Barjack and the Unwelcome Ghost

by Robert J Conley

  I made so damn much noise that it brung old Sly out the front door. “Barjack?” he said. I turned around to see him, and he said, “What’s wrong?”

  “Aw, nothing,” I said. “I come to see you about a little problem.”

  “Well, come on over and sit down,” he said. He had a couple a’ chairs in front a’ the house, and I walked over there and set in one. He set in the other’n. “What’s on your mind?” he said.

  I tole him how Churkee had struck out on his own and had come across that damn Cody and twelve other men camped. He sneaked up on them and listened to them plotting how they was going to hit Asininity just before the bank closing tomorrer, and how they meant to kill me and then burn down the whole damn town. I give him my plan of action.

  “Why do you want us to meet them in the street?” he said.

  “I ain’t real sure,” I said. “I guess it’s my goddamned sense a’ fair play. Give them a chance to give up and go to jail. If you got a better idee, I’m a-listening.”

  “No,” he said. “I’ll meet them with you.”

  “Side by side,” I said.

  Chapter Ten

  Well, it come about bank closing time, and I sent the boys out to take up their positions. Dingle and Polly was told to watch the rooftops, and if Butcher or Happy was to see that Cody and his bunch a-headed into town, whichever one of them seed them was supposed to stand up and wave his hat. Then the rest of us would know and we’d all get ready for the bastards. Me and Sly was setting in my marshaling office and waiting. I had me a glass a’ whiskey, but the Widdamaker, he turned it down. He never done no drinking before killing. Afterward, sometimes he’d have a drink or two, but never before. Of a sudden, my front door bursted open and ole Polly come a-crashing in.

  “They’re coming, Barjack,” she said. “At least, I think they’re coming.”

  “What the hell do you mean by that?” I said. “Are they coming or ain’t they?”

  “Well,” she said, “Happy stood up down there on his roof, and he took off his hat and started in to waving it. He waved it over his head two and a half times. Then he sat back down.”

  “Two and a half times?” I said. “Maybe he just waved a little short that last time.”

  “No,” she said. “He definitely quit halfway through the wave.”

  “So he waved—”

  “Two and a half times.”

  “Goddamn,” I said. “Come on, Sly.”

  The three of us run out the front door a’ the office. Polly went back to her store winder, and me and ole Sly went a-walking toward the end a’ town in the direction they’d be a-coming from. When we got down close, I yelled up toward the rooftop where I had posted Happy.

  “Happy,” I yelled out. “Happy, you silly son of a bitch.”

  Happy popped up and called back down to me, “Yeah, Barjack?”

  “Did you wave two and a half times at us?”

  “Yes, sir,” he said. “I sure did.”

  “Well, now, just what the hell does two and a half waves mean, if you don’t mind explaining that to me?”

  “No,” he said. “I don’t mind.”

  “All right then, goddamn it, I’m a-waiting.”

  “Well, Barjack, they’re a-coming all right, but they’s only six of them.”

  “Six?” I said, and I looked at Sly. “What do you reckon that means?”

  “I don’t know, Barjack,” Sly said. “It could be most anything, Maybe he figures he only needs six for the job, or maybe the rest are coming in a few minutes later, or maybe they circled around and will be hitting us from another direction. I can’t read Cody’s mind. I don’t know him.”

  “Well, hell, are you ready for them?” I ast him, and I was kindly shaking, I don’t mind telling you.

  “I’m ready,” he said.

  “Well, uh, let’s get over on the sidewalk,” I said. “We make too good a target out here like this.”

  “Okay,” he said, and the two of us walked over to stand on the walk. That put us in the shadow too, and I felt a little bit better about it. It weren’t but a few seconds later whenever I heared the sound a their horses a-coming, and then real quick after that I seed them. They come a-riding on in, and I fired a shot up into the air and yelled out.

  “Hold up there,” I called out to them.

  They was startled. Their horses commenced to jumping around some on them. “What the hell?” one of them said. Then me and Sly, we walked out into the street with our six-guns in our hands.

  “All right, boys,” I said, “toss down your guns. I’m a-taking you to jail.”

  One a’ them hauled out his six-gun, and Sly shot him off a’ his horse. Then the other five all reached for theirs. I nicked one in the shoulder, and then a rifle shot from off one a’ the roofs knocked him plumb out a’ the saddle. The other four jumped off a’ their horses and tuck out a-running for cover. A couple of them was shooting as they run. I fell down on my face. I don’t know what Sly done. What I do know is that of a sudden it sounded like a small war broke out in Asininity. I raised my head up real slowlike so as not to draw no undue attention to the fact that I was alive and went to rolling my eyeballs around to see what I could see.

  There was a outlaw crouched down behind a water trough not far from me, but he was paying attention to the storefronts and the rooftops, what made a certain amount a’ sense. The gunshots was still a-popping all around. I seed another one what had run for the corner a’ the first building and was standing there a-peering around the corner. He was shooting at Butcher on a rooftop across the street from where he was at. I ain’t atall sure where the other’ns was at. It come to me that I could hit the feller around the corner. I had a good shot at him, and he weren’t paying me no mind atall. He musta thunk I was already done for. I slipped my Merwin and Hulbert out real slow and worked it up to where I could point it at him. I waited for him to come out from behind the corner just a little bit to shoot at Butcher, and then I pulled the trigger. I seed where the bullet tore through his damned neck, and his head kinda bobbed around a bit. His legs went all rubbery, and he collapsed. So they was still three more as far as I could tell.

  Since I had fired a shot, I figgered that I had give my ass away, and I got up on my feet as fast as ever I could and run for cover. A couple a bullets nicked at my heels as I run and when I went up on the sidewalk, one hit one a’ the uprights what was holding up the overhanging roof just as I run past it. I ducked into a doorway what was kindly set in and give me some cover. Then I looked around. I seed that feller behind the horse trough. He was still there and still a-shooting. I wondered where the other two was a-hiding. The best thing I could think of to say about the whole situation was that they wasn’t in the bank.

  So I hauled out my ole shooter and commenced to blasting away at that tank and the feller what was hiding behind it. I punched about four holes in that trough before I final drilled the son of a bitch. When- ever I hit him, he kindly rose up and then pitched forward, dropping his top half into the trough but hanging over the edge. He never moved after that, so I figgered that if my bullet hadn’t a-kilt him, then he drowned hisself in that horse trough. Either way he was dead as hell. There was still two of them left alive and shooting.

  It still sounded like a small war a-going on. The six horses them outlaws had rid into town was still a-milling around loose in the street. A couple of them had been wounded in all the shooting, but four of them was okay far as I could tell. Two a’ them had run down to the far end a’ the street where they was safe enough, but the remaining two was dancing and a-prancing right out in the middle a’ the war. I heared a voice then. “Mac,” it said, “let’s make for the horses and get the hell outta here.” Then one a’ them bastards bursted out a’ hiding, and by God, he was hiding in the doorway right next to where I was hiding. He run straight for the nearest horse. He was just about to swing up into the saddle whenever I shot him in his goddamn leg. He yowled out loud like hell and fell down in the street.
The horse nickered and run off.

  Then the one what was called Mac run out into the street from somewhere on the other side a’ the street, and he was shooting at me. I guess he had saw me whenever I shot his pardner. I ducked back into that doorway and pressed myself back hard against the wall. Then I heared a shot and seed him jerk and twitch and final flop down in the dirt, where he kicked around a bit before he final lay still and looked dead. And then I seed ole Bonnie step out the door a’ the place where I had hid her away. She had a Henry rifle in her hands, and she stood on the sidewalk a-looking at the son of a bitch she had shot.

  “That’s what you get for threatening to burn down my Hooch House and kill my Barjack,” she said, and then all of us come outta hiding.

  “Well, Barjack,” said Sly, walking up to me, “that should teach them not to come riding into your town to make trouble.”

  “It had ought to teach them all right,” I said, “but that damn Cody ain’t here and he’s still out there somewhere with six more a’ the sons a’ bitches.”

  “I know where they’re camped,” Miller said. “We could ride out and get them before they know what’s happened.”

  Bonnie come running to me and throwed her arms around me and like to knocked me over. I woulda fell down for sure if she hadn’t a-been hanging on to me so hard. “Barjack,” she said, “are you all right?”

  “The bastards never touched me,” I said.

  “Barjack,” Happy yelled out from his rooftop, “can me and Butcher come down now?”

  “Come on down, you two,” I hollered back at them. Then I looked around, and ever’one was gathered around me. I waited a minute or two for Happy and Butcher to show up. That ole boy I had shot in the leg was a-moaning and groaning, and Sly walked over to him and got his shooter away from him and jerked him up to his feet. “Butcher,” I said, “take that son of a bitch over to the jailhouse and lock him up. Happy, go fetch Doc over to take care a’ his shot leg. But you don’t need to hurry none.”

  “He might could bleed to death, Barjack,” Happy said.

  “Don’t worry none about that,” I said. “When you’ve did that, go to the stable and get all our horses, and get horses for anyone else who wants to ride along with us.”

  “Yes, sir,” he said, and he started out.

  “We going out after the rest of them?” Sly ast me.

  “Miller had a pretty good idee,” I said.

  “They’ll hear us coming,” said Butcher.

  “They’ll think it’s this bunch coming back to camp,” said Miller. “They won’t know better till it’s too late.”

  “That’s right,” I said. “It’s the best chance we’ll have. Catch them off guard.”

  Ole Bonnie and Pistol Polly and Dingle the Scribbler all hurried off toward the stable, so whilst the rest of us was standing around a waiting for them and for Happy to get back with the horses, I said to Sly, “Let’s stroll on over to my office and have a drink before we get gathered up and head out.”

  “Barjack,” he said, “I’d better go tell Lillian what we’re doing. She’ll be wondering about me.”

  “Well, hell, all right,” I said, “but we’ll be heading out right quick.”

  “I’ll be with you,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

  I walked on over to my marshaling office and went inside. Butcher was just locking the cell door on that damned owl hoot. “Got him locked up, Marshal,” he said.

  “Good.”

  “I’m bleeding to death in here,” the bastard whined.

  “See if you can’t get it did before the doc gets here,” I said. “Save us all a lot a trouble.”

  “You son of a bitch,” he snarled.

  I pulled the bottle and a glass outta my desk drawer and poured myself a snort. It burned real good going down, so I poured another’n. I looked up at ole Butcher a-standing there. “You want one?” I ast him, and without waiting for him to answer me, I brung out another glass and poured him a drink.

  “Thanks, Marshal,” he said, and he picked it up and dranked it down. Just then Doc come a-walking in.

  “Barjack,” he said. “Happy said you got a shot man in here.”

  “Let him in the cell, Butcher,” I said.

  Butcher tuck the keys and opened the cell door and Doc went on inside. Pretty soon I heared the owl hooter yelp. “That looks bad enough,” Doc said.

  “Well, fix it up for me,” the bastard said.

  “Barjack,” Doc called out, “you got some whiskey out there?”

  I picked up my bottle and handed it to Butcher. He tuck it in to Doc, and Doc musta just poured a drink of it out onto the outlaw’s leg where my bullet had gone in. I tell you what. That sorry shit really set up a howl then.

  “What you going to do, Doc?” I said. “Cut off his fucking leg?”

  “I’m thinking about it,” Doc said.

  “No,” shouted that Mac. “No. You ain’t gonna cut off my leg. No.”

  “Butcher,” I said, “can you shut that man up?”

  Butcher walked back into that cell and slugged old Mac hard on the jaw and knocked him cold.

  “Thanks,” Doc said.

  Happy come in then and said, “Barjack, we’re ready out here.”

  I finished off my drink and stood up. “Doc,” I said, “whenever you’re all did in there, here’s the key to lock that cell back up.”

  “I’ll take care of it, Barjack,” he said, and I walked out the front door with Happy and Butcher. Ever’one, even ole Sly, was out there mounted up and ready to go. They was three saddled horses waiting for the three of us. I seed ole Bonnie a-setting on top of a horse that looked like as if he was only just barely big enough to carry her. She was still a-wearing one a’ her floozy dresses too, and she did look a riot a-holding on to that Henry rifle. Me and my depitties mounted up, and I turned my horse to ride south.

  “Churkee,” I said, “ride up here alongside a’ me. You’re the one what knows where we’re a-going.”

  Miller hauled up beside a’ me, and we commenced to riding. There was me and Butcher and Happy. Then they was Miller and Sly and Dingle. Final they was the two gals, Bonnie and Polly. So they was eight of us all tole. If we was right about that Cody gang, they was seven a’ them out there. So we had them just a little outnumbered, but then two of us was female. Both of them had kilt before, though, so that didn’t worry me none too much.

  Bonnie rid up beside a’ me on the other side from Miller, and I give her a look. I tell you what, she had a hard set and grim look on her round face. “Bonnie,” I said, “how come you to want to ride along on a chore like this here?”

  “The bastards said they was going to kill you and burn down our town,” she said, “including my Hooch House.”

  “Our Hooch House,” I said.

  “Hell, Barjack,” she said, “I know that.”

  “Barjack,” said Miller, “when we get there, what do we do?”

  “If you was right,” I said, “they won’t suspect nothing when they hear us coming. We’ll just ride up as close as we can get and dismount. They’ll see who we really is by then, and likely they’ll start in to shooting at us, and we’ll shoot back. The difference is they’ll likely have a fire going, so we’ll have a better look at them than what they’ll have at us. That’s all.”

  “There’s a ridge on the other side a’ the road,” he said. “It’s got good cover.”

  “Oh yeah? Well, we just might make use of it,” I said.

  Chapter Eleven

  We was riding along slow and easylike, ever’one was alert, on account a’ I had tole them to be in case some of that seven had decided to ride along behint the other six, but we hadn’t seed no sign a’ no one. Miller pointed up ahead to where the road kindly swerved around to the right. “They’re just beyond that curve,” he said. “On the right side of the road.” I looked and I could see that on the left, just like he had said, the ground rose up, and it looked to me like it riz higher the farther along we woul
d go. I helt us up then.

  “Let’s get off a’ these horses and let them keep on a-going,” I said. “While they’re a-walking past the camp, we’ll climb up on that ridge up there.”

  I led us on till we rounded that curve in the road and we could see the campfire right where Miller said it would be. Then we all dismounted and slapped our horses on their ass so they’d keep on a-going. Then I led the way to the side a’ the road opposite a’ the camp. We all went to climbing. Ever’ now and then one of us would drop off and duck behind a boulder or a bush there on that slope. Final we was all down. I was hunkered down behint a rock, which was about half as tall as me. I could see the men down below and across the road pretty clear even though it had done turned dark. They was around a fire. It looked to me like they was drinking coffee but only one a’ them had a bottle he was passing around. He got his bottle back, and he was standing up next to the fire and taking a long drink.

  Happy was behint another rock just kindly to my right, and he was toting his Winchester rifle. I knowed he was good with it. “Happy,” I said, and he looked over at me. “See can you hit that bottle,” He raised up that rifle and sighted in. Then pretty soon, he squeezed the trigger. The bottle exploded glass and whiskey all over the place, and the whole damn gang reached for their weapons and went to looking around for something to shoot back at. I yelled down at them.

  “Throw down your guns and put your hands up,” I said. “Else we’ll kill you all.”

  The one what Miller and Polly was both after, the one called Cody, he answered me. “Who the hell are you?”

  “I’m Marshal Barjack,” I yelled, “and I got me a posse here a’ forty men.”

  “Yeah? Well, I got men who’ll be riding back here to join up with us at any time now.”

  “You ain’t got no one,” I said. “You had six more, and five of them are dead back in Asininity. The other’n is in jail getting his one leg cut off. They never even made it to the front door a’ the bank.”

  “Take cover, men,” Cody shouted, and they all went to diving for gopher holes. Cody, he went diving back behint hisself, and he disappeared. The rest of them was all down on their bellies, behint fallen-down trees or hiding behint live standingup ones or somewheres else. And they was all shooting at us, or they was all shooting at the hillside where we was at. I don’t think any of them was a-coming close to any of us. They couldn’t really tell just where we was at. One of them stood up in a crouch and went to running back toward where ole Cody had disappeared at. I tuck a careful aim with my Merwin and Hulbert and snapped off a shot at him, and he yelped and tuck a tumble.