by Harper Sloan
It isn’t until I look down and notice ‘OBGYN’ on his white jacket that I feel something akin to terror crawl down my spine.
“Mr. Cage?”
I nod, afraid to speak.
“I’m Dr. Lowery. I know you’re asking about your wife, and I apologize that I don’t know more. About two hours ago, I performed an emergency Cesarean section on your wife. My job was to quickly deliver both of your daughters safely, and the last I heard, your wife is still in surgery. Both of your daughters are stable and in the NICU. Mr. Cage, I know you and your wife were told about the possibility that she wouldn’t make it to term, but it’s going to be a long road ahead for your daughters.”
I close my eyes, feeling my despair fall one tear at a time down my face. I listen to every word that Dr. Lowery speaks. Steroids, feeding tubes, antibiotics, nasal CPAP, and monitors. I hear the words, but I don’t understand them. My girls shouldn’t be here yet, and no matter what he said earlier about Melissa being in surgery, the only thing that I can focus on is that if my girls had to be removed from their mother early, how badly is she injured?
“ . . . see your daughters shortly.”
“I’m sorry?” I have to force myself to look back up into his knowing eyes.
He smiles kindly and takes another step into the room. “I spoke with your son’s doctor before coming in. He’s lucky, and they’ll be discharging him within the hour. We’ll get you up to see your daughters shortly, Mr. Cage.”
I just nod my head and watch him turn and leave. My mind is refusing to make sense of everything that’s happening around me. The only thing keeping me from running through this whole damn building until I find Melissa and my daughters is the little banged-up boy sleeping in front of me.
With a deep breath and another silent prayer, I wait again.
With every minute that passes and still no word on Melissa, I feel more and more of my soul being stripped from my body. That hope I had earlier has become so small that I almost can’t feel it anymore.
In the last hour, I’ve had nurses come in to check Cohen and Axel come back to update me on who is here and to tell me the same thing each time—no one will tell him anything. I’ve filled out a million and one pieces of paper, and now I just keep staring at the two bracelets the last nurse attached to my wrist.
I finger the bracelets, watching them spin around my wrist, and once again fight the urge to take off on a hunt for my family.
My daughters . . . My girls are here and fighting in some cold and sterile room. They’re fighting to live and there isn’t a damn thing I can do to protect them. Every instinct in my body is telling me to go into protector mode.
My wife, my beautiful and loving wife, is somewhere within these walls, and the unknown is tearing me apart.
“Daddy?” Cohen’s soft whisper has me dropping my hands and looking over at him. “Will Mommy be okay?” His chin starts to tremble slightly.
“C-Man, can I tell you a secret?” He nods his head, a few tears slipping past his lids. “I’m going to teach you a trick. Remember when I told you that we always protect the women we love? Well, Mommy and your sisters need a special kind of protection. They need us to keep strong and share our strength with them. Every time you think about your mommy, you give her just a little more strength. And when you tell her you love her, it’s even stronger. So right now, we’re going to sit here and we’re going to talk about every single thing we love about your mommy. And when we finish with that, we’re going to talk about every single thing we can’t wait to show your sisters. Then it won’t be long before they have so much strength that they just can’t help but get better.”
And that’s just what we do. I hold his little hand and we talk about every single thing we love about Melissa until they finally release Cohen from their care.
I hold it in, but deep down, I feel the bone-deep fear that I have no control over the outcome.
With my son in my arms, we walk out of the exam room and follow the nurse up to the NICU, where I’m told a doctor will find me shortly with news on the babies and Melissa.
My heart is somewhere in this hospital, and I can only hope and pray that everything will be okay.
CHAPTER 10
Greg
“Mr. Cage?” I jump when I hear my name being whispered. When I look around, it takes me a second to remember where I am, but when I do, it all comes crashing down at once.
Melissa.
The accident.
My girls, born and fighting for their lives.
Cohen, safe and scared.
Everything I thought set in stone for our happy lives together is hanging by a thread.
“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t mean to startle you.” She smiles weakly, giving me a chance to get my bearings.
“It’s okay. I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep.”
I look around, noting that Axel and Izzy are still in the same spot across the room. Dee’s moved and is now lying with her head in Beck’s lap. Asher is pacing, no doubt having a hard time being in the hospital so soon after losing his brother. Sway and Davey are seated in chairs, silently holding hands and waiting for the nurse to start talking.
Fortunately, Chelcie took Cohen home with her. It had been almost impossible for me to let him go, but I know he needs to be able to sleep and I need to be able to be here for Melissa.
“Would you like to come and see your daughters? I apologize for not being out here sooner. We’ve had a few other emergencies come in within the last hour that have kept me tied up.”
For the first time since I got the call from Beck earlier, I feel a little bit of hope wash over my body.
“Yes . . .” I clear the emotions threatening to bubble over the top with a cough. “Yes, please. I need to see my girls.”
She smiles and asks me to follow her. I take one more look around the room, meeting the eyes of my friends who have proven time and time again that we are just a big family. We love together, we fight together, and most importantly, we’re there when one of us hits rock bottom with no hope of getting up again without support.
When we finally stop walking she asks me to put on a gown, a mask, and some stupid hat to cover my hair. I don’t even question her. Knowing that my girls are just beyond the doorway has me rushing through all of her instructions.
The second I finish scrubbing what feels like every inch of my skin, I turn to her and wait. I try and calm my breathing, but knowing that I’m seconds away from meeting my daughters is making that next to impossible.
“Don’t be alarmed by all the wires. They really are more intimidating than anything. Right now, they’re doing remarkably well for being born this early. I was just looking at their charts before I came to find you. The doctor will go over it in more detail, but those two little girls are some strong little fighters.”
I give her a weak smile, unable to express how much that means to me right now. Hearing that my girls have their mother’s spirit helps that little seed of hope to grow a little larger.
Right before we step into the room I stop her, asking the one question I desperately need an answer to. “My wife, please . . . I need to know how she is.”
“Let’s get you in here to see your girls and I’ll go chase down her doctor for you, okay?”
I nod, take a deep breath, and get ready to see my girls.
There is nothing in this world that can prepare you for the helplessness you feel at seeing your tiny babies with tubes and wires connected all over their small bodies. Everything about them terrifies me. But seeing them in their plastic incubator, the machines telling me that they are very much alive, gives me a small sliver of peace. I would give anything to be able to hold my girls, but for now I’ll settle with the small hole I’m allowed to stick my hand through to feel their skin against my own.
I listen intently when the nurses explained everything they have attached to them and their care plan. Knowing that they have a long road ahead of them is made easier by knowing that t
here is a clear path to get to the finish line.
I spend the next thirty minutes in there looking at my princesses and stroking their tiny arms and hands, both just a little over three pounds of perfection, and giving my heart over to two more people.
I can’t take my eyes off them, but when I hear a throat clear behind me, I finally allow myself to step away from my girls.
“Mr. Cage.”
I look down at his lab coat. “Dr. Walsh.” I turn to give my girls another look, bending forward and whispering softly to each of them through their incubator, “Be strong, my little warriors. Daddy loves you.”
Once we step into the hall, Dr. Walsh turns to me and doesn’t waste any time. “If you could follow me, I’ll take you to your wife’s room, Mr. Cage.”
“She’s . . . she’s okay?”
He doesn’t say anything for a long moment. He just looks at me with his expressionless eyes. “I’m going to be honest with you, Mr. Cage. Your wife is lucky to be alive. She’s suffered extensive head trauma and has three broken ribs, a broken arm, and a broken leg. There was some internal bleeding that we were able to get under control rather quickly. Her head injury is the most important thing we’re monitoring right now. We need to make sure we prevent the possibility of a secondary injury that could arise from here on. Your wife was unconscious when she arrived, and at the moment, we have her placed in a medically induced coma. We’ve discovered significant swelling of her brain as well as slight bleeding. So, like I said, that is our main concern right now. Our neurosurgery team will be monitoring the pressure in her brain with a bolt that was already placed and that will help guide the therapy as needed. We’ve started her on a medication called Keppra to prevent any seizures. I can only tell you that she’s in good hands, Mr. Cage. We will be able to tell you more in the coming days, as the next twenty-four hours are the most critical.”
My mouth opens, but no words came out. Trying to process all the medical vomit he just spewed all over me is taking too much energy. I grasp on to the only thing I can—knowing she’s alive and that the rest will fall in place. I keep picturing her beautiful face telling me that she loved me earlier today. Or was it yesterday?
Silently, I nod my head and wait for the doctor to take me to my wife. With every step, I beg God to let me take her place.
CHAPTER 11
Greg
I thought I knew what it was like to live a nightmare.
When I lost Grace, I felt a pain that I hoped never returned.
When Cohen was kidnapped, I felt a hopelessness that crushed my soul.
When I saw my little girls, so achingly small, fighting for each breath, I felt a fear I’d never known I could possess.
When I walk into Melissa’s hospital room and see her hooked to machines, bruised and battered . . . I feel a little piece of myself die.
I’m living a nightmare that I can only pray I wake up from.
It’s hard to put into words how you feel when you see the love of your life like that. I watch her chest rise with each breath, giving me the reassurance that she’s still with me, but looking at her so obviously broken has my knees buckling before I had make it more than five feet into the door.
I feel the doctor pause, waiting to see if he needs to assist me, but I wave him off. Dropping my hands to the floor and letting my head hang, I pray. I scream and plead, once again, for God’s mercy. I can’t lose Melissa. There’s no other alternative for me. She’s mine, and I won’t let anyone take her.
I pull in a deep breath, holding it while I get my courage back together before picking myself off the floor and walking over to the side of her bed.
And that’s where I stay, holding her hand and caressing her soft skin while I listen to the doctor go on and on about her injuries. I try to understand what he is telling me, but with each word that passes his lips, I realize just how very real this is.
His heavy hand settles on my shoulder, but I can’t look away from her beautiful face, I’m trying to see past the swelling and bruises to glimpse the woman I kissed goodbye hours before.
“ . . . time will tell, Mr. Cage. For now, we will monitor your wife closely for changes.”
I look up when I hear him leaving, the door closing softly behind him, and I sit there in the dim light of Melissa’s hospital room and start singing. At first, it’s anything I can think of that she might like, but after a few songs, I just start the humming familiar melody Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’ over and over. The words start to flow without thought while my thumb rubs in small circles against her wrist, my tears rolling down my face unchecked.
God, what the hell do I do now?
CHAPTER 12
Cohen
I don’t like this place. It smells funny, and everyone looks sad. I just want my mommy and daddy. Aunt Izzy told me this morning that it’s okay to be scared and that she was there if I needed a hug. I don’t need a hug. I’m a big boy.
I’ve been sitting here for a really long time, long enough to watch three shows on Uncle Axel’s phone. I hope Daddy comes to get me soon.
The doctors and nurses always run around here like they forgot to turn the oven off. Mommy always does that a lot. Uncle Axel and Aunt Izzy are here watching me, but Nate stayed home with Dilbert and Davey. Aunt Izzy said that Nate is too little to be here. Uncle Beck and Aunt Dee went to go get me some breakfast, but I didn’t want to go with them because I’m waiting on my daddy to come and get me. I’m going to see my mommy soon.
I heard Aunt Izzy on the phone this morning when Daddy called. She didn’t think I could hear her, but she was being loud like Aunt Dee gets when she talks about her silly shoes. She told Daddy that I’m being such a good little boy and that she would take me to him if he really wanted her to. It’s been almost two weeks since my mommy went to sleep and Daddy started sleeping at the hospital with her. I don’t know how long that is, but that’s what Aunt Izzy said. It feels like a really long time.
I miss them, but I don’t tell anyone because I’m being strong like Daddy.
I don’t know why I wouldn’t want to go to my daddy. He makes everything okay. I want to yell at Aunt Izzy when she calls me a little boy. I’m not a little boy. I’m a big boy, and I’m going to use all of my powers to make everything better.
Last night I came to see Daddy and I really didn’t want to leave. My side still hurts, and I’m itchy where they had to tie my skin with little strings after Mommy’s car broke. Mommy would have made it not hurt anymore. Aunt Izzy doesn’t kiss my boo-boos like Mommy does.
Now I’m sitting here in the stinky hospital, waiting on my daddy to come and take me to see my girls. No one will tell me where my sisters are. Aunt Izzy says that they have to sleep in a special clear box like Snow White did so that the germs don’t hurt them while they get healthy. I don’t like my girls sleeping in a box. They need to get better so I can teach them everything I know.
I’m going to teach them how to fight the bad guys, find the best rocks, where Mommy keeps her chocolate, how to paint and color, all the things that make Mommy and Daddy smile, and all the things that make Mommy and Daddy really laugh. Yup, they need to get better so I can teach them everything I know!
I kick my legs some more, letting them swing really fast, and think about how I can make my girls’ box better.
“Hey, C-Man.” I jump when I hear the deep voice, but I smile when I see who it is.
“You scared me, Maddox Locke.” Daddy said that he’s been chasing Aunt Emmy and he’s going to bring her back to us, so I don’t know why he’s here. I don’t like the way he keeps looking at me either. Everyone keeps looking at me like they don’t know what to do with me.
“Brought you something, Cohen.”
I look up and see some red stuff in Maddox Locke’s hand. I can’t wait to get a present. This place doesn’t have anything fun to do. When he unfolds it, I see a cape just like the one the ambulance man cut off of me the other day. I want to smile.
I haven�
��t smiled since Mommy fell asleep when that truck hit her car. I don’t want to smile. But now I can. I have my power back, and I can help my mommy and my girls.
“Thank you, Maddox Locke.”
“You’re welcome, Cohen Cage.”
He sits down next to me and helps tie my cape around my neck. It feels good to have my magic back. When I didn’t have my cape and my mommy wasn’t there, I got really scared. I didn’t tell Daddy, but I didn’t like being scared.
“You know what’s going on?”
I shake my head at him. “I know Daddy is at the hospital because Mommy is sleeping and my sisters are out of her belly.”
“That’s right, C, and right now your daddy needs to be there for them because they need him real bad. I know you’re really strong so they’re going to need you too, but little dudes can’t sleep at hospitals so I’m going to stay with you for a little while. If that’s okay?”
“Do I still get to see Daddy and our girls?”
Maddox Locke smiles and I smile back, but I don’t know why we’re smiling.
“Yeah, buddy. Your daddy will be out here after he finishes talking to the morning doctor and then we can see about seeing your girls.”
“Okay! Thank you, Maddox Locke. I’m happy you’re home.”
I feel better now. I pull the sides of my cape over my shoulders and close my eyes when I feel it tighten across my back. Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and wait for Daddy so we can take care of our girls.
We don’t get to see my girls right away. Daddy comes out and hugs me for a really long time. I see him every day, and every day he hugs me like this. Sometimes he squeezes me so hard it hurts just a little, but I like it. Daddy’s hugs always make my sad stop.
“Daddy, do I get to see my girls today?”
He smiles big, but he still looks sleepy. If Mommy wasn’t sleeping she would make him take a nap so he didn’t turn into a grump.
“Yeah, C-Man. I bet we can make that happen today. I’m going to go up and see them in a little while, so I’ll ask the doctor if we can work something out. Do you think it would be okay for Maddox to sit with you while you visit with Mommy today? Just while I run up to see your sisters?”