devastating kiss. It scorched a burning path all the way through her, igniting every nerve end in her body.

  She opened her mouth to give his probing tongue full access to the warmth within. Like a frenzied drum roll, passion kept building up inside her, layer upon layer, until it reached a tumultuous crescendo, blowing her shyness to smithereens as she responded with wanton abandonment to the darting pressure of his tongue.

  His hand slid inside her nightgown. When his thumbs caressed her breasts, in a slow circular motion, she gave a sighing moan of pleasure. Stop him, the voice of reason cried out, but she ignored it. How could any living, breathing woman begrudge herself such exquisite agony. They had both been sad, lonely and distraught. Each of them needed warmth and loving to banish their inner demons.

  Nothing hurried about Blair’s seduction now. His mouth took over from his fingers as he ventured slowly, reverently downwards. His hand traced a path across her stomach before plunging still lower, until his fingers tangled in the soft curls between her thighs.

  He worked her, touching, stroking, caressing, until she became weightless, floating in some magic void between fantasy and reality. His lips followed the path of his scorching fingers, causing her to completely lose her sanity. All reason got burned to a crisp on a fiery pyre of passion that seared their bodies together.

  He took her hand, guiding it so she could also explore his body. She trembled with excitement as she felt his hard, throbbing arousal thrusting against her fingertips. He suckled her nipples into moist flowering peaks, until she thought she could not stand it a moment longer. Finally, he moved between her thighs.

  His hair-roughened skin rasped against her smooth softness. His slow, rhythmic movements gradually built up into a passionate urgency, bringing her to fruition without the terrible pain of Danny’s youthful, desperate thrusting.

  By the time he exploded deep within her, Laurie floated heavenward on a euphoric cloud. His desire slaked, he rolled away and fell asleep. She felt devastated because once the beautiful moment was over, he had withdrawn from her. She shifted closer to him and lay there, savoring his nearness, inhaling his musky male scent.

  “Helen, Helen!” Like a poisoned dagger, his anguished cries stabbed into her heart. She felt distraught, betrayed. Moments after making love to her another woman’s name fell from his lips. Had he mistaken her for Helen? Sobs rose up in her throat as she crept out of his bed and staggered out of the room.

  Sleep was impossible. All night she lay in bed sobbing out her grief and agony. Blair had thought he was making love to Helen.

  At breakfast Blair made no mention of last night’s lovemaking. Worse still, he refused to look her straight in the face. His gaze kept sliding away, unless he thought himself unobserved then he watched her with a brooding puzzlement.

  What could she say to make things right between them?

  *

  Days passed, and he made no further mention of marriage. His lips were often drawn into harsh, cynical lines, adding to Laurie’s bewilderment. She withdrew into herself, trying to avoid being alone with him.

  Nothing was ever said, but things would never be quite the same between them again. He acted as if he disliked her now. It would be better if she left, much easier, but she had promised to stay until he recovered, an
d would do so. She had given her word, but it was torture putting up with his cold indifference. He must have realized she was not a virgin. Did he think she habitually gave her body to men? The thought made her cringe. She wanted to tell him about Danny, about how special he was to her, but couldn’t. It would mean exposing herself as a fraud, causing him to despise her even more. At least I didn’t call out someone else’s name like you did.

  *

  July came with a bitter coldness. One particularly bleak day Laurie was making donuts in the kitchen when a voice hailed them from outside. She hurried out to the verandah with Fergie lumbering along behind her. A scream of shock rose in her throat. Who should be alighting from a motorized taxi but Helen.

  “Hello, Lauren. Surprised to see me?” Helen’s lips moved into a smile that did nothing to soften the calculating hardness in her blue eyes.

  “Helen! What are you doing here?” Laurie blinked several times to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating.

  “Put my things on the verandah, will you?” Helen gave an imperious wave of one hand. The driver nodded before depositing a trunk and two suitcases near the doorway.

  Helen handed him some money before turning away. “Where’s Blair?”

  “Out with the men.”

  “Oh.” She pouted, and Laurie thought there was something cruel about the way her cousin looked just then.

  “Are you going to invite me in?”

  “This is Mrs. Ferguson, the housekeeper. Fergie, my cousin, Helen Cunningham.”

  “Go on, Lauren tell her who I really am. I’m Blair’s fiancée.”

  “Mr. Blair’s, fiancée? But…”

  “Lauren was never his fiancée. My dear cousin is staying here under false pretences. Blair lost his memory, her boyfriend got killed, so she saw a chance to grab up a rich husband by impersonating me.”

  It sounded shocking the way Helen said it, criminal even, and Laurie cringed.

  “It wasn’t like that. You have to believe me, Fergie. It started out as a misunderstanding.” In a few sentences she explained what happened to the dazed housekeeper.

 

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