Liz could huff and puff and think what she wanted. She wasn’t in control of everything, much as she might think she was. This was one show she wasn’t running. Carol would have her wedding list, and what was more, she’d have the most sophisticated, glamorous wedding list those cheapskate hicks had ever seen, she thought determinedly as she sprinted with renewed vigour up the Ballymun Road.
* * *
‘You know, Jessie, they are sharing the wedding and the expenses with us, you should let Carol have some leeway and input,’ Mike said thoughtfully as they walked hand in hand along Brittas Bay the following afternoon.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, Mike, top hat and tails. It’s so pretentious. And expensive,’ Jessica said irritably, annoyed with him because his words had a ring of truth. She had made all the major decisions, it was true, but she had given Carol the choice to back out on several occasions if she wanted to.
‘Jessica, we’re not impoverished – we can afford to hire a dress suit,’ Mike said firmly. ‘I’m the one that will be wearing it and I don’t mind, and if Carol wants us to dress up in monkey suits I think we should let her have some say.’
‘Fine,’ she said tightly.
‘Don’t get into a huff,’ he warned. ‘After all, fair is fair.’
‘OK, don’t lecture me,’ she snapped.
‘Don’t forget you were the one who agreed to it, so don’t get cranky with me.’ Mike nudged her in the ribs and pinched her waist.
‘Stop, I’m not in the humour.’
‘How about a ride in the dunes? I know what’s wrong with you, you’re frustrated,’ he teased.
‘You can say that again, but not the way you mean,’ Jessica said grumpily.
‘What else has to be sorted?’ he asked, drawing her close.
‘Well, we’re having a meeting on Sunday to discuss the menu. I have a selection from the hotel. We’ve to sort out the invites. The photographer, the church music and the band.’
‘Has Carol expressed any preferences?’ He eyed her quizzically.
‘No, she’s in a huff with me over the suits.’
‘Well, now that we’ve agreed to go with her suggestion, she might get out of her huff. Why don’t you give her a ring?’ Mike suggested.
‘OK, OK, I’ll do it this evening. She’s playing a match today allegedly. That was her excuse for not taking a lift.’
‘Come on, now, Jessie, be fair. She probably is playing a match. You know how involved she is. Ring her tonight so that when she comes down tomorrow she’ll be in a better frame of mind. Let’s try and not make this a battleground.’
‘OK,’ she murmured, subdued. Mike was such a decent bloke. Unwittingly he’d just made her feel a complete and selfish heel and childish to boot.
‘I’ve a surprise for you.’ Her fiancé changed the subject.
‘What’s that?’ She made an effort to lighten up.
‘I’ve made an appointment for us to view two houses for rent later on.’
Jessica brightened up. ‘Where are they?’
‘One’s in Newcastle, the other’s in Bray,’ Mike said cheerfully.
‘Bray wouldn’t be so bad for commuting,’ Jessica mused.
‘Newcastle’s not too bad if you come the back road,’ Mike observed.
‘I know, but the N11’s a real nightmare, isn’t it? The absolute pits,’ Jessica grumbled. It had taken her over two hours to drive the fifty miles home, a few hours earlier. It hadn’t helped that the sun was splitting the trees and the day-trippers from Dublin were heading to Brittas.
‘Tell me about it. I’m working on it,’ grinned Mike ruefully.
‘I can’t wait to have a place of our own,’ Jessica said longingly, as she kicked off her sandals and allowed the white foamy waves to flow between her toes.
‘It’ll be great, won’t it? I really miss you, Jessie. It’s awful lonely without you.’
‘I know, and besides, I’m spending a fortune on phone credit so we might as well put that money towards rent—’
‘And petrol,’ Mike interjected. ‘Are you sure you won’t mind the commute?’
‘Not if it means being with you, and besides, the roadworks can’t go on for ever and it will be a great road when it’s finished. And to be honest, I’m not mad about the idea of buying a house in Dublin eventually. The prices are way over the top. It’s crazy.’
‘So where do you want to live?’ Mike skimmed a stone across the top of the waves.
‘Let’s get married first and then we can see what’s out there, will we? Sorry I was so grumpy,’ she apologized.
‘You grumpy? Never!’ Mike grinned, and yelled when she splashed him with water.
That evening they drove up to a modern townhouse on the outskirts of Bray. Two other couples were there before them and Jessica felt her tension levels ratchet up another notch. Just say she and Mike loved the house and so did the other couples. Would there be a bidding war based on offers of rental costs?
It was a house that had been furnished with letting in mind. Minimalist, not quite cheap but not high quality either. The two-bedroom house was small and cramped and she couldn’t help comparing it with the well-appointed house she was sharing with Katie. It certainly didn’t merit the fifteen hundred euro a month rent the landlord was looking for, she thought glumly, as she stood in the master bedroom with an ensuite so cramped you could hardly turn around in it. The double bed took up most of the room. Badly fitted melamine wardrobes and two cheap white lockers completed the furnishings. Mike made a face.
‘Not mad about it,’ he whispered. ‘Did you see the back garden, it’s a postage stamp.’
‘I know. I just got the shivers when I went out into it. It was overlooked from every angle. There wasn’t an inch of privacy.’
‘Not us,’ Mike murmured as another couple squeezed into the room.
‘Yeah, but we have to be realistic. If we’re trying to save as well as pay rent we’re hardly going to get a palace,’ Jessica said pragmatically as they walked down the stairs to the modest hall.
‘I know, but it’s the first place we’ve looked at. Let’s try the Newcastle property. It sounds good. A detached three-bedroom bungalow on a quarter of an acre.’
‘It does sound nice, doesn’t it?’ Jessica tucked her arm into his as they walked out of the tiny front garden to where the car was parked.
‘What a nerve! To look for a thousand euro for this dump,’ Jessie hissed an hour later as she wrinkled up her nose at the smell of musty damp that pervaded every room of the bungalow. Despite the fact that someone had gone to the trouble of spraying at least a can of room freshener around the place, the smell of must and damp was impossible to hide.
‘The property hasn’t been lived in for some time,’ the estate agent said smoothly as she led them into a lino-floored kitchen that had seen better days.
‘Not even if they gave it to us rent-free would I live in that kip,’ Jessica declared as they got back into the car. ‘What a waste of time. Are they all going to be like this? What if we don’t find anything decent and affordable?’ she fretted.
‘Calm down. We will.’
‘I don’t want to live with Mam, do you?’
‘I like your mother,’ Mike said diplomatically.
‘I love her,’ Jessica said irritably. ‘It’s just I’d like us to be on our own. Am I awful?’
‘No, you’re not. It will be fine, Jessie.’
‘I’d like to be able to jump on you when I’m horny. Like I am right now.’ Jessica leaned across and kissed him passionately on the mouth. She’d missed him like crazy and even though they’d be sleeping together at her mother’s tonight, she couldn’t see them having a wild night. Her inhibitions always got the better of her.
‘Come on, ya wild woman, I noticed a lane half a mile down the road, we could pull in and I’ll sort you out.’ Mike grinned at her when she drew back breathless. ‘Variety is the spice of life.’
‘Oh God, I needed that,’ Jessica breathed
half an hour later as she leaned against Mike, inhaling the male musky scent of him. She was straddling him in the back seat of the car, which was parked down a dry dusty lane, sheltered and shaded by two huge oak trees.
‘What am I letting myself in for? A rampant woman. I’m wrecked,’ he groaned.
‘Ah, don’t be such a wussie,’ giggled Jessica, happy to be in his arms.
‘Will I be able for you? Am I safe?’ Mike asked in mock alarm as she launched herself on him again and kissed him soundly.
‘You’ve had it, boy. Do you want to have a rethink?’ she teased.
‘Well, now that you mention it, there’s a tasty babe with very low mileage on he—’ That was as far as he got before Jessica clamped one hand over his mouth and pulled his hair with the other.
They wrestled and laughed and kissed joyfully, happy to be in each other’s company, temporarily laying aside the stresses and strains of looking for accommodation and preparing for a wedding.
‘Maybe we should have stuck to our original plan,’ Jessica reflected as they drove back towards Arklow late that evening. ‘It was a bit impetuous deciding to get married so soon. We didn’t think it out properly, sure we didn’t. Would we have been better off getting ourselves settled in a house first?’
‘The right house will come, stop panicking,’ Mike said easily. ‘And it couldn’t be too soon for me to marry you.’
‘Same here,’ Jessica agreed, suddenly as happy as could be.
‘Hey, why don’t you give Carol a ring and tell her I’ll get the monkey suit and then we’ll stop in Il Cacciatore for one of their scrumptious Hawaiians.’
‘Hmm, that sounds good. Now that you mention it, I’m ravenous.’
‘I’m not surprised,’ Mike said wryly and she giggled.
‘It’s not my fault if you’re too sexy for your own good and I can’t keep my hands off you,’ she retorted as she rooted her mobile out of her bag and punched in Carol’s number.
‘Hello,’ the other girl said snootily. Jessica’s number had obviously come up on her caller ID.
Jessica ignored her sulky tone. ‘Carol, hiya. Look, it’s about the conversation we had about what the guys are wearing. Just thinking about it, you’re probably right, it would look a bit odd in the photos if Gary was in formal wear and Mike was in a suit, so if you still want to we’ll go for the posh gear,’ she said magnanimously.
There was a momentary silence. ‘So I finally get my way on something at last,’ she responded coolly.
‘If that’s the way you want to look at it, Carol. You can always pull out. Don’t let me stop you,’ Jessica snapped, ending the call.
Grim-faced, she stared straight ahead. If this carry-on went on for much longer, she’d be a basket case.
Prudently, Mike said nothing but just kept on driving.
26
‘I don’t think you should do it. I think she’s made her wishes quite clear,’ Brona Wallace said angrily as she shrugged out of her dressing-gown and got into bed.
‘I don’t understand you, Brona.’ Bill turned around and glared at her. ‘You were all for me making my peace with Carol and walking down the aisle with her. And now you’ve done a complete about-turn. Why?’ He sat on the end of the bed in his underpants, one sock on, one sock off, his skinny shoulders sagging.
Not a very inspiring sight, Brona thought apathetically.
‘You tried to heal the rift, it didn’t work, I’d leave it if I were you.’
Brona burrowed down under the duvet. Ever since she’d had the disastrous conversation with Carol she’d felt like a cat on a hot tin roof.
Bill had left his young daughters in the lurch. There was nothing to say that he wouldn’t do the same to her and Ben if things got rocky. Imagine if she developed some horrible disease like MS or ME and she was left dependent on him, she fantasized gloomily, ever the pessimist. He could do a runner on her and their child if things got bad and the going got tough, just as he had on Nancy and his girls. She couldn’t help thinking like this. She didn’t want to. These horrible thoughts had just invaded her mind as the weeks passed and she couldn’t ignore them.
‘Look, she’s my daughter. I owe it to her to try,’ Bill said earnestly, getting into bed beside her.
A bit late now. Brona bit back the obvious retort.
‘If you go down there tomorrow it will only make things worse,’ Brona warned. ‘How do you know Nancy will be there anyway? Did you call her?’
‘And give her the chance to hang up? No,’ Bill retorted. ‘I’ll take my chances and hope that she’s not too sozzled at that hour of the day.’
‘You’re going to get your wedding gift thrown back in your face. You know that. I think you were mad buying it.’
‘That’s a risk I’ll have to take.’ Bill snapped off the light.
‘I hope you kept your receipt,’ Brona muttered caustically, turning on her side away from him.
* * *
Bill lay beside his partner, troubled and angry. What was her problem? Why had she changed her attitude about his attempted rapprochement with his daughter and become so cool and bad-tempered towards him?
He sighed the deep frustrated sigh of the beleaguered. Didn’t Brona understand how important it was for him to be part of Carol’s big day? It was hard to believe that his daughter was getting married. He remembered so well the day she was born and the surprisingly strong grip of her tiny, perfect hand on his finger. She’d always been such an independent little thing, he remembered fondly. ‘I’ll do it mine own self,’ her favourite phrase. She had loved to play football with him in the back garden, and later when she was older he had taught her to play tennis. Their happiest times as father and daughter had been on the tennis court. Bill smiled in the dark, remembering her tenacity and how she fought for every point, determined always to win.
He and Nancy had been happy enough during Carol’s early childhood, although his wife had always been insecure, watching him like a hawk when they were out socializing. He’d dared not spend too long chatting to a woman, or the grand inquisition would ensue and there’d be tears and tantrums.
It was after Nadine’s birth that the nightmare had really begun. Nancy had become more and more irrational and had started drinking heavily. He’d stuck it for five years before he’d cracked and left the family home, feeling it was the best for all of them. He’d been exemplary in his financial care of them, he assured himself, as he lay, rigid and unhappy, beside Brona. He’d lived in a soul-destroying grotty little bedsit in Ranelagh for that first horrible year in Dublin as he tried to come to terms with the fact that his wife had turned into a looper, his marriage was over and he was practically homeless and penniless.
He lodged the major part of his pay cheque into Nancy’s account, although over the years he’d opened another account to pay the household bills by direct debit when he’d realized that Nancy was spending a fortune on drink and the bills had been piling up unpaid. There had been such a screaming match when that had come to light. His biggest regret was that his children had witnessed that. He could still remember the two girls yelling at him and Nancy to stop shouting at each other. It still bothered him, but he was only human, and he’d been pushed to his limit. He’d been working his fingers to the bone, even doing a part-time telephonist’s job at night to boost his income. Most of it went on Nancy and the girls and then to discover that she wasn’t even paying the bills, that she owed money! That had been the lowest point of his life.
Tears prickled his eyes at the remembrance of that desperately lonely year. Was he to be given no credit for the contributions he made to the family home so that they could have a comfortable lifestyle? Carol was so cold towards him. She seemed to have no appreciation for the sacrifices he had made. He was the one who had been left without a roof over his head. He’d had to rent a grotty little room while they slept in their comfortable beds in their well-appointed house.
Bitterness seeped through Bill. Nadine had no respect for him, an
d had actually told him to fuck off on more than one occasion when at his wife’s behest he’d spoken to her about her truancy from school and general behaviour. Nancy never lost a chance to badmouth him. Nothing he did was right. It was most unfair. She had poisoned his daughters’ minds against him. It wasn’t really their fault, he thought sorrowfully.
Brona had been his solace. He’d been able to pour out his despair and distress to her and she had comforted and consoled him and made him feel that he was a good, kind human being. When their baby son had been born he’d felt he was given a second chance. Now Brona was being very moody indeed and he didn’t know what her problem was. He’d never known her to be like this and he was at a complete loss.
He plumped his pillows into a more comfortable position. He had made up his mind, and once Bill Logan made up his mind that was it, he thought grimly. He was going to Arklow tomorrow to see his wife and offer to pay for the wedding. He was going to make it clear that he very much wanted to be part of Carol’s most special day. He wanted very much to walk her down the aisle. And he was bringing the expensive state-of-the-art hi-fi system that he had selected as his wedding present to his eldest daughter.
Surely, when she saw how sincere he was in his desire to be part of her wedding, she would soften and relent. He would remind her of how he had, and still did, support them financially. He would assure her that he would be happy to pay for her wedding out of love for her.
Brona could be as cynical as she liked, he scowled, remembering her unkind barb about keeping the receipt, but he was very optimistic. This might be a fresh start for them all as a family, and eventually in time they’d be able to accept his relationship with Brona and have a loving sibling relationship with their little brother Ben.
* * *
‘What time do you want to leave for Arklow?’ Gary took a slug out of his bottle of Miller and eyed his fiancée warily. She hadn’t been in the best of humours all day but she wouldn’t tell him why.
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