‘But surely if we’re having a double wedding I get some say?’ Carol said plaintively. Jessica felt her irritation levels surge. She didn’t want a double wedding; it was Carol who had suggested it and Carol who’d said that Jessica could plan it as she wanted. Now she was backtracking and moving the goalposts. If it was as awkward as this, so early in the proceedings, it could end up a total nightmare.
‘Carol,’ she said gently, managing to conceal her irritation, ‘you wanted the double wedding. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. And I’m still not sure. You obviously don’t like what Mike and I are planning so perhaps we’d be better off going our own separate ways.’
There, she’d said it, hard as it was. Jessica hated having to be forceful, she didn’t like hurting people’s feelings and she thoroughly resented having her Sunday afternoon ruined with this extremely unwelcome conversation.
‘Oh! Oh, no, no!’ Carol said hastily as she spied Gary weaving between the tables with the drinks. ‘Look, say nothing, I’ll have a chat with Gary and see what he thinks and we can talk things over then.’
Bloody hell, Jessica thought in dismay. I thought I’ d done it.
‘Fine,’ she managed. ‘But we’re hoping to finalize a date very soon, so I’ll need to know.’
‘Sure, sure,’ Carol agreed.
‘So, Jessie, what’s the score?’ Gary handed her a white wine spritzer.
‘Same old thing,’ she said lightly, wondering whether she should make any comment at all about the wedding. Carol had said to say nothing, but surely Gary was as much involved as anyone and had a right to an opinion. She glanced at Carol but the other girl was rooting in her bag, avoiding eye contact. Fortunately Mike arrived and he and Gary began an animated discussion about the football results.
Jessica sipped her drink. Typical men. How come Mike and Gary weren’ t discussing the wedding? Let them thrash out the bloody thing, she thought darkly, her previous good humour completely evaporated.
‘Mike, if you want to get a few games in before you start studying, you’d want to get a move on,’ she reminded her fiancé grumpily.
Mike looked taken aback at her tone. He glanced from her to Carol and intuited that all was not rosy in the garden.
‘Ah, give the guy a break,’ Gary chastised. ‘You can’t rush a pint.’
‘No, Jessie’s right.’ Mike drained his glass. ‘I want to smack a few balls around the place to relax the old brain and bod and then just cast an eye over my notes. Tomorrow’s D-day.’
‘Good luck, Mike, hope they go well for you,’ Carol interjected.
‘Ta.’ He smiled down at her.
‘Yeah, buddy, break a leg or whatever you do in exams.’ Gary lifted his glass to him. ‘We’ll go on the piss to celebrate when you’re finished. You ladies can have one of your girlie nights,’ he decreed.
‘Why can’t we go on the piss with you?’ Carol demanded.
‘There’s going on the piss and going on the piss – you wouldn’t want to be there.’
‘You’re dead right, Gary,’ Jessica drawled.
‘Sarky! Sarky!’ Gary teased. ‘You’re in a bit of a mood today.’
‘No I’m not.’
‘PMT?’
‘Smart bastard. Come on, Mike.’ Jessica wasn’t in the humour to banter with Gary, she just wanted to get out on court and vent her frustration.
‘What’s up?’ Mike asked as they walked towards the changing-rooms.
‘Nothing.’
‘Fibber.’
‘It’s Carol!’ she growled. ‘She doesn’t like what we’re planning, can’t believe we’re having the wedding at home. So I told her that we should go our separate ways and thought that was the end of the double wedding crap. But she’s still talking about going ahead and the thought of having to put up with her sulks and arguments for the next few months is doing my head in. Why on earth does she want to keep on with it if she doesn’t like what we want?’
‘But Jessie, you did say to her that we could have a double wedding. Fair is fair,’ he said reasonably. ‘She should have some say.’ Not what she wanted to hear.
‘Well, I’m sorry I did,’ she snapped irrationally as she came to the ladies’ changing-room.
‘Oh, for crying out loud, Jessie, you did. Accept responsibility for opening your big mouth and deal with it. You pair get yourselves sorted.’ Mike strode into the men’s changing-rooms, leaving her standing with her mouth open. It was most unusual for him to bite her head off. Tears smarted her eyes. Her lovely day was turning into a disaster. She struggled for composure as she changed into her tennis gear. Mike didn’t have to rub her nose in it. She knew very well that she’d agreed to the double wedding. But that had been in a moment of weakness when she’d felt sorry for Carol. Now she was bitterly regretting that weakness and feeling totally inadequate. He didn’t have to be quite so rude and accusatory about it. She felt like telling him to get lost. She felt like going home. If he wasn’t starting his finals in the morning she bloody well would have.
There you go, putting someone else’ s feelings before your own again. What a wimpy doormat. Jessica groaned as she tied her laces. She hated feeling like a doormat. She had to start being a bit more assertive. Katie was always telling her to stand up for herself. Unfortunately this wasn’t the weekend for it.
Mike was sitting on a bench when she walked outside. She sat beside him and fiddled with the strings of her racket, unwilling to be the first to speak. They sat silently watching the end of a game, waiting for the court to become free, the thwack of tennis balls and trilling birdsong the only sounds to break the stillness of the afternoon. The sun was warm on Jessica’s shoulders. It should have been blissful and relaxing sitting here with Mike; instead she felt as taut and tightly strung as her tennis racket.
‘Do you want to toss for side or serve?’ he asked as the other couple finished their match.
‘I’m not fussed,’ she said snootily.
‘Suit yourself.’ Mike marched on to the right-hand side of the court and bounced the ball with his racket as he waited for her to position herself. She’d hardly turned to face him before he let fly a ball at her. She managed to return it but he lobbed it back over her head and she couldn’t get to it. She was raging. How unsporting of him to wrong-foot her like that. The game started with Jessica serving. She calmed herself and breathed deeply. Even though he was the stronger, faster player, she was technically more proficient and she narrowed her gaze against the glinting sun and threw the ball in the air. She was aiming for an ace, but he read her intention and returned it with ease. She managed a backhand, dropping it lightly over the net, and he just missed the return.
‘Ha!’ she derided, childishly, she had to admit.
‘Ha, yourself!’ he riposted, and they looked at each other and burst out laughing.
‘Sorry,’ he apologized.
‘Me too.’ She leaned across the net and kissed him.
‘Well, one thing about it all, we won’t be bored,’ he grinned. ‘Now come on until I beat the socks off you.’
‘You can try,’ she taunted, but she was smiling as she walked to the base line and waited for him to serve.
One of the things she loved most about Mike was that he never held a grudge and he never held a row. He was under a lot of pressure, he didn’t need her whinging about Carol, she acknowledged, feeling thoroughly ashamed of her outburst. He was right, she had got herself into the double wedding mess. She could have said no outright but she just didn’t have the bottle for it. She’d dithered like the wimp she was and then caved in. She had to accept responsibility for her actions. If the joint wedding was going to happen she was just going to have to get on with it and make the most of it.
9
‘You’re doing great.’ Jessica bent down and kissed Mike. He was flopped on the sofa, flicking through a folder of notes. It was the third day of his exams and they were tough going.
‘Come on, you guys, chow’s up,’ Katie called from
the kitchen.
‘Thank God, I’m starving!’ Mike hauled himself up from the sofa and yawned tiredly. He put his arm around Jessica and they strolled into the kitchen, where Katie was stirring a creamy sauce that was to accompany her chicken and rice.
‘Will you come and live with us when we’re married?’ Mike grinned as he took his seat at the table.
‘I don’t think you could afford me.’ Katie winked at Jessica. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll give her a few recipes that a seven-year-old could follow.’
‘The cheek of the pair of you,’ Jessica retorted. ‘Have I ever poisoned either of you?’
‘No, but you’ve come close,’ Mike teased.
‘Right, that’s it. When your exams are over, I’m going to do a dinner party and you’ll eat your words, smarty pants.’
‘That’s probably all I’ll eat.’ Mike couldn’t resist it and Jessica had to laugh.
‘You’re a brat!’
‘But you love me,’ Mike said smugly.
‘Urrggg! Stop it, you two,’ Katie ordered as she put two steaming plates on the table.
‘I was thinking of taking tomorrow afternoon off and going home to talk to Mam about the wedding. I should OK it with her before we make any final arrangements. Do you want to tell your parents?’ Jessica asked as she sat down beside him.
‘Yeah, I’ll give them a call but they’ll be easy enough, they’ve been through the ordeal three times already. The last two were my sisters’ weddings, so Ma will be glad to take a back seat and not have the hassle of arranging, I’d imagine.’ Mike wolfed down a forkful of chicken and rice.
‘I know, and your parents are so laid back there’ll be no problems, but it would be good manners to make sure that they’re happy enough, so ring them,’ Jessica warned. Mike was terrible for putting family stuff on the long finger.
‘I will, I will,’ he said a little testily. ‘I am trying to do exams.’
‘Stop using that as an excuse; you can ring them tonight from here. It won’t take five minutes. And don’t forget to sort out your letters of freedom, from your parish priest.’
‘Nag, nag, nag.’ Mike scowled.
‘Listen, buster, I can’t do everything. It’s only a few phone calls,’ Jessica said indignantly.
‘Would the pair of you shut up arguing, I’m trying to enjoy my dinner,’ Katie complained.
‘Sorry,’ Mike apologized.
‘Me too,’ Jessica added. ‘Thanks for cooking dinner.’
‘I suppose it’s a bridesmaid’s job to look after the so-called happy couple now and again,’ her cousin said drily. ‘What I want to know is, who’s going to be the best man? Don’t tell me you’re going to pick Tony, ’cos he’s married and no use to me in the slightest.’
‘I have to pick Tony, he’s my only brother.’ Mike shrugged.
‘But, Mike, I know Tony’s a hunk, but he’s a married hunk, couldn’t you ask Lenny or Barry? They’re gorgeous and eligible,’ Katie wheedled.
‘Barry’s seeing someone—’
‘Since when?’ Katie was disgusted.
‘She’s doing architecture. He spilt a glass of milk over her in the canteen and they hit it off.’
‘Ah, shag it. Well, Lenny then?’
‘Katie, Lenny might be good-looking and all that, but I wouldn’t ask him to be my best man in a million years. He’s the type that would go on the piss and not turn up, or else turn up pickled. And he’s not the type of guy I’d like to see you going out with. He’s not good enough for you. You can have a great laugh with him, he’s good company but he’s very unreliable,’ Mike explained earnestly.
‘Yes, Daddy,’ Katie said drily.
‘Think of me as the brother you never had,’ Mike teased.
‘Come on, Mike, help a girl out here. I need a man for your wedding.’
‘Right. There’s going to be a hell of a party when the exams are over, so why don’t you come and see what’s on offer? I really didn’t think studenty types would be your choice. You being a nurse and surrounded by all those surgeons and doctors.’
‘You must be joking,’ Katie scoffed. ‘I wouldn’t go out with a doctor if I were paid to. God, no!’
‘Stay calm, Katie, we’ll find you a man, won’t we, Jessie?’
‘Indeed we will,’ her cousin assured her. ‘Never fear.’
‘Well, it’s imperative I have one for the wedding. I don’t want Carol looking down her smug nose at me through her wedding veil,’ Katie confessed. ‘Sad, isn’t it?’
‘Very. I’m surprised at you.’ Jessica frowned.
‘I know. It’s just that she has a knack for making you feel inferior.’
‘Will you give the girl a break, you’re always giving out about her,’ Mike admonished.
‘You wouldn’t understand,’ Jessica assured him.
‘It’s a woman thing,’ Katie declared.
‘The more I see of you women in action the less I understand you.’ Mike shook his head.
‘Oh, be quiet and eat your dinner,’ Jessica retorted.
‘You don’t need to understand, just do as you’re told,’ Katie said, straight-faced, and he laughed.
* * *
Jessica smiled as she remembered their messing the following day, as she ran down the steps of the Radio Centre and got into her car. It was such a bonus that Mike and Katie got on so well, there were no stresses and strains between them.
When she and Carol were teenagers she’d had to put up with Carol being terribly jealous if she’d been seeing a fella and her friend wasn’t. Carol had given some of Jessica’s boyfriends a terrible time. Until she’d started going with Gary, she hadn’t been too friendly to Mike either. Jealousy was a terrible affliction, it could really make your life a misery, Jessica mused as she turned right, out of RTE, and headed for the Stillorgan dual carriageway.
The lunchtime traffic was light, and as she cruised through Foxrock towards Cornelscourt her heart lifted. She loved the journey home. Five minutes later, with green lights all the way, the scenery came into view and, as the suburbs disappeared after Loughlinstown, and the green and gold of the countryside became predominant, and the Sugar Loaf was etched against the horizon, Jessica felt a mixture of joy and apprehension. Though she was dying to tell her mother about the wedding, she knew there’d be sadness. Even now, three years after her father’s death of a heart attack, the emptiness hadn’t gone away.
One minute Ray Kennedy had been vibrant, healthy, full of life, the next he’d been collapsed over the side of his boat, his fishing companions trying frantically to revive him as they waited for the ambulance to arrive.
It had been a crisp, autumn Saturday morning, the intense heat of summer a distant memory, the sun a creamy benign orb that no longer had the power to warm as the nippy breezes of autumn made their presence felt. Her father had been looking forward to a good day’s fishing and had promised Jessica and her mother a feed of mackerel for tea. There was nothing like the taste of a freshly caught succulent mackerel cooked under the grill with a scattering of salt and a lick of butter, the perfect supper. Jessica always enjoyed the booty from her father’s fishing trips.
She and Mike had been repainting her bedroom when a neighbour had come rushing in and told them to get down to the beach fast as her father had collapsed. Heart beating in terror, she and Mike had run as fast as they could in time to see her father being lifted into the ambulance.
‘Let me go with him,’ she’d pleaded, but the ambulance man had said gently, ‘It’s too late, love. You should be there to tell your mother and bring her to the hospital.’
‘Is he dead? Is Dad dead?’ Jessica grabbed him by the arm. ‘Do something. Give him oxygen. You’re not even trying,’ she screamed hysterically.
‘Stop, Jessie.’ Mike took her arm, his voice firm and calm. ‘Is Ray dead?’ he asked steadily.
‘Yes. I’m sorry,’ the ambulance man said. ‘Take her home to be with her mother.’
Shaking with fear and shock,
she stood watching the ambulance drive off out of sight. Marty and Conor, Ray’s two friends, were ashen-faced as they came over to her.
‘He just collapsed. It must have been the strain of pushing the boat on the rollers. If only we’d known, we’d never have let him do it,’ Conor said gruffly, trying not to break down.
‘Do you want me to tell Liz?’ Marty asked gently. For a moment Jessica was tempted. How could she tell her mother that her father was dead? Liz loved Ray as much as the day she’d married him. They were devoted to each other. Her mother’s life would be destroyed.
‘I . . . I’d better tell her myself,’ she managed, before breaking into great body-shaking sobs that brought tears to Mike’s eyes as he hugged her to him and tried to comfort her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see the group of strangers and neighbours that had gathered to see the drama.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ she whispered, holding Mike’s hand as tight as she could. Even though she knew he was there, being as kind as he could, she had never felt so alone in her life.
The walk back to the house was a complete blur whenever she tried to remember it. Her only memory was of Mike making her hot, sweet tea and the stomach-clenching wait for her mother to return home from her shopping trip down the town. She thought she was going to be sick as she heard the car swing into the drive.
‘Mike, Mike, what will I say?’ she asked frantically.
‘I’ll tell her,’ Mike said quietly, his face as white as her own as he stood up and squared his shoulders.
‘Are you pair skiving?’ Liz Kennedy asked merrily as she walked into the sitting-room, laden down with shopping bags.
‘Mam!’ The words came out as a croak.
‘Mrs Kennedy.’ Mike went over to her. Liz looked from one to the other and alarm darkened her bright blue eyes.
‘What is it? What’s wrong? It’s not Ray, is it? Has something happened to the boat? I didn’t hear the lifeboat flares.’
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