“Oh, shut up, Tuck.” Grabbing his shirt in her fists, she pulled him to the desk and shoved everything out of the way to perch up on it.
The boy had gone, and he’d taken the laptop with him. Tuck would get to the bottom of that, and get his property back, but not before he reclaimed the most important thing in his world. Kadie shoved up his tee shirt. Gathering it in her fists, she reached to try to remove it. Helping her out, he whipped it off and groaned when her hungry, eager lips began to taste the width of him.
“Kadie,” he said, driving his hands into her hair, but she ducked lower, kissing down to his diaphragm before he got hold of her again and thrust her away.
She fumbled with the buttons on his jeans. Too quickly, she freed his solid want and her fingers curled around him. Panting out his name, she dipped her head, but he couldn’t let her taste him or he’d be done before they got started. Capturing her wrists, he pinned her down on the desk and flattened himself against her. “I missed you, Toots. You’ve got no idea what you do to me, what the thought of you gets me through.”
“Tuck,” she said, wriggling her hands out of his grip. “Shut up and fuck me.”
She unhooked her belt and tossed it over his shoulder, then got to work on her shirt buttons. He knew his woman and the mischief she could get up to. After five years of dedicating himself to her, he knew exactly what she liked. Taking hold of her lapels, he ripped the shirt open and unclipped the front clasp of her bra. Stooping to suckle one nipple, he massaged her breasts closer to his mouth, deeper, until she squirmed beneath him and whimpered out his name, then it was time to switch sides.
“Tucker,” she sighed, pushing her hips up, seeking out the bulge she’d had her greedy hands on moments before. But he wasn’t about to let her take control. Backing off enough to flip her over, he gripped her thighs and dragged her closer, forcing his erection against her ass. He knew how she loved to feel the effect she had on him, and sure enough, she moaned and tried to push up. Tuck held her down and forced up her skirt. Tugging her underwear down her thighs, he probed his fingers between her folds, and let himself bounce against her as he stroked himself in time with the rhythm of his caress of her slick sex.
“You always did get off on screwing the boss,” he said. The sound that came from her was a cross between a laugh and a whine.
“So far the boss hasn’t screwed anything today,” she said, elevating her rump.
Tuck clamped her in his grip, taking hold of her hips, so he could lift her for ease of access. “Consider this your bonus.” Just like that, he slammed into her center and she cried out.
A scream that loud would vibrate the foundations of this structure. Everyone else on the premises knew exactly what they were up to, but that suited him, interruptions were the last thing he wanted when he was this deep inside the woman he loved.
Resting her forehead on the solid desk beneath her, Kadie let her eyes close, and tried to quiet her panting breaths. His hand slid from her waist to between her shoulder blades and he circled the clasp of her necklace with his thumb.
“I knew you were trouble the first second I laid eyes on you,” she whispered. Proximity made her lips sample the texture of the wood. “Do you remember the night we met?”
Still stroking her upper back, his voice stayed low. “Have you ever known me to forget anything important to us?”
“I couldn’t breathe when you looked at me. You ate every inch of me with that lethal gaze. You hadn’t said a word, we weren’t even in the same group, but I knew my life would never be the same.”
“I haven’t disappointed you, have I?”
His hand slid down her spine, and covered half of her behind, giving her a squeeze before he let his member slide from her body. She stayed put, bent over the desk, her hands tangled in her shirt somewhere at her hips. He moved across the room, those heavy boots of his clumping on the floor, he hadn’t taken off his jeans, and she imagined that his tee shirt had to be in a twisted mess somewhere on the floor.
The bathroom door opened, and she listened to the water run before rolling onto her back. Sitting up, she shrugged her shirt back to her shoulders and fastened her bra. Her torn underwear lay on his tee shirt, which was clear on the other side of the room. In no hurry to button her shirt, or retrieve her lost underwear, she sat in the middle of the desk, and tried to think about how to explain herself. As much as she’d avoided him, and the discussion, thus far, she knew that she couldn’t avoid it forever.
Tuck returned to the room with his jeans buttoned again. Rubbing his face dry with the towel, he hooked it around his neck when he was done and leaned against the doorframe. The damp locks of his hair on the periphery of his face stuck to his temples.
“What are you trying to say to me, Toots?”
What a picture he made. His perfect form was draped with such confidence, it was hard to tell if the wall held him up, or if it was the other way around. Over the years, she had lost count of the number of times she’d seen him naked, yet as she examined the ridges and grooves of his abdomen, and the trail of hair that disappeared down into the band of his underwear peeking over his jeans, she wondered if she would ever tire of it. Somehow, he was never something she had taken for granted. Seemingly, he didn’t feel the same.
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” she said, and saw the muscles in his stomach bunch in time with a hissing intake of breath.
“Do what, Toots?”
“This,” she said. “What we do—you gone half the year, me wondering where you are, what’s going on, if you’re safe, who you’re with—”
“Hey now,” he said, shoving away from the doorjamb. “Don’t get crazy. There’s no one else, there couldn’t be—”
“This isn’t about that,” she said, shaking her head.
“But you don’t trust me?”
Peering, she tried to see his mind. “Do you think this is about sex, Tuck? Do you think that’s what I’m worried about? I don’t even think you’d be able to perform with another woman. You’re the most honorable man I know. You always come home to me, always. And, you always will.”
“So, what’s the problem?” he asked, maintaining his position on the defensive.
“Do you know what it’s like never knowing? Sitting home alone, and—”
“Dempsey looks out for you.”
“Is that the same?” she asked. “If it is then explain it to me, because I don’t get it.”
He went quiet, and still, so very still she couldn’t see, or hear him breathe. Despite their long-term relationship this stoic side of him still made her shiver. It was like a visual off switch. One minute he was there, animated, in the moment, and the next he went on pause. He crashed, that’s how she put it. Like a computer that freezes as it tries to sort through the multiple processes it’s been overloaded with, he didn’t move, react, or respond until order had been formed, only then did normal service resume.
Sometimes he stood like this for half a second, but she’d seen him like this for as many as five minutes at a time. Knowing better than to try and get anything out of him at this time, she pushed her weight to her hands and swung herself off the desk. Wriggling her skirt back down over her thighs, she buttoned her shirt and retrieved her useless underwear along with his tee shirt.
“Is this about the marriage thing?” he asked.
Taking a deep breath, she took her belt from the hat stand it had hooked itself onto. “That’s what you came up with?” she asked, pulling the stretchy cinch belt around her waist, and breathing in as she hooked the ends together.
“If it’s the baby thing, that’s easily fixed—”
Pinning him with her own icy stare, she shut him up. “Do you think that I would have a child in this relationship? I know how painful it is to watch you go. To wait, and wonder if you’ll come back, when you’ll come back, what state you’ll be in when you get here.”
“Are you saying you don’t want to have children?” he asked.
&n
bsp; “I’m saying I wouldn’t put a child through that torment.”
“So, you’re saying you don’t want a kid with me, is that it?”
This was going to descend into an argument, and not the fun kind. She’d have to be careful not to trigger his anger or she’d never finish saying what she had to say. “Do you think I would carry another man’s child?” she asked. “Do you think that’s what I want?”
“Right now, Toots, I have no idea.”
“Clearly,” she said, tossing his tee shirt at him as she strode past and went into the bathroom. Leaving the door open as she washed up, she gave him another chance to regroup.
“Do you want me to give it up?” he asked from a place closer to the door than he had been. If she had to guess she would say he was leaning against the wall just outside, but he didn’t invade her privacy. That was a joke, there had been no privacy between them from day one of their relationship.
Opening the drawer next to the sink, she retrieved fresh underwear and pulled them on. This wasn’t the first time that her underwear had been a casualty of their prolonged time apart. Straightening her clothes, she opened another of the long narrow drawers he had built into the vanity just for her. With a swipe of mascara, and some lip gloss, she was back to normal—almost.
“You can’t give it up, Tuck,” she called to her own reflection in the mirror. “You would never be able to give it up. You told me that in the beginning.”
“You’ve been patient,” he murmured. “We never talked about marriage and kids.”
“I knew that those were things you never wanted.” Tuck had never been typical, or had it in his life. Staying at home, stuck in one place, trapped, that would be the quickest way for them to lose their spark. “What did you think the first time you saw me?” she asked.
“I’ve told you that before.”
Yes, he had, but the sound of his voice soothed her. Hearing that she’d had an impact on the man she coveted never got old. “Tell me again,” she said, keeping her tone neutral.
“I found my reason,” he said.
The mumble in his voice wasn’t embarrassment, anything but. Tuck wasn’t one to get embarrassed, ever. The concept was foreign to him. She could picture him exactly, arms folded over his chest, shoulders hunched back against the wall, his feet far from the base-board, one ankle crossed over the other.
From the tone of his voice, she knew everything about him—his position, his mood, even his thoughts. They had nothing left to learn, they knew everything there was to know about each other’s personalities and demeanors. It hadn’t always been easy, but patience and trust paid dividends time and again.
“You were the first thing I saw when I walked in. You were it. My reason for being. Everything I had been for my entire life had been for you. It was the most illogical moment of my life. Since then, every moment with you has been a tie.”
It didn’t matter how many times she heard it. He always said it with such conviction it was like he dared her, or anyone, to challenge him. Still basking in his words, she was knocked off kilter by his next declaration. “I won’t leave you again. You’re right. It has been unfair. I’ll give up the job.”
“That’s not what you want,” she said, still speaking to herself in the mirror, his disembodied voice could have been in her head. Knowing him as she did, she could have played this argument out in her mind, playing his part as accurately as her own. What she wanted was for him to be honest about whatever had happened in his life before he came back to her.
Until now, she’d always believed he kept his dealings secret to protect her. Now she could see in him that something was wrong and yet, he wouldn’t share his pain with her. Gaining that knowledge allowed her to admit that their relationship wasn’t as real or as whole as either of them wanted it to be, because there was a huge part of their lives that they didn’t share.
The Tuck she knew was always certain. Except since he’d come back this time, he hadn’t been as assured. Kadie wanted to know what was weighing on him, wanted to be the one he leaned on in his time of need. Whatever he’d endured, he was carrying that burden alone and that made her feel like a failure.
Keeping his unknown grief a secret was a symptom of what she wanted to remedy between them. Tuck had been the only man in her life for five years, he shouldn’t be a mystery to her, not like this, not at the detriment of his own emotional well-being.
“I want you,” he said. “I would do anything you asked me to. If that’s what will make you happy…”
Again, her eyes closed. He might as well have pierced her heart with a blade. In that moment, his words hurt as much as a physical injury would. “I want you to be happy,” she said.
“My happiness shouldn’t come at the expense of yours.”
“Nor mine yours,” she said. “I want you to keep doing what you do with the same conviction you’ve always brought to the job.”
“So, that’s it. We’re over?” he said. “You expect me to turn around and walk away from you, the only thing I’ve ever known to make sense?”
Everything in his world made sense, she knew that. He worked with logic and reason on a daily basis. His bread and butter were the classifiable, predictable lines of nonsense to the rest of the population.
“No,” she said, nipping her lower lip between her teeth. “I don’t expect you to do anything. You’re not the one who has to change.” She had to change. She had to stop being the girl in port he visited when it suited him. Kadie wanted to be his whole life, not just a small part of it.
“Are you guys in here?”
They hadn’t locked the office door, being that they were rarely discreet, the others knew to listen at the door before walking in. Although the excitement buzzing in Dempsey’s tone made her wonder if he’d even paused.
“We’re in the middle of something,” Tuck answered.
“Doesn’t look like it to me,” Dempsey said. “Looks to me that you’re in here all on your lonesome. You need privacy for that, you take extra time in your morning shower.” Her lips quirked up, and she heard Tuck’s exhaled laugh. “I have something to show you.”
“Show me later, this is important.”
Leaving her reflection, she pushed the door out of the way, and found she had been right, Tuck was against the wall next to the door. “So is this,” she said.
The conversation between them continued in their eyes for a few seconds. Time wasn’t on their side right now, but they would get there. Linking her fingers between his, she leaned up and touched her mouth to his.
“We’re not finished here,” he said.
“We have to work,” she said nuzzling against his neck, tipping her lips toward his ear. “We’ll talk after the party tonight.”
“I’m not going to the party,” he said.
Stepping away she smiled and started to pull him toward the other two men loitering inside the door. “Of course you are. Gwen will expect you.”
“Gwen hates me,” he said.
“I need a date,” she said. “If you can’t make it, I’ll have to ask Howie.”
Much as it aggravated him, her smile stretched further when he huffed. “Fine, but we’re getting an early night.”
“I’d expect nothing less,” she said. Spinning, she pulled his hand to the small of her back and leaned her shoulders on his chest, as though he was her own personal leaning post. “Now, what’s all the excitement about?”
Maybe there were still things to say, and maybe things were about to get tough. But, she wouldn’t let anyone into their relationship. They had clear boundaries between them and their colleagues, their friends. No one messed with their relationship, and everything that happened between them in their alone time was private—everything.
THREE
Their conversation had been interrupted, and she’d been desperate to finish it ever since. Something about the way Tuck hadn’t stopped frowning made her edgy. Whatever was on his mind was reaching critical mass and yet, he st
ill wasn’t sharing it. The point she’d been trying to make had been lost and he’d withdrawn when he thought she wanted to finish their relationship. Now Kadie panicked that she’d planted a seed in his mind that was blooming into an idea she didn’t want him to embrace.
Gwen’s birthday party was next on their to-do list, and she almost wished that they hadn’t committed to going. After leaving the office, they’d grabbed some food and got ready. Now they were in the car, driving to Gwen’s nightclub party. Tuck hadn’t said much, so she figured it would fall to her to make conversation.
Except, before she could, something buzzed and his frown got deeper. Rooting in his pocket, he pulled out a small black earpiece, which he hooked onto his ear in rapid time.
“Swift,” he answered.
Why he would use that greeting, she didn’t know. Usually he held his conversations in secret, the ones that weren’t related to his life with her at any rate. Trying her best to stay still and quiet, Kadie hoped he’d forget she was here and might say more that could reveal some of his other life to her.
“Is it in the kitchen?” he asked.
Kitchen? His other life came with a kitchen. She would give anything to hear the other side of the conversation right now, especially when he smiled. “You want to get us both into trouble, Swallow. I can patch you into the chief’s room, but you know Rave will go crazy if he catches you in there.”
Swallow. Another name? Another bird? The chief had a room of his own and no one else had access to it. No one except Tuck. Kadie didn’t know anything about his other life, but she’d long ago concluded that his skills stretched far beyond beefing up boring corporate security.
“You’ll have to give me a couple of hours, I’m not at my terminal.” He smiled again, and a curl of jealousy heated Kadie’s belly, could it be another woman on the other end of that line? “I’m not at any terminal… No, I’m not sick or doing anything stupid, Zara, don’t panic.” So it was another woman. Kadie’s fists tightened. Whoever she was, she worried about him. “I’m going to a party… Yes, I do go to parties.” His smile faded and a grim glare took its place. “You know I’ll come back for that. But you’re trying to do too much too fast, you can’t fix this. You have to know that, right?” His attention left the road for a minute, and she got the sense he was warring with himself again. “I don’t want you to even think about Saint. We’ll deal with him when we have to. Together. You’re not alone, Zar. I’m still with you. You can call me any time. What’s priority one?”
Swift (Kindred Book 4) Page 3