Rolling her eyes, she kicks the door shut with her toes to get dressed. Sliding into the flirty, strapless chiffon dress, her mood alters almost immediately. Her heart sings and flutters with anticipation at West’s face when he sees her.
They had made the decision to skip Homecoming this year. Jules just couldn’t bring herself to go, so her mother decided she should buy a great little black dress for her birthday.
“You can always wear it for events next year,” she suggested when Jules protested.
Now, as she smoothes the fluffy bow across the front of her breasts and slips on her heels, she’s glad her mom insisted. The outfit makes her feel sophisticated and special. When she opens the bathroom door and West looks up, she feels wanted.
He’s sitting on the edge of her bed with her notebook still in his hand, but the moment he looks at her, his entire body stiffens. His eyes never leaving her face, he stands and takes four steps her way before he stops. Heat rolls up her body as his laser beam eyes scan her from head to toe and back again. Her heels and short flouncy skirt show off her long, lean legs, courtesy of years of cheerleading.
“You are…holy sh- I mean…damn, babe.” West stumbles over his words and steps forward just enough to touch the flowing fabric of her dress. “It’s totally wrong of you to wear this tonight.”
Jules laughs softly at his reaction. “How so?”
His eyes flare with desire and his hands go to his pockets as he steps closer. His warm, minty breath brushes over her cheek when he leans into her ear and whispers, “I want to devour you, right here, right now. Not fair, Buffy.”
Every nerve in her body pulls taut and desire courses through her. He steps back, gives her a meaningful look and holds his hand out.
“Let’s go before we get into trouble.”
West takes her to a steak house where they hold hands across the table until their food arrives.
“I really hate that you can’t come to the game with me this weekend. I don’t have to go, you know,” he reminds her for the hundredth time since they put two and two together. This was A&M’s Homecoming game, and while West’s father invited her to go with them, there was no way she could leave her parents on her eighteenth birthday. Especially after the twister, and with this being her last year home.
“Of course you have to go,” she reminds him. “I know how much you love being with your dad and brothers. Besides, I get to go in two weeks, right? I’m so excited to meet Carson and your future sister-in-law.”
“They can’t wait to meet you, and Austin loves giving me crap about you so I’m sure he’ll enjoy it.” He shakes his head and takes a bite of his steak.
Laughing, she can’t help but ask, “Why does he give you crap about me?”
“He remembers you. I think he’s quite impressed and completely jealous that I landed your fine ass.” He winks and a naughty smile crosses his face.
“West!” She hushes him; her eyes widen and she looks around the restaurant to see if anyone heard him.
They forgo dessert in favor of stopping at the site of their first date, where he runs in and grabs two ice cream cones to go. They end up on the back side of South Berry Farm and West motions for her to wait as he gets out of the car. She waits while he opens and then shuts the trunk. He carries a bag in his hand and she watches as he walks to the edge of the field. His headlights barely illuminate him as he pulls out a blanket and two other items she can’t make out from here.
Walking back to the car, his sexy smile warms her as she waits for him to open the door for her.
“Madame.”
“Sir.”
The late October air carries a slight chill in it as they walk towards the withered crops on this side of the farm. Jules shivers and moves closer to West’s side.
“Since we didn’t get our Homecoming, I figured I’d bring Homecoming to you.”
He leans down and picks up a box containing a flower wristlet of beautiful roses. Lifting her palm, he kisses the inside of her wrist and slips the corsage on. She brings the flowers to her nose and breathes in the scent as West pulls out his iPod. She looks at the blanket and realizes one of the boxes sitting there is a Bluetooth speaker when music starts streaming out of it. There is still another smaller box sitting there with a large bow on the top, and girly excitement hits her.
“You bought me a present! Can I open it now?” She claps her hands together and raises her shoulders in anticipation.
Dropping the iPod back into his pocket, he pulls her into his arms with a laugh. “No.”
She debates the effectiveness of giving him a pout, but when his palm moves up her spine to touch the bare skin between her shoulder blades, suddenly all thoughts of anything but West disappear. They dance slowly to a playlist filled with romantic Indie songs only West knows; their bodies melting into each other.
They dance and dance, and Jules kicks off her shoes after a while. They barely speak, but words are no longer needed when each beat of their hearts and each shaky breath they take tell their story.
The soft acoustic strands of a guitar fill the air and Jules stills as a raspy voice sings. The melody immediately strikes a chord with her. The lyrics talk about how his girl’s hand fits perfectly in his and how she says his name. When the chorus hits and he sings about being “So in Love”, her eyes tear up.
She stops swaying, runs her hands up over his shoulders and pulls his head to hers. She kisses him softly and whispers into his mouth, “This is so perfect. I love you, West.” She breathes him in and backs off just enough to look into his eyes. “I am so in love with you.”
“God, Jules,” he rasps out, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t even…I just…c’mere,” he finally manages, and walks her backward until her bare feet are on the blanket.
Jules lowers herself to kneel and sits back on her heels when West hands her the small black box with a silvery looking bow.
“Happy birthday,” he offers sweetly.
The box is velvet and made for a ring, and her breath catches in her throat as she pops the lid. Nestled inside the satin liner is a dainty rose gold ring in the shape of an anchor, and Jules is in love.
Meeting West’s brown eyes, she fights for words.
“It’s not much, but I…now I feel stupid looking at it.”
“Stupid? Why? I love it,” she assures him; taking the ring out and pushing it onto her ring finger. Not thinking, she chooses her left hand where a wedding band would someday go, and holds it up to admire the simple sweetness of it.
“I like seeing my ring on that finger. Maybe someday you’ll let me put a bigger one there.”
“Do you want to?” she asks, barely audible.
He takes her hand and rubs his thumb across her palm as he looks at the ring. “If you don’t get tired of me.”
Raising her bright eyes to his, she smiles and leans forward to kiss him. “I love it — truly. It’s perfect. Why would you ever think differently?”
He shrugs uncomfortably. “When I first saw it, I had this thought. It’s ridiculous.”
“West.”
“Fine. I saw it and thought it was perfect for you because you were, and are, my anchor.” He taps his chest above his heart. “You are anchored right here, in my heart, always.”
“Awe, babe…” she coos preciously, like a woman who sees a newborn baby or cute puppy, and West smiles at her.
“It’s yours, my gorgeous cheerleader. You own it for as long as you want it. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she offers; inching closer to him and kissing him hungrily.
“Happy birthday, sunshine!”
Jules grunts incoherently as her mother enters her room.
“Mom!”
“Good morning,” her mother sings, and Jules knows she won’t get rid of her. It’s a Blacklin tradition. Her mother has made Jules and Jason breakfast in bed for every birthday she can recall. It doesn’t matter that she didn’t get in until midnight, nor does it matter that she bare
ly slept after having multiple nightmares.
She cringes and tries to sit up and plaster a smile on her face for her sunshine-y, happy mother. Her nightmares play just in the recess of her thoughts; the scenes lingering there for her to feel them and touch them, if she just reaches out.
“Good morning. Thank you.” She smiles and her mother places the breakfast tray across her lap. The smell of syrup and bacon make her mouth water.
“How was your birthday date?” she asks as she sits on the edge of the bed with curious eyes.
Jules sighs dreamily.
“That good, huh?”
“That good,” Jules confirms. “He’s amazing, mom. I love him — like, seriously love him.”
Her mother’s face clouds over even as she cracks a small smile. “Sweetie...”
“No, listen first.” Jules holds up her hand. “I know we’re young, and I know you guys really like Stuart and I was with him for so long, but I’m telling you, I know. Remember a few years ago, I asked you how I would know when I met the right guy?” Her mother nods. “You said I’d just know. It’s that simple. I feel it here.” She points to her heart and breaks a piece of bacon off.
“So did I,” her mother admits, and Jules watches as her finger goes to her wedding band. “You know, I fell in love with your father my freshman year at A&M; same age as you. I won’t tell you you’re too young. I just want you to be careful.”
“Mom…”
“With both your heart and your body.” Her mother raises her eyebrows and narrows her eyes on Jules’ face as her cheeks go pink.
“I promise.” She holds her mother’s gaze, because lying is more believable if you can hold the person’s gaze, right?
Jules enjoys the morning and opens presents from her parents and Jason. A new Coach purse, a gorgeous large weekender bag — “…so you can pack for weekend trips home next year,” her parents point out — and a large canvas collage filled with some of her favorite prints from the past year or so of Jules, her friends and family through the years. There’s a picture with Stuart on there, but she’s happy to see there’s also one with West, although it includes Jase as well.
After presents she scrolls through her Facebook account and smiles at the well-wishers’ comments. West left her a message very early this morning, probably before he left for A&M, and it makes their relationship very clear in case anyone is unaware. On his page he posted: “Wishing my girl, Jules Blacklin, the most amazing eighteenth birthday! I love you babe. Xoxo.”
He tagged her, which made sure the post went to her page. As she goes through and ‘likes’ all the posts, she pauses at one from Stuart. “Happy birthday! Have a great day. Hope I see you soon.”
Jules feels the bile stir as she worries about what West will think of Stuart’s post, and in return, what Stuart will think of West’s. They’d only broken up a little over two months ago and she feels guilty.
A message on her page from Raquel Rivera – Tanya’s sister – catches her eye next. It is a simple ‘Happy birthday’, but the sentiment immediately opens the floodgates. After a good cry, Jules makes up her mind. She hasn’t seen Tanya’s family in over a month, since the one month anniversary vigil. She decides to get up and go say hi, and then stop by the cemetery, as well. It’s been too long.
* * *
“I don’t know what compelled me to want to visit my dead best friend’s family on my birthday. Maybe if West had been in town, I wouldn’t have gone. Or maybe if I hadn’t had nightmares Friday night, I would have stayed home. Whatever it was, I was dead set on going to the Riveras. It never occurred to me that what I might find would tear me apart all over again.”
Eighteen
“October twenty-fifth, by the way — that’s my birthday,” she tells the camera. “It was unseasonably warm that day. I remember sitting at Tanya’s grave site, the stuffy air suffocating me as I told her all about West and school and how much we all missed her. There were fresh flowers covering the small grave marker and a pretty handmade cross stood next to it. There wasn’t a headstone, yet. I guess those things take time.”
* * *
“I’m eighteen now, T. Remember what you said we’d do when we were all eighteen?” Jules smiles and looks up at the sky. “Tattoos, right? I thought you were crazy! No putting a needle near my arm!” She laughs as she remembers their conversation over the summer when Tanya was the first to turn eighteen. “You’d be happy to know that I’ve been contemplating it. I actually have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to them now. You’re obviously haunting me.” A stray tear escapes when she winks.
“I miss you.” She presses a kiss to her fingertips and touches the grass with her hand. “By the way, I wouldn’t have cared if you loved Carter or Tommy. I’m sorry you didn’t know that…I like to think you actually did know better than to think K and I would care who you dated. If you were happy we’d be happy for you, T -”
Her cell rings and she answers the call.
“Happy birthday BFF!” Katie sings on the other end; her voice full of cheer. “Are we doing lunch or what?”
Checking the time on the phone, Jules calculates how much time she needs to stop by the Rivera’s house. “Of course! Can we meet around one?”
Katie agrees and Jules dusts her knees off; rising from the ground to make one more stop before lunch.
She feels out of place now when she pulls up at Tanya’s house. She’d played at this house at least once a week almost her entire life. Now she hasn’t been here in six weeks. Everything looks the same as she climbs out of the car and walks up the front walk. The same, and yet different. Wiping her palms down her hips, Jules takes the steps slowly and knocks on the door. Her heart races and her nerves jump around like crazy.
“Jules!” Raquel’s face beams as she opens the door and pulls her in for a tight hug. “Happy birthday, girl. What are you doing here?”
Jules squeaks out a small “Hi” and hugs Tanya’s older sister back.
“Come in, come in.”
As Jules steps into the house, the familiar scent of cinnamon hits her and she follows Raquel to the den.
“Momma! Come see who’s here, and on her birthday,” Raquel calls.
They sit on the couch, or Raquel sits and Jules perches on the edge. There’s a pall over the house despite Raquel’s cheerful voice. The curtains are closed and there are pictures of Tanya scattered all around, covering the sofa table and the desk in the foyer.
Raquel asks her a question and Jules stops looking around to focus.
“Sorry, what?”
“School. I was asking how school is going.”
“Oh, um…it’s school,” she says with a shrug. Raquel laughs softly; reminding Jules how bad she was her senior year.
“It feels so pointless now, doesn’t it? I mean, I know you. You have your acceptance to A&M and you could take an early graduation, couldn’t you?”
The comment surprises Jules. She hasn’t thought about it, but she can. With all of her A.P. classes, she was technically ready to graduate after her junior year. Many of her friends used to give her a hard time about it, and she always pointed out that while they’d all be struggling with stuff senior year, she’d be taking chump courses. Of course Jules has never taken a chump course in her life, but she could if she wanted to. Why hasn’t this even crossed her mind?
“Juliet?”
Only two people call her by her given name - ever - her mother, when she’s in trouble, and Mrs. Rivera. Spinning on the edge of the couch, Jules spots Mrs. Rivera coming into the den from the back hall. The urge to gasp overwhelms her as she takes in the frail woman before her. Tanya was curvy in a sexy way, genes she’d inherited from her mother, but looking at her today you wouldn’t know it. Her cheeks droop and her eyes are sunken in as they blink at her. Jules stands, makes her way around the couch and lets Mrs. Rivera envelop her in a long hug. She feels fragile under Jules’ fingers and her shirt hangs off of her shoulders. A lump forms in her throat when she hears a
small gurgle escape from Tanya’s mother.
“Happy birthday, sweetie.” The words sound forced and harsh, and Jules swallows the lump back down; forcing the emotion into her stomach. She shouldn’t have come. This is too hard…for both of them.
“Thank you.”
“Hey momma,” Raquel’s soft voice speaks next to them. “Jules and I were just talking about school. Why don’t we sit?” Her hand touches her mother’s shoulder and Jules loosens her arms from around Mrs. Rivera’s back.
“Yes, yes,” she mutters; her normally vibrant voice, vacant now. “Your momma was just here yesterday. She didn’t tell me you’d be stopping by.”
“My mom?” Jules didn’t know her mom stopped by. She never mentioned it to her.
“Yes, bless her.”
Raquel must see the confusion on her face. “You mother has stopped by here once a week. She brings us the best meals. Doesn’t she, momma?”
Mrs. Rivera nods and taps her finger against her lips; looking deep in thought. They sit there for another fifteen minutes or so, with Raquel asking the bulk of the questions and Jules giving small, single word answers while watching Tanya’s mom. It‘s scary the way she sits there. She seems to be in her own world, not really hearing anything they’re saying.
“I’ve been cleaning out Tanya’s room.” The statement comes from nowhere and Jules practically jumps at the loud confession. “She had so many things I don’t know what to do with. Maybe you can help me figure it out, Juliet? You and Katie?”
Jules looks at Raquel, who sighs. “Yeah, sure…I think we could plan a day to do that.” She can’t say no.
“Oh! It’s your birthday — come back to her room. Let me give you something.” Mrs. Rivera stands and leaves the room without waiting for Jules to reply.
Self preservation can chime in any time now, Jules thinks as she rocks on the edge of the blue couch.
“You don’t have to go back,” says Raquel. Her eyes are sparkly with unshed tears. “She’s not right, Jules. She’s lost.”
Out of Ruins Page 16