Handing my beer to John, I sighed. "In that case, you can stay."
He popped the cap off my beer and sat down next to me. "I wasn't just being nice. Your shirt is real pretty. I guess my Mom is just in a bad mood because of her hip."
I took a long sip of my beer. "It didn't really bother me. I'm used to it. She has been real sour lately and she's definitely a shitty patient. But she's been harping on how I dress ever since I ditched the denim overalls years ago. It's kind of annoying now that I've moved back in here to help her out, though."
"She's just overcompensating for some lack of fulfillment or some such nonsense. It probably has nothing to do with you."
I squinted against the sun at him. "Lack of fulfillment?"
John shrugged. "I've been in counseling for so many years, they should give me an honorary degree for all the psycho-babble I could spout."
"Oh." I so wanted to pry, but I held back.
John leaned back in his chair. "I've tried to keep out of everyone's way since I've been here. Everyone seems so miserable in this house. You should try to get away as soon as you can."
I smiled. "Believe me I've been thinking that since the day I got here. Susan's getting better. I'll head back to Philly soon. Now I just have to survive this wonderful family dinner."
John tapped lightly on his beer bottle with the opener. "Yeah. It should be great. My mother disapproves of you. Your father hates me. And who knows what the fuck is up with Nick. Maybe his girlfriend dumped his sorry ass."
"Just your typical dysfunctional family, I guess. What about you, John? Do you have a girlfriend?"
He didn't seem to mind my asking. "No. The last one got me into this mess. I think I'll enjoy the single life for awhile."
I was intrigued. He seemed to be in a talkative mood, maybe he would tell me more. "What happened?"
He grinned at me. "I couldn't resist Shelly. She was really attractive - I'll just leave it at that. Unfortunately, she was also my boss. When she started fishing for a ring and I wouldn't commit, she fired my ass. Just like that. And I don't think I'm going to get any glowing job references from her."
I rolled my eyes. "Well, duh. Everyone knows you don't screw your boss."
"Well, miss smarty-pants. How about you? Any boyfriends?" He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest.
"No. I'm terrible with men. I always seem to be attracted to the wrong guys. I can't seem to find a normal, nice, responsible man."
John took a long drink of beer. "You shouldn't be settling for normal, nice and responsible men. Sounds boring. You're too young for that. You should expand your horizons a bit. Anytime your feeling a little more adventurous - just let me know."
I stared at him with surprise. "Shit. You're right." What he said made sense, well, the first part of it anyway. Was I going to wait my whole life for Nick to come to some sort of an epiphany? It was time to start living.
As if on cue, Nick stepped outside. "John, Mom wants to see you about something."
John looked at me and smiled devilishly. "We'll finish this conversation later."
I laughed as he went back inside. Well, that would be interesting. I looked at Nick standing hesitantly in the doorway. "C'mon and sit down. Don't worry, I won't attack you or anything."
Nick sat in John's empty seat. "You two seem to be getting along well."
I studied him through my eyelashes as I chipped away at the label on my beer bottle. "Yeah. John is really… nice."
Nick grunted. "Don't let him fool you, Allie. John's nothing but a player. He's only interested in one thing."
It took balls to try to warn me off his brother and I didn't like it. "Yeah, what makes that any different from you?"
Nick fidgeted in his chair. "Okay. I know you're mad at me right now. But I'm just trying to keep you from getting hurt."
Didn't he see the terrible irony of that statement? "How would John hurt me? Maybe I'm not interested in a long-term relationship."
"Allie, he has no boundaries. He would take advantage of your inexperience. John just takes what he can get and moves on. It doesn't matter who you are."
This latest affront really seemed to be the last straw for me. Nick had taken my virginity and then effectively wiped his hands clean of me and now he had the nerve to lecture me about his brother? The only person in his whole damn family who had shown any kindness to me today?
It was time to knock him down a peg or two. "If you're referring to our family situation, John doesn't think of me as a sister. And I certainly don't think of him as a brother. Because, he’s not. And you don't have to caution me about him. I'm fully aware that he is more experienced than me. I'm sure that there's plenty that he could teach me."
I watched with satisfaction as I saw him wince at my words.
"Allie, you don't mean that." He sounded tortured.
The hell I didn't. "Why not? He's handsome, he's available and he seems to be interested in me."
Nick's gaze was intense. "Are you saying this to try to hurt me?"
My anger was losing its edge. "What do you care anyway? You've made it clear that you're not interested in me. That I was a big fucking mistake."
His faced drained of all color. "You know I care about you." I had landed a direct hit, but it didn't make me feel any better.
My voice lowered as I delivered the final blow. "If you cared about me, you wouldn't have walked away from me the way you did."
I got up and entered the house before he could answer.
Chapter Nine
Nick felt like pounding the plastic table, but instead, he sat motionless staring straight in front of him. Coming home had been a mistake. He had made the decision last minute, ditching Marissa and her family, who he had never met before. But it had been constantly in the back of his mind, ever since he learned that Allie was home, to come see her.
If he had hoped that his attraction for her would have waned in the previous months, he was wrong. He had tried to bury his feelings with countless other women, but everything always came back to her. Why did it all have to be so complicated?
He couldn't stand feeling this way. His first instinct was to get up and leave. Walk away from it all. But he had already tried that the last time he was feeling out of his depth. It had been a cowardly move on his part and Allie was right to be so mad at him. No, he needed to stay and try to patch things up with her.
Nick stayed outside trying to work through his jumbled feelings until Steve called him into dinner. During dinner, Nick felt uncomfortable. He remembered a handful of dinners in which it was only Steve and his mother, Allie and him. They had been carefree dinners with Allie bombarding him with tons of questions about his band and shows. Steve or his mother never seemed overly interested in any of it, so they mostly ate in silence while he talked to Allie.
Now Allie was completely ignoring him and practically flirting with his brother. Had she been serious about what she said outside? That she wanted John to teach her? Nick idly pushed the food around his plate as he remembered her words. If she was trying to punish him, it had certainly worked. His gut had clenched with… jealousy? anger? disgust? despair? What if she truly meant it? She wasn't going to stay away from men forever. And John unquestionably knew how to seduce women. It was none of his business, but the thought made him sick. He couldn’t eat another bite.
When dinner was finally over, Steve retreated to the family room in front of the TV and promptly fell asleep. Nick and John helped clear the table while Allie started doing dishes in the kitchen.
When the dining room table was finally cleared, John turned to him. "Hey, Nick. I'm gonna go out for a bit. You want to come out and hit the town? Find a nice piece of ass and you'll forget all about her."
Did his brother know? "What do you mean?"
John slapped him on the back. "Your girlfriend, bro. You've been moping around here like a real sad sack all day. She dump you?"
Nick shook his head. "Marissa? No, she's not the problem. I got
ta head back home soon, so I'm gonna skip going out for the night. Have a good time though."
John shook his hand. "I'm sure I will. See you soon. Tell Allie not to wait up for me." John winked and headed out the door.
No sooner had John left than his mother called for him. He spent the next 45 minutes listening to the minute details of his mother's injury and all that she had endured. When he finally escaped, the kitchen was clean and Allie was nowhere to be found.
Nick wasn't going to leave without talking to her. If he didn't clear things up with Allison, he would never get her out of his mind. He headed upstairs and walked down the hallway to her room. He passed his old bedroom, where John was now staying, right next door to Allie's room. Her door was only open a crack so he tapped on it. There was no answer, but he could hear her singing inside. He knocked louder and called her name, but she didn't answer. He peered through the crack and saw her moving about the room. She was listening to an iPod and singing horribly off-key.
He stood for a few moments watching her, before he pushed the door open further and motioned to get her attention. He spoke her name louder, "Allie… Allie"
Her eyes opened wide as she spotted him. She pulled off her ear buds. "I thought you left. You barely ate anything at dinner. I hope my cooking wasn't too terrible."
He hadn't tasted a thing, so he had no clue how her cooking was really. "No, it was fine. I just wasn't that hungry."
She seemed to accept his lame answer. "Are you heading out now?"
"I am soon. I just wanted to talk to you first."
"Is this another lecture from my big brother? Because I'm not in the mood." She hopped on top of her bed as she spoke and then collapsed backwards across the bed exasperated, lying on her back staring at the ceiling.
Nick felt a surge of guilt as he briefly imagined climbing on top of her. Pinning her against the bed and ravishing her. He had to let that go.
Now that he had her attention, he didn't know quite what to say. "No. I'm sorry about that; I didn't mean to lecture you. But no, this is about us. About what happened."
She answered bitterly, "You mean 'the big fucking mistake'?"
Nick turned and closed her bedroom door. He didn't need anyone overhearing their awkward conversation. What a disaster that would be.
"Allie, I'm sorry I said that. Look, I freaked out. I'm not proud of the way I handled the whole situation. I would take it all back if I could."
She sat up and folded her legs underneath herself. "You wish it never happened. Believe me, that's clear. But, why? Was it that awful? I thought you were enjoying yourself. I know I was. Well, I was, until you took off."
He had been enjoying himself. Too much. He shook his head to clear it of the sexy memories that popped into his head. "That's not the point. The point is that it was wrong. Everything about it was wrong. You and I can't be together like that."
"I guess that's the part I don't understand. We're both consenting adults."
How could he make her understand? “Allie, you were vulnerable after that asshole almost raped you. And you were a virgin. I feel like such a jerk-”
She cut in before he could finish. "Well you can stop feeling so guilty. I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do."
"Okay. Maybe we both wanted to. That doesn't make it right." He could feel his balls tighten with need just talking about it. It didn't help that she looked so fucking sexy right now with her tight pants, sexy cleavage and tousled hair.
Allie crossed her arms. "Why isn't it right? Because I'm like a sister?"
Nick sighed. If the situation between them had been different, he would have had her naked already. But it wasn't, so that would never work.
"No. I do feel closer to you than to other women. Maybe even more protective of you. But I don't think of you as a sister. I know what we did wasn't wrong or immoral or whatever. I don't think that way, but plenty of other people do. My family, our family. Society in general. Your father, for one, would kill me. People are harsh and judgmental. It could mess up your life."
Allie's eyes were blazing with sincerity. "Nick, what do they matter? How would they even know?"
Nick felt his cock pressing against the stiff fabric of his jeans. Jesus. Allie didn't regret losing her virginity to him. In fact, it almost seemed like she wanted more from him. He had come here determined to clear the air between them, but now he was desperately fighting the overpowering sexual attraction that he certainly couldn't act on.
"Secrets always have a way of getting out. And I don't want you to get hurt."
She looked at him with skepticism. "You didn't seem to have such a big problem with us being together in Philly until you found out I was a virgin."
She was really tearing down every single one of his arguments. Nick felt himself squirming uncomfortably. "Yeah, I got caught up in the moment. But, I really didn't know you were a virgin. Your first time should be with somebody special."
She smiled almost triumphantly. "You are special to me."
Nick ran a hand through his hair. "I mean someone like a boyfriend. Someone you trust."
"I've had plenty of boyfriends but none of them make me feel the way you do. I trust you."
Nick swallowed. He was aching with need and she was driving him insane. "Allie, what are you saying? What do you want from me?"
She was watching him with such a look of wide-eyed innocence. Still, her words sliced through him like a knife. "I want you to teach me about sex. I want you to make love to me."
Nick groaned as he felt his resistance crumbling. His cock was throbbing in his pants and his body was on fire for her. His brain was screaming 'no' even as he stepped towards her.
***
The words had slipped from my mouth. I couldn't help it. Nick may have been arguing with me, telling me how wrong I was, but all I could think about was his hands running all over my body. His mouth claiming me. His body crushed against mine. I had spent too many nights lying in my pink bedroom dreaming about Nick. And there he was; standing right there, looking almost lost. It was too much to resist.
But when I uttered those words, asking him to make love to me, his arguments died. It was like a switch was flipped. He suddenly looked like a wolf about to devour a lamb. I shivered as his eyes darkened with lust. I could see the barely restrained passion brewing just beneath the surface and even as my brain registered this with nervous anticipation, my body reacted with wicked abandon. Tension gathered in my belly as I felt an answering ache building deep in my pussy.
Nick looked predatory. "You're sure you want this?"
I was never surer of anything in my life. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice to speak properly. Nick got off the bed and for one horrible moment, I thought he was leaving.
He crossed the room and fiddled with the doorknob. "How does this lock?"
I swallowed, my nerves mounting. "Uh, it's been broken for years. You have to prop something to hold it shut, or else it'll just pop open."
He grabbed my small suitcase, which was standing in an empty space next to my dresser and placed it against the door. Then he turned and started approaching the bed.
I was frozen in place. What was I supposed to do? Suddenly, I was paralyzed with uncertainty and doubt. I reached for the lamp on the nightstand, needing darkness to hide my nervousness.
"Don't turn it off. I want to see every inch of you." He sat on the bed in front of me.
Oh God. How could I hide my insecurities, my fears, and my inexperience? How could I ever compare to all the girls he'd been with before? What if I couldn't please him? All my most secret fantasies were about to become reality, and I was a complete mess.
He watched me. "You look scared."
I couldn't endure his knowing gaze. I looked down and picked at the ugly pink comforter on my bed. "I'm pretty nervous all of a sudden."
"You don't have to be nervous with me, Allie. I won't hurt you."
My eyes flew to meet his. "I know that. I trust you completely.
I'm just afraid that I'll disappoint you. That I won't even know what to do."
He was so calm, so patient. "You're overthinking this. You know what to do - your body knows what to do. Come over here."
My heart was pounding in my chest as I tentatively slid over towards him. He pulled me into his arms and took my hand in his.
"Allie, you won't disappoint me. I'm already excited thinking about what we're going to do." He guided my hand to the front of his jeans.
I could feel his hard cock through the thick material. My body responded instantly. Whether it was from being so close to him and wrapped in his arms or from the memory that flashed through my mind of seeing him naked the last time we were together, I didn't know, but I felt a throb of awareness deep in my core. I wanted him.
Nick started kissing my neck, talking as his mouth roamed my sensitive skin. "If you want to stop anytime, just tell me and you know I will. But if you're having second thoughts right now, you better tell me, because once I start, trust me, you're not going to want to stop. There'll be no turning back. It'll be too late."
The truth was that it was already too late. All my earlier nerves had melted away at his first touch and I was already drowning in a desperate desire for more. When he touched me, I knew it was right.
I pulled back slightly so that I could look directly into his eyes. "No. I'm sure, Nick. I want to be with you. I have no doubts."
He smiled. It wasn't a friendly or pleasant smile. It was a scorching, wicked smile that made the most erotic of promises. My stomach flip-flopped with eager anticipation.
"Kiss me." His command was simple.
I leaned toward him, touching my lips to his. My tongue gently probed the inside of his mouth when it opened to welcome my kiss. My heart was racing and I felt my panties growing damp with an excited heat. We had barely done anything and I was already so turned on by him.
Nick pulled back. "That's nice. But I don't want you to hold back so much. You've kissed me before. Kiss me like that again."
He was right, I realized. I was holding back. When we had kissed before, I had gotten so lost in the overwhelming sensations, I couldn't think straight. This time I wanted to keep a clear head to make sure I did everything right.
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