‘It’s not that I don’t want to, I do,’ Carol snorted. ‘It’s just, Gary’s such a ladies’ man, he gets it all too easy. I know him. I know the way he thinks, Jessie. If he thinks that I’m a pushover he’ll be off to pastures new.’
‘You don’t know that,’ Jessica said gently. ‘Why would he ask you to marry him if he didn’t love you?’
‘Because he thought he’d get me into bed,’ Carol said despondently. ‘Do you really think he loves me, Jessie? If I was sure of him I’d sleep with him in a flash, I really would.’
‘Well, if you’re not sure of him, do you honestly think you should be marrying him?’ There, she’d finally asked the question she’d been biting back for so long.
‘But Jessie, I love him. I want to marry him. Once we’re married I’ll be as happy as Larry, I just know I will. Won’t you please consider a double wedding? It would be such a great day. You know I’ve a crap family – I don’t even care if any of them are at it. But it would mean so much to be with you and Mike. It would give us an extra bond,’ she pleaded.
‘Aw, Carol, can’t I be your bridesmaid?’ Jessica suggested desperately. ‘A double wedding could be an awful lot of trouble.’
‘You can have your own way in everything, honestly,’ Carol said earnestly, sensing weakness. ‘Please. Please. Please. It would be the nicest thing that’s ever happened to me in my whole life. Mike said he wouldn’t mind and Gary would love it. I know that. We’d have such fun,’ she wheedled.
‘I’m not sure, I’d need to talk to Mam,’ Jessica said weakly, hating herself for not having the guts to say an outright ‘no’.
‘I’m sure she won’t mind. I’d say she’d be quite happy for the two of us to organize it.’
‘Well, she was looking forward to getting involved. It’s the first time since Dad died that she’s got a bit of her old spark back.’ This wasn’t exactly true, but Carol wasn’t to know that.
‘Oh!’ Carol bit her lip. ‘Well, she can do as much as she wants to.’
‘I’ll talk to her. So what are your plans for the rest of the day?’ Jessica changed the subject.
Carol bit into a slice of brown bread and shrugged. ‘Go back to the kip, do a bit of washing and go and hit a few balls around the courts in the afternoon. I’m not going to sit by the phone waiting for Gary to ring me. You’re so lucky, Jessie, you know exactly where you stand with Mike.’
There it was again, the faintly accusatory tone that drove Jessica nuts. She took a drink of tea and said nothing, but Carol didn’t notice, she was getting into her stride. ‘Why can’t Gary make more of an effort? I mean, I had to remind him it was my birthday and he never does anything romantic, he’d never think of buying me flowers unless I suggest it. It takes all the good out of it when you have to suggest it yourself.’
‘Some men don’t think like that,’ Jessica said wearily. ‘He’s good to you in other ways. He painted your bedsit for you and got draught-excluders for your door.’
‘Yeah well, if he was really that concerned about where I live, why doesn’t he suggest getting a flat together? Whenever I suggest looking at houses he switches off. We’re getting married, for God’s sake, we need to be making plans.’ The other girl was not to be pacified.
Doesn’t the fact that he doesn’t want to know and isn’t interested in making plans suggest something to you? Jessica wanted to say, but she refrained. There was no point. Carol only wanted to hear what she wanted to hear; she’d only resent Jessica even more for stating the obvious.
She tried to put herself in her friend’s shoes. If it were she and Mike, would she be able to cope with his apparent disinterest? Would she hang on so desperately to a relationship that seemed so unfulfilling? Jessica shivered. If Mike ever broke it off with her, she’d want to lie down and die. She was crackers about him, but at least she had the comfort of knowing that he was crackers about her too and that meant an awful lot. A wave of pity for Carol swept over her. It was a horrible way to be. Unsure. Uncherished. Not knowing whether she was truly loved or not. Carol was right, she was very, very lucky.
‘Let’s have the double wedding if that’s what you want,’ she blurted, and then almost couldn’t believe she’d said it.
Carol’s stern unhappy features lightened as a melon-slice grin creased her face. She jumped up off the chair. ‘Do you mean it? Do you really mean it? Oh Jessie, thanks so much,’ she said fervently, hugging the daylights out of her. ‘Oh Jessie, you’re the best friend in the whole world. Thanks a million. It will be the best day of our lives. You’ll see.’
‘I’m sure it will,’ Jessica murmured, trying hard to believe it. She’d issued the invitation. There was no going back, she’d just have to get on with it.
‘I think it’s going to be really nice and special. We’ve been friends since we were little, living across the road from each other, going to school together, coming to Dublin to work. And now getting married together. Isn’t it lovely, Jessie?’ Carol was bubbling with excitement. Her eyes were alight with happiness. Jessica couldn’t help but smile at her. She had to believe that Carol was right, that it was going to be a special day for them. She just wished she could ignore the niggle of unease that wouldn’t go away.
5
‘You’re just an old softie.’ Mike grinned at her as he forked some sausage and mushrooms into his mouth.
‘Oh God, what have I done? I ended up feeling so sorry for her. I just heard myself saying it. She does that to me all the time. Makes me feel sorry for her. What is it about her that does that to me?’ Jessica groaned.
‘Look, don’t lose any sleep over it. It doesn’t matter who’s there and who isn’t. At the end of the day when you and I make our vows, it will just be the two of us looking into each other’s eyes and that’s all that’s important. And at least Carol’s going to have happy memories of her wedding day and all because the most beautiful, kindest-hearted girl in the world was generous enough to share her special day.’ He leaned across the wooden table and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Did I tell you how much I love you today?’ He smiled, his blue eyes warm and tender.
‘I love you too.’ Jessica felt heartened by his words. Mike might call her an old softie, but he had a very soft heart himself and would do anyone a good turn. She was so glad she had called into the library to bring him to lunch. Carol had been on a high as she’d done the washing-up, tutting about the state of the sink as she sprayed Flash around vigorously. Jessica had left her to it, relieved to be on her own as she drove towards the college in Bolton Street.
She’d parked in the staff car park, it being fairly empty as it was Saturday, and hurried past the porter’s desk at the side entrance and up two flights of stairs. She smiled in anticipation as she clipped along the polished wooden parquet floors that led to the library, the noise of her footsteps echoing in the morgue-like stillness that permeated the college. The girl at the desk hadn’t even lifted her head as she slipped through the turnstile that led into the library. It was penny-dropping silent, the only sound the rustling of a newspaper read by one of the students in the reading room opposite the librarian’s desk. Jessica walked into the big mahogany-shelved library and turned right to the study area. Students sat in rows of desks; some engrossed in their studies, others daydreaming out through the large plate-glass windows as the sun streamed in, lending a somnolent, lethargic air to the room.
Mike was deep in his Rogers & Mayhew’s Thermodynamics, a textbook Jessica had come to loathe almost as much as did her fiancé. She walked quietly to where he sat, surrounded by books and the clutter of study.
‘Hi, sexy,’ she whispered huskily into his ear. He gave a start and looked up, surprised. His face creased into a smile.
‘What are you doing here?’ he whispered.
‘Taking you to lunch,’ she whispered back.
‘Shhh.’ A crabby bespectacled girl with a pale face and lank, greasy hair, seated at the next desk, glared at them.
‘Shhh yourself,’ Je
ssica hissed back crossly.
Mike laughed and closed his books. ‘Come on, I’m starving.’
They walked out into the corridor and once the heavy doors of the library creaked closed behind them, Mike took her in his arms and kissed her soundly. ‘I missed you last night,’ he murmured against her hair.
‘I missed you too,’ she said breathlessly, eyes shining with pleasure. ‘Just think, this is the second last Saturday you’ll have to study, and then I’ll have you all to myself.’
‘For a little while,’ he said gently. ‘I’ll be starting work soon, don’t forget.’
‘Don’t remind me,’ she groaned as they emerged into the bright sunshine.
‘The Kingfisher or Conway’s?’ She squinted up at him.
‘Hmmm, soup and a sandwich versus a fry-up? Let’s hit the Kingfisher,’ he said, taking her hand and heading down the side street that led towards Parnell Street.
It was while they were eating that she told him about Carol’s overnight stay and the blurting out of the offer to agree to the double wedding. When he called her an old softie and told her she had the kindest heart, Jessica wished she could marry him there and then.
They were having coffee and idly chatting about Mike’s forthcoming job with Wicklow County Council when Jessica said out of the blue, ‘Mike, why wait? I know we planned to save for a house before we married instead of renting a place together. Let’s go to the Credit Union and get a loan and get married sooner rather than later. What’s the point in hanging on? I don’t want a big palaver. Do you?’
He looked at her, surprised. ‘No, just the family will suit me, Jessie. It would be good being married, wouldn’t it?’ he said, smiling his wide, sexy smile at her. ‘I wasn’t really looking forward to being in digs in Wicklow during the week and coming up to see you at the weekends.’
‘You know Mam said you could live with her,’ Jessica reminded him.
‘I know, but until I get a car it wouldn’t be practical to live in Arklow if I was working in Wicklow. It would be a ten-mile journey on the bike at least,’ Mike pointed out.
‘The only problem is, you were going to get a loan from the Credit Union for your car. We can hardly get one for a car and a wedding.’ Jessica chewed her lip.
‘One of the lads over in mechanical engineering does car repairs in his spare time, he’s looking out for a car for me. I can get an old banger for the first year until we’re on our feet a bit. We can use yours to swan around in and impress the neighbours with.’
Jessica giggled. Her little Renault was not at the cutting edge of motoring, but it got her where she wanted to go and she was extremely proud of it. It was her first car and she lavished care and attention on it, even going so far as to attend a car maintenance course after Mike had slagged her about not knowing her spark plugs from her sink plugs.
‘So will we go for it?’ he asked with a glint in his blue eyes.
‘Will we?’ Her eyes reflected her excitement, dancing with expectation. She certainly hadn’t expected when she got up this morning that she’d be making wedding plans. When she and Mike had got engaged on Valentine’s Day earlier in the year, they’d anticipated it would be at least two years before they’d tie the knot, now here they were talking about getting married some time this very year.
‘Right then. I’m going back to do a bit more swotting, we won’t be doing anything if I don’t get my exams. You go and phone priests, and hotels and whoever else you have to phone and sort things,’ he said cheerfully.
Jessica’s jaw dropped. ‘We have to talk about it, Mike, and decide where we’re getting married. And can we afford a hotel and stuff like that! And besides, everywhere would be booked up. You’d never get a venue at this short notice,’ she protested, common sense beginning to kick in.
‘I thought you wanted to get married in Kilbride church. And isn’t The Four Winds Hotel right beside your mother’s?’
‘Yes, but—’
‘Ring the priest. Get a date, then ring the hotel and see what their prices are. I bet you’ll get a date no problem mid-week. The Four Winds is such a small hotel I wouldn’t say they do a lot of weddings.’ He shrugged and smiled at her as if to say, What’s the fuss? ‘Easy peasy! Honestly, you women make such mountains out of molehills. You’re gas. See you later.’ He planted a smacker on her lips, raised his hand in farewell and left her sitting staring after him half amused, half frustrated.
He made it all seem so easy. Typical man. She ordered fresh coffee; she needed another shot of caffeine. If the priest in the beautiful little church nestled in the Wicklow countryside that she loved agreed that she could be married there, and if they could afford a small reception in The Four Winds Hotel, everything else would fall into place. Mike was right to a degree. Two phone calls would sort out the most central things.
And then she thought of Carol. Would the other girl want to get married in a small country church? Would she want a more sophisticated, showy sort of wedding? Jessica frowned. It wasn’t up to her to make the compromises. If Carol didn’t want the small, simple wedding that she and Mike were proposing, that was tough, she thought with uncharacteristic firmness.
She finished her coffee, picked her bag off the floor and headed for the door. She’d told Mike that she was going to stroll around the shops in Henry Street and the ILAC Centre, but when she emerged on to the street the noise and fumes of the traffic oppressed her and impulsively she hurried back to where she’d parked the car. She needed fresh air. It would have been glorious to go home to her mother’s and spend the rest of the afternoon on the beach, but she was working tomorrow and besides she wanted to have a meal cooked for Mike later. The great thing about living in Glasnevin was that she could be at the sea in twenty minutes.
The warm weather was so welcome after a long, wet winter and a mediocre spring. People everywhere were dressed in shorts and T-shirts and summery dresses. Moods were light-hearted; people smiled at each other and commented on the good weather and Jessica, a country girl at heart, wanted to be out enjoying it.
She drove north on to Dorset Street, on through Drumcondra until she came to the Griffith Avenue junction, where she turned right, heading for Clontarf and the sea. The sun was sparkling on Dublin Bay, glittering and glinting, silver on sapphire blue. The palm trees that fringed the parkland along the coastline swayed gently in the breeze. The car parks were full, and it seemed as though the world and his mother had come out to enjoy the sun. She edged into a tight space between a Volvo and a Peugeot, congratulating herself on her manoeuvring skills until she hit the kerb a whack and had to perform the whole manoeuvre again.
It was good to feel the salty, tangy air. People were lying on the grass, chatting, reading or simply enjoying the warm rays of the sun on their bodies. Children cycled on their bikes or skated between the pedestrians, who strolled along or marched briskly depending on their fitness levels. Gulls wheeled and circled, their raucous cries evoking memories of childhood and long days spent at the seaside. The rich smell of seaweed wafted on the breeze. Bees hummed indolently, a sure sign of summer. A sense of well-being enveloped her. This was a perfect day. Jessica inhaled deeply and set out at a smart lick. If she was going to be a sooner rather than later bride she’d want to get into shape. She didn’t want to look like a tubby little dwarf alongside Carol.
She sighed, thinking of Carol. It was such a pity she and Mike couldn’t get married on their own. Perhaps when the other girl heard their plans she’d pull out and there’d be no hard feelings.
‘God,’ she prayed silently as she strode along enjoying the bracing fresh air, ‘please don’t let Carol and Gary want a quiet country wedding, please let it be just me and Mike.’
6
Carol let herself out of Jessica’s house and strode briskly down Prospect Avenue. She was exhilarated. Her friend had agreed to a double wedding. Now Gary wouldn’t be able to tell her to stop fussing when she suggested dates and mortgages. Hopefully he would enjoy the wedding muc
h more than if they were getting married on their own. Jessica wouldn’t regret her decision. It was definitely going to be the best day of their lives.
It was a pity she was having a row with Gary. He could be such a stinker sometimes. Just this once, she’d let bygones be bygones and forget their tiff, she decided magnanimously. She was dying to tell him the news. She’d tried phoning him from Jessica’s but there was no answer. It wasn’t totally unexpected. He could be playing squash or doing a workout at the gym. She wasn’t going to get into a tizzy about it.
She wondered had he phoned her. She hoped he had. It was good for him to know that she wasn’t sitting in moping and hanging on to the phone waiting for him to call. The best way to deal with Gary, she had learnt over the past two years, was to play it cool.
That was how she had enticed him in the first place. It seemed like an eternity, she thought ruefully, but she could still remember every second of those heady days when she’d fallen head over heels in love with him.
* * *
She’d been playing a doubles match in a tennis tournament and her regular partner and friend, Amanda, was not playing because of a hamstring injury. Lily, the girl she was partnered with, wasn’t the best player in the world and had consistently double-faulted. She wasn’t too fast on the court either and had lost them the first set. Carol was raging. She hated being beaten, and the pair on the other side of the net were targeting Lily’s weak spots with gusto. As they changed sides after a disaster of a game she noticed one of her opponents blowing a kiss to a man on the sidelines. He too was in tennis whites and he was a hunk and a half, she thought enviously.
She had seen the girl, a tall, willowy blonde called Jen, on the circuit. She drove a big Honda, and often arrived to matches in smart tailored business suits, carrying a briefcase. She was like someone out of Vanity Fair or Hello!, Carol’s favourite magazines. Carol would love to swan into work in a sharp business suit carrying a briefcase. She worked as a senior staff officer in the City Council offices and had no need of a briefcase or even sharp suits, as she as often as not wore her uniform. Although she didn’t like admitting it, Carol was jealous of her and her seemingly affluent lifestyle, and it was galling in their first match together that Jen and her partner were winning. She was a good tennis player, but Carol knew she was a better one and there and then she decided, Lily or no Lily, she was going to win. Jaunty Jen was not going to throw her tennis racket triumphantly in the air after this match.
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