Bingley was silent for a very long time. He stared at something in the room, or perhaps at nothing at all, but Darcy could not scrutinise the emotion on his friend’s face.
At last he replied. “No, I am certain too much time has passed by.”
The two gentlemen sat in silence for a moment before Bingley mentioned he was tired, and Darcy bid him good night. On the way back to his own house, he could not understand Bingley’s lack of interest in at least seeing Jane again. That was when he realised he could never give up Elizabeth.
*****
The next morning Jane took the Gardiner children on a walk in a park with their governess. They wished to see some of the flowers in one of Elizabeth’s books. Elizabeth herself pleaded a headache and sat in the drawing room. She had no desire to see foreign flowers. Only the comfort of those at home could appeal to her. Instead, she attempted to read a book but stared longingly at her letter. Mrs. Gardiner had been speaking with the housekeeper when she suddenly came in the room.
“Elizabeth, there is a caller here to see you.”
Worried it was Mr. Johnson she tried to beg off. “Oh, please, Aunt. My head truly does ache.”
“Elizabeth Bennet, if you think I am going to turn away Mr. Darcy of Pemberley simply because you took a dislike to him then I can see why your mother bemoans her nerves!”
She stood at her aunt’s words and soon Darcy was shown in and after the necessary civilities, they all sat. He was quite attentive to Mrs. Gardiner, which Elizabeth truly appreciated.
“My purpose for calling today was to see if it would meet with Miss Elizabeth and Miss Bennet’s agreement to be introduced to my sister before they are to leave town.”
Mrs. Gardiner looked to Elizabeth with raised eyebrows. She blushed but replied, “I can speak for Jane when I say we would like that. I enjoyed hearing about your sister when we were in Kent. I hope you found her well.”
“Very, thank you.”
“Elizabeth, you did not mention you had seen Mr. Darcy again while in Kent,” said Mrs. Gardiner.
“Oh? I did not mean to exclude it. Yes, his aunt is Mr. Collins’s patroness. He and his cousin visited, and we met many times.” She gave a weak smile.
Mrs. Gardiner looked between the two and, with tact only slightly better than Mrs. Bennet, recalled that she had been meeting with the housekeeper on a serious matter and if they would please excuse her for just a moment.
Elizabeth closed her eyes and blushed again.
Darcy cleared his throat. “What were you reading?”
“A report of the latest news from the African Association.” She admired the society not only for the quest of natural knowledge, such as the source of the Niger River, but also for its stance against slavery.
She was unsurprised when he asked to see it; they really were quite alike. Without thought, she handed the book to him to peruse but at the last moment remembered her letter was in it. Attempting to pull it back, the book fell to the ground, and the letter fluttered out. Elizabeth jumped out of her chair, and Darcy immediately stooped to collect the book and letter, but when he saw his handwriting on the paper he snatched his fingers away as though burned.
Elizabeth saw it all with mortified resignation. She looked away entirely uncertain what to do. In the eternity that passed between two heartbeats, she heard him step toward her.
“Elizabeth?” he said it so reverently, and she had been so certain she would only ever hear harshness from him that a tear slid down her cheek. She still could not look at him, though.
“Elizabeth, I did not come to ask if you desired to meet Georgiana.”
“Oh, of course if you have thought better of it…”
“No, I still wish for you to meet her but, as I have always wished, as her sister.”
She spun to face him then.
“My affections and wishes are unchanged. They will never change, but one word from you will silence me…”
“Yes.”
He blinked in surprise, and she said again what her heart had been screaming at her to utter since their walk the morning after his proposal.
“Yes, I wish to marry you.”
He looked guarded but spoke quietly. “You kept my letter.”
“I carry it with me everywhere.”
He began to smile. “Dare I hope you have found a reason to esteem me?”
She nodded her head. “I have found many reasons to love you.”
Suddenly she was in his arms. She gasped in surprise, and her senses were filled with him. His clean scent, his strong arms, the powerful beat of his heart.
“I love you so ardently, my lovely Elizabeth, my own Lizzy.”
She smiled at his endearments. How had she tried to deny herself this?
She spoke into his chest. “What made you seek me out? I thought you were resolved to give me up. I did not mean that I had not changed my opinion of you. Only that your objections were still present.”
He pulled her back to look her in the eye. “I tried again to give you up but could not. I told you that loving you had become a way of life for me. Nor were those my objections. They were what I anticipated Society’s to be. If I could not overcome them, then I should not offer for you. I was certain of my choice.”
She tightened her hold on his waist, slightly amazed at how bold and unrestrained she felt. “I wanted to accept you by then. I was only afraid of my own feelings.”
He chuckled, and she loved hearing the rumble of it. “I told you we were very alike.”
“I like thinking that. You need someone to think more like you than the friends you have do.”
“And you need someone that thinks more like you than your family and friends do.”
She squeezed him tighter. “You really did understand me.”
“No, I did not consider how I appeared to you. How proud and arrogant I was. I was so blithely confident that I never once thought you would refuse me; that although embarrassed by your family you would defend them. I understood parts of you, but not the whole.”
She laughed. “You certainly understood more of me than I did of you!”
“But I understand myself more now and that is because of you as well.”
“You will not allow me to take the greater share of the blame?”
“Never!”
She smiled broadly, and his eyes travelled to her lips. Their banter ended, and she wondered how it was she had been in his arms so long without kissing to begin with.
“Lizzy…” he said in a low voice.
“Yes.” She replied and tilted her face up.
“Truly?”
“Yes, I want...”
She closed her eyes as she felt his head descend. Finally, his lips brushed against hers. They were so soft, so smooth. He continued with several more light kisses before deepening it. The bang of the front door and the voices of little children registered in her mind. They had just reluctantly separated when Jane stuck her head in the room.
“Mr. Darcy!”
Her eyes flicked between the two and Elizabeth knew she would have to explain all to her sister. She only wondered what to say about Bingley. She had not talked with Darcy about the matter.
Jane sat with them for several minutes until Darcy declared he must leave. Elizabeth walked him to the door, her aunt still suspiciously absent.
“What will I tell Jane? I do not wish to upset her but…”
“But?”
“I will not turn away my own happiness simply because your friend broke my sister’s heart.”
He smiled at the strength of her determination. “I am sorry, Elizabeth. I did call on him and attempted to explain matters. I did not reveal your sister’s feelings to him, but I told him the alteration in my feelings of an alliance with your family.”
“What did he say?”
“He did not think it necessary to call on Miss Bennet as she had been in town so long and was soon to depart. I was surprised at his decision, but I do not know his heart, oth
er than he would never hurt a lady by design.”
“I agree. Perhaps it is simply something time took care of. Young couples are frequently separated by some means and their affection wanes.” He gave her a look she could not quite make out, but interpreted it as insecurity. “But not us, sir.”
“Sir? Will you not address me as Fitzwilliam when we are in private?”
She smiled shyly but agreed. “But not us, Fitzwilliam. I will not be cast aside by distance or time.”
He smiled tenderly at her. “No, I have already tried. After speaking with Bingley, I knew I would never give up trying to win your hand.” He kissed her forehead. “I do love you Lizzy.”
She smiled at the sweetness of his words. “As I love you, Fitzwilliam.”
He kissed her hand and reluctantly departed to his carriage while Elizabeth hoped for the wisdom to explain matters to her sister.
Chapter Five
Jane listened to her sister’s story with patience. She tried to be understanding, but it all made so little sense to her.
“You love Mr. Darcy?”
“Yes, is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes, it is! I thought you were quite determined to hate him.”
“Determined is the word.”
“So you did not hate him?”
“I wanted to. I see now I never really had any reason to dislike him at all.”
“You know I never thought Mr. Darcy so deficient in the appearance of goodness. Did you really come to your senses so quickly about him?”
Elizabeth paused and furrowed her brow.
“No, do not keep such a secret from me, Lizzy.”
Her sister let out a deep sigh. “Very well. My larger objection to Darcy was because I was convinced he schemed to keep Mr. Bingley in London and later kept your presence in town a secret.”
“But Miss Bingley made it clear that her brother knew I was here.”
“Apparently Miss Bingley has been the one scheming. She told Darcy’s sister that you never called on her.”
Jane first felt her blood drain away from her face and then immediately return. “So, Mr. Darcy knew I was in town but it appeared I did not care to keep the acquaintance?”
“Yes...” Elizabeth trailed off, and Jane was certain she was afraid to tell the full truth.
“Tell me all! The worst I can do is think poorly of someone, and you always tell me that I am too generous.”
Elizabeth let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Darcy had thought you were indifferent to Mr. Bingley when we were all in Hertfordshire. Charlotte did say to me that she believed you were too reserved, so I suppose I cannot really blame Darcy. I know you can only be yourself. You do not wish for everyone to know your heart but...”
“But?”
“But, I hope it means you really did not feel very much for Mr. Bingley. He hardly seems to deserve you. If he had any true regard for you, surely he would have returned to press his suit and, yet, he chose not to accompany Darcy on his call. Even if he did not feel attached to you, why would he not give you the courtesy of a call, and why would he not return to the estate he has leased?”
“Whatever he feels, do you suspect I did not love him?” How could Elizabeth be so unfeeling?
“I can only hope whatever you feel for Mr. Bingley will soon be forgot and you will soon experience something altogether more pleasing.”
“I cannot fathom feeling more for any man than I have ever felt for him,” she answered quietly.
“Dearest, I know it is your nature to be quiet, but I believe when you are certain of your love you cannot keep it to yourself.”
Jane hastily stood. “I am not like you! There is more than one way to love. Mr. Darcy loved you all along you say, and you never saw it! None of us did.”
“Charlotte suspected as much, and we believe even Miss Bingley did.”
“Do you hear this ‘we’ you speak of? How easy it was for you to speak out and confess your feelings when he already made his plain. I did not have that luxury!”
“Jane,” Elizabeth said in a soothing voice and took one of her hands. “I do not expect you to behave like me. But I would like you to behave like yourself. You speak your mind when you believe you are correct; you always state your opinions, even if they are too generous. However, whenever we spoke about Mr. Bingley you were guarded, even in your opinions to me. I believe you had reservations. What are you afraid of?”
Elizabeth rose and kissed Jane’s cheek. “Enough for now; I will let you rest. Mr. Darcy is calling again tomorrow, and I believe he will wish to accompany us to Longbourn to speak with Father. I do not know if he will stay at Netherfield; we did not get to discuss very much today. I am uncertain if we will have to see Mr. Bingley again soon.”
Elizabeth departed to her own room, leaving Jane with many thoughts. She accepted that Elizabeth was correct in one respect. Jane had not acted very much like herself in regards to Mr. Bingley. Why had she tried to protect herself from heartbreak all along? She considered her sister’s feelings for Mr. Darcy. Perhaps they were more alike than she had thought. Their behaviour was different, but the cause for their actions were likely the same.
Elizabeth was wrong on one thing, though. Jane truly loved Mr. Bingley even if he did not return her regard. Her affectionate heart could not help but be touched by such attentions from an amiable young man. Perhaps if he were older or had learned greater constancy, she would have been his choice. She contented herself with that thought. Another thing was clear: she would have to attempt to meet with Mr. Bingley as nothing more than an indifferent acquaintance.
The next day Darcy called as Elizabeth predicted, and matters of travelling to Longbourn were settled. To spare the Gardiners, and the Bennets any inconvenience, Elizabeth, Jane and Maria Lucas would travel to Hertfordshire in a Darcy carriage. He would travel next to it on his horse. Uncertain if he would be welcomed to stay at Longbourn, or would need to seek lodgings in Meryton, they would set out early the following day.
No mention was made of Darcy staying at his friend’s leased house, and Jane resented the pitying looks she received from Darcy and Elizabeth during the conversation. Even Maria seemed sensible enough to not mention anything about it. She must have looked as fragile as she felt.
During the drive itself, she attempted to not see every time Darcy and Elizabeth shared a smile through the carriage window. She also did not notice when Darcy beamed as Elizabeth put her hand on his arm when they stopped to change the horses. He looked at her like she was a treasure he would always value. And Elizabeth deserved it, of course.
She was not jealous, but the pain of knowing she would never receive such a look from Bingley was acute. Worse still was knowing that there were times when he had smiled upon her as if she were the sunlight in his world. But no more. Whether by design, chance or her own fault she had lost him and held no more hope. For, surely, if he had any desire to meet with her again he would be at his friend’s side. Elizabeth insisted Jane would find a greater love, but Jane could not be so optimistic. She had been paraded before men for nearly eight years. In that time, she had had plenty of suitors, but only one evoked true affection from her. She certainly did not have another eight years to be so choosy. She would marry someone; it was her duty. She would be fond of him; she was generally fond of everyone. But no one else could stir her heart. Of that, she had no doubt.
At last they arrived, and she knew she would have too little peace to continue to brood. Mrs. Bennet met them in shocked silence. An express had been sent to Mr. Bennet to apprise him of the change in transportation, but it seemed he did not deem it necessary to share such information with his wife.
Naturally, the silence lasted only momentarily. Jane saw the exact moment Mrs. Bennet considered that Mr. Darcy accompanied them because he desired to court Jane.
“Mr. Darcy,” Mrs. Bennet began, “it is always such a pleasure to see you. And how are Mr. Bingley and his sisters and brother?”
“Very well, than
k you.”
“Thank you so much for accompanying the girls. I did not know you had seen Jane in town.” She sent a harsh look Jane’s way in silent reprimand for not writing of the non-existent meetings.
“Mr. Darcy actually spent several weeks in Kent, Mamma. I had not seen him at all until a few days ago.”
Mrs. Bennet was silent, her brow furrowing. Jane sighed to herself. She thought the trail of evidence obvious enough, but it seemed her mother refused to consider the idea. Darcy interrupted her thoughts.
“I had the very great pleasure of meeting with Miss Elizabeth many times while I visited my aunt. Mr. Collins is her rector.”
Mrs. Bennet’s eyebrows raised to her hair-line and she nearly shrieked, “You met with Elizabeth?”
It was intended to be a question but sounded more like an accusation to them all.
Darcy cleared his throat and sent the woman a silencing glare. “I would like an audience with Mr. Bennet, ma’am.”
“Of course,” she said before departing to find a maid, leaving the others to refreshments.
The silence was tense even for the three of them, but it was not long before Darcy was invited to the library.
Mrs. Bennet asked the girls to leave with her. “Girls, you must be exhausted. Come upstairs to freshen up and tell me all about your weeks away.”
Elizabeth gave Darcy an encouraging smile as he entered the library before meeting her mother’s glare. Jane desired only to have the storm over.
*****
Darcy sat in Mr. Bennet’s library and attempted to conceal his anxiety. Elizabeth may have believed Wickham’s lies, in part, because he flattered her vanity—he told himself that Wickham only flattered Elizabeth’s sense of judgment and not that her beauty felt flattered—but she had disliked him long before meeting Wickham. His offences were many and given broadly to all of the Meryton area. Thus, Darcy felt no small concern that Mr. Bennet may object to their marriage. Any father that could do right by her would care more for the prospective husband’s character than his purse.
Mr. Bennet’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I am waiting for you to begin, Mr. Darcy. You requested this meeting. Or was it simply a guise to get away from the ladies? If so, you did not think that through, young man. Mrs. Bennet surely thinks you are asking for one of my daughters’ hands.”
One Autumn with Darcy: A Pride and Prejudice Anthology Page 26