“I am on time. I had mentioned three, hadn't I?” I replied.
“Oh yes, but when you are waiting for something important, every minute seems an hour. I am so glad you came.”
I knew only too well, having waited the same way for Vaibhav's phone calls. But I said nothing and smiled.
An elderly looking gentleman emerged from another room, which I presumed was the kitchen. He was tall, with a mop of gray hair, looked distinguished and wore a white Kurta and a dhoti.
“Appacha, this is Ankita, my friend from college,” said Abhi, introducing me.
“And Ankita, this is my darling grandfather,” he said.
I immediately stood up, out of respect. Years of schooling in a system which drilled Indian values in you, like respect for the elderly, was hard to do away with.
“Hello Sir,” I said automatically.
“Hello young lady! And there is no need to stand! Do have a seat.” he greeted me, his eyes twinkling. He sounded warm and friendly. I could sense the camaraderie between Abhi and his grandpa almost instantly.
“A re you in the same college?” he asked
“Oh no, I am from St. Agnes.”
“Oh, so you're now hobnobbing with the enemy, eh Abhi?” he joked.
“Enemies only at cultural festivals. Friends beyond those,” Abhi smiled.
“Anyway, Mahaveers can never beat St. Agnes. That is for sure,” I boasted emboldened by his grandfather's friendliness.
“Ha ha ha. Oh yes, I have to agree with you there. Agnes girls are very smart indeed,” said Abhi's grandpa.
“We will wait and see. Youth fest is not yet over,” said Abhi, pretending to be offended, but I could see that he was feeling very pleased that his grandfather seemed to approve of me.
“I want to watch the cricket match. Why don't you both go upstairs?” said his grandfather as he switched on the television.
Abhi looked at me questioningly to ask if that was okay. I shrugged.
“Okay, let us go upstairs,” I said and followed Abhi as he led the way up.
Following him to his room is really not a good idea, my inner voice was beginning to tell me. But like before, I shut it up, acted nonchalant and followed him. I realised I was leaving a ‘safe zone’. The bedroom was positively dangerous territory. My inner voice was grumbling and shaking a disapproving finger at me now. But I was on a high. I was doing something that I had never done before. I was also curious to see what his room looked like. Besides, I had already agreed to come to his home and it was his grandfather who had suggested we go to his room, not him or me. How could I back out now?
“Wow!” I said as I entered. I couldn't help it. The room looked like it had been plucked right out of the pages of an interior design magazine and planted there. It was quintessentially male. There was a single bed, neatly made, with a masculine geometric striped, blue duvet, soft fluffy pillows with matching striped pillow cases and a chest of drawers beside it. There was a bookshelf on the wall with books neatly arranged. The chest of drawers had a framed photo of a very beautiful lady. There was a large comfortable leather arm chair which faced the bed at a forty five degree angle. There was a cosy rug and a reading lamp beside the bed. There was a basketball and a football in a little open wooden box in the corner. There was also a guitar neatly propped up against the wall. The windows had bamboo blinds. The moment you entered the room, a feeling of warmth enveloped you and you had to fight the urge to curl up on the cosy arm chair with a book.
“Your room is so neat!” I exclaimed.
“I like some kind of order and I try to keep it neat,” he said. He looked pleased.
“Me too! My room is also very tidy and I would love it if you could see it.” I said, feeling a bit surprised at myself. Why was I angling for his approval?
“Show me! I'd love to see it,” he grabbed the hint.
“No way! My parents would never agree to a guy coming home.”
“Oh Ankita! You can be such a kid! Your parents don't have to know about everything!” he winked.
I felt a blush creeping up my face and tried my best to hide it. “What are you suggesting Abhi?” I asked, looking at him straight in the eye.
“ To see your room of course!” He answered without missing a beat, looking right back, into my eyes without wavering. “Why? What did you have in mind?” His eyes twinkled.
I couldn't believe it. His voice had a very suggestive tone now. And to my horror, I found I liked it. I looked away, trying to hide my confusion.
“My room of course, I don't know what you had in mind though.” I answered smiling, as soon as I recovered from my confusion.
I sat in the arm chair and leaned back, drawing my feet under me, tucking them in and settling down comfortably.
“So tell me, won't you ever even consider showing me your room?” he asked as he perched on the bed and placed a pillow in his lap, leaning forward and resting his arms on the pillow.
“Let me think about it,” I smiled, enjoying this now. Abhi had dazzled me completely with his charm and audacity. I seemed to have forgotten about Vaibhav. My inner voice squeaked again trying to remind me to tell him about Vaibhav. But somehow at that moment, Vaibhav and everything to do with him seemed so far away. I was having such a good time that I didn't want anything to spoil it.
“A ren't you scared? Coming to a single guy's room like this?” He asked. He was teasing me now.
“Of course not. I spent almost half the night with you, on your bike, remember? Or have you forgotten already? ” I retorted.
“Ha Ha Ha,” he guffawed. “That I agree Ankita and thank you for trusting me. I did mean what I wrote in the letter you know. ”
“I must tell you that the blood bit freaked me out completely. Did you actually cut your hand? Which finger?” I asked curiously.
“See,” he said as he held up his hand. There was a cut on the ring finger. Then he clutched it with his middle finger and thumb, like a pen and demonstrated in the air. “It is the first time I am doing something so desperate, Ankita. I wanted you to believe me so badly. I don't go around expressing my love to every girl I meet. I wanted you to see how sincere I was and how desperate. Gosh, you have no idea how much I love you.” His eyes were shining with hope, love and sincerity. It was hard not to be swept away by him.
Looking at his face and listening to his words, I wanted to take his hand in mine and kiss his finger. I wanted to tell him that he was a great guy and I really enjoyed his company. I wanted to say that I felt honoured that he was doing all this for me. But no words came and I sat still, like a statue, not knowing what to say.
He mistook my silence for disapproval. “Look Ankita, I am really sorry to be so open. I swear I have wished a hundred times I could stop this madness of mine. But I am helpless.” He gestured waving his hands in the air. “God, morning, evening and night, day in and day out all I can think about is you. Do you even realise the significance of what I am saying?”
I could not keep quiet any longer. I got up and sat next to him on the bed. “Oh Abhi, I do.” I said. “I am not blind. I can see. But all this is so sudden for me. I think you're a great guy. I do enjoy your company. But...”
“Say no more,” he interrupted me. “There are no buts and no ifs in life. Life is what you make it, Ankita. I am willing to wait for you forever. That is how much I care.”
“Thanks Abhi.”
“For what?”
“For understanding. Now end of topic. Do you want to talk about anything else?”
There was a knock on the door before he could answer. It was a lady who seemed to be the maid holding a tray with two steaming mugs of tea, some fried onion bhajis and ginger biscuits.”
“Thank you Thresi chechi,” he said as she kept the tray on the chest of drawers, giggled and left the room. I suddenly realised that she must have giggled because Abhi and I were now sitting on the bed, side by side, our shoulders almost touching each other.
“She must have thought
we were doing something else,” Abhi smiled, the mischief coming back to his voice again.
“As though we will do anything with the door open.”
“Let me shut it then,” he teased.
“Not so soon,” I replied smiling.
“By the way Abhi, where are your parents? Do they both work?”
“My mum is no more. That's her picture you see over there,” he said pointing to the lady's photo that I had earlier seen on the chest of drawers. There is so much more I want to tell you,” he said. “No actually I want to show you.”
“Do say. I am all ears,” I said propping a pillow against the wall and leaning back on his bed. It felt so intimate to be sitting with him, like this, on his bed.
He turned around so that his back was towards me and lifted up his T-shirt. I was stupefied. It was a profusion of angry welts and bruises, some red and some fading ones, criss-crossing each other all over his back.
“God, what is it?” I said as he lowered his T-shirt and turned towards me, settling next to me, leaning against the wall. His shoulder was definitely touching mine now but I made no efforts to move away.
“That is my father.” He said simply. “I hate him. I would kill him if I could.”
The vehemence and determination in his voice shocked me. His openness in showing it to me also took me by complete surprise. I was feeling a plethora of emotions that I had no name to. I wanted to know more.
“He uses a belt, the bastard, pardon my language.” He said simply.
“But why? What have you done to merit this?”
“It's a long story, but let me try and make it short.”
“No, tell me the whole thing. I want to know. ”
“He does not live here. He lives in Pretoria, South Africa. He works for a missionary organisation trying to promote God's cause” he said. The derision and scorn in his voice was obvious. “And what I showed you was his reward this time to me, for my refusal to toe his line. He visits me from time to time. He wants me to join him in his mission. I hate it when he comes here. ”
“Doesn't your grandpa stop him?”
“This is my mother's dad. So he has no say in the matter. My father does not even know who his parents are. He was raised by these missionaries. He will lay down his life for them and he just cannot accept the fact that I have a different view point. ”
“And how did your viewpoint become so different?” I asked a wave of curiosity and affection flooding through me. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know all about this guy who was so madly in love with me.
“My mum was a Hindu. That is why it means such a lot to him if I join him. It is a kind of redemption for his having married her.”
I did not know what to say. I felt like hugging him and telling him that it would all work out in the end. But who knew what the future held and the assurance sounded hollow to me.
I took his hand in mine, the one that had the cut and held it. It seemed the right thing to do at that point of time. He squeezed my hand as if he was getting some strength to go on.
We sat quietly for a long time hands entwined, shoulder to shoulder. There was so much going on inside my head. I felt strangely connected to Abhi. He made no attempt to move or to remove his hand. Finally, when it began getting dark, I said that I must go home otherwise my parents might get worried.
Something in me changed that day, with the visit. I wasn't sure what it was. There were no words to describe it. I wanted to tell it all to Suvi.
But not right away. I needed time to clear my own thoughts which were still whirling inside my head, as I fell asleep that night. It was the first time in ages that someone other than Vaibhav had dominated my thoughts.
6
The needle swings
Suvi could not wait to hear all about my visit to Abhi's place. She dragged me off to a secluded spot in the building that housed the college auditorium.
“You little minx. You slept with him. You lost your virginity! Didn't you? ” she shrieked.
“Of course not! We only held hands,” my indignant words were out even before I realised it.
“Ah ha! AH HA! Miss Ankita Sharma . If anybody can get you to open up and trap you to admit facts it is only me!” She looked as though she had won a prize at a fair where you try your chances in a game of luck.
I asked her to shut up and narrated in detail every single thing that had happened, ever since I went to his home.
She let out a whistle when I completed. Then she said “You should have at least kissed him.”
“You and your dumb ideas! You're a trollop and that is all you can think of.”
I was annoyed with her for not offering a salve to my guilt. She was only looking at it as an opportunity to get physical with a guy. A perfect opportunity that had been handed to me on a platter, which in her books, I had missed. I walked off angrily and she trailed behind me.
“Hey, relax. I was only teasing you,” she said. “But look at you. You're behaving as though you actually slept with him.”
“Look, I am beginning to like him a lot more than I intended to. I have no idea what to do. And what do I tell Vaibhav?” I asked.
“How do you know your sweet Vaibhav hasn't met someone there? You think he is telling you everything? For God's sake Ankita, it is not as though you are married to Vaibhav. Things happen. People change. Before I met Ravi, I liked Suresh. And all this virginity business is really no big deal. You do it and it's done.”
I knew she had a sex life but this was the first time she was talking about it.
“Weren't you scared the first time? “ I asked her. I wished I could be as nonchalant as her. I wished things didn't bother me so much.
“Well, not exactly scared, because I knew what I was doing. I was more worried about whether he had put on the condom right. And I was more worried about getting pregnant.”
“And how did you know that Suresh was the one?” I asked.
“My sweet, Anks, which century are you living in? Don't tell me you are saving your virginity to gift it on a platter to the guy you will marry,” she said.
I was.
So I said nothing. I think she understood.
“Look,” she said, “I had decided to do it and I did it. That was all. It did not matter with whom. But things didn't work out with Suresh. Then Ravi came along. And even now it is not as if Ravi and I are a couple. I do understand what you're feeling, babe, trust me I have been there. I know. ”
I felt a lot better after her assurance. I was a little in awe of her too. I had miles to go in that department. Here I was, feeling guilty for having spent time alone with a guy. It wasn't as if we had kissed or even got physical. But somehow I knew at that moment, that a barrier between him and me had been broken and I would go further the next time. I wasn't comfortable thinking about it, so I dealt with it in the manner I knew best. I pushed it aside.
As months passed, I discovered that being an office bearer meant a mad whirl wind of selections, competitions, trials, organising transport and the best part of it all—bringing home the laurels. For most of the cultural festivals, we either came second in the overall championship or were winners.
For each of these cultural festivals, the team from Mahaveer's would invariably be present. That meant that Abhi was there and my interaction with him grew more and more. It became almost a ritual that after each cultural festival he would ask me if he could drop me back home, after a cup of coffee. I looked forward to it. I enjoyed his company and over numerous cups of coffees and bike rides home, we were forging a bond that was becoming stronger as the weeks passed.
I did not breathe a word of any of this to Vaibhav. But deep down, I knew I wasn't waiting for his calls or letters anymore with the same eagerness that I used to.
These days I was only looking forward to opportunities that would give me a chance to be with Abhi for longer periods of time. The needle had swung in Abhi's favour and there was no question of turning back.
7
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br /> Destiny changes in moments
It was during the mother of all cultural festivals, the Mahatma Gandhi University Youth Festival, that Abhi and I first kissed. The Earth didn't move, the skies didn't open, I didn't feel the exhilaration I was supposed to feel, as described in books and shown in movies, but the cops came. The feeling of terror that swept over me when we heard the noise and saw the hurried footsteps and cops spilling out of jeeps like marbles tumbling out of an open bag, would remain with me for years to come, whenever I set my eyes on a person in a uniform.
The sequence of events that led to this, started innocently enough. At least it was innocent on my part and Abhi's but I am not so sure about the others who were involved.
It was an event spread over four days and we were all staying at a hostel in the college that was hosting it that year. The students who took part were of varied age groups ranging from 16-24. For many students, it was the first time they were staying away from home.
The freedom and the fun that this opportunity gave them, a high and sometimes, as office bearers, we had to be strict with the girls.
Only the office bearers in our college had permission to stay out as late as they pleased, as there were a million things to co-ordinate for next day. Anyone else who wanted to stay out late had to get an okay from them. Three days of events were already over. It was clear that Agnes was in the lead for the over-all championship and a talented girl called Suja from our college, had already emerged as the Individual champion, as she had won the first prize in four events—two dances and two singing events. It was a well known fact that the girl who won it would be invariably be offered a role in a Malayalam movie. We were waiting to see if Suja would take it up or pass it on. We were all proud of her. She was our star, our prized possession, the darling of the nuns who taught at the college.
Suja came to me, asking if she could stay out a bit longer that night as a guy from Mahaveers who was her boyfriend had asked her out. I had no idea how to answer her. I passed the buck and asked her to talk to Sanjana.
Life Is What You Make It A Story Of Love, Hope And How Determination Can Overcome Even Destiny Page 5