by Izzy Shows
“The necromancers.” Aidan prompted again.
“Ah, yes, of course. The necromancers, busy little things, are going to blow up the city. No clue why. They didn’t even ask us for power, just for instruction. I’m always happy to help destroy things, you know me. I gave each of them a little kiss to the forehead and off they popped, scampering off to desecrate…something. Graveyard or playground? Same thing, I suppose, once they get their hands on it. Oh, and of course they’ll be throwing the actual party tomorrow night. Save me a dance, love?” He winked at me, more flirtation. I flushed. “Now, I don’t know where they’ve scurried off to now, or where the ball is going to be…but I did tell them they’d need the site of a tremendous amount of bloodshed to pull it off. Should get you in the right direction, eh?”
Aidan didn’t have time to respond. The demon blew a kiss and disappeared before his hand dropped back to his side.
I stared at Aidan, but he wouldn’t look at me.
I’d had enough of that damn basement, though, so I pivoted on my bare heel and walked out of it.
17
“BLAIR?” HE CALLED AFTER ME WITH my name for the first time but I didn’t pause to look back, it didn’t even itch at my neck. He didn’t have a right to the name, it had been ripped out of my throat, and I hated him for it.
Hated that my name had been used in that fashion. Hated that I’d been coerced into doing something, even if it was just giving my name out.
I don’t do things that I don’t decide to do. I make the decisions, me, alone. Always me. Always.
I had to.
I was panicking, I realised in that moment. My mind was racing and my vision was both unfocussed and hyper focussed. I saw everything around me with painful clarity.
I balled my hands into fists, nails biting into my palms and I welcomed the pain there. Pain would help me focus. I spotted my shoes on the floor over by the chair and stomped over to grab them.
I couldn’t handle this, not here not now.
Breathe, Blair, just breathe. Hold it together. Don’t let him see you cry.
I pulled air into my lungs and sat down on the sofa to pull my shoes on. My vision blurred as I fumbled with the laces, then crystallised again when I bit down hard on my cheek. I tasted blood but easily dismissed it, focusing on the pain.
Pain would keep me sharp.
I felt so alone in that moment, staring down at my half-tied shoes. It was so obvious, that no one cared about me, that no one had ever cared about me. I couldn’t depend on anyone; no one had ever given me the autonomy I needed.
Everyone decides for you, Blair. Always has, always will. You should have learned by now. The voice inside my mocked me. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook away the thought, I didn’t have time for it now.
I needed to get out of here.
I stood up abruptly, laces still a mess, and locked eyes with Aidan. I didn’t know when he’d exited the basement, or how long he’d been watching me, but he was staring down at me with his arms crossed and a face void of emotion.
I pulled my own face into one of defiance, not wanting him to see how upset I was. Pain, pain was good for focusing me, but letting anyone know that they’d caused me pain was not. It gave them too much power.
“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice quiet. Pitched low, as if speaking to a wounded animal.
Maybe that’s what I was. It’s how I felt.
“Anywhere. I’m done.” I managed to keep my voice steady.
“I’m afraid that isn’t an option.” He said.
“I don’t care, Aidan. I don’t give a fuck. I’m done. I’m done with you, I’m done with this case, and I’m bloody done with magic. I don’t work with people, I’ve never worked with people, and this,” I waved a hand at nothing in particular, “this has all been an excellent example as to why. People suck. You suck.”
“Exactly what were you expecting from me? Need I remind you that we met yesterday, that I learned your name not even a minute ago? I don’t owe you any loyalty, and I don’t expect any from you.” He took a step toward me as he spoke, and I involuntarily took a step back, the backs of my legs hitting the chair behind me.
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe not selling me out to a demon? How’s that for starters?” I snapped.
“I didn’t sell you out. Calm down, it’s just a bloody name for Christ’s sake.” He said.
“I don’t care what it was!” I shouted. “Don’t you get that? I don’t care what you gave him, I care that you didn’t give a monkey’s cuss about it. I care that you put me in a situation where I didn’t have a choice at all. I don’t trust you, and that means I can’t work with you.”
He strode towards me, grasping my arm and holding me still, the look in his eyes quelling anything I might have said. “You can trust that I will do everything in my power to see the two of us safely through this case. Your name was a matter of expediency, a means to an end. It cannot be used to harm you. Do you get that?” He shook me, as if to drive the point home. “Your name can’t be used to hurt you, it can only be used to call on you. He can come say hi when he wants to, that’s all. It’s your True Name. That can be used to bind you, control you, whatever. But you don’t know that name, so it can’t be given to him. It wasn’t a big deal.”
I wanted to scream at him, because he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why I was upset. He didn’t understand what a lack of control did to me—he never could. No one would ever understand what it had been like in those homes: what I’d endured.
“I get it. I just don’t care.” I whispered. “I’m done with you.”
A muscle in his jaw pulsed as he glared down at me. “Well, hate to break it to you, but you don’t have a choice. You leave now, and I’ll report you. The only reason I haven’t is because I can keep an eye on you while we work together.”
I didn’t react, not visibly. I shut down every muscle in my face while my mind raced. I couldn’t come up with anything, not a thought to help me process. Work with Aidan or go before the Order without him to vouch for the fact that I wasn’t a danger. I looked away from him, shaking my head. Backed into a corner again, it seemed.
“Listen.” His voice softened. “I need your help.”
“You have a funny way of asking for it,” I muttered, still not looking at him.
He let go of me, as if just then realising that he was crowding me. “I do not have a good way of explaining myself to others. Like you, I don’t work well with anyone. I, in my infinite wisdom, picked a fight with a Fae. I was cursed. My magic is being drained, just a bit, day by day. I can’t handle this situation without help, and it’s too late to call in reinforcements. I need your help.”
I looked at him at last, glaring at him. “I decide to be reported or not, at the end. I decide if I want to keep being a part of this world.” I would take back what control I could, I would make my own decisions.
He stared at me for a while, I wasn’t quite certain what he would say. “OK. You’ve got a deal. When this is over, you can decide.” And we shook on it.
“You should probably go home and get some rest,” He said. “I won’t need you until late afternoon tomorrow, I’ve got some stuff to work on before the ritual.”
“You don’t need my help?” I asked, furrowing my brow.
“No. I’ve got a, uh, kind of an assistant for that.”
I frowned. “What assistant? Why haven’t you introduced me?”
“Listen, it’s a little weird. I don’t want to get into it, you’ve had enough weird shit thrown at you today. Just come back tomorrow afternoon and we’ll finish this business.”
“OK…Fine. I guess.” I shrugged, standing up. “See you tomorrow.”
18
I FELT EXHAUSTED AND DRAINED On my way back home. The day had been long, and so much had been taken out of me, that I almost fell asleep at the wheel a couple of dozen times. By the time I pulled into the car park for my building, I was about ready to literally crawl from the car
to my flat. My bed, with its hard mattress and thin blankets, sounded like heaven now. I could curl up and float off to sleep and that would just be…so nice. No one needed me right now. I could just sleep.
I fumbled with my keys, trying to lock my car, and seriously thought about abandoning it. Unlikely that someone would steal it, right?
Then a sound cut through the night air.
My spine stiffened, eyes went wide momentarily in confusion.
What was that noise? What is this? Is this a trap? It must be a trap. That demon was hunting me down…
The thoughts flew through my mind rapidly, before being cut off with a resounding ‘duh.’ It was my freaking phone.
Funny how only a day of this life had completely changed the way I reacted to things.
I fished the phone out of my trousers and slapped it against my head, scowling at the pain I’d caused myself. “Sheach.” I barked my name into the phone. I made no effort to soften my tone; whoever was calling me this late at night deserved it as far as I was concerned. I was already thinking about all the colourful ways I would threaten them.
“Well don’t you sound pleasant, sunshine.” Finn’s sunny voice filled my ear, and I fantasised about punching him in the face.
“What do you want?” I let the edge fall off my voice, so that I just sounded weary now. Finn didn’t really need to be barked at, but he certainly needed to know how simply unacceptable this kind of behaviour was. I was being kept from my sleep, and let’s be honest, I’m not the nicest person when I get ten hours of sleep. I’m even worse when I’m sleep deprived.
“You forgot?” He sounded amused. “That must be one helluva case you’re working, Sheach.”
“You have no idea.” I muttered, rubbing my temples. Christ. I hadn’t even thought about Finn in the past twenty-four hours. Hard to believe it had only been twenty-four hours.
Could I even tell him about this? I had never had a secret like this, and I was certain it was supposed to be a secret. Aidan hadn’t explicitly said anything, but it was rather heavily implied. Finn and I hadn’t ever had anything this serious to talk about, there hadn’t been a moment in either of our lives—that I knew about, at least—that had defined our friendship as the type where you’d talk about this sort of thing. Was there even a friendship where you would talk about this sort of thing? Well, here was that moment, and I had to decide. I hated the responsibility.
“You’ll have to tell me all about it. At the bar. That you said you were meeting us at.” The implication was clear there—he’d told what-ever-her-name-was that she was going to meet his friend, and now I needed to follow through or else it would put a damper on the whole evening. How did I say ‘sorry, I can’t make it, there’s a demon who can track me anywhere and necromancers trying to take over the city?’ It just didn’t seem like the kind of thing you said over the phone.
Which I guess meant that I was going to the bar. Well, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I could at least use a stiff drink. “Yeah, yeah, you win. Except we didn’t agree on a bar. Where the hell am I going?”
“Local House. Duh.” I could practically hear his eyeballs rolling. Where else would we be going? Local House was our usual haunt.
“See you soon.” I clicked the phone shut. Unlike Finn, I do not like to give estimated arrival times when I’m heading out to meet someone. Never know what might go horribly wrong and make a liar out of you. Best not to take chances.
With a sigh and a groan, I glared over at my car. I honestly wasn’t entirely certain that I was in good condition to drive right then, and adding more hours awake instead of less…plus alcohol…probably not a good idea. I flapped a hand at the car as if to say ‘forget you,’ and turned around and started heading to Local House. Luckily it wasn’t very far—about a midpoint between my place and Finn’s—and I would only have to walk for a couple of minutes.
Hopefully that would wake me up some. I tried to sort out my thoughts as I went, pondering on everything I had learned tonight. It had been an exhausting day, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to keep going on it. I had just agreed with Aidan that I wouldn’t back out just yet, and that we would discuss the situation after the necromancers had been taken care of, but I was certain that my mind was made up. I couldn’t handle the stress of it, I didn’t want to. There was too much weighing on my shoulders, and too much that could go horrendously wrong. Someone else would be better suited for the job.
Not me. I wasn’t any good at anything, one only had to look at my track record to figure that out. I couldn’t be counted on as reliable for a waitressing gig, I was sure that meant I wasn’t reliable enough to be defending a city. Not that I had really been elected into the position, so much as told that it was either do this or watch the city burn. I sighed. Was this what it was going to be like from now on? No real choices, just do it or so-and-so is going to get the axe? I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this would be the case. Because who would ever take this path voluntarily?
You would.
A small voice in the back of my mind whispered the traitorous thought. I shook my head, tucked a stray bit of hair away as if that was what the action had been about. I wouldn’t. Look at me, I’m literally just standing here and making up excuses as to why it shouldn’t be done.
Because you want to do it. This is who you are. You want to do something meaningful, you want to be proud of something. You can’t stand people. You were made to be the hero in the shadows.
I cringed. Hero? Ugh, that was corny. Is that what I thought of myself? I couldn’t be a hero, and if that was what my subconscious thought was suggesting, then that was just more reason as to why this was a bad idea. Heroes didn’t exist, and if they did, I wouldn’t be one. I was either the girl who died five minutes in, or the villain. I really didn’t want to find out which one I’d end up as.
I was still fairly lost in my musings when I finally reached Local House. It was busy, which was normal for a Friday night. There were more bodies in the building than I was normally comfortable dealing with, but that was the price for hanging out on a popular night. Two barmen tried to balance the surplus of customers, and the customers lurked around tables like hungry sharks, waiting for someone to stand up so that they could grab a char. Local House has enough seating on a week night, but on the weekend, it’s every man for himself. Four-seater tables lined the walls, and a couple of standalone two-seater tables were spread about in the centre. The patio out back, where everyone smoked, was even worse for the crowd. Don’t try to fight a smoker for standing space, because they’re more territorial than the average customer is for sitting space. The music was loud, I could feel the bass thrumming in my chest. It certainly did enough to wake me up. I scanned the crowd for Finn and his girl, barely managing to drag my awareness back to the here and now before Finn jumped up to greet me. We hugged for a moment, and I took the moment with my face hidden as an opportunity to slip my ‘nice’ face on.
“Hi!” I exuded excitement and happiness as I turned to the paramour, extending a hand for her to shake. She shoved it aside and wrapped me in a hug that was way too tight—I gritted my teeth to keep from shoving her away. Had she no sense of boundaries? You don’t just invade someone’s space like that. Finn had permission, she was new. I could have lit her on fire, probably by accident, if I hadn’t been so tired. Yeah, I might need to tell Finn about this, if only for his own safety. Maybe after the girl left.
“Oh my goodness, I’m so excited to meet you!” She bounced in place, as if she really was that excited. I didn’t see what warranted that. “Finn has told me so much about you, I thought I was never going to get to meet you. You’re always just so busy, and I was just telling Finn the other day that we were going to have to make reservations on your schedule, because there was no way I was going to keep letting you get away from me. And then he told me, just out of the blue! That you wanted to meet me. How awesome is that?” She smiled so brightly I thought I might lose vision in one of
my eyes.
I managed a smile, though nowhere near as friendly as hers. I didn’t bother looking at Finn to know that I was royally blowing this. “Heh. I’m not worth that much excitement. But I’m glad Finn finally caved and let me meet you.” I smiled sweetly at him now, as I squarely placed the blame on his shoulders. Oh yeah, I could be mean. I didn’t know why I felt the need, I suspected it was the lack of proper sleep and the overexertion from magic lessons.
Vicky gasped, spinning to look at Finn as if she had just found out that he had murdered a busload of children. OK, maybe that was a little extreme. “Finn!” She swatted him playfully on the arm. “Keeping us apart. He must be worried about what we’ll talk about when he scurries off to the gents.” She winked at me like we were in on a joke together. It took me a moment to realise what she was saying—implying that there were ‘girl talk’ secrets for us to trade about Finn. What was she expecting from me? I didn’t know anything about him that would be relevant to a relationship, aside from the fact that he didn’t want one. OK, that might be relevant to someone trying to strike up a relationship with him. I felt like it would probably sting to be told that though.
“No, no, Finn’s just ashamed of me, that’s all.” I smirked.
“That’s not true!” he protested, looking rather horrified from one of us to the other. I watched him open his mouth and quickly snap it shut—I knew what he was about to say, and couldn’t hold back the giggle. ‘Why does this always happen?’ Literally every time I meet one of them, after they leave, he throws up his hands and cries that. He almost slipped up and said it while she was still present, and I had a feeling that would not have gone over well. Everyone wanted to think that they were special.
“No, Blair, you really can’t think that about him. He positively adores you. He’s always going on about you.” She placed a hand on top of mine, and I instantly felt all my humour drain from my body. I had picked up on her jealous thoughts in that moment, and realised that there was no friendly banter going on here. She hated me. She didn’t want to meet me, and in fact had been trying to stop Finn from bringing me anywhere the two of them went together. My eyes widened in surprise, seeking through her mind for the reason without even realising what I was doing.