Love Starts With Z

by Tera Shanley

  Kaegan knocked at the giant iron door and stood back, waiting.

  Soren stretched her neck to look down the length of the chain link fence nervously. The station was fenced in for loading, but the noise would attract the horde. They’d waited until the train trilled and pulled the bulk of the Deads’ attention before they’d sprinted from the woods like their tailbones had been lit on fire.

  “Come on,” Colten muttered, glancing behind them and hopping from one foot to another.

  Kaegan knocked again, harder this time, and the door echoed under his pounding fist.

  Two Deads wandering the line of the fence picked up their pace, altering their path until they were stumbling their way.

  “Oh, for crap’s sake,” Adrianna said, pulling a small knife from her belt. “Knock again. Soren and I have this.”

  Pulling the smaller of her swords, Soren loped behind Adrianna and rammed it through the first one’s temple while Adrianna shoved the second against the fence. The Dead on the ground looked newly turned. His skin was only in the beginning stages of sagging and transforming into the bluish hue of death. Even his clothes were mostly intact. Maybe he was trying to make it to the Crow too and was overtaken.

  Pity. He was so close.

  “Guys,” Colten said.

  Adrianna’s Dead went limp against the fence, and she turned with a glower. “I said we got this.”

  One Dead appeared out of the tree line, limping badly. A moment later, two more stumbled out of the shadows, and six more after that.

  “Ade,” she whispered, tugging her shirt.

  “What?”

  Soren pointed, and Adrianna swore under her breath. “We don’t got this,” she called. “Fall back.”

  The train whistle blasted again from behind them, and the Deads broke into a run, pouring from the woods like relentless waves lapping a shore.

  Colten took over beating on the door, and Kaegan pulled the rifle from his back, checked the load and pulled the scope up to his face. His hands were steady as he followed the movement, and when he pulled the trigger, the closest Dead dropped. Lauren pulled her pistol when they got close enough and popped off two rounds, dropping one and blasting another in the jaw.

  The sound of screeching metal was barely audible over the groans of the hungry Deads and gunfire, but Soren dared a glance back.

  A small window on the door was open.

  “Please,” Adrianna begged. “We’re here to barter. Let us in!”

  The window slammed closed.

  The Deads were coming up fast, and they were out of time. “We have to go,” Soren said, and just as the team began to back away, the door clanked and jerked open.

  She covered the others until even Kaegan had disappeared inside, then jumped through the door as it began to close. Darkness swallowed her as the heavy door slammed, and the cold metal of a gun pressed against her temple.

  Sometimes she really wished people would quit threatening to kill her.

  Down a corridor, the flickering light of a torch lit the dark, brick walls, and the sound of water dripping echoed down the halls.

  “Let me guess,” the man said. “You’re headed to the Boneyard.”

  “The what?” Adrianna asked.

  “I’ve had fifteen fighter teams at least come through here this week, bartering Crow rides for a lift down to Albuquerque to join the war. Walk.”

  The barrel of the pistol shoved Soren’s head forward, and the others followed, their footsteps bouncing off the dark brick.

  “Is the gun necessary?” Kaegan growled. “She’s not even resisting.”

  “Sorry, old chap. I heard her talking out there like a human, but she looks Dead to me. You got a problem with it, you can go back the way you came.”

  The clawing and scrabbling of Deads was loud against the other side of the door, and she swallowed hard at the image of them being thrust back outside. “It’s fine.”

  The hallway stretched forever, and eventually they came to a halt at a dingy yellow door. The man behind her leaned forward and knocked. He was a tall man, but slight, like he’d never had a decent meal in his life. He smelled like the sweet smell that preceded rot, and the torchlight cast shadows against his hairless dome. He looked to be in his sixties, but when she looked closer to the smooth skin of his face, he was likely no older than thirty-five.

  “You’re sick,” she said.

  The man sneered, his teeth perfectly straight and white. “Not as sick as you. Larry,” he called. “We got more riders.”

  The door opened, and a squat man with a frown and serious paunch glared at them. “I hope you came prepared,” he griped. “Because if you don’t have something worth my time, I’ll feed you to the Deads myself.”

  “Let’s get crackin’ then,” Adrianna said blandly, shoving her way through the door.

  Larry’s smile matched the door color and was nothing shy of wicked, and suddenly, worry torpedoed through Soren’s chest. Adrianna was brash and loud, but someday it would get her into trouble, and that man’s greedy gaze on her as she walked past said today could be that day.

  Soren opened her mouth to protest her going alone, but Larry slammed the door, and the man with the gun pushed her against the opposite wall. He slunk down into a creaking wooden chair beside the doorframe and waved the gun at them nonchalantly. “So, where you from,” he asked in a sing-songy voice.

  “No,” Kaegan gritted out, cutting off the small talk. Apparently, they weren’t playing story swap with Crazy Eyes today.

  Colten stared at the door with a look she could only describe as worried fury. A new expression she’d never seen on his face before. Huh.

  Minutes dragged on, and her concern deepened until even the torchlight seemed to dim with her dread. What was taking so long? Cracking her knuckles, she paced to try to rid herself of the nerves.

  At last, the door opened, and Adrianna slunk out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. An ashamed blush tinged her cheeks, and she looked down at Colten’s feet.

  Colten’s breath shook. “Are you serious, Adrianna?”

  Ade snorted, a grin cracking her face right open, and she said, “No, but you should see your faces right now. I had vaccines to bargain with. One for each of us. I even had one for Mark and Ben if they’d made it that I threw in for goodwill. Larry said he’ll get us food for the trip. I’m kind of offended you guys bought it. My BJs would be worth way more than some stupid train tickets.”

  Crazy Eyes snickered from his seat against the wall, and Soren made a conscious effort to close her gaping yap.

  Colten grabbed her arm, yanked her against his chest, and kissed her, hard. “That wasn’t funny,” he murmured harshly as he pulled away.

  Kaegan shot Soren a wide-eyed look, but she was swimming in the sea of confusion right along with him. Adrianna’s eyes had taken on a drunken quality, and Colten stepped around her, striding off in the direction Crazy Eyes pointed with his pistol.

  Vaccines. Adrianna had bartered with the one thing Soren hadn’t thought to offer. Of course they were worth more than she could even imagine on the black market.

  In a perfect world, everyone would be vaccinated and immune and live happily ever after. That wasn’t how life worked, though. Not anymore. Instead, the vaccines had been shipped to the big colonies, while the humans living on the fringe were out of luck. Probably only half of the human population was lucky enough to get their hands on a vaccine.

  Kaegan had no excuse not to be vaccinated. Mark either. They’d lived where they were readily available, but Bossman’s tiny colony likely had no access to the shots unless they bartered them on an underground market.

  “Quit staring at me like that,” Adrianna snapped. “You look like I just saved your puppy.”

  “I’m just impressed,” Soren admitted.

  “Well, don’t be. It’s the way of the world. I shouldn’t get a pat on the back for common sense.”

  “You like him,” she whispered.

 
; Adrianna hadn’t taken her eyes from Colten’s retreating back. “Worry about your own boy problems,” she muttered.

  Kaegan shouldered his pack and shot her a long glance over his shoulder before he disappeared in the shadows between torches.

  One look. One reminder of what she’d lost, and the pain was back, aching deeper and deeper until she bit her lip against crying out. The Dead fight had been a beautiful distraction, but nothing more.

  She was broken.

  Maybe she’d always be broken.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  THREE DAYS BY TRAIN and they would be within walking distance of the Boneyard. Until now, the actual battle had seemed far away, but as the train engines roared to life, it all became real. Nervous, Soren fidgeted as the train lurched forward by inches.

  Wooden boxes had been thrown in as make shift chairs, and someone had thoughtfully tossed a wad of musty blankets into the corner. Adrianna stared out of the holes in the train car and clutched the bag of food she’d been given on the loading dock.

  The car had probably been used to transport livestock, because it bore large air holes every few inches, giving an easy view of the world outside.

  Dock workers, drenched with perspiration and donning filthy white tank tops hurried to load the car behind them with heavy looking boxes reading Explosives. Comforting.

  Layers of mold and moss draped from the cement loading area, and the smell of Deads and human sweat was pungent against the sensitive lining of her nose. Swaying in the breeze was a site safety sign that read 0 Days Accident Free. What on earth would possess a man to work such a job?

  Her gaze drifted to Kaegan as he sat talking quietly to Colten and Lauren on the other side of the car. He could’ve ended up here so easily when he’d lost his mom.

  “Keep your fingers inside the Gory-Anna if you want to keep them,” a loading hand advised and gave a shrill whistle. “All loaded up,” he yelled.

  The phrase was echoed and repeated down the line and in a few minutes’ time, the train lurched forward again. Slowly, they passed one fence, then another, and by the final gate, the groans of the Dead were so loud, it was impossible to hear anything else. The wheels had been modified, and the tracks were covered in the carnage of monsters too dumb and slow to get out of the way. The smell was awful, and one by one, the team placed cloths from their packs over their noses. Lauren looked like she was going to throw up, and Colten handed her a rusted bucket that had been littering the floor. More proof he did have a heart.

  The car rocked as Deads threw themselves at the sides. Clawed, bleeding fingers reached into the holes, and Soren moved to the center of the car with the others. The metal screeched under the weight of the desperate creatures, and Soren crossed her arms over her chest to ward away the cold that seemed to seep from the corpses’ bodies.

  A large hand, warm and comforting, squeezed her shoulder. “It’ll be okay,” Kaegan said.

  His eyes tightened as if he’d noticed his mistake. They had no future. How could anything be okay again?

  His fingers slipped from her collarbone, and he stared at the clawing undead.

  Why hadn’t these migrated like most of the others? Perhaps some of them didn’t have the instinct, but more likely, they were kept in place by the whistle of the train and the smell of humans just beyond the fences. Like the Deads who’d stayed frozen in time, slaves to the movement of the windmill, these weren’t ever going to leave. They’d spend their entire miserable lives chasing sustenance they’d never taste.

  How could she not feel bad for the mindless creatures, stripped of their souls and given only the basest purpose to drive them?

  Maybe they had the right of it. The Deads probably had it good and didn’t deserve her pity. No emotion, no heartache, no insecurity—just survival.

  “Come here, you,” Adrianna said, pulling Soren into her side. Adrianna made a single clicking sound behind her teeth and rested her head against Soren’s.

  Together they watched the horde thin and the horrifying faces disappear to reveal trees and mountain paths that had been cleared long ago to make room for the tracks. Standing, she clutched the wall, unable to take her eyes from the mesmerizing sight. Cliffs and crags, streams and valleys passed just outside the car. She’d never traveled at this speed before, so fast. Or if she had, she didn’t remember it.

  “Can we talk?” Kaegan asked from right beside her.

  “I suppose we should.”

  He gripped two holes above him and leaned against the wall, watched the passing forest. “I should’ve told you my reasons for not taking the vaccine. I kept a big part of myself from you, and it was wrong.”

  Leaning her cheek against the cool metal she shrugged. “What does it matter now? What’s done is done.”

  “Don’t do that, Soren. Don’t act like everything is over—because I’m still standing right in front of you. I’m still your teammate. I still care about you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  Her throat constricted until it was hard to breathe. “Why are you doing this,” she whispered. “Can’t you see this is already impossible? I won’t ask you to give up the family you’ve always wanted, Kaegan. Will you ask me to change for you?”

  His mouth twitched, and he looked away. “I don’t think we should make a decision this big this early on.”

  “Answer the question. Would you ask me to change for you?”

  “Yes! Yes, okay? I want you. I want the family. I want it all, Soren, more now than ever, and it’s because of you. You don’t want a kid right now, but that doesn’t mean it’ll always be that way.”

  “Yes it does. I’ve made up my mind on it. I won’t bring another hybrid child into the world.”

  “Can’t you see?” he said, voice trembling. He tangled his fist into her hair and pulled her closer. “Can’t you? I’d love the child if he was hybrid or not, just like I love his mother.” He rested his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. “Please, Soren. At least think about it before you throw me away.”

  Gripping his arm and untangling it from her hair, she kissed his knuckles as a warm tear slid down her cheek. “I’m not throwing you away, Kaegan. I’m setting you free.”

  “Please don’t do this,” he said thickly.

  “If you care for me, you’ll be my friend, my teammate, and nothing more. It hurts to talk like this, and it doesn’t change anything.”

  “Friends.” The word sounded like a curse on his lips.

  Eyes riveted on his shaking, clenched fists, she nodded.

  He rocked back on his heels like she’d dealt him a blow and sat heavily on an upended crate. “Jesus,” he whispered. His throat moved as he swallowed, and he ran his hands through his hair. “Okay.” The word was choked, like it made him sick to say it. “We’ll do it your way.”

  The click of the clasp on Soren’s worn satchel barely sounded over the noise of the tracks passing beneath them. The others slept on the blankets in the corner, but sleep had abandoned her the moment her soul had separated from Kaegan’s. She pulled the sketch pad from her bag, turned her back on the snoozing team, and flipped to the third page. A rough sketch of a Dead man staring at the trunk of a sycamore tree. Each stroke was hurried in the picture, but she’d taken the time to draw the exact details of the watch that had frozen at three twenty-two on his wrist.

  Page six showed a close up of a Dead child’s face, the innocence washed away by the blood on her chin and lips. The pages shuffled, a comforting sound that brought back memories of hours spent outside of Dead Run River gates on good weather days. Splaying her hand against the spine, the journal fell open to the drawing of the red headed Dead, alone in the woods. This one was the last of her Dead series. From here, the pages were inked with the subtle curve of Kaegan’s lips when he smiled, the cock of his eyebrow when something didn’t settle with him. The way he looked covered in the blood of battle, the way she’d first seen him. The shadow of his stubble. His eyes. There were pages and pages where she’d practiced
capturing the hungry look he saved for only her. The last was a scenic view of the cabin pond, the moonlight bright over the still water.

  “Those are really good,” Colten murmured behind her.

  So lost in the memories scribbled on these pages, she’d missed his approach.

  “Can’t sleep?” he asked.

  “No.” She’d probably never sleep again.

  Leaning back until her spine pressed into the unforgiving floor of the train car, she didn’t even resist when he plucked the notepad from her hands. The moon was almost full and sat low in the sky, and it thrust its light through the holes in the walls, speckling the car with a mirror ball effect.

  The pages turned slowly above her as Colten squatted to his haunches, studying the work she’d always worried about someone seeing.

  What did it matter now? What did anything matter?

  “You really love him, don’t you?” he breathed.

  She crossed her fingers over her stomach and inhaled deeply. His boots shuffled near her head as he turned and lay down beside her.

  “What are we going to do with you?” he muttered, crossing his hands like her and staring at the spotted train car canopy.

  “I assume stabbing me is off the table?”

  He snorted. “Been there, done that.” The sound of his breathing was the only noise for a long time. The silence wasn’t uneasy like it had so often been with him. “We’re going into a war we know nothing about, for a cause that is more instinct than logic, and to top it off, you and I have fallen for people we can’t have. Won’t have.”

  “Adrianna?” she asked.

  He nodded and stared grimly on.

  “Our timing isn’t awesome,” she said with a sad smile.

  “Depends on how you look at it. We probably won’t survive this, you know? It wasn’t fair of us to get attached to someone so close to the end.”

  The train blasted a whistle and pulled as it slowed down. Propped up on his elbows, Colten frowned at the scene outside. Deads clawed lazily at a tall fence with barbed wire looping the top. The people inside didn’t attempt to be quiet. It was some kind of market, complete with trash can fires and food smells.