by M. S. Parker
Finally, I gave into my curiosity and typed Gavin’s name into a search engine. A few things popped up, but nothing that connected to the Gavin that I knew. Not a single social networking page, or photo tags. Now I was intrigued. I began combing through everything I could find even remotely related to Howard Weiss, searching for anything that could offer me more information about Gavin.
Even as I read, looking for his name, images of him began to dance behind my eyes. They weren’t of the photographs I’d found him in, but rather snapshots of my own memories.
The hungry expression on his face when he’d seen my bare breasts for the first time.
His eyes nearly glowing as he peered up at me from between my legs, his mouth fixed...
I pressed my thighs together as that memory brought a rush of heat. It didn’t matter how angry I was at him, my body responded to the memory of his. His lips moving over my flesh. His stiff, throbbing manhood sliding inside me. Our bodies dancing together.
“Dammit,” I muttered. This was making it very hard to concentrate, and worse, I was starting to soften towards him. Maybe forgiving him was the right thing to do. I just couldn’t be sure if it was my head, heart, or other things further south, talking.
Chapter 3
It hadn’t been easy, but I’d finally managed to focus on work by telling myself that the only thing I was allowed to look at were the dates on the articles and the names of the women with Howard. I hadn’t read the prenup, but it was standard practice for infidelity to void it. We needed to know which of these women, if any, would be able to confirm that they had been involved in a sexual relationship with Howard Weiss prior to the separation. I seriously doubted every one of these relationships had been platonic.
I hadn’t realized that it was time for lunch until Krissy came over and interrupted me.
“You’re looking busy.” She grinned down at me. “Trying to keep someone off of your mind?”
I glanced down at the trashcan and her eyes followed, widening as she saw the bouquet I’d thrown away. “Those came after I didn’t answer his six calls or dozen texts.”
“Wow.” Krissy looked impressed rather than creeped out.
“Yeah.” I sighed. I didn’t know what to do. I’d been set on being pissed at Gavin for a couple days, then moving on. I hadn’t expected him to try to win me back.
“Let’s go to lunch,” Krissy said. The sympathetic note in her voice told me that she could sense my inner turmoil. The two of us couldn’t be more different, but there was a connection that sometimes made it seem like we were twins. We could sense how the other was feeling and, like now, what the other was thinking.
I nodded. My stomach growled as Krissy and I headed to the elevator. She chatted as we rode down, keeping the conversation light and away from Gavin. The one-sided conversation about her cousin’s lengthy email containing a play-by-play of her trying to seduce a college professor continued until we arrived at the café a block away from our building. I ordered my usual chicken salad with a side of Italian dressing and Krissy decided on a panini. Neither of us spoke while we waited for our order, the air around us filled with the buzzing of the other patrons.
After we received our food, we found a small booth in the back where we could talk freely without being overheard. Attorney-client privilege wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Better safe than sorry.
“What did the messages say?” Krissy asked after she’d taken a few bites of her sandwich.
“What?” I asked. The last I remembered about her story was that her cousin had just discovered that the professor was gay.
“Gavin’s messages. The voicemails I know you listened to and the texts you read,” she clarified. She didn’t bother trying hide her curiosity.
I frowned at her. Apparently we were going to talk about something private, whether I wanted to or not. I stabbed at my salad with more vengeance than necessary.
“Come on, Carrie. What did they say?”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I asked. When she just looked at me with that steady, unwavering gaze, I sighed. No, she wasn’t going to let me get away without answering. “Fine. He apologized and asked me to forgive him.”
“What else?” she prompted.
I narrowed my eyes. How did she know he’d written anything else? “He said he missed me.” I could feel my cheeks getting hot.
Krissy grinned. “I thought so. A man doesn’t call that many times, send text messages and an expensive bouquet of flowers just to apologize to someone he doesn’t want to see again.”
“Are you forgetting what a bastard he was?” I asked, scowling at my lettuce like it had done something to offend me.
“No.” She shook her head. “But I believe he was telling the truth about why he did it.”
“What are you talking about?” I was starting to regret having shared with her the entire conversation Gavin and I’d had.
“He said that he wanted you, and I don’t think he was just talking about sex,” Krissy said matter-of-factly. “I think Gavin’s falling for you. I mean like serious head-over-heels, ass-backwards, falling for you.”
I shook my head. “That’s crazy. We’ve only known each other for two weeks. Less, actually.” I pushed my salad away, half-eaten. I wasn’t hungry anymore.
Krissy leaned towards me, the expression on her face serious. “I’ve known, dated, and slept with a lot of guys, and trust me when I say: if all he’d wanted was sex, he never would’ve called the first time after.”
That made sense, but I wasn’t sure I could trust it. After all, look what he’d done. How did I know there wasn’t some ulterior motive? Maybe he was one of those men who wanted what they couldn’t have. If I’d been fawning all over him when he called, maybe he would’ve gotten sick of me and just ignored me.
“I don’t know,” I finally said.
“Listen, he pulled a dick move, but I don’t doubt for a minute that his feelings for you are real.” Krissy touched the back of my hand and I lifted my eyes from my half-eaten food. “And unless I’m wrong, you feel the same way.”
I swallowed hard, wondering what she could read in my eyes.
“If you don’t at least try to make this work, you’ll never forgive yourself.”
She was right. I knew it and she knew it. I just couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it. She pulled her hand back and returned to her sandwich, as if sensing that the conversation was over. After a few minutes, I started on my salad again. I wasn’t hungry, but I hated to waste food. Besides, I hadn’t eaten breakfast and I needed something in my stomach. Eventually, she started a new discussion, this one about the finale of one of our favorite shows, and that carried us through the check and back outside into the sunny spring afternoon.
We were halfway back to our office when a cab pulled up to the curb and, just a few yards in front of us, Gavin emerged from the back.
For a full thirty seconds, I couldn’t speak. He took two steps, then saw me. His eyes widened and his mouth opened like he was going to say something. The idea of having to listen to him apologize when he had the nerve to show up in front of my work was too much, and a flare of anger went through me. I was still in control, but I was mad.
“What the hell?” I crossed to him in just a couple angry strides. His eyebrows shot up as I crowded his personal space. “I’m pissed at you for stalking me and you figure the best way to apologize is to keep doing it?”
He put up his hands, palms out in a gesture of surrender. “I’m not stalking you. Honest. I have a meeting in that office building behind you.” He pointed. “I told you about it last week. Remember?”
Shit. I did remember. We’d made plans to have lunch together because I hadn’t wanted to commit to a dinner.
“Right,” I said. “Sorry.”
I cringed at how harsh the words sounded. I needed to leave before I embarrassed myself anymore. I started to step around him when he spoke again. But this time, he wasn’t talking to me.
“Krissy,” he said. “I’m truly sorry for what Jeff did. I had no idea he’d told you all of those lies about himself. All I asked him to do was talk to you, be nice, and buy you some drinks. I wanted him to invite the two of you to the club opening so I could see Carrie again. I swear, I never would have asked him to do any of that if I’d known he’d take it that far.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see how my friend was taking the apology.
“Well,” she said. “Maybe you should keep a tighter leash on your employees.”
I knew that tone. She was trying to be tough, but she was softening.
“He’s no longer my employee.”
Krissy’s jaw dropped and I knew my shock mirrored hers. “You fired him?” she asked the question.
He nodded, his expression firm. “I can’t employ someone who would stoop so low.” He held her eyes for a moment, then glanced down at his watch. “I have to go.” He turned to me, and the depth of emotion in his eyes made me catch my breath.
I knew he was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. A wave of sadness washed over his face, but he didn’t press it. Instead, he nodded at me, then at Krissy, and walked past us.
Krissy and I were both silent until we got back on the elevator. I was pretty sure she was processing as much as I was. I’d forgotten to factor in her libido.
“You know, since you no longer want to date Mr. Totally-Uber-Hunk, do you mind if I...”
I glared at her and she didn’t finish the sentence. She was not going to go there.
“Just kidding,” she laughed as we arrived at our floor.
I didn’t think it was very funny.
Chapter 4
Two days. Over forty-fucking-eight hours and I hadn’t gotten a single phone call or text message from Gavin. After all of that obsessive stalker behavior, he’d stopped cold turkey. I tried telling myself that was a good thing; that I’d wanted him to stop. I’d told him as much. And he’d finally listened. He’d apologized to both Krissy and me for what he’d done and now he was leaving me alone to live my life. That was what I’d wanted.
The argument would’ve been valid if it wasn’t for the way he kept popping up in my mind at the most random, inopportune times. Like how I’d been in the archives researching precedents for the Weiss case and my brain had decided that was the perfect time to concoct a fantasy in which Gavin swept into the room and fucked me against the stacks. Or yesterday afternoon when the whole office had been eating cake for Merle’s retirement party and I’d started wondering what it would be like to spread icing all over Gavin’s abs and lick them clean.
Yeah, that’s pretty much how the past two days had gone. Every time I’d think I could finally start focusing and get some real work done, another inappropriate thought would come up. Worse were the ones that didn’t have to do with sex. They were the ones that were flashes of things deeper and more meaningful.
The way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled.
The heat in those blue eyes when he’d looked at my naked body.
What I imagined it would be like to stroll down the street with him, his arm around my waist.
Taking him home to Alabama to meet my family.
That last one had come just as I’d started drifting off to sleep the night before. My eyes had shot open, my pulse pounding. It had taken me over an hour to calm down enough to actually sleep, and even then, it hadn’t been very restful.
It wasn’t until I was getting my things together to go home that I finally admitted to myself the truth behind why Gavin’s silence was bothering me.
I didn’t want him to give up on me.
That wasn’t an easy thing for me to be honest about. I hated those women who strung men along, who wanted them to pursue her no matter what she did, and now I was one of them. No, I told myself. I was different. I wasn’t playing with his emotions. I didn’t want him to stop asking for forgiveness, because I wanted to give it to him.
“You’ve been awfully quiet all day,” Krissy said as the two of us walked home. The weather was absolutely gorgeous, that ideal temperature that made an early evening stroll the perfect way to unwind. “In fact,” she said slowly. “You’ve been quiet ever since we saw Gavin after lunch the other day.”
I loved Krissy, but sometimes I wished she wasn’t so observant. Because I knew it wouldn’t do any good to try to deny it – she did know me, after all – I told her all of it. The fantasies, the dreams, and my personal revelation.
“You need to take control of the situation,” she said.
“What?” I gave her a sharp look. I really hoped she wasn’t suggesting what I thought she was suggesting.
Krissy linked her arm through mine. Her expression was stern. “You need to take some initiative and call him. You can’t let things end this way. He’s too good to not fight for.”
She was right. I knew she was right. Gavin was an amazing man, everything I’d ever wanted. Even if I didn’t think the timing was right, or if I was still mad at him, I couldn’t let those things keep me from finding out where this could go. After all, how often in a single lifetime can a person find someone they connect with like Gavin and I did with each other? For most people, maybe once...if they’re lucky.
I was in the process of figuring out what to say when my phone rang. Thinking I’d answer it and give myself some extra time to decide what I wanted to do, I pulled it out of my purse. The moment I saw the screen, however, my heart almost stopped.
It was Gavin.
Wordlessly, I turned my phone towards Krissy.
She let out a low whistle. “True karma.” She squeezed my arm. “Talk to him.”
I didn’t allow myself time to actually think about the action.
I just answered it. “Hello.”
“Please don’t hang up.” The pleading note in his voice tugged at my heart.
“I’m listening,” I said softly.
Krissy released my arm and moved so that she was walking a couple of feet ahead of me, giving me some privacy.
“I know you don’t want me calling you, and this is probably a really bad idea, but these past two days have been hell. I can’t sleep or concentrate. I think about you all the time.”
The words came pouring out of him in a rush, and they could’ve been my words, my feelings.
“It’s killing me not seeing you, Carrie.” He fell silent for a moment, as if waiting for me to tell him to leave me alone, to hang up, to do something.
“Is that why you called?” I asked. My heart hammered against my ribcage as I waited for his answer.
“Yes.” He kept it simple, and that one word thrilled me. “You have no idea what being away from you is doing to me.”
I thought about how little I’d accomplished, and almost said that I had a pretty good idea.
“Every time I close my eyes, all I can see is you. Your eyes. Your smile. Your body.” His voice held a pleading note. “I need you.”
I swallowed hard. How could I say no to that? All he was asking was for us to meet. “What did you have in mind?”
“What about Saturday night? I have to attend a charity event and I would be honored if you would come with me. It’s an auction with a big gala dinner afterwards. Nice and public, and you can keep me at a distance. You could even think of it like a favor.”
“I already returned your favor.” My tone was half-teasing.
“Then I guess I’d owe you one.” After a moment, he added, “I just want a chance.”
“I don’t know,” I said, ignoring my body’s protests. Of course I wanted to go with him. I wanted to be with him. Feel his touch. His body... I shook my head. I couldn’t give in too easily. I needed to maintain the upper hand, especially since I still wasn’t sure I could trust him. “I’ve been really tied up with work.”
I immediately cringed at my word choice as the memory of the straps on the bed at the club popped into my head. Things low in my body tightened
and throbbed at the image that followed without conscious thought.
My wrists and ankles were tightly bound, pulling my arms and legs as far apart as they would comfortably go. Devoid of any clothing, I was exposed to my lover’s gaze.
I swallowed hard and pushed the thought away. Gavin was talking.
“If it makes you feel better, Howard will be there. You could consider this a work thing.”
Work, I thought. That was a possibility. I could get the chance to see first-hand how Howard interacted with people, specifically women. If I saw him flirting, I’d know that Mimi would need to coach him on his behavior prior to negotiations. If he kept it friendly but not sexual, I’d know that we’d be able to move forward without any issues.
“Maybe,” I said. Something occurred to me even as I said it. “But I don’t even know what to wear to something like that.”
“Don’t worry,” he said.
I could hear him smiling.
“I’ve already taken care of it.” Before I could question what that meant, he continued. “So, will you come?”
I hesitated for several seconds, making him wait, before I answered. “All right.”
“Great. I’ll pick you up at six-thirty Saturday evening. I can’t wait.”
He ended the call without waiting for a response, and I wondered if he’d been worried that I’d change my mind.
“What was that all about?” Krissy asked, her question interrupting my thoughts.
I gave her the summary, leaving out how just hearing Gavin’s voice had made me hot, and my brief flash of fantasy. I was pretty sure she guessed it, because she gave me a wicked grin.
“One thing I don’t understand,” I said, as much to avoid having our conversation head in that direction as anything else. “What did he mean when he said he’d taken care of it?”
“I’ll bet he bought you an expensive dress to wear,” Krissy predicted.
I shook my head. That couldn’t be it. “That would mean that he knew I’d say yes.” It had to be something else.