How can I have a baby with a man I don’t really know?
And can I ever trust him again?
“Sofia?”
I nod as his voice brings me back to the present. “Yes, it should be ready.”
With his arm around my waist, we walk into the bathroom.
The shaky breath I just inhaled stays trapped in my lungs as we stare at the plastic stick lying on the counter.
Chapter Thirty-Four
A guard waves our car through the gate, and we pull into the wooded grounds of the Valentini compound.
Roman received a text from my father informing him that the Russian threat has been eliminated. I’m no longer in danger, and my security detail has been called off.
It’s a relief to have one less issue to worry about.
My hand rests on my stomach as Roman navigates the long driveway. Neither of us said much during the twenty-minute ride. I think we’re both in shock. I know I am. I may have suspected this outcome, but was still unprepared for it. I shift on the seat as Roman glances at me and wait for him to start this much-needed conversation.
He doesn’t though. He just continues to drive in silence as the test results flash through my brain for the hundredth time.
I’m pregnant.
I’m going to give birth to a tiny human being in less than nine months.
My whole world has just been rocked. There’s no going back to the way it used to be. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the idea of a new life growing inside my womb doesn’t scare the crap out of me.
I’m terrified.
Roman pulls up to the massive stone mansion and shuts off the engine. Instead of exiting the vehicle, he angles toward me and slips my hand into his, lacing our fingers together. “Look, I know nothing has been resolved between us. If anything, shit’s even more messed up than it was before…”
My eyes water.
So much is at stake right now. And the odds of walking away without a scratch are stacked against us.
“But I promise we’ll get through this, Sofia.” He pauses and continues with, “I’m committed to you. And I’m committed to this baby.”
I appreciate his sincerity more than he’ll ever know, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t picture a future together. “How? How can we get through anything when our relationship has been built on lies?”
“You’re right,” he admits with a sigh. “I lied to you about who I was and why I was working for your father. But everything is out in the open now. There aren’t any more secrets sitting between us. My feelings for you have always been real. We’ll figure out a way to deal with the fallout, and then we’ll move forward.”
Deal with the fallout.
I’m not even sure if that’s possible.
“When my father finds out what you’ve done, he’ll kill you.” I spasm from head to toe at the thought of Roman receiving a bullet to the brain.
He looks away, staring out the windshield at the house. “I know. There’s a lot I need to atone for. Once I’m out, I’ll come clean. I’ll tell Enzo the truth myself. The process has already been started, but I don’t know how long it’ll take to officially get off the case.” He squeezes my fingers. “Just give me a little more time to sever ties with the department.”
I shake my head. “Do you understand what you’re asking? I can’t keep this kind of information from my family.” This secret has already gnawed a hole in my gut.
For all I know, Roman is playing me. I don’t want to believe it, but this could all be part of a sting operation. Trusting him when he’s already betrayed me feels like a huge leap of faith.
One I’m not sure I can make.
“Forty-eight hours, tops.” His dark eyes pierce mine. “That’s all I’m asking for.”
“I can’t deal with any more lies, Roman. All of the truth needs to be out there.”
He lays his hand against my belly, cradling the new life in his palm. “I’ve given you every reason to doubt me. But you were all I could think about for three years, even when I was doing my damnedest to forget you. And now you’re carrying my child.” Determination flashes in his eyes. “I’m not about to let either of you go.”
I want to believe him so badly.
I’m not sure if I can, but I have to try since the pregnancy takes precedence over everything else. “I won’t say anything right now, but I can’t stay quiet for much longer. I won’t jeopardize my family’s safety.” This decision goes against my better judgment, but this man is worth the risk.
He lifts his hand to my cheek. “Let me make this right.”
“I’m not sure you can,” I say quietly, knowing my family will view his activity as a betrayal. “You’re a rat who snuck in and spied on everyone and everything.”
He jerks his head. “I know what I’m up against and what I have to lose.”
He doesn’t give voice to what we both know is at risk, but the truth hangs like a dark cloud over us.
His life.
I frown, realizing that Roman never incriminated anyone during his employment. It’s difficult to believe that he didn’t find what he needed after gaining access to the inner sanctum. “In all this time, you never found enough evidence to prosecute my family?”
His earnest expression falters as guilt flits across his face. “When I started out, I kept my eyes open. I photographed and turned over any tidbit of information I found. Any recorded conversations that could be used against your family to help build a case were given to my superiors. You have to understand that this was the kind of assignment that could make my career. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
My mouth dries at how he was hell-bent on annihilating the Valentinis.
On tearing us apart.
I’m the first to admit that my family isn’t perfect. My brothers, father, grandfathers, great-grandfathers, and cousins have all engaged in illegal activities. It was—and still is—their livelihood. My parents never shielded me from the lifestyle or tried prettying it up to portray it as something it wasn’t.
I may not want any part of the family business, but my loyalty is steadfast. I’m a Valentini, and I stand with them no matter what.
“Once I earned Enzo’s trust, he brought me to the compound himself and gave me access to the heart of the operation. He opened his home to me and treated me like a son.” His eyes drop to his lap.
“He cared about you. He still does. He planned for you to take over since my brothers have no interest,” I grate out, unable to hide the fury tinging my voice at how Roman duped my father.
Roman shakes his head and runs a hand over his closely-cut hair. “I know.”
His troubled gaze meets mine again, and my heart softens because I can tell he’s just as conflicted over the situation as I am.
“This assignment was supposed to be a two-year stint. I was instructed to make connections in the lower ranks and gather intel. Just as I was about to be pulled out, Enzo took an interest in me. No one had managed to make it into the Valentini inner circle before. My lieutenant and the DA decided to let me stay. But the problem is that you can’t work undercover indefinitely. The deeper you get entrenched, the more dangerous it becomes. Lines blur and cross. You start identifying with the people who are supposed to be your targets after being around them twenty-four seven for extended periods. When you find yourself in a dicey situation, they’re the ones pulling your ass out of harm’s way.”
A distant look fills his eyes. “It’s a real mind fuck. You start questioning your objectives and the goals you’re working toward. The life you left behind fades into a memory as the one you submerse yourself in becomes your reality.” He gazes at my stomach. “There were times when I chose to turn a blind eye and buried evidence so deep that it would never see the light of day instead of turning it over. I did that not only for Enzo and your family but for you. Because I couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt. You’ve done nothing to deserve this mess, but you still got caught in the crosshai
rs. And I’m sorry for that.”
Until now, Roman rarely allowed me to see his emotions. I finally understand why. It’s because he spent the last three years hiding his true self from me while pretending to be someone else.
I reach up and stroke the side of his face. “Thank you.”
Neither of us can help that we’re natural born enemies. I come from a family of criminals. And Roman works for the Chicago Police Department, just as his father and grandfather did before him.
He covers my hand with his free one as I cradle his cheek. Closing his eyes, he sighs. The urge to wrap my arms around him pounds through me as I see the emotional toll the uncertainties we face has taken on him.
“Christ, I knew you’d be my downfall the first time I caught a glimpse of you,” he says roughly. “I considered pulling out a dozen times, but couldn’t convince myself to walk away. I knew getting involved would only fuck everything up. But this,” his eyes open as he gently rubs my abdomen, “this is our baby. The circumstances are far from perfect, and there will be hell to pay.” He laughs grimly. “Who the fuck knows, maybe I’ll have two bullets in the back of my head by next week. But I refuse to go down without a fight. That’s a promise, Sofia.”
Thick emotion clogs my throat, making it impossible to speak.
I still want him.
I still love him.
And I want the child we created together.
Roman clears his throat. “Before we walk in there, there’s one last thing you should know—” He trails off as a car pulls up behind us.
I glance over my shoulder and gasp when I realize it’s Matteo and Grace. Not wanting them to see us touching each other so intimately, I jerk out of Roman’s grasp.
He mutters a curse as my brother and his fiancée exit their car and locks gazes with me. “You have to trust me, okay?”
Even though I’m still conflicted, I nod and open the door.
My brother greets Roman with a handshake and pulls me in for a hug. Grace and I quickly embrace and walk toward the house.
I overhear Roman ask Matteo, “The threat’s been eliminated? The Russians’ merchandise turned up?”
“As far as I know, yes,” Matteo responds.
Once inside, Matteo and Roman veer off toward my father’s office. Grace and I go in search of my mother, who I’m willing to bet is in the kitchen. The thick aroma of lasagna permeates the air.
I inhale appreciatively. Strangely enough, I no longer feel sick. In fact, I’m starving. My mother has a tendency to prepare comfort food whenever there’s a family crisis. She’s been known to churn out pans of lasagna, alfredo, and rigatoni with homemade meatballs and gravy.
Mama hugs Grace and kisses each cheek. When she opens her arms for me, I step forward without a second thought. If there was ever a time I needed my mother, it’s now. She squeezes me tightly, holding me longer than usual. She presses her lips to my cheeks, muttering a string of words in Italian that are difficult to decipher.
I pull back and search her face. “Mama, what’s wrong?” I only found out about the baby an hour ago. There’s no way she can know about it yet.
She shakes her head, quickly turning to the oven to check the lasagna. A pot of meatballs and gravy simmers away on the stove as she flutters around the kitchen, twisting her fingers in the hem of her apron.
I’m so hungry that my belly grumbles.
Grace takes a seat at the table, her eyes ping-ponging between us. Something is off, and Matteo’s bride-to-be feels it as well.
Unease skitters down my spine. “Mama, what’s going on?” I hardly ever see her this agitated.
Spinning toward me, she closes the distance in six quick steps and envelops me in her arms again. This hug feels different though. It’s as tight as a boa constrictor’s grip.
I shoot Grace a questioning look over my mother’s shoulder, but the other woman shrugs in response.
“I’m just relieved that you’re okay.” Mama tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and pats my shoulder.
I frown in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I be?” Is she referring to the Russian situation? I can’t imagine my father hasn’t kept her up-to-date with the recent developments. “Roman never let me out of his sight, Mama. I was perfectly safe the entire time.”
Instead of softening with relief, her expression turns murderous. Her dark eyes fill with a mixture of contempt and disgust. She glances toward the wing my father’s office is located in. “That man will no longer be working for us.”
My throat closes. “What are you talking about?”
She shoots a nasty glare at the hallway. “He’s a traitor.”
“Roman?” I breathe.
“Don’t ever say that man’s name in this house again!” she snaps, drawing herself up to her full height.
I thought we had time to make a plan before talking to my father. But we don’t. Somehow, they’ve discovered that Roman is a cop.
A wave of dizziness washes over me, threatening to suck me under. I fight off the wooziness and ask, “What are they going to do?”
“That’s not for you or me to worry about, Sofia.” She gives me an unsympathetic look. “He’ll be dealt with.”
No.
I can’t allow that to happen.
I frantically run down the dimly lit hallway. With a belly full of dread and a heart that feels like it might explode in my chest, I arrive at my father’s closed door and fling it open, praying I’m not too late.
What Roman did—using goodwill and friendship to his advantage—is the worst kind of betrayal. I know what my father and brothers are capable of when they’re angry. Roman will be severely punished.
Feet grinding to a halt, I take in the scene in front of me and gasp.
My brothers, Niko and Matteo, hold a limp Roman up as Giovanni delivers blow after blow to his face. Roman is slumped in their arms.
Is he unconscious or have they already beaten him to death?
Everything in me stills. All I see is Roman, the man I’ve loved for years. The father of my child. Yes, I’m still riddled with pain from his deception. But I can’t imagine not loving him. And I can’t imagine raising this child without him. Just like he said, we can figure out how to work through our differences. We can make it to the other side.
If my family will give us the chance.
My father roars, “What the hell are you doing in here, Sofia? Get out!”
I tremble from being addressed with so much fury but straighten my shoulders in preparation for battle when I hear Roman’s labored breathing. I have to fight for him. I have to fight so that our child doesn’t grow up with only one parent.
Roman struggles to lift his head, blinking slowly as he focuses on me through blackened eyes. A stream of blood runs from his nose.
I’ve never condoned violence, so this sight breaks my heart.
“Sofia,” Matteo says softly. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“He lied to all of us,” Giovanni, my middle brother, snaps. He has a cool, calculating air about him and is impervious to the violence of the organized crime world. If he weren’t running his own businesses, he could step into my father’s shoes and easily mete out necessary punishments. “He’s a traitor.” Giovanni delivers another jab that makes Roman grunt as his head rocks back.
“Please stop!” I beg. “Don’t hurt him!” Although I’m scared to death, I meet their gazes one by one and tell the truth. “I know what he is.”
Stunned silence greets my admission as they stare at me in disbelief. It feels like the air has been sucked out of the room.
My father regains his composure first and bellows, “What?”
Standing straight, I try not to squirm under Papa’s ruthless glare. “Roman told me a few days ago that he’s a police detective working undercover.”
His eyes bulge in their sockets. “And you said nothing? You didn’t think that was something I might want to know about immediately? You didn’t think it was important to share with the family t
hat a rat had crawled into our ranks?”
“Please, Sofia, stay out of this,” Roman mumbles through a split lip.
I almost laugh at his request. No way can I just stand here and let them kill him.
Giovanni plows his battered fist into Roman’s gut without warning.
Roman groans and folds in on himself, but my other two brothers keep him on his feet.
“Shut the hell up,” Giovanni growls. “No one’s talking to you, rat!”
My father doesn’t spare Roman a single glance. His furious gaze never leaves me. The weight of it is heavy. Suffocating. If I didn’t feel as strongly about Roman as I do, I don’t think I could continue openly defying my family. Papa has never regarded me with so much hostility.
It hurts.
But Roman and the baby are worth it.
“I should have been the first person you came to with this information!” His fist crashes into the gleaming surface of his desk, his face an ugly mottled purple. “How could you turn on your family?”
I have to do something before they beat Roman to death right in front of me. I’m not keen on dropping another bomb so soon, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Praying I don’t make matters worse, I flatten my hand across my lower abdomen and look my father straight in the eye. “Because I’m carrying his child, Papa.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
No one moves a muscle, and the room is so quiet that you could hear a pin drop.
The spell is broken when Giovanni yanks back his arm and lands another savage punch to Roman’s gut. “That’s for knocking up my sister, asshole!” he snarls.
I scream and rush forward, wrapping my arms around Roman. “Giovanni, stop! Don’t touch him again! Roman didn’t do anything I didn’t want him to do.”
Matteo and Niko grimace, tempting me to punch both of them.
“Let him go!” I order.
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