Somewhere deep in my chest it started, and it bubbled up until it surfaced. I sobbed.
Sagging back against the wall, my hand that held the knife fell limply to my side. I grit my teeth together and covered my face until my weakness faded. Then I looked back into Hawk's eyes, seeing that he still hadn't moved.
"You're like Reed." he said, his voice devoid of emotion. "I didn't catch it before, the lighting was so bad, but I can see it now."
He knew. He knew what I was. Was that sympathy I saw in his eyes?
"You bit Russell." His voice was still even, but it still felt like an accusation to me.
"I didn't know." I sobbed once more, struggling to hold myself together. I wiped the tears from my eyes, refusing to let myself break down in front of him.
"Russell's been missing since he shot you. We figured he was off on a bender on one of the upper floors." Hawk replied. As if on cue, the thump came from the bathroom again. He glanced in that direction before turning back to me. "He's not up there though, is he?"
I shook my head.
"Did he hurt you when he came for you?" He asked. That was sympathy, I was sure of it! I couldn't make sense of this. Why would he give me sympathy?
"No." I cringed as I replied, not wanting to think about it. Then another thought struck me, causing more worry. "Joss doesn't know."
"And he's like you too?" Hawk asked, and I nodded in answer. "Is this genetic?"
"We're not..." I started but trailed off. Hawk nodded, already understanding what I had tried to say.
"I didn't see much resemblance, anyway." He heaved a sigh and was lost in thought for a few seconds. He pointed at my shoulder. "How's the wound?"
"Healing."
"Not many know about Reed." He said, the intent look back in his eyes as he focused on me. "I knew because I've been with him a long time. He wasn't always like this. The man I met would never have let this place sink to the hell it's become. I wasn't sure if it was the loss of his wife that changed his temperament, or the... change." His fingers indicated his eyes.
"Immunity." I offered, and he nodded. Another answer flashed in my mind, but I didn't say it out loud. Diseased.
"How long have you been like this?"
"Three years." I answered. "I met a man in Dallas who's been there the whole five years. He was sane."
"Well that's good to know, I guess." Hawk said, somehow able to muster a small smile for me. "Reed has a few very strong followers. A few less now, thanks to you."
He paced the room, scratching his head as he thought through things. I glanced down at the knife I still held in my hand, but all intentions of attack had fled. Instead, I waited for Hawk to take away my only weapon, but he never did.
I had no choice but to stand there and watch him, wondering what he was going to do. I didn't think he would kill me, but he couldn't plan on keeping Russell a secret, could he? I figured as soon as he found out, he would sound the alarm, but he hadn't. Could he possibly be trustworthy?
Finally, he turned to me. "Keep Russell in there. I have to get back to my post, but I'll figure something out. I'll make sure no one else comes in here as long as I'm guarding."
And with that he grabbed the lantern and left, leaving me in a jumble of thoughts and worry, and – dare I even think it? – hope.
~ ~ ~ ~
The cold food remained ignored, but I drank half the glass of water and decided to use the rest to clean myself up as best I could. I found myself hoping that Hawk could figure out something soon. However, being dependent on this man I barely knew rubbed me the wrong way. He did leave me with my weapon, though.
After digging around in the dresser drawers for a bit, I finally found a shirt that seemed somewhat clean. It was a billowy, light blue, tunic shirt that I absolutely hated, but it was much better than my torn and blood-stained tank top.
I ripped my old shirt into rags and used them to wash the blood from my wound. It looked to be healing nicely, and I figured I could pull the stitches free in a day or two.
Slipping into my new found shirt, I began to feel a little better. Grabbing the stuffed kitten, I retreated to my pallet, a dark little corner under the window that the light still didn't touch. I needed time to think and mull over everything that Hawk had revealed to me.
Even as I sat there trying to sort through my thoughts, the little toy kitten stared back at me with her golden eyes and she pulled memories to the surface that I wanted to save for better days. I pet her between the ears with my thumb, smoothing down the velvet cloth that was her fur and remembered how ridiculous I thought it was when Seth had given her to me.
My mind was back in Carlsbad, where we had spent a few weeks camped out in a small strip mall. Travel had gone so much slower with Joss and Seth, but their company was worth it. I was already attached to Joss by then and even enjoyed Seth's company, but I wasn’t willing to admit it.
By our best estimate, it was around February and, one morning, Seth announced it was Valentine's Day. At first, I tried to ignore his ridiculous proclamation, but between the both of them, especially Joss, they wore me down. The playful mood was infectious.
Seth had Joss decorating our little shop with as many red, pink, and white hearts as he could make, courtesy of some construction paper we'd pillaged from an office supply shop just a few doors down. I gave in and found myself decorating with my own little touches. I had always hated Valentine's Day, but this was different. They were able to make it feel special.
Joss was the first to present me with a gift. It was just a simple little drawing of some stick figures exchanging hearts, but I thought it was wonderful. We pinned it on the wall together, amidst the rest of our decorations.
Then Seth tugged on my sleeve. Turning to him, I found him in a sheepish pose, his hands hidden behind his back, one foot kicking the ground in mock nervousness. A portrait of awkward, schoolboy shyness.
Except his blue eyes sparkled with laughter, not able to fully transition to the shy act he was trying to portray. That was when he handed me the kitten and asked if I would be his Valentine.
I punched him in the arm.
Joss erupted into fits of laughter, but I still took the kitten, shoving it into one of my packs. Seth's sheepish grin was replaced by his lop-sided smirk that better matched his mischievous personality. That grin annoyed me, but I never realized how much I was going to miss it.
Seth continued his flirtatious games, and I put up with them. Mostly, it seemed to be a show for Joss and a way to lighten the mood for us all, so I let it slide. Even when he had given me the kitten, it was all a part of his game, and I had refused to let myself fall for it. It wasn't the actual gift-giving memory that I cherished. It was what happened later that night.
Joss had fallen asleep early, and I was much too restless to even think about sleeping. Instead, I paced through the front of the shop until Seth joined me. Mostly, I avoided spending time alone with Seth to dodge any uncomfortable situations, but he never seemed to share those reservations. He was always willing to chat about anything.
As I paced, he took a seat in front of the window. We actually had a great view of the stars, even from inside. It wouldn't be the first time Seth stayed up late to watch the night sky, but I had never joined him. That night had been different.
As I pulled up a chair, I caught the strain of sadness in his eyes when he looked up at me. The normal charming boy I knew was replaced by a man who was weighed down with responsibility and grief. Briefly, I wondered if I had made a mistake, barging in on his alone time, but then he waved an invitation to pull my chair up next to his.
"I knew you couldn't resist forever." He flashed his lop-sided grin.
"Just drop it." I grumbled as I sat down, eliciting a small chuckle from him. His heart wasn't truly in it, and I felt his mood drop again almost immediately. After a few moments of silence and me fumbling for the right words, I finally blurted out, "I had fun today."
I bit my lip to stifle the groan that wante
d to escape, but Seth just nodded as he stared out the window. I realized he hardly noticed me at the moment.
"I never much cared for V-day. It always seemed so overrated." He started, and I agreed silently. It had always seemed like such a waste. He continued, "Now I wish I'd paid more attention though."
"Why?" I asked, knowing full well that all of us still alive wished we paid more attention to everything.
"My mother and father." He said softly. "Dad never did let a Valentine's Day go by without getting Mom flowers and some kind of stuffed animal. It was always something red, or white, or pink. She kept them all. There was a huge collection of them in the bedroom. Twenty three of them.
"I had always thought that there would be enough time for me to find someone, and I was going to do the same thing for her." He finished in a sad whisper.
I swallowed, wishing now I hadn't stuffed the kitten in my pack so roughly. I felt the need to apologize. "Sorry you got me instead."
Again, his laugh was still tinged with sadness. "I can make due."
I pulled back to punch him playfully and he flinched away, still laughing. I relented, sighing deeply as I set back in my chair again. "My parents were divorced, and even before the divorce they never much cared about any holiday. No one ever bought me flowers or chocolates."
Seth's voice was again light and playful as he leaned closer to me to whisper. "Sorry you got me instead."
I immediately pushed him away, and Seth chuckled softly. As the silence grew, I stood up out of nervousness, standing at the window to peer into the darkness. I was uncomfortable sitting so close to him.
"When the world was still full of people, I never thought I'd be so lucky as to find someone like you." He whispered, still sitting behind me. All of a sudden my mouth went dry.
"I bet you say that to all the girls." I fumbled. I was trying to tell myself that this was still a part of his game, part of his constant, hollow flirtations, but it was like the ground was crumbling beneath me.
It was one thing to blow him off during the daylight when he was performing in front of Joss for a laugh, but, alone with him in the dark, I was on dangerous ground. The laughter in his voice was replaced by something that sounded genuine. I wasn't prepared to handle this new situation.
He stood and stepped up behind me, his hand gently pulling my arm to turn me toward him. I jumped a little as his fingers made contact with my bare skin, but I let him move me. A small part of me wanted to run, but I remained frozen in place. Even in the dim light, his blue eyes sparkled.
"Ali," He reached down, taking both my hands in his. His fingers gently caressed mine, softly sliding against my skin to the point it almost tickled. He finally grasped them firmly and pulled me closer to him.
His voice was still a whisper when he spoke. "I never had anyone before. Would this be so bad?"
My head was tilted back so I could look up at him. I was short by anyone's standards, and he was tall. He leaned his head down to press his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. I considered this new intimacy and found I welcomed it.
After taking a deep settling breath, I opened my eyes to find he was still staring down at me, intently. I answered him. "It wouldn't be so bad."
The little space that had remained between us was gone. I should have known it was coming, but he still caught me off guard. His kiss was warm and had a sweetness to it that I never expected.
I slid my arms around him as the kiss lingered on. I had never had a real boyfriend before, and this embrace dwarfed all the memories I had of the fumbling high school boys I had dated. I knew I wanted more, but I was overwhelmed already. I pulled away to catch my breath, and looked up to see him smiling down at me warmly.
"I knew it couldn't be that bad," His lips curved into his smirk as he spoke, and I felt a security with him that I hadn't felt for a long time. I leaned on him, laying my head against his chest and let the minutes slip by.
It was Joss's cry that pulled us away. Woken by a nightmare, his panic at waking and not finding either of us with him had ended the moment. I remember being somewhat grateful for the interruption, thinking that I would have time to process everything that had just happened. There would be plenty of time for us to explore the new development in our relationship.
But I had been wrong in thinking that. As I laid curled on top of my dark little pallet, I clutched a musty old pillow to my chest. Horror gripped me as I thought of what would have happened if Seth and I had continued down the path we had started on. I would have doomed him, because I was a monster.
My mind was mired deep in those memories of Seth's kiss and his embrace when Hawk finally came to take my tray away. He offered a smile I couldn't reciprocate, and he kept the conversation to a minimum. He probably didn't want to disturb Russell. I didn't blame him.
~ ~ ~ ~
Time passed slowly. One day slipped by. Then two.
Hawk kept true to his promise and no one else entered my room, not even Mona. He brought all my meals and, occasional, some news. Joss was doing well 'upstairs,' but he didn't elaborate much on his whereabouts. It was almost like Hawk knew I'd bolt if I had too much information.
He was right.
Our conversations were whispers, but even those seemed to agitate Russell. Every time Hawk was in the room, the thumping started up again. His visits became shorter and shorter. We were both afraid of what would happen if Russell frenzied.
It was all a stomach-wrenching blur, and I read to keep my mind on something else. I finished both books and was starting over on the first one when I received a new visitor.
Reed.
Two guards came stomping in behind him, and I was immediately filled with dread.
"It's time we take a little field trip, Ali." Reed announced as the two guards flanked him. "Are you going to come along nicely, or should we make you feel more secure?"
He was emotionless as he indicated one of the guards that held a bundle of rope in his hands. I didn't remember ever seeing this man before. Glaring first at the guard, then at Reed, I stood slowly and raised my hands in front of me as a show of cooperation. The other guard I remembered from when we had been taken captive. He was the big man that caught Joss. Breck.
"Good girl." Reed said with a smile that never touched his eyes. He held up his hand, indicating that I should walk ahead of him. Breck took the lead, and I followed. Reed and the other guard trailed behind me as I strained to hear any sounds coming from the bathroom. Luckily, I heard nothing.
As we turned the corner, I saw Hawk standing guard over the rooms. He was watching something in the lobby, and didn't even spare me a glance as I passed him. I made sure to keep my eyes carefully averted.
When we turned into the lobby, Breck moved from my view, and I saw what had captured Hawk's attention.
"Joss!" I screamed in shock. He seemed to only be semi-conscious and was being held up by two men, one tall with shaggy brown hair, and the other one short and fat. Blood still dripped from his nose and his eye was starting to swell shut.
I tried to rush to Joss, but Reed had been ready for me. He caught both my arms before I even got a step away from him, and he jerked them painfully behind me. Despite the rapid healing in my shoulder and ribs, the sudden movement brought on an unexpected, stabbing pain and I howled. Quieting quickly, I bit my bottom lip to help regain my control.
"Why?" I spat out, feeling helpless in this situation. I didn't struggle, not sure what harm that would end up causing Joss.
"I thought you might need a little reminder of our arrangement. Consider this an initiation." Reed answered in a chillingly calm voice.
Joss moaned, and his eyes started to flutter open.
"Ali?" He muttered before his head rolled back down limply.
"Please," I pleaded, on the verge of tears now. "Let me go to him."
Reed pulled me against him, squeezing my arms tightly together again. I grimaced. He rasped in my ear, "If you try anything funny, he'll pay for it."
Reed roughly pushed me away, causing me to stumble to the floor in front of Joss. I crawled to him and caught him in my arms as the guards stepped away. Cradling his head in my lap, his eyes were opening again. I inspected the bruises on his cheeks and thought they didn't look too bad. With a cursory inspection of his body, I couldn't find any more injuries.
"Ali?" He said again, this time a bit more clear. My attempted smile failed, turning into a grimace.
"Yes." I replied, stroking the hair away from his face.
"Are you okay?" His eyes finally focused on me as worry creased his brow. He struggled to sit, unable to manage it with his hands bound behind him. I helped him get upright.
"I'm fine." I tried to assure him. These monsters had no boundaries. I glanced at the faces of the guards that had been holding Joss. The fat one was smirking, but the tall one wore a pensive frown. Joss was laying his head on my shoulder as I turned back to Reed. Hawk stood at his guard post, also frowning at us.
Reed stepped forward, capturing my attention. "Ali, you and I are going to take a little drive. It's very important that you understand what will happen to Joss if you don't make it back with me. Would you care to speculate?"
The grin he gave me was mocking and I shook my head no, pulling Joss close to me in a tight hug.
"Very good," he replied. "It's time to get going then. I'd like to be back before dark."
That was the queue for the guards to separate Joss and I again. As they moved to grab him, I hugged him close to whisper in his ear. "If you bite them, they'll turn."
Then he was pulled from my arms. The look of shock on his face was brief, lasting only a couple seconds at most. He masked it by turning a glare to Reed, as if he had just realized what Reed had insinuated. I hoped I hadn't made a mistake in telling him our horrible secret.
As Reed pulled me to my feet, I watched Joss disappear into what I assumed was a stairwell. I had no way of knowing what floor they were keeping him on, but at least I knew where the stairwell was. I wasn't sure if that information would do me any good or not.
The Phoenix Curse (Book 2): After Page 16