“Look, I told West earlier and now I’ll tell you. Aubrey Pratt doesn’t like being made to look like a fool. She is fuming about Friday night, so just watch your back.”
She releases Jules’ wrist and pauses to give West a look before stepping away. Jules watches her long blonde hair swing from side to side as she saunters down the hall. The loud click of the glass and metal door pulls her back to West, and she exits the building and goes out into the warm September sun.
“Why does she care?”
“She’s just a friend, babe. We ran into each other on the way to class and she warned me Aubrey was talking smack in second period.”
“Whatever.”
“Wait up,” calls Jeff. He comes up beside her; his heavy arm slinging across Jules’ back, almost knocking her to her knees as he crows, “Our little Jules is getting street cred, man.”
West frowns and Jules elbows Jeff in the ribs before ducking under his arm.
“Geez, is there a video circulating around Rossview or something?” she huffs; speeding up and throwing herself down in the grass next to Katie, who shoots her a sympathetic smile.
“I need to hear the story, J. Come on?” Jeff prods; laughing as he lowers himself to Katie’s other side.
She tears into her sandwich; ripping off a piece of bread and popping it into her mouth.
“No, it was just a stupid drunk rant. End of story.”
“Aw, come on…West?”
Katie busies herself with a slow, thorough examination of her own lunch as West sits himself directly in front of Jules.
He levels a dead gaze on Jeff. “Knock it off, man.”
“Jules Blacklin gets drunk and threatens to kick someone's ass, and I miss it.” Jeff sighs and shakes his head. “What a positive influence you’ve had on her, Rutledge.”
Jules picks up on the angry frown that pops up on West’s face. Her hand darts out immediately to touch his knee as she throws a glare Jeff’s way. She expects his hand to cover hers, and is surprised when her arm falls to the ground as he pulls himself back up.
“West?” she asks; looking up at him as he towers over her.
“I need to grab something from my locker. I’ll be right back,” he explains, and starts off immediately.
“Right now?” she questions. He turns with a nod, repeats he’ll be back, and Jules shouts after him, “Wait! I’ll come with.” He’s already turned his back on her and doesn’t respond, so she tears into Jeff.
“What the heck? Are you an idiot?” she barks; already crumpling her paper lunch sack and coming to a standing position.
He cusses as he jumps up. “Yes, I am. I’ll talk to him.”
“You’ve done enough. I’ll talk to him.” She feels like screaming at his stupidity but walks away instead, following West’s form as he crosses the quad; his steps quick and sure as he makes his way through other students eating their lunch.
Jules watches him duck around the science building and she hurries her steps, afraid of losing him. Rounding the corner of the cream stucco building, she freezes as she takes in the scene before her.
Leaning against the building is Aubrey, her body clad in skin tight yoga pants with a flowing tee shirt that neither covers chest nor rear. Jules blinks rapidly and tries to clear her vision, because standing over Aubrey is West. His arm is braced on the wall directly next to her head and his face is scant inches from hers. She is vaguely aware of the presence of others to her right. There’s a murmur of voices, some laughter, but her focus locks in on Aubrey and West.
From this view, she can see Aubrey’s face lift as her upper lip curls up in a flirty smile. Her hands stretch out to skim West’s waist and wrap around his back. She arches her body and pulls him towards her, her mouth moving and West’s head dipping closer to her face.
Jules’ breathing stops. For one terrifying moment, she watches in horror; waiting for the moment when West’s lips will touch Aubrey’s and her heart will shatter into a million pieces. She can feel it standing there, before it’s even happened; the crack is already forming as she takes in the intimate pose of their bodies, the way his head tilts to the side. The fissure slowly grows across her already fragile heart, and each slow moment splits the break deeper and deeper until she is just waiting for that final confirmation of a kiss before it splits in two.
She feels jolted when Aubrey’s face falls as she realizes West isn’t going to kiss her. Instead, he must whisper something into her ear. Aubrey’s hands drop to her side as West remains close to her face. Jules sees the force in which he speaks reverberate in his shoulders, and his whole body jerks with each word he must be saying. Aubrey’s head rolls to the side, but West slaps the wall and snaps her gaze back to his.
He pulls away from her, points his finger one last time before stepping back, and Aubrey crosses her arms across her ample chest. Jules wishes she could hear their conversation as she watches the cheerleader try to say something when West takes a step back and turns to leave. And finds himself the focus of Jules’ gaze.
A moment of shock flashes in his eyes, similar to a child who’s been found stealing candy, when he realizes he’s been caught. They both step towards each other; Jules ready for an explanation and West looking like he’s terrified to give one.
“Buffy?” he speaks when they’re finally face to face, and his voice is low and laced with worry.
She looks past him at Aubrey. Although she has pushed away from leaning against the wall, she still stands there with her arms crossed, only now her face is wreathed in a grin clearly made to piss Jules off.
“Excuse me,” Jules hisses at West; nudging him to the side and walking up to Aubrey.
She maintains a safe distance — for Aubrey’s sake, not for herself — and gives the girl a once over. Jules makes sure Aubrey can see every ounce of contempt she has for her written on her face before she speaks.
“If I see your hands touch my boyfriend again, you will never lift another pom pom again. Got it?” There’s an audible gasp from the minions lounging around who’d all quieted when West and Aubrey realized Jules was there. She doesn’t give them the time of day, but Aubrey’s reddened face swings their way before she looks back to Jules.
Her grin is triumphant and Jules braces for some type of BS to fly out of her shiny, pink-stained lips. “You should probably talk to your boyfriend then, since he’s the one who can’t seem to stay away.”
“How stupid are you?” Jules laughs sardonically and takes one step closer to Aubrey. “You think I don’t know how to play this game? You think I don’t know the hierarchy of your little school? Your little clique? Stay the hell away from West. Period. Don’t screw with me, because I’m not afraid of you, sweetie.”
A hand touches the small of her back and she turns towards it, instinctively knowing it’s West. As she does she notices the crowd has moved closer, hearing every word they both said, but she sees too much red to care about their little tête-à-tête being witnessed.
“I’m going to make your life hell.” Aubrey laughs. “You can have West all to yourself, but that’s all you’re going to have.”
She doesn’t even turn back to acknowledge Aubrey face to face. Instead, she looks over at the crowd with a chuckle and calls over her shoulder, “Go for it.”
She quickens her step and West pushes against her back a little harder. The science building stands close to the student parking lot and Jules makes a detour that way; taking deep breaths as she marches purposefully away from the quad and the watchful eyes of Aubrey and her friends.
West doesn't speak or touch her, so she can only assume he still follows her as they round the last school building. With the noise of the lunch crowd fading away, she picks up on the heavy sound of his boots hitting the ground behind her. The further they walk from the school, the better she begins to feel. Her pulse slows to normal for the first time since she witnessed the lazy, intimate way his body leaned towards Aubrey.
She makes her way to his Jeep near t
he end of the parking strip and stands next to the passenger door in silence. The click of the locks releasing doesn’t startle her, and she opens the door, slides into the seat and buckles her seatbelt. A moment later West gets into the Jeep, and after a brief second where he looks out the front window, he cranks the vehicle and pulls away from the school grounds.
They are silent as he drives away, save for the music playing in the background, and it makes it easier to just sit there in peace. Jules tries to calm herself down by staring out the window as West drives. He takes the turns slowly; left, then right, accelerating and decelerating as they hit stop signs and red lights along the way, yet she has no clue where they are going. She hasn’t paid attention; instead, allowing her mind to focus on the small tear in her heart.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
His question is apprehensive and it pulls her from the silent meditation of her heart. She presses her right palm to her chest and rubs it back and forth as if she can mend the crack she visualized on the way to where they are.
Where are we? she thinks as she lifts her head to look out the window. They sit on a dirt path amongst the trees; the branches so thick and close she wonders if they didn’t scratch his car as they made their way there.
Jules is startled when the driver’s door opens and the warning bell goes off to remind the driver their keys are still in the ignition. She is taken aback when West climbs out, leaves the keys and closes the door behind him. She stares at his back as he walks away. He stuffs his hands into his back pockets and slumps his shoulders forward.
Grabbing the keys, she throws the door open and presses the ‘Lock’ button as she follows after West. She doesn’t call for him. Instead, she chooses to walk a few steps behind while they walk in silence for a good five minutes before ending at a small stream. West stands at the edge of the stream; water rushing up and over the tips of his boots, making them look shiny and new as they get wet.
“I told you I would screw up.” His voice sounds far away over the gurgling stream and Jules steps closer to better hear him. “I take you to one damn party…”
“I’m sorry,’ she cuts in; looking up at him. “Is this about what Jeff said? About you being a bad influence? You know he was just being a prick, right?”
West doesn’t respond and she bends down, picks up a few stones and tosses them into the stream absentmindedly.
“I told her to stay away from you,” he explains; finally turning towards her, his hand catching hers before she’s able to throw the final rock in her palm. He pulls the rock away and drops it before interlocking their fingers and stepping closer. “And me,” he adds, catching the way Jules bites her lip nervously.
“That broke me,” she mumbles; her eyes closing briefly.
“I’m sorry I walked away. When Jeff made that comment, I just — it just pissed me off so bad, you know? I wanted to protect you. You shouldn’t be dealing with her wrath.”
She tugs away and takes a step back. “That’s not what I was talking about. When I came around the corner of that building and saw you leaning over her…the smile she had, the way she was looking at you, touching you?”
His face falls and he tries to reach for her. He says her name softly but she holds her palm up; warding him off and shaking her head vigorously.
“Don’t!” she warns. “I realized in that moment, you could break me. You have a power I’ve never given anyone — didn’t even know I could give to someone. I stood there and waited for my heart to crack into a million pieces the moment you kissed her.”
“Don’t you get it, Jules? I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do that to you. I needed to get her away from her friends so I used what I knew would work. I-”
“You used what she wanted; I get that,” she interrupts. She can see the logic in it. She doesn’t argue with his method, because that isn’t what bothers her. She tells him this and tries to think of the best way to explain things to him. “It just, for a moment there, it hurt like hell,” she admits.
“Come here,” he requests. He stretches out his hand and Jules doesn’t hesitate to slide his way. He pulls her gently to the ground. The stones poke at her behind and legs, but she shifts into a semi-comfortable position and watches West do the same.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” he asks and she tries to shake her head, but his eyes lock onto hers. He draws his brows together and waits for an answer, and seems unwilling to accept her refusal to reply.
“I told you. The moment I saw you two together, there was a flash that passed through me where I dreaded the worst. It’s not because I don’t trust you, West. I’m not saying I think you would ever do that, I just…I guess regardless of what my head knows, my heart couldn’t help but protest.”
Ten
“I suppose it makes me sound like a lunatic when I mention how my heart cracked that day, doesn’t it?” Jules tightens her fist and fights the urge to rub it over her chest as she used to do. No amount of rubbing can mend the cracks, though. She knows that now.
“If you’re watching this video, you’re probably shaking your head and calling me an idiot. Calling us idiots. I was only seventeen, him barely eighteen, just seniors in high school, and yet every moment, every little thing seemed so monumental to us. Of course if you’re still in school, then perhaps you understand it more than the adults of the world do. Love knows no age limit. Need for another isn’t something that magically appears once you’ve reached the age of adulthood. Need is something instinctually introduced to us while still in the womb. We're born needing someone to care for us, to love us. It’s in our very DNA. I wish it wasn’t, because life would be easier if we didn’t have a need to be loved by someone we love. If we didn’t crave another person for what they can give us.”
“Yes, West and I were only teens, but sitting at the stream that day, we both knew it was something bigger than just a crush or lust. It was need…”
* * *
They sit with their legs crossed Lotus-style, facing each other with their knees touching and their hands locked between them. One might think they are praying together by the looks of their positions, especially looking at West. He looks down and his shoulders are rounded towards the ground. His face is tucked into his chest so Jules can only see his dark, spiky hair. He stares at the rocks, or maybe their touching limbs, she can’t tell. She only knows he looked defeated when she told him he how she feels.
“I don’t want to break your heart,” he admits softly, his voice quivering. It’s just a slight hitch in his tone, but she can tell he is emotional and feels the tension in his grip on her fingers. “When it comes to you, I go a little crazy.”
“Is that what you call the scene with Aubrey? You going a little crazy?”
“She’s such a bitch and I’m an idiot.” Jules gives him a blank look. “I didn’t need Lauren to tell me Aubrey had been talking smack. I’d already heard it from more than enough people before History class. Jeff’s comment about me being a bad influence just spurred my rage. I walked over there and yanked her away from her friends with the pretense of hitting on her.”
Jules flinches at the words, even while she watches his angry face. It’s instinct again. His being with another girl immediately throws her world into chaos. She wishes she knew how to reconcile her tumultuous feelings after only three weeks. He’s only been in her life for a scant three weeks, and already he is practically the center of it.
“I’m sorry if that hurts you, but it’s how you deal with someone like Aubrey. She is used to getting her way. I filled her head with lies, buttering her all up before I simply told her to stay the hell away from you.”
“I wanted to punch her,” she admits, making West grin.
“You’re so damn feisty, Buffy.”
Lifting his hand to her lips, she repeats what he said just moments earlier. “When it comes to you, I go a little crazy.”
With a smirk he steers their hands from her lips to his; copying her moves and press
ing a kiss to her knuckles. They sit in silence; both looking down at their intertwined hands, the rocks or something else, anything else but making eye contact. Jules looks over at the cool waters rushing by. The bubbly current provides a serene soundtrack to their moment and she speaks, almost reluctantly. “This is going to hurt like hell when it’s over.”
His head snaps to her profile, but she continues to stare at the water. She can see his face scrunching up without even looking at it. He doesn’t have to ask…she knows what he’s thinking. Over?
“I don’t think I can handle it. I just…call me weak, call me needy. I don’t care what anyone says, West.” Her breathing turns shallow as panic grabs hold of her for a moment. Her mind draws her back to that moment she stood in the Grier house before the twister hit. That moment when she waited for him to crawl through the window and join her. It was excruciating, waiting for him to come through the boarded window after watching everyone else come through. In that moment, she was afraid he had been left behind, that something had happened to him. Then he jumped to the floor and practically teased her, calling out, “Hey Buffy, miss me?”
“Then we don’t end.”
He states it in such a matter-of-fact way, much the same as when he jumped into the house that night, that she almost believes him. Like it’s a no brainer, they can stay together forever. However, that’s what she thought it was with Stuart, once. She mentally shakes her head. No, she never felt this way with Stuart. She thought she loved him. She never…what is it? What’s the word for what she feels for West?
“I need you in my life, Jules. I’m not breaking your heart and I’m not letting you go.”
Need. Yes, that’s what this is. Need.
Her breathing smoothes out at his declaration. ‘I need you in my life, Jules.’ The words swirl around her head and she recognizes the irrevocable truth in them.
“I need you too.”
“So you trust me with that heart of yours, and I’ll trust you with mine.”
Out of Ruins Page 9