by M. S. Parker
Except…she hadn’t been. Looking back, I could see the extra lines on her face. The weight loss I’d taken for a normal reaction to stress or being overworked. The numerous absences.
“Have a seat,” she said. “There are some things I need to tell you.”
I didn’t want to hear what she had to say, but this wasn’t about me. It was about her. What she needed.
“Mr. Larsen, would you go ask a nurse for some water?”
I felt Jalen looking at me, and I nodded. “I’ll be back in a bit.” His lips brushed the top of my head, and then he was gone.
I sat down, scooting the chair closer to the bed. She pushed herself up against the pillows, grimacing as she shifted. I would’ve told her not to strain herself, but I knew her better than that. No point in arguing with her about something she’d do anyway.
“When we first met, I told you that I didn’t sugarcoat things, and that hasn’t changed.” She gave me a smile that didn’t quite take the pain out of her eyes. “As I’m sure you figured out, I have cancer. Pancreatic. Terminal.”
“Then why aren’t you–”
“My chances weren’t good from the first,” she cut me off. “Any treatment would’ve maybe given me some extra weeks. A couple months if I was lucky. And they probably wouldn’t have been great months. I decided that I wanted to leave things on my terms. Mostly good days, and then just a few bad ones.”
She was dying. One of the few people I’d actually let get close to me since I lost Anton, and she was dying.
And soon, if I understood correctly.
“Why–” I croaked, then cleared my throat before I tried again. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Because I knew you wouldn’t let me die in peace. You’d nag me into getting treatment and spoil all of my plans.”
“Plans to end up here?” I gestured around her. The room wasn’t bad, as far as hospital rooms went, but that was beside the point.
“Plans to go on with my normal life for as long as possible,” she said. “Now, how have things been going with your cases? Mr. Larsen came in with you. Does that mean there’s a break?”
“Adare, we don’t need to talk about the cases.”
“Yes, we do.” Her expression sobered. “Burkart Investigations is my legacy, Rona. I want to know how it’s been doing.”
How was I supposed to say no to that?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Even though I would’ve preferred to talk about extending her life, I told her about the work I’d done on Jenna’s case so far, and about everything that had happened with Jalen’s case. Well, almost everything. She didn’t need to know about the personal stuff.
“And that’s all?” she asked when I finished. “No other reason that Mr. Larsen is out hunting down some water for me?” Her dark eyes sparkled.
“I don’t know what it is,” I answered honestly. “There’s something between us, but we haven’t had time to really explore exactly what.”
“He’s very attractive.”
I flushed. “Seriously? That’s where the conversation is going now?”
She smiled, then sucked in a breath, pain creasing her face.
“Adare?” I stood up, reached for her, then stopped, not knowing what to do. “I’ll get someone.”
“No.” She reached out a hand to stop me. “It’s okay. It’ll pass.”
“Adare, please, let me help you.”
She gestured for me to sit down. I didn’t want to, but again, I knew better than to push her. I sat.
“I’m asking for your help,” she said. “I have family, but I’m not close to them. My attorney has letters to send to them, explaining things. I won’t be asking you to talk to them.”
I leaned forward, my heart picking up speed just a bit. “But there is something you’re asking of me.”
“There is.” Pain twisted her pretty features again, and I waited until it passed. “I’ve made all the arrangements for after I’m gone. What I want done. It’s all written down, along with all of the receipts and contact information. Everything’s been paid for.”
This couldn’t be real. She couldn’t be talking about her death like it was nothing more than an event that needed planning.
“My will is there too, in the fireproof box in the bottom drawer of the far-right file cabinet in the office. The business is yours.”
I shook my head. Waited for the words to make sense. Then shook it again when they didn’t. “What are you talking about?”
“Burkart Investigations. It’s yours. When I interviewed you, I wasn’t looking for an employee or even a partner. I wanted someone who could take over, who could keep things going after I was gone.” She smiled at me. “I haven’t known you long, but I feel like you’d take care of it better than anyone else.”
I wanted to tell her that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be, who she wanted me to be. I’d tried to make my mother proud, and I’d fucked that up. I’d do the same with what Adare wanted of me. I’d let her down. Ruin everything she’d worked for, spent her life on.
“Six months,” she said. “I only asked for six months in my will. After that, you can sell it, liquidate it, or whatever you want.”
I stared at her, waiting for her to laugh and tell me this was all some terrible joke. But her gaze was steady as she waited for me to process it all.
“Okay,” I finally agreed.
She smiled. “Was that so difficult?”
Before I could respond, Jalen appeared with a jug of water, grinning that charming grin of his. “I come bearing libations.”
She looked at me. “Oh, he’s a keeper.”
I looked at him, and something in me twisted sharp and bright.
That’s what I was afraid of.
Twenty-Four
If anyone ever wondered how people could possibly sleep in those hellishly uncomfortable hospital chairs, the answer was simple. Spend more than thirty-six hours experiencing some extremely stressful shit, and most people would sleep like babies. It was more like passing out than sleeping, but it worked.
It was Sunday afternoon, and I hadn’t left the hospital yet. I’d told Jalen to go home, but he said he’d stay with me that first night. Then we’d talk about what I needed to do so I could stay with Adare until the end. Which, according to her doctors, would be before the new week was done. With the amount of medication they were giving her, she’d sleep more and more until she stopped waking up.
“Excuse me, Miss Quick?” A woman in a gray suit came into the room. “I’m Mrs. Sheely, the head of the hospital. We’re ready to move you and Miss Burkart.”
“Move us?”
“To the private room Mr. Larsen arranged.” She frowned. “He didn’t tell you?”
“He must not have gotten around to it,” I said with a tired smile. At some point, Jalen and I would need to talk about my issues with people helping me, but anything that made Adare more comfortable, I wouldn’t turn away.
It was closing in on noon by the time we were settled into the small private room, and Jalen had left a few minutes ago to get me some real food. I fully intended to sneak some of my food to Adare if I could get her to eat it. He was also going to pick up some toiletries and clean clothes, so I wouldn’t have to leave until…it was done, as well as my laptop and some books. He was taking care of everything without me even needing to ask him, and I knew it would come back to bite me in the ass, but I couldn’t ask him to stop.
A part of me wished that he was here now though. Even the short move had been hard on Adare, and she’d been given some extra morphine. Now, she was asleep, the low, steady beeping of the heart monitor the only thing letting me know that she was still alive. Unfortunately, that beeping wasn’t enough to keep my mind from going to the bad place it’d been edging around ever since I’d seen the word ‘cancer.’ I wasn’t exactly a people person, but I would’ve liked some company right about now.
“Hey, Ron
a.”
I turned at the soft voice coming from the doorway.
“Jenna?” She gave me an embarrassed smile, then flushed when I hugged her. “Thank you for coming. How’d you know?”
“Jalen.” She stuck her hands in her pockets and glanced over at Adare. “He called Rylan to talk and mentioned you might want some company for a couple hours this afternoon.”
I shook my head. “He’s taking care of so much.”
“He’s taking care of you,” she said with a smile. “Take this from someone who didn’t like being taken care of…let him do it.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I think I can safely say that you and I are a lot alike. When Rylan and I first met, we were working together, and I wasn’t interested in a relationship. Neither was he. But we needed each other.” She gave me a pointed look. “The two of you need each other.”
I sighed and flopped back into my chair. “I’ve got so much on my plate right now, Jenna.”
“I’m not saying marry the guy. Just let him take care of you.”
I decided the best way to not have this discussion was to change the subject. “I got a break in the case I was working for Jalen.”
“I heard.” Her face lit up. “You stopped some pretty nasty guys and saved a bunch of girls. Agent Matthews told me that the trafficking ring you busted wasn’t just selling sex slaves. They were also supplying slaves to sweatshops all over the south.”
My smile was tired but genuine. “That’s great.”
“We’ll have to work together soon. Take down some more dirt-bags.”
“That sounds good,” I said. “And I’ll get back to your case soon.”
She shook her head. “Don’t worry about my case. I’ve waited years to meet my siblings. You take the time you need.” She glanced toward Adare. “Being there for someone you love is more important than anything.”
Having Jenna there did more than give me a distraction. She reminded me of the importance of Burkart Investigations, of the work we did. Sure, the majority of cases weren’t life-changing, but some of them were, and that was worth consideration.
Jenna also reminded me that Adare and Jalen weren’t the only people in the city with whom I had a connection. Jenna was already a friend, but the more time I spent with her, the closer to her I felt. I had a real chance to make a home here, and Adare’s gift would go a long way to help me make it.
I looked at her again. When she next woke up, I’d tell her that I’d honor her wishes, and I’d do my best to make Burkart Investigations into everything she’d always wanted it to be. It would be a lasting legacy to the woman she was.
I just wished she’d be around for years to enjoy it. Short of a miracle, however, I knew that wouldn’t happen.
“Hey.”
I looked up from the book I’d been attempting to read for the past hour. The familiar face made me jump up from the chair. “Clay!”
He caught me in a hug. “I’m sorry about your friend.”
“Thanks.” I stepped away as I glanced over at where Adare was sleeping again.
She’d had a good of couple hours where she’d been able to talk to me, Jenna, and Jalen. Once Adare had drifted off again, Jenna had excused herself, telling me to call her anytime. Jalen had stayed until thirty minutes or so ago, but then left to get us food. I kept telling him that he could go home, and I’d call him if I needed him, but each time he just smiled and shook his head. He hadn’t said it in so many words, but I knew he wasn’t leaving for good until I did.
“How’d you know I was here?” I asked suddenly.
“From my partner, Agent Matthews. He told me about the girls you rescued, and I have to admit that I was more than a little annoyed that I had to find out about it from him. Then he told me that your friend was in the hospital.” He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. “Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “There’s nothing anyone can do for her. Knowing you’re here is enough for me.”
“No matter what’s happened between us, I’m always going to be here for you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. “I know. Thank you.”
“Nice work, by the way,” he said. “Saving those girls.” He paused, then added, “You would’ve made a hell of an agent.”
“Agent?” Jalen’s voice came from behind me. “I thought you were an investigator.” He stepped up next to me and held his hand out to Clay. “Hi. Jalen Larsen. We haven’t officially met.”
“Because the last time you saw me, you behaved like an ass?” Clay grinned to take some of the sting out of his words. He shook Jalen’s hand, and I had no doubt that both of them were doing their best to break each other’s knuckles.
“I did,” Jalen admitted. “But I’ve apologized for it, and she’s forgiven me.”
“She’s good like that,” Clay said.
“She is.” Jalen slid his arm around my waist and brushed his lips against my temple. “But I’d still like to hear about this agent thing.”
“Before I moved here, I was in school to be an FBI agent,” I said honestly. “It didn’t take.” Okay, that was a little less honest, but that wasn’t a conversation I was ready to have yet.
I could tell he wanted to know more, but he didn’t push, and for that, I was grateful. I was doing okay now, but I wasn’t sure how long that would be true for. If I was going to get through this, I preferred to do it with people I could count on.
Twenty-Five
“It won’t be long now,” the nurse said as she pushed a button on the monitor, quieting the beeping that had been going slower and slower over the last hour.
I nodded but didn’t look away from Adare. It was Tuesday afternoon, and she hadn’t woken up since late last night. She’d told me on Sunday night that she’d signed a DNR months ago. No ventilators or CPR. When her breathing stopped, when her heart stopped, it would be over.
I tightened my grip on her hand, but I didn’t expect a response. She hadn’t squeezed back since the early hours of the morning. I didn’t need the nurse to tell me it wouldn’t be long. I could feel her slipping away.
The nurse stepped out, but I knew she wasn’t going far. Once everything stopped, she’d come back. I wasn’t alone though. Jalen was here. He’d moved a second chair over so that he was sitting close enough to touch, but not so close that he was hovering. If I needed him, all I had to do was ask.
Her hand was cold, and I rubbed her fingers even though I knew it wouldn’t actually help anything. No one could do anything now but be there when she went. It was something I hadn’t had with my mom or with my uncle. Even though my relationship with Adare wasn’t the same, I was grateful for the opportunity to be here, so she didn’t have to go alone.
I watched her chest rise. Fall. A long beat. Rise again. Beat. Fall. Repeat. Repeat. Each pause was longer than the one before, and I knew it was preparing me for when the pause became more than just a pause. I started counting the beats. Two seconds more each time.
And then…nothing.
I didn’t need to look at the monitor to know that the line had gone flat. I kept holding her hand even as the nurse came back. She moved around me, turning things off as she went.
“I’ll give you some time,” she said quietly. “Just let me know when you’re ready.”
I nodded, and she left. I kept holding her hand for a few minutes longer, letting it sink in that she was really gone. I’d seen enough dead bodies in my life to know what it looked like when the life inside was really gone, and when I looked at her face, I knew it was true. She’d gone peacefully, and now the lines in her face had been smoothed out, making her look more like the woman I’d first met a few months ago.
There were some calls to make, but none that needed to be done right this moment. She’d arranged for the hospital to call her attorney, and he’d make most of the calls himself. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.
I stood up so suddenly that I swayed on my feet. I reached out to grip
the bed, but I didn’t need to because a strong arm wrapped around me, supporting me.
“It’s all right.” Jalen’s voice was low in my ear. “I’ve got you.”
I leaned into him, too weary to do anything other than accept what he offered. When he asked if I wanted to go, I nodded. Adare didn’t need me anymore. Not here, anyway. She needed me to take care of the few arrangements she’d left to me, and to run Burkart Investigations. For that, I needed to rest and heal…physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I didn’t remember falling asleep in the car, but I knew I must have because when I opened my eyes, I was in a bed. Not my bed, but still a bed rather than a chair. Something about the place seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it. My head was thick, and I suddenly became aware of an urgent need to pee.
I stumbled out of the bed and through an open door that luckily led to a bathroom. After I’d relieved myself, I washed my face as well as my hands, letting the cool water help clear away the cobwebs. It wasn’t until I straightened and saw my reflection that I realized I wasn’t wearing the same jeans and sweater that I had on when I’d left the hospital. I was in a pair of familiar-looking flannel pants and a massive sweatshirt.
“I thought I heard you up.” Jalen came into the bathroom just as I was rinsing my mouth out with some mouthwash I’d found.
“What time is it?” I asked. My voice sounded rusty, which fit with the fact that my mouth had felt like I’d been sucking on dirt-flavored cotton for a while.
“Nearly two,” he said as he leaned against the doorframe.
“Oh, um, okay.” I rubbed my forehead. “I can call a cab to take me back to my place.”
“You don’t have to leave right away. Let’s get some lunch, and we can talk things over.”