My mouth fell open.
What the hell? He’d just gone from doing that to ordering me around like an overbearing babysitter in under a minute. I was too stunned to even protest as he slid out from underneath me and stood.
Zeph made a big, awkward show of tucking me in. He tried to laugh and be casual as he kissed my forehead and switched off the lamp, but I could see the nervous tension written all over his face. His smile was thin, fizzling before it ever reached his eyes. He closed the bedroom door, leaving me alone in the dark.
He was throwing up walls again—holding me out at a distance. I could feel it, like a growing rift tearing us apart. Before, knowing he was keeping his distance and holding back all those secrets had filled me with so much anger. Why would he lie to me? Why would he push me away? Why would he refuse to tell me how he felt?
Now, I knew exactly why.
He was still trying to protect me. He didn’t believe he could break his curse, and he wasn’t going to hand me over to Fir Darrig. Zeph thought he was going to die. He must have also thought that if he told me how he felt, if he let it show, or if I got too attached … I’d somehow be dragged down with him.
But it was too late for that.
If he was going out like a dying star, then I was already doomed to burn in his wake.
Everyone at school was overjoyed to have Joe Noble back with all his charm, smiles, and dazzling charisma. The teachers showered him with praise. They couldn’t stop telling him how proud they were that he was handling this difficult time in his life with such optimism and positivity. Our classmates tripped all over themselves to talk to him, and even the popular girls followed him down the halls between classes, asking about how our relationship was going.
Whether it was genuine or just the effects of some spell he’d cast over them, it was driving me nuts. I couldn’t get a moment’s peace no matter where I went. Zeph, on the other hand, basked in all the attention behind his Joe-disguise. He was eating it up, and simultaneously dragged me into the spotlight with him as the ever-supportive “girlfriend.”
After a few weeks of that crap, I was kinda starting to miss being a social outcast.
“We were thinking, you know, since it’s almost the end of the year, what if we dedicated the yearbook to your mom? You know, like, with her picture and everything.” One of the girls in our calculus class had invited herself to sit on top of my desk so she could talk to Joe. She had become a familiar fixture there, although she seldom acknowledged my existence.
I could see her scheme from a mile away. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she was up to no good. She batted her eyes a little too much, and was always twirling her hair or nibbling coyly on the end of her pencil when she eyed Zeph—er, Joe. Ugh. It’s like she had no sense of shame at all.
“Wouldn’t that be awesome?” She smiled hopefully.
“Sure, I’ll ask her.” Joe tossed his perfect golden locks out of his eyes and gave her a dazzling, Hollywood smile.
Seriously The yearbook? Had he completely lost it? I knew there was probably steam coming out of my ears, but I was determined not to get involved in a conversation with her. I kept my eyes on my homework.
“Great! We’ll need a picture of her, too.” The girl tapped her lips with her pencil suggestively, “I’m Anna, by the way. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you two going to prom together? I mean, I heard you were a couple, but you don’t really act like it. You never, like, hold hands or anything anymore.”
I almost cracked my pen in half.
Behind me, Joe sounded genuinely confused. “Prom? I didn’t even know you guys had one.”
“Yeah, totally! The theatre kids always pick the theme. It’s a masquerade ball this year,” she added with a flirty giggle. “Do you have a date?”
“Of course. If there’s a dance, I’m going with my girlfriend, Josie. She’s the love of my life. We’re getting engaged after graduation,” he answered so fast it made my head spin.
“O-oh,” Anna stammered. Her tone was as stunned as it was critical. “That’s, um, so sweet. Congratulations.”
This whole charade had just reached a new level of ridiculous. I waited until Anna gathered up the shattered pieces of her pride and moved back to her own desk, before I leaned back and whispered to him, “Are you insane? You can’t let them dedicate our yearbook to someone who doesn’t exist!”
“Oh, come on. What does it matter? It’s a lousy high school yearbook. Who cares?” he muttered back.
“I care! Don’t you realize they’ll probably want to meet this imaginary mother of yours?” I was having a difficult time keeping my voice down.
“Oh, gee, that should be a real problem. Especially for a guy who can change shape like, um, a changeling?” He mocked me in my own frantic tone.
“You can’t just go meddling around like that, injecting yourself into people’s lives and then going on your merry way!”
He snorted. “Of course I can. I’ve done it before plenty of times. This doesn’t even come close to my best work.”
“Best work? What are you talking about?” I snuck a glance back at him.
He leaned back in his desk, looking incredibly proud of himself. His violet eyes twinkled with mischief. “Let’s just say, I’ve made one small step for mankind.”
I gaped. “W-what?”
“Well, faeriekind, to be exact.” He winked at me. “I can’t take all the credit, though. I didn’t plan on doing it. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. That Armstrong guy has the shittiest luck.”
“You … You’re unbelievable!” I covered my mouth to hide my horror. I didn’t want anyone else around us getting suspicious. “You killed him!”
Zeph rolled his eyes like I was making a big deal out of nothing. “No! Geez, I’m not that bad. I just put him to sleep for a bit. You know, gave him a little magical faerie nap. It didn’t hurt him, and he still thought he went to the moon, so no harm done. He just, well, didn’t actually go. I did.”
I put my head down on my desk. “Who hijacks a trip to the moon? You’re a lunatic.”
“Which makes you an even bigger one for wanting to be around me,” he countered.
“What else have you done? Shot Kennedy? Crossed the Delaware?”
Joe laughed and tugged at my braid like he was playing with it. “No. But maybe you shouldn’t look too closely at the statue of David.”
“I think I’m gonna be sick,” I buried my face in the crease of my textbook. I’d seen Zeph flaunt his powers before; he could change his whole appearance as easily as other people changed clothes. I hadn’t thought about all the shenanigans he might get into if he used his magic to make himself look like someone famous.
“Get used to it, princess.” He still sounded smug. “Mischief and magic is what I do best.”
Those words were still buzzing around in my head at the end of the school day. The mental image I now had of the statue of David wasn’t helping, either. Against his advice, I’d looked it up on my phone to see what he was talking about. The statue’s face definitely bore an uncanny resemblance to a certain trouble-causing changeling. Now I couldn’t think about it without imagining the David holding a cigarette between his lips.
Okay, fine. It was a little funny.
After school let out, we walked home together holding hands like a normal couple. Regardless of how much mischief he was stirring up at my school, I couldn’t deny that holding his hand made me happy. It might not have meant much to him; grown men—er, faeries—didn’t usually care about that kind of little thing, did they? Even though I knew he was keeping up the ruse of us being a couple, it always made my heartbeat fast with excitement to feel his fingers laced through mine. I couldn’t hold back my nervous smile.
When we rounded the last corner, Zeph wheezed strangely all of a sudden. He stumbled and pulled his hand away from mine, gasping for breath and clutching his chest.
“Z
eph? What’s wrong?” I called after him.
No answer.
I chased after him as he ducked into a nearby alleyway, barely making it out of sight before his magical illusion began to fall apart. He melted back into his usual, human-looking shape with a sudden shudder. His face was ashen, and sweat beaded on his forehead as he clenched his teeth.
“Are you all right?” I reached for his arm to help him stand, but he brushed me off.
“I-I’m fine,” he gasped as he doubled over, his shoulders trembling. “I-it’s just hard to keep up the illusion all day.”
“You’re getting weaker.” My heart twisted painfully in my chest. I knew it had to be because the night of the Singing Moon was getting closer. “Let’s go home. You need to rest.”
He was still huffing and puffing. “Just gimme a second.”
“You can’t keep doing this and working for Hank, too. It’s a waste of your power. I can go to school without Joe. I’ve done it before.” I tried to reason with him. “I’m not scared anymore. I can handle it by myself.”
He stood up straight again, but his face still looked pale. “It’s not about being scared, Josie. It isn’t safe.”
“So I’ll bring Eldrick, instead.”
He clenched his teeth and looked away. “I … I’m not sure I can cast the glamour on him anymore. It might not stick.”
A weight settled over my body. Doing this for me was hurting him—I was hurting him.
Zeph touched my cheek, brushing a thumb over my chin. He gave me another hollow smile. “I’ll be fine.”
“Is it because of what happened with that woman at the fair?” I steeled myself as I met his gaze. “You said that woman, Lumi, might be working for Fir Darrig. Is that why all these things have been happening to me? Why you moved in across the hall? Fir Darrig knows who I am, doesn’t he?”
Despite the way he was still panting and sweating, Zeph’s face became steely. “We’re not talking about that. Not another word. I mean it.”
“I can’t stand by and do nothing. I won’t watch you suffer.”
This was too much. When it came to losing people I loved, I knew exactly what kind of hell I was in for. I’d already gone down that road more times than anyone ever should—first my mother and brother, and then with my father. Now Zeph was withering away right in front of my eyes.
I couldn’t go through this again.
“Don’t overreact. I’m just a little tired.” His hands were shaking as he took out his lighter and one of Hank’s cigarettes. He could barely hold it steady long enough to light it. Once he’d taken in a few deep breaths of the smoke, he let out a deep sigh and his shoulders relaxed. “Let’s go home.”
“You’re lying again! If it’s magic you need, then let me give you some of my power. I know I’m the vessel. You said I could share my power with anyone I choose. Let me help you.”
Zeph froze. He stared at me, eyes wide, and his mouth open slightly. “How did you …”
I bit the inside of my cheek. I knew because of Eldrick, but I wasn’t about to throw him under the bus.
“No,” he snapped and threw down his cigarette butt. It’d taken him less than a minute to burn through it.
“But I am the vessel, aren’t I? You’ve known that all along. You even borrowed power from me before. That’s how you were able to purge the sylph out of that little boy, isn’t it? How is this any different?”
“Because I refuse to be like Fir Darrig!” He roared suddenly, his violet eyes flashing and his fang-like teeth emerging for an instant—giving me a glimpse of the monster beneath his human disguise.
Zeph took a step toward me, still snarling. “I know I’ve already fallen far. I’ve broken ancient laws and made myself a heretic in the eyes of my kind. But I won’t use you like that. If it’s to save someone else, then fine—I’ll do what has to be done. But not for this, not to compensate for my own mistakes!”
I stumbled back, almost tripping over my own feet.
As soon as he noticed my reaction, he relaxed. His shoulders sagged and his expression drooped, looking to the ground as though he were ashamed. “Josie, I’m so sorry. Eldrick told you a lot, I guess.”
I got a twinge of guilt. I didn’t like having to go behind his back to get answers, but he’d left me no choice.
“Please, try to understand. I had to do everything I could to hide you from Fir Darrig and whoever else he might send to track you down. I … I knew coming here, living near you, would get complicated. But the closer it gets to the Singing Moon, the harder he’s gonna try. I had to make sure you were safe.”
“That’s why you tried to ditch me, at first?” I crossed my arms.
“No, geez, I wasn’t trying to …” He rubbed the back of his neck and growled. “You gotta understand, at my side is always gonna be first place Fir Darrig will look for you. Maybe I should’ve told you about all this sooner, but I just thought it would be better if you could hang on to a few more weeks of your innocence. I hoped maybe you wouldn’t get attached to me.”
“Too late.”
He sighed. “I know.”
“Borrowing some of my power when you need it doesn’t change anything, Zeph. Not for me. I don’t see you as a mooch or a user, if that’s what you’re so afraid of. But if it’s your pride getting in the way, well, you’re just going to have to swallow it for a while—at least until we can figure this out.”
His mouth flattened as he raised an unblinking stare to me. “It’s not just that. Knowing what you are means things will start to change—the more of that power you use, the harder it’ll be for you to hide. That’s why you cannot learn magic. It’s bad enough for me to use your power, but if do it yourself, you’ll put off a powerful aura and start to draw more and more fae to you.” He was searching my face, his violet eyes catching the sunlight as they moved. “The fact that you haven’t used it yet is the only thing that still keeps you hidden. But on your eighteenth birthday, when the Singing Moon rises, not even that will matter. You’ll be exposed, and Fir Darrig will come. With or without me, you’ll have to face him.”
“I’m not afraid,” I repeated. “But if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather face him together.”
He swallowed. His cheeks began to flush.
I stretched a hand out toward him. “So don’t give up. We can fight this together. Please, let’s just try.”
As he stared at my outstretched palm, Zeph’s expression slowly darkened. The walls were coming back up, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. “No, Josie. You’re not gonna fight. That’s not what your dad wanted. It’s not what I want for you, either.”
“What about what I want?” I frowned.
He looked away and never answered.
Now I was the one keeping secrets.
Zeph crashed as soon as we came back from school every day. Sometimes he slept in my bed, sometimes on my couch, but he never went back to his apartment. I didn’t know if that was because he’d run out of his food at his own place, or just didn’t want to let me out of his sight, but I was betting on the latter. Paranoid? Yeah. A little. He still insisted on going to school with me disguised as Joe, but I knew he was stretching himself thin. The length of time he could hold the disguise together grew shorter and shorter. Going to school during the day and then working at night was just too much for him, even if he was too proud to admit it.
While Zeph slept, I cooked and finished my homework, playing the role of the meek little orphan girl, just like he wanted. Around 5 pm Zeph finally stirred. He was always grouchy and incoherent, but after I fed him a big dinner, he was able to drag himself to work at the bar. Hank let him change his hours, so he came home earlier, but it still put him working until midnight.
The second the front door closed and I was positive Zeph was out of the building, I snapped into action. Eldrick and I carried all our materials into the living room and got to work. I’d sacrificed one of my school notebooks entirely
to practicing some of the spells I thought might come in handy. Sooner or later, I was going to have to start memorizing them. Baby steps. First, I had to figure out how all this worked.
Eldrick was true to his word, and he had been helping me learn to read the faerie language. He was also teaching me the basics of spellwork, though he admitted it wasn’t his specialty. I was his first student.
“As a faerie, my ability to cast magic is innate. My species doesn’t often need to draw out spellwork, unless it’s to mark our territory, use a spell that is unnatural to us, or to curse someone,” he said as he carried in yet another big box of my dad’s research. He placed it carefully in the middle of the floor and sat down. He took out books and old scrolls, spreading them out all around us. “But as a human, you will always have to use written spellwork. The details must be precise and perfect. Even one minor flaw could have catastrophic results.”
I sat down next to him, armed with my notebook and a pen, as usual. Seeing all of my dad’s work, years upon years of it, laid out before me always left me feeling very small. I’d never known he was working on something like this. He had been so careful to hide it from me when I was younger.
Now I needed to know—I needed to learn everything I could, and not just because of what might happen to Zeph. That was a huge part of it, yes, but I also wanted to learn to defend myself. If Fir Darrig came for me—now, tomorrow, or ten years from now—I was going to be ready. I was going to give him one hell of a fight.
“You were doing quite well yesterday,” Eldrick commented as he handed me a thick, ragged journal. I had already begun reading it, although interpreting the faerie language was a real challenge for me at first. It was like trying to peek through all those spiraling, thorny, vine-like marks to see the real message hidden behind them. Eldrick was right; it did come to me as if by pure instinct, and the more I read, the easier it became.
Mad Magic Page 19