by Anne Baker
‘Thank you for coming.’ Millie thought she was being daring. ‘But aren’t you afraid you’ll be thought to be Sylvie’s father?’
He laughed. ‘James, my brother, already believes I am, but everybody else knows that’s not the case. Hattie says to tell you she’ll come tomorrow.’
Millie watched him join the stream of men who were leaving, and buried her face in the flowers he’d brought. He looked so much older than all the others, but he was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. She wished he was Sylvie’s father.
She spent the next half hour imagining how marvellous it would be if she could rely on Peter Maynard’s support for ever. But real life wasn’t like that.
Chapter Five
Peter Maynard drove home telling himself he was an old fool. He couldn’t get Millie out of his mind. How could she overstay her welcome? He’d feel bereft if she left. She was a fiercely proud girl and seemed not to expect anybody to give her anything.
He’d been telling himself for weeks that he was not falling in love with her. What could be more ridiculous at his age? He’d thought he’d finished with all that when Esme died. For goodness sake, where was the sense in it when Millie was just eighteen? He was twenty-nine years older than she was, more than old enough to be her father.
When the time came for Millie to be discharged from hospital, he took Helen with him when he went to collect her. He had to give her and everybody else the impression that his feelings for her were fatherly.
Once back at the house, Millie found Helen and Valerie ever ready to pick up the baby to nurse and play with her. They’d brought down a cot they’d found in the attic and made it up in Millie’s room. Mrs Brunt, their daily, brought her a pram that she said had been her grandson’s but he was walking now and had grown out of it. Millie couldn’t believe how kind everybody was being to her, and she could hardly credit their generosity.
She had not so far seen the old nursery on the attic floor that had been used for Valerie and Helen. Hattie took her to see it. ‘I asked Mrs Brunt to give it a spring-clean, it hasn’t been used for years.’ Millie was amazed at the child-size furniture, the playpen, the rocking horse and other toys as well as chairs and a sofa large enough for adults. ‘Use it if you want to, it’ll give you a quiet place where you can attend to Sylvie.’
Millie settled into the comfort of the Maynard household, her baby thrived and the weeks began to pass. One night, she was in the playroom having just given Sylvie her last feed and was winding her before she took her to her cot. Hattie and the girls had gone to bed but had run up to say goodnight to her. Helen had left the door ajar.
She looked up to find Peter in the doorway holding his nightcap, a glass of whisky. He smiled and said, ‘You look tired, Millie.’
‘I am.’ She yawned. ‘Sylvie wakes me at the crack of dawn, but at least she’s sleeping through the night now. Hattie reckons that’s pretty good for a babe of two months.’
He came in, sat down in the chair opposite and took a sip of his whisky. ‘Millie, I don’t think you should go back to live in that flat,’ he said. ‘I’ve been wondering if you should tell your landlady you want to end the tenancy.’ That was enough to bring scalding tears to Millie’s eyes again. ‘Why don’t you go there and decide which of your things you want to keep? We could arrange for them to be brought here and finish with that place.’
Millie was biting her lip. ‘If I did that you’d have no way of getting shut of me. I’d have nowhere to go.’
‘I don’t want to get shut of you, Millie. I don’t like to think of you and Sylvie alone in that flat.’
Millie stifled a sob. ‘I’ve been worried about you paying the rent for me for all these weeks. I’ve let you do far too much . . .’
Sylvie had gone to sleep, she put her down in the opposite corner of the sofa, so she could give her mind to what Peter was saying.
‘It doesn’t add up to any great sum and anyway, I’ve a proposition to put to you that will solve things.’
Millie had thought of little else for months but how to earn a living and look after her baby, and could see no way round it, but she was glad he was trying to help her.
He was looking at her intently. ‘Hattie has been with us since my wife died and she feels ready for a change. Her sister Mary has just nursed her husband through a long illness, and now she’s alone she wants Hattie to go and live with her in West Kirby. It seems a good idea. They’re relatives on my mother’s side and Hattie has been very good to me but now the girls are older, she feels I don’t need her as much as Mary does. The only problem is the housekeeping. Would you like to take that over and act as housekeeper? I would pay you.’
‘You don’t have to pay me.’ Millie was touched and almost overwhelmed by emotion. She brushed away a surreptitious tear. ‘You’ve already paid out a small fortune on my behalf.’
‘Of course I must pay you.’ He looked serious and intent.
‘I’d be happy to do it for nothing. It’s just that I don’t know whether I could do all the things Hattie does.’ Another tear rolled down her cheek.
‘Hattie is happy to stay on for a while to explain what needs to be done, and we’ll give you time to get the hang of things. She says you’re a great help about the house and already quite a good cook.’
‘Well, I don’t know. I used to cook for my mother of course, but plain stuff.’ She thought of the complicated four-course meals Hattie put on the table and her confidence deserted her. ‘She cooks delicious food and seems so efficient.’
He laughed. ‘You will be too, with a little practice. Arthur Knowles was full of praise for the work you did in the lab and you’re coping well with the baby, so perhaps you could find time to do a little more about the house.’
Millie suddenly realised what a gift he was offering. ‘Yes, yes, thank you. You’re giving me a wonderful chance. Where else would I get a job and a home and be able to keep my baby?’ She looked at him suspiciously. ‘Are you sure? It sounds so suited to my needs that it’s almost as though . . . Well, it sounds as though you are trying to help me rather than provide yourself and the girls with a well-run home.’
He jerked to his feet. ‘What if it is? We would miss you if you left us.’
Millie leapt to her feet too, flooding with relief. At last she could see her future beyond the next week or two. ‘Thank you,’ she said, standing on tiptoe to plant a grateful kiss his cheek. ‘From the bottom of my heart, thank you.’
It came as a surprise to feel his arms tighten round her and his lips descend on hers in a passionate kiss. Tingling all over she responded, full of exuberant joy, but just as suddenly he released her and pushed her away from him.
‘I’m sorry.’ His face was the picture of embarrassment. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. It was taking advantage . . .’
‘No, it wasn’t,’ she protested earnestly. ‘You’ve done so much for me that nothing would be taking advantage. I’d do anything for you.’
He stood looking down at her for a moment. ‘It would, Millie, that’s the trouble.’ He shot out of the nursery and she heard him hurrying downstairs to his bedroom on the floor below. He’d forgotten to say goodnight and usually he was punctilious about such pleasantries.
For her part she felt swept away by her feelings. Peter was a lovely, kind person and she felt full of gratitude and relief, but she’d been wrapped up with her baby and so full of her own problems that it had taken that tingling thrill when he kissed her to make her realise what she felt for him.
Of course she’d known he’d liked her. He wouldn’t have done so much to help her if he hadn’t, but that one kiss had changed everything, she was now overwhelmed with joy. She laughed out loud. She had something to thank Ryan McCarthy for after all. She was no longer an innocent young girl. She understood that all men needed love and sought it in this way.
; She doubted now that Ryan had ever been truly in love with her. He’d been uncaring and had thought only of himself, but Peter Maynard? His first thoughts had been for her welfare, but in that one unguarded moment he’d betrayed his feelings for her and been mightily embarrassed. She’d seen love in his eyes. Love for her.
She felt warmth spreading through her, she was thrilled. She found it hard to believe that a man in Peter Maynard’s position could fall in love with her, but why else would he go out of his way to be this generous to a girl who used to work in his business?
Now she thought about it, she had sensed that his attitude towards her was changing. He’d told her not to keep calling him Mr Maynard. ‘I can’t do with that sort of formality at home.’ The way she thought of him was changing too, but she was living in his house and they were seeing more of each other, so it was bound to change in one way or another.
Millie picked up her sleeping daughter and went slowly to her bedroom. She’d been delighted, excited even at the thought of being his housekeeper and part of his household. That would have allowed her to keep her dignity and bring Sylvie up in pleasant and happy surroundings, but if she was right, this was a total miracle. She needed to discuss all this quietly with him. Millie could see why he wanted to fight his own feelings; nobody would see her as likely to make him a good wife.
Over the next few days Hattie took up most of her day as she taught her how to run the house. It took Millie some time to realise that Peter was avoiding her. She began to think that perhaps, after all, it was a housekeeper he wanted.
Another month passed, and while Millie believed she was growing closer to the rest of the family, she felt she was being sidelined by Peter and this upset her.
The conversation at mealtimes tended to centre on Valerie and Helen, as they had both decided they wanted to have careers as teachers. Valerie was the more academic and wanted to go to university and teach history to teenagers, while Helen liked young children and wanted to teach in a primary school.
Peter smiled at Hattie. ‘Teachers, would you believe it?’ Esme had been a teacher. ‘They’re following in their mother’s footsteps.’
‘Don’t you think it’s a good idea?’ Helen demanded.
‘Yes, if that’s what you want. You’ve both got time to change your minds a dozen times if you need to, but it’s as well to have something to aim for.’
‘It’s essential,’ Valerie retorted. ‘You’d sweep us into the family business if we weren’t set on something else. You’d better watch it, Hattie, or you’ll end up there.’
‘I’m looking for less work not more,’ Hattie said. Recently, she’d spoken a lot about her plans and had set a date for leaving. ‘Anyway, it’s too far to come from West Kirby.’
‘No it isn’t,’ Peter said. ‘There’s a fast train service.’
‘See what I mean?’ Valerie giggled.
‘I’m too old and I know what a hard taskmaster your father can be,’ Hattie teased. ‘Now Millie’s showing her mettle and can cope with you all, I look forward to a life of leisure with not a teenager in sight.’
They laughed together but Millie felt left out. Peter had hardly looked at her throughout the meal. It had been the same at other recent meals. There had been so much passion in that one kiss, it should have shown him that they loved each other, but it had made him less friendly. It had spoilt everything. Of course, she should have realised straight away that marrying a girl like her with an illegitimate baby was a step too far for a Maynard. They were an important family and he was her boss.
But it didn’t have to be marriage, she’d settle for less. After all, she’d done that with Ryan McCarthy though she sensed that Peter would never treat her as he had done. She loved Peter Maynard and wanted as much of his love as he could give. She spent some time wondering what she could do about it, but this was bringing it to a head. She would have to make an opportunity to talk to him and tell him what was in her mind. Never mind the awkwardness and embarrassment; she’d have to get over that.
That evening, she fed and put Sylvie to bed a little earlier than usual. Nowadays she made preparations for breakfast before she went upstairs, so she busied herself in the kitchen until she knew the family had gone to bed and Peter was alone in the sitting room. At the last minute her resolve weakened, she felt shy of what she would have to say. Don’t be a coward, she told herself, if he couldn’t do it and she wanted it, then she would have to, so taking a deep breath she forced herself to join him.
He was slumped in his favourite armchair enjoying a nightcap of whisky. ‘Hello,’ he said. ‘I’m going to miss Hattie and so will the girls, she’s been a real friend to the family.’
Millie made herself sit down. ‘Nobody will miss her more than me, I’m not at all sure I can fill her place. I’m going to need her, but I don’t want to talk about Hattie.’
His eyes came up to meet hers and she knew she had his full attention. ‘What is it?’
Millie forced herself to say, ‘You’re avoiding me and it’s the last thing I want. You showed your feelings and now you’re sorry.’
He pulled himself upright in the chair, ‘Yes,’ he said stiffly. She waited but he didn’t go on. She couldn’t look at him.
‘Why are you sorry? Have you changed your mind about me?’
She’d rehearsed these questions and thought it would pin him down, but though she waited, he said no more.
‘I haven’t changed my mind about you,’ she added, and realised she’d never spoken of her own feelings. ‘I love you,’ she stammered. ‘You’ve made me love you.’
She stole a glance at him to find his gaze was on her face. She felt he was looking into her soul. ‘Millie,’ he said at last, ‘you’re a young girl and you have all your life in front of you. I’m nearly thirty years older. More than old enough to be your father.’
‘I know that.’
‘You haven’t thought through what it would mean. Youth leaps into things. I’ve grown more cautious, I’ve learned to consider things carefully first. You have so much more energy than I have, you’ll want to be out doing things. There’s so much of the world that’s new to you, whereas I’ve had years of it and now need my armchair and slippers. I won’t want to take you out dancing very often.’
Millie’s mouth had gone dry, how could he believe such things should stop them? That first kiss had left her longing for more. ‘I can live without dancing,’ she said. ‘You do a lot of things I’ve never even thought of. How do you know that I won’t enjoy them too?’
He didn’t answer for a long time. ‘I’m not sure it’s a good thing for you to tie yourself to an old man like me. I’m very staid and set in my habits. I know what I like and what I don’t.’
She smiled. ‘I think it would be a marvellous thing.’ Again he didn’t answer and she was forced to go on. ‘Why are you afraid of getting married again?’
She saw the shock on his face. ‘Married?’
Millie had misgivings but made herself go on. ‘Wasn’t that what we were talking about?’ He finished off his whisky in a gulp and got up to refill his glass. It seemed he didn’t want to discuss marriage. ‘I know you like Hattie. She’s much the same age as you and she likes the same things as you do. I see you laughing and talking together, she’s everything you seem to be looking for.’
‘Hattie? Yes, she’s good company.’
‘So why are you letting her leave? Is that down to your caution too?’
He was silent for some moments. ‘No, not caution – it’s a long story. She came to help us when we needed it. She sorted us out. Hattie and I have got to know each other pretty well over the years. But I thought you didn’t want to talk about Hattie.’
‘You’ve got me interested in her now. What you say makes it even less likely that she’d want to leave. Go on.’
He smiled. ‘You
know how to dig. You’re better at it than the girls.’
Millie said, ‘Aren’t you going to tell me?’
‘Well, many years ago, when we were both in our twenties, Hattie and I were very fond of each other. She had a friend called Esme and she introduced us. Somehow I turned to Esme and married her instead.’
Millie had to smile. ‘Didn’t that upset Hattie?’
‘She married someone else soon after and went on to have three children. But we are related so we didn’t lose touch. Her husband died of cancer about the same time as Esme died. I thought … and I think perhaps she did too, that we might get together again.’
‘But you haven’t.’
His smile was tremulous. ‘The spark was no longer there – if it ever had been. Without that, marriage wouldn’t have worked, would it?’
‘Oh, the spark!’ Millie felt her heart somersault. ‘I think you’ve decided you like me,’ she said shyly. ‘Does that mean I have the spark for you?’
The question hung between them for what seemed an age. ‘I suppose you must have,’ he finally admitted.
‘Well,’ Millie said with utter conviction, ‘you certainly hold the spark for me.’
‘I do?’
‘Absolutely. That makes two sparks.’ Her confidence was growing. ‘Couldn’t we have a blaze?’
‘Possibly, except that you’re so painfully young.’
‘It doesn’t have to be marriage,’ she said, daring again. ‘Not with me. You must know I’d settle for less.’
‘Millie!’ He jerked upright in his chair. ‘Do you think I would allow you to do that?’
The silence stretched between them endlessly while Millie tried to think. At last she said, ‘So the problem is my age? Don’t I seem a lot older than Valerie? Hasn’t my life made me grow up more quickly?’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘you seem very much older than Valerie, but not old enough to get entangled with an old man like me.’
Pete felt no less embarrassed than he had the last time. He had to get away from her before he committed himself too far. Of course he was in love with her but how stupid could he get? James would laugh at him and so would all his friends. He daren’t touch her, because once started he’d never stop. Yet it was taking more strength than he had to keep his hands away from her. The law would say he’d enslaved a girl too young to resist his persuasion. She was already cooking for him and handling his laundry; if he took her into his arms and showed his love, they’d call her Lolita.