“He has a work trip scheduled for tonight, so he’ll be back in the morning when he returns from Portland. He’s teaching at a university there once a week this semester. He’s sorry he missed you.”
“No worries,” I say, trying to think of anything else other than the fact that he’s a doctor and a professor.
“Well, you get settled. I’ll go wake Bria up and let her know you’re here. She’s very excited to meet you.” Cecelia smiles and begins to walk out.
“Cecelia?” I ask. My voice is weak. “I’m sorry if this is rude, but… are Nick and Bria… okay? It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about Matthias and Isabel. After you told me, I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I guess I’m just asking if everyone’s okay, because I’m going to be working with you all for the foreseeable future.” I wait for her response.
I can’t believe I just said that.
But all she does is smile. She walks back over to me and takes my hand.
“Bria was so young when it happened. She’s obviously much better at handling her grief because she’s so young. But yes, she’s okay. Happy, even. She still has nightmares from time to time, but overall, she’s a joyful little girl. Nick is…” She breaks off and looks at something indistinguishable over my shoulder. I know she’s just thinking. “Nick will get better. He’s still dealing with the aftermath. He loved Isabel very much, and he took their death very hard.”
I nod. “And you?”
“I miss my daughter and grandson every day,” she says quietly. “But I’m lucky that I get to spend so much time with Bria. I see so much of Isabel in her. That makes it easier.”
I stay quiet as her eyes search mine. I feel like I’ve stepped over some sort of boundary, but I had to know. Matthias has been haunting me, and I have to know that everyone is emotionally stable.
“I’m sad to be leaving,” she continues. “But it’s time to get back to work.”
“What do you do for a living?” I ask.
“I’m a high-school teacher. English,” she says, winking at me. “I miss it very much, and Nick and I felt that hiring someone full-time would be the best way to proceed. I live just up the road with my husband if you need anything.”
“Thank you, Cecelia,” I say. “For being honest. I just want to make sure I’m not stepping on any toes being here, that’s all.”
“Oh, no,” she says, laughing. “Bria is excited to have you. She’s sick of me.” She chuckles. “We’ll see you in a couple of hours.”
I nod and smile as she walks out.
Cecelia’s words are reassuring. I’ll be dealing with two people every day who’ve just lost half of their worlds. I can’t imagine the grief they must still be feeling. It’s comforting to know that Bria seems fine now. My heart aches for Nick. To lose the love of your life and your son in one fatal moment? I can’t even imagine.
I go into the living room and grab my suitcase, dragging it behind me and into the bedroom. I spend the next hour unpacking my clothes, and I stack my twelve books on my desk. I didn’t think of bringing anything to decorate, and I make a mental note to go shopping for some home décor items after I get my first paycheck.
When I’m finished unpacking the bedroom and my bathroom supplies, I make my way over to the kitchen. I notice I have pots, pans, and a basic supply of kitchen utensils. I make a pot of tea, noticing gleefully that my pantry is stocked with cereal, tea, sugar, flour, and coffee. I check the fridge, and sure enough, I see some milk, a dozen eggs, butter, yogurt, and orange juice. I’ll have to go grocery shopping soon, but I have the basics.
That was really nice of them, I think.
As I sit down on my new couch and sip my black tea, I realize that I’m going to like it here. If Bria and Nick are agreeable, which it sounds like they are, this might just be the best job I’ve ever had.
Around nine, I grab my phone and head out into the backyard, towards the main house, locking the guesthouse behind me. I probably don’t have to lock it, but it makes me feel responsible to do so. As I slide the back door open and walk into the kitchen, a little girl with a head full of blonde curls looks at me from her seat at the table.
“Awe you a wobber?” she asks and then smiles. “No, you can’t be a wobber. You’re too pwetty. Awe you my nanny? Grandma Ceecee says I’m getting a nanny today,” she continues, matter-of-factly.
I laugh.
“Yes, I’m your new nanny. Did Grandma Ceecee tell you my name?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Yeth,” she says bashfully. “But I fowgot.” Her lisp is probably the most adorable thing ever.
I laugh again, and she relaxes instantly.
“I’m Evianna,” I say, walking over to her. “But you can call me Evi.”
“I like the name Evi,” she says, watching me curiously. I notice she has a container of yogurt in front of her.
“Thank you,” I say, taking a seat next to her. “I assume you’re Bria?” I ask, grinning.
“Yeth. My weal name ith Brianna.”
“What a pretty name.”
“What do you like to do, Evi?” I look at her, trying to decide what she means. She seems to notice my hesitation, because she sighs and continues. “Fow fun?” She glares at me.
I suppose this is a valid question.
“I like to read,” I say honestly.
She bounces up and down in her seat.
“Ooh! Me too! I think we’re gonna be beth friendth.” She jumps up and grabs my hand. “Come on, I want to show you all of my bookth!”
I smile as she leads me up the stairs to her bedroom.
See? This wasn’t so bad. I don’t know why Elijah and my parents think this is so weird.
As we walk up the stairs, I see Cecelia folding laundry in the laundry room.
“Oh good, you two have met!” She scampers over to me and appraises us. Bria is holding my hand.
“Grandma Ceecee, I’m showing Evi my bookth. She liketh to read, too!” she squeals and tugs at my hand.
I wave back at Cecelia, who just stands there and smiles.
“Have fun, you two!”
*
Bria and I spend most of the day looking at her books and reading them out loud. I even manage to feed her lunch and prepare her dinner. This whole taking-care-of-another-human thing is not as hard as I thought it would be.
One thing I’ve noticed is that Bria is so open. So believing. So accepting. I secretly wish more people were like her. I guess that’s why they say a child’s optimism can’t be beat, because damn, Bria makes me want to be happy all the time.
As I’m cutting up some chicken for dinner, Cecelia walks in and we discuss our day. She seems pleased, and I can tell that Bria likes me, which is oddly comforting. I never thought she wouldn’t like me, but it validates everything for me.
I never realized how much I like kids. Elijah was always my brother, which was different in a way because we always had the sibling rivalry, even when he was young. With Bria, it almost doesn’t feel like babysitting. It doesn’t feel like work. It’s fun, and I’m glad I can say that my job is fun. I know a lot of people don’t get that luxury.
I place a grilled chicken breast and some broccoli on Bria’s plate and she eats it appreciatively. Not a picky eater, I think, pleased. Thank god.
“Well, it looks like you two get along just fine,” Cecelia says, taking some chicken and broccoli and handing me a plate. “Here, eat something.” I take the plate and sit down at the table. I can’t help but smile. Today went exceptionally well, and I know that I made the right decision in taking this job.
Cecelia’s phone vibrates, and she excuses herself. After a minute, she returns, and she suddenly looks sad and solemn.
“Evianna, would it be too much trouble to ask you to watch Bria overnight?” I see her push food around on her plate, and I try not to act surprised.
“Of course. It’s not a problem.” I look at her, and she keeps her eyes downcast on her plate. “Everything okay?”
&nbs
p; “My husband…” She stops and looks up. “He has cancer, and sometimes, like tonight, it’s painful for him to even get into bed.”
“I see,” I answer, and I try not to act horrified. As if she hasn’t been through enough already, losing her only child a year ago…
“I live less than a mile away, if you need anything.”
“Cecelia,” I say, taking her hand gently. “Go. I’ll be fine. Go be with your husband. I will call you if I have any questions.”
“Okay. Obviously, Nick will pay you overtime. Bria needs to brush her teeth before bed. We usually read her a story. You can sleep in the guest room, next door to Bria,” she says, eyeing me. “That way, if she needs anything, you’ll be close.”
“That’s fine,” I say, smiling. I’m suddenly really nervous. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am.
“You’ll be fine,” she says, putting her hand on top of mine. “I’ve been watching you all day. You’re great with her.” She glances at Bria, who is too busy with her coloring book to pay any attention to us. “It’s just a few hours, and Nick will be home around the time Bria wakes up.”
“Thleepover with Evi?” Bria squeals, overhearing Cecelia. “We’re gonna have tho much fun!”
*
After I put Bria to bed and read her a story, I look around the giant house and wonder what to do until I go to sleep. I remember that Violet is supposed to come over, so I quickly text her.
Hey, don’t come over tonight. I’m working. Tomorrow?
Love you.
She replies almost immediately.
Wow–they’re putting you to work fast! ;)
Okay, I’ll come over tomorrow.
Love you too.
I go out back and into my guesthouse. As I put on my pajamas and brush my teeth, I can’t help but feel nervous. I know I can do this, but I’m alone with a child who is my responsibility. And on top of that, it’s technically my first day.
When I’m done getting ready for bed, I check and double-check all of the locks. I make sure the stove is off. Once I’ve done a thorough walk-through, I head upstairs to the spare room. I peek inside Bria’s room. She’s sound asleep.
I take my phone and my charger into the spare room and get all set up. It’s just a generic guest room—similar to my room in the guesthouse. I’m sad I’m not there tonight, but at the same time, I’m relieved that I’m so close to Bria if she needs anything. Luckily, there is a television, so I switch it on and watch TV for a few minutes before dozing off.
*
“Evi?” a small voice asks, and I’m stirred awake by a small hand touching mine. “I had a nightmare,” Bria whimpers, standing next to my bed, crying.
I sit upright, and before I know what I’m doing, I’m reaching my arms out. Evi runs into them and starts to sob. I lift her up and bring her into bed with me, cuddling her and stroking her hair.
“Shh,” I say, petting her back. “It’s okay, Bria. It was just a nightmare.”
“It… wath… tho… thcary…” she wails. “I need Mommy.” My heart feels so heavy all of a sudden. I don’t ask her what her nightmare was about. I already know. I hold her silently, and soon her breathing becomes more even. Just when I think she’s asleep, she stirs.
“Evi?” she asks weakly. “Will you thleep with me?”
“Of course,” I say.
“In my daddy’s bed? That’s always where I go after I have a nightmare. Will you sleep there with me?”
I hesitate. I’m not sure if that’s okay. I’m tempted to text Cecelia, but it’s the middle of the night. I sigh. Of course I’ll take her to Nick’s room. Her wellbeing is my number one priority.
“Sure,” I whisper, and I grab my pillow and her hand. “Let’s go.”
We walk quietly to what I presume to be Nick’s room. Bria opens the door and runs over to the bed, jumping in. I take in my surroundings. It’s a large bedroom—very calming. A sprawling California-king-sized bed with a simple black headboard is the main piece of furniture. Two matching black nightstands dot either side of the large bed. The wood floor is covered with a large, shaggy, white sheepskin rug. A grey chair sits to my left, and a large closet sits to my right. A TV is mounted to the wall opposite the bed. Though it’s dark out, the moon is bright, and it casts a comforting glow around the room from the large balcony door.
“Get in, Evi,” Bria says, patting the spot next to her.
God, I hope I don’t get fired for this.
I switch out the pillows, putting Nick’s pillow on the sitting chair and mine in the spot his was in just a moment ago.
I don’t even know the man, and I’m already sleeping in his bed.
I climb in, and luxurious sateen sheets meet my bare legs. It feels amazing. This might be the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. Bria is already asleep as I adjust myself to get comfortable. An analog clock on the nightstand says four-thirty. I notice a couple books sitting next to the clock, and I check to make sure Bria is asleep before looking to see what they are. Books can tell you a lot about a person.
I flip them around. Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. I smile. One of my favorites. My eyes flick to the other titles. Letters from Motherless Daughters: Words of Courage, Grief, and Healing by Hope Edelman.
My smile falters. Oh my god.
What am I doing? I’m totally snooping. Nick is reading a book about motherless daughters, something that Bria is and always will be, and I’m lying here, looking at it.
What is wrong with me?
I quickly flip them back around so that the spines are not facing me. Bria starts to snore, and I turn around and try to go to sleep.
I mean to set an alarm on my phone, but the comfortable bed pulls me in deeper and deeper, and pretty soon I’m asleep too.
Seven.
Nick
There is a strange woman in my bed.
I came home early, around seven, and the house was silent. I made a quick breakfast, as I hadn’t eaten before hitting the road at 5:30 a.m. Cecelia mentioned that the new nanny, Evianna, was spending the night. I had my thoughts about that—I didn’t even know this woman, and she was already sleeping over with my daughter? But I trust Cecelia, and Cecelia assured me it would be fine. After breakfast, I went to go put my suitcase in my bedroom, and when I opened the door…
She’s got some nerve.
I wanted to rip the covers off of her and fire her on the spot. How dare she?
She’s in Isabel’s spot.
That is not okay.
This is our bed. She shouldn’t be here.
I think of her emails. Evianna Halle. It’s a nice name. Her references checked out. Cecelia liked her, loved her even—said that she’d be good for us.
But she’s in my bed, and that makes me mad.
Very mad.
Eight.
Evianna
I wake up smiling, surrounded in the most comfortable feather blanket imaginable. I feel so rested. Why am I so comfortable? I turn and see Bria sleeping peacefully next to me. As I sit up and look around, a scream bubbles in my throat.
There’s a man standing in the doorway watching me.
“You,” he whispers, pointing to me angrily. “Out here, right now.”
I take in his wrinkled suit and tired eyes.
Oh my god, this must be Nick Wilder.
And he just caught me sleeping in his bed.
I jump out and quickly walk over to him. I’m suddenly aware of my pajamas—small, patterned shorts, and a tank top. Ever the professional.
“Oh my god,” I whisper frantically. “I’m so sorry. It’s just that she had a—”
He grips my arm tightly and leads me out of his room.
His room. I groan. Fuck.
I am so stupid. He’s probably about to fire me.
He shuts the door gently and continues to pull me down the hall.
“Nick,” I whisper again, “I swear, I was just—”
He spins around.
I get a good look
at him.
Hot. Damn.
He’s not old, he’s not fat, and he’s definitely not ugly. He’s tall, at least six feet two. He’s muscular, sturdy, like he works out regularly. His suit fits perfectly, and though it’s wrinkled, I can imagine the kind of body he has underneath it.
Oh my god. Did I just think that?
His dark-brown hair is tousled, and his honey-brown eyes pierce me when I look up at him. He has a beautiful face. Strong, carved, a straight nose, nice eyebrows, full lips, and a five o’clock shadow that he rocks.
This is Bria’s dad?
This is Nick Wilder?
He looks like he belongs in a magazine.
“You are Nick, aren’t you?” I ask, unsure. He’s so young…
“I am. And you are Evianna Halle?” His nostrils flare, and I can tell he’s still pissed.
“I prefer Evi,” I say.
I watch him as he drops my arm and backs up a couple of steps.
“Okay, Evi,” he hisses. “What the hell are you doing in my bed?”
I feel my cheeks get hot, and I look away. His eyes are so angry… I didn’t expect him to be angry.
“I’m sorry, Nick. I was sleeping in the spare room, and then Bria woke me up in the middle of the night because she’d had a nightmare. She begged me to sleep with her in your bed. I was only doing my job,” I say defensively.
His face softens, and he looks at me with concern.
“She had a nightmare?” He looks from me to the closed bedroom door. “Oh.”
I watch as he puts his hands in his pockets.
“I wasn’t sure if I should, but she was so scared. She was crying, and I didn’t know what to do. I switched out your pillow and used my own, and I’ll wash the sheets—”
He holds a hand up.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re right. She had a nightmare, and I wasn’t here,” he says, looking pained. “You made the right call.”
I look down at my feet and rock back and forth on my heels, waiting for him to say something else.
And Then You Page 5