“This makes no sense.”
“But here we are, you’re seeing me.”
She swept an arm towards the cube farm outside. “My whole office is seeing you.”
“It’s much bigger. More people. There’s a lot of glass.”
“I bought the building and we renovated.” Despite the anger and the confusion, there was pride in her voice.
“That’s fantastic. I knew you could do it.” There was pleasure in his.
“You were robbed,” she said. He shook his head, uncomprehendingly. “A little gold dust collector.”
“Ah, that. Pharrell Jefferson deserved that win. I got mine at the UN.”
“I heard.”
“You did?”
That he sounded surprised. That he didn’t expect her to know, that he’d taken his dad to the awards, softened her anger towards him. She sat at the head of the table. There were fourteen chairs between them. “It’s a shock, you being here.”
“I get that. I’m feeling it too. I tried to forget you, Teela. For the first time, I tried to plan B my way out of what we started.” He shook his head. “Couldn’t get it done.”
“I can’t sleep with you again.” Her body, her mind wouldn’t take it.
He walked seven chairs closer but remained standing. “There’s someone else.” He wore jeans and a T-shirt that fitted too well. A worn brown suede jacket was lying on the end of the table. His hair was clipped close and he looked bigger, more heavily muscled. He sounded annoyed.
“It’s none of your business.”
He pulled out a chair, leaving two between them. “You’re right.” He sank into it, the irritation in his tone dying away. “I didn’t stay in touch. I don’t know what I’m doing. You don’t owe me anything. I can see you’re successful. At least tell me you’re happy.”
He didn’t call or write or send an idiot card. He never said he would but if he’d cared, if he’d cared, it would’ve been different. It wouldn’t have been this. “Why are you here, Haydn?”
“I—whoa.” He passed a hand over his face. “I’m so fucking nervous. I haven’t been this nervous for years. It’s awful. I feel ill.”
Teela pressed her feet to the floor ready to stand. “Can I get you—wait. You’re nervous?”
“Petrified.” He blew out an audible breath like he was preparing to jump out of a plane. “And I’ve already fucked this up.” He put his hands on the table, fingers spread as if he was expecting to be tipped out of the room and needed to hold on. “The thing is, Teela, I got a new dog. Her name is Cyd. She was mistreated but she’s doing better now.”
A new dog. He’d told her he thought about getting another dog when he was blue after a show. “Aren’t you in the middle of shooting?”
He looked at her, those pale eyes full of wariness. “Not post-show blues. Post-Sydney blues. Post-you blues.”
“Me?” What was this, other than cruel?
“It was more than a weekend. It could be more.”
It couldn’t ever be more than wishful thinking and further heartbreak and Teela wasn’t on board for that. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“I couldn’t stop myself,” he said with a shake of his head and an expression of disbelief.
“Are you always this impulsive?” Having to ask was proof she didn’t know him at all.
“I’m never this impulsive. I play the long game.”
No. No. She gripped the table and stood. “You need to go.”
The way he looked at her made her face heat and her resistance start to melt. “You need to go now.”
“It was worth it just to see you again, Teela.” He got to his feet, slowly, as if wounded. “I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
She could be polite, businesslike. They’d started with a handshake, fitting they finished for good that way. She held her hand out, he took it. They didn’t quite manage a shake.
“I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m fucking awful at this.” He squeezed her hand and it tugged on her heart and made her step into his arms. When they closed around her, she breathed the impossible wonder of him, far too real to deal with.
“Sophie will see you out,” she said, voice like torn lace, breaking from his hold. She didn’t look back. Didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes. All the ice cream in the world wouldn’t help. “Good luck. It was lovely to see you.”
She made it back to her office, never more grateful that to save money on the office fit-out she’d kept the old wood panel walls, so no one would see her meltdown.
She needed to keep moving, to find a distraction, not to think about the fact that Haydn had broken off filming to fly ten hours to see her because he thought they could be more after one weekend.
He was so arrogant, used to getting his own way. He hadn’t thought about what she wanted at all. He was so on edge and heart-on-sleeve hopeful and she’d sent him off looking broken. Oh God. Her hands where shaking, she had to talk this out.
Evie picked up on the ninth ring when Teela had almost given up thinking she would.
“Haydn showed up in the office and I sent him away. Tell me I did the right thing?” she said before Evie got a hello out.
“Hold on. Haydn Delany showed up and you what?”
“I sent him away.”
“What did he want?”
“Me, apparently.”
“Run this past me again.” Evie said. “The impossible man you fell in love with in a weekend, and have been mourning ever since, walked into your office to discuss being a thing together and you told him to piss off.”
“I—yes. What’s the point of another fling? I can’t do that to myself.”
“You think the Sexiest Man Alive stopped filming—he stopped filming, Tee. He’s paying the crew himself, I’m reading that on screen now, and flew here to ask for sex. You are not that good in bed.”
She almost missed the new couch, nearly sliding to the floor when she sat. “Right.” Oh fuck. “I panicked.”
“You reckon?”
“What do I do now?”
“How would I know. I sleep with men who don’t give a shit about me beyond a night or two. If I ever met one who really cared I’d be so scared of fucking up, I’d fuck up anyway.”
“We want different things. It would never work. I’m not made for big dramatic gestures like this. I’m not Hollywood. And I’ve got my own show to run.”
“You love him. At least listen to him.”
“I heard what he had to say.”
“You didn’t hear anything past he came for you. That’s so out there it might as well be raining alien space babies.”
Teela was already at the door to her office. Maybe Haydn stubbornly waited her out like he’d stubbornly shown up. But no, reception was empty, so was the conference room, and Sophie was at her desk. He’d taken no for no and it was hard to fault that. “I have to find him. Where would he go? I don’t even have a phone number for him.”
“Give me a minute,” Evie said.
“I don’t have a minute,” she said, but Evie was talking to someone else. “Sophie,” she called across the office. “Did he say where he was going?”
Sophie shook her head sadly and Teela retreated behind her wooden walls because tears of frustration were building in her eyes.
“Tee. Tee.” Evie’s voice was tiny. Teela lifted the phone to her ear and Evie spoke in a rush. “I called Hassan. They’re on the way to the airport. If you want to hear what Haydn has to say be outside the office in ten minutes. Hassan is going to try to convince Hayden to detour.”
Ten minutes wasn’t enough time to do more than log out, race to the bathroom to tidy herself up and grab Sophie for a hug on the way out the door. There was no time to think and no time to hesitate or talk herself out of it.
Sophie’s, “Go get him,” rang in her ears as the elevator door closed and she made it to the front of the building in time to feel like an idiot.
You finished it. It was done. He’s going to break your
heart, over and over again.
If he even agreed to see her again.
Even if he didn’t.
He doesn’t have room for you and you don’t have room for him. This is madness.
The sky was gray, making it seem much later in the day. Any minute now it was going to rain, she could smell it in the air. She waited five, ten minutes. It’s not like she’d not been clear with Haydn. He wasn’t going to give her a second chance to disappoint him. She was ready to go back inside when a black limo slid to a stop over the alleyway. The back door opened and Haydn stepped out.
“Hi,” he said, so much apprehension built into that one tiny word it made her ache.
“Hi,” she repeated, breathlessly between waves of anxiety. This was a second chance, but it was still hopeless. Nothing could change the fact they lived in different worlds with different wants.
“Your mother told you never to get into a car with a strange man, right?” Exactly the words he’d used when he’d rescued her in the storm. He stepped away from the car. “No matter what, I don’t want to be a stranger to you,” he said, offering his hand.
Mum would say grab every chance for success and happiness, even the ones that seemed out of reach because that’s how you grew. If she took Haydn’s hand, Teela might go anywhere with him and stay forever and shortchange herself. “My mother told me to beware of sexy men who don’t want the same things I do.”
“Good advice.”
“I freaked out up there.” She inclined her head back towards the building. He deserved a goodbye that wasn’t hurt and confused. “I’m sorry about that.”
He dropped his hand. “Don’t apologize. It’s my fault. I was rash and entitled and, Jesus, Teela, I’m sorry. I didn’t know falling in love would make me feel completely out of control. You have someone else. I’ll work on trying to be happy for you. I came back to apologize to you.”
“I don’t have anyone else.”
Haydn’s body jolted as if he’d been tasered. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them Teela saw contrition and doubt had been replaced by determination.
It wasn’t other people keeping them apart. It wasn’t a lack of attraction or compatibility. “I don’t want a string of one-night stands or a long-distance affair. I don’t want to have to give up on starring in my own life. I certainly don’t want my arse all over the internet or to give up the chance to have a family.”
“I don’t want any of that for you either.”
They stared at each other, neither of them moving as it started to rain.
The car door opened, and Rick got out. “One way or another this is going to end in a kiss and we haven’t done recon and this isn’t safe. For the love of your mothers get in the car.”
She shook her head. No kissing. To kiss Haydn was to surrender to desire and delusion.
“I’m in love with you, Teela,” Haydn said. “Please get in the car and let me explain.”
It might be even be true.
She took a step forward and put her hand to his cheek. He had raindrops in his hair, a set to his jaw that told her he was ready to fight for her. “There are too many ways this could never work.”
“I had my vasectomy reversed.”
Her mother would’ve pushed her into the car. Evie would’ve locked all the doors. Rick just about did, mumbling to Hassan about finding somewhere to park that wasn’t likely to get them spotted and then turning up the stereo to give them some privacy.
“Why?” she said, when they were side by side on the back seat.
“Why do I love you?” Haydn took her hand. “Why did I have it reversed? Why did I show up with no warning? I love you because you’re nothing I expected, Teela. You make me want to be a better man, live a more fulfilled life. I love you because I’m not afraid of trusting you, committing to you. I showed up because it was impossible to tell you this in a way you’d believe except in person and I simply couldn’t wait any longer to know how you felt.”
She looked down at their joined hands. “You’ve been afraid?” It seemed so unlikely.
“Oh shit. So afraid of letting anyone get too close in case I lost them like Dad lost Mom.”
“That was a tragedy.” She squeezed his hand and let her shoulder brush his.
“My brain, my body interpreted it as a life lesson. Don’t fall in love because it will bite you either because fame and money are a supreme complication or because the person won’t see the real you, or they’ll leave you and you’ll never be the same again. You saw the real me and it only made me think he was on his way to becoming a sad lonely fuck-up who needed to do better. I take risks in my work all the time, but I was locked down in my private life. I didn’t think I could cope with my own family. In one night, you made me feel the need for a deeper connection. By the end of the weekend I knew there was no going back to the old me.”
Outside, the sprinkle of rain became a solid downpour. “You could have that with anyone.”
“No.” He leaned a little harder into her. “In my own way, over the years, I’ve tried. But I could have it with you.”
She couldn’t respond. Her head was full of doubt, raging a battle with her heart and its impossible banner of hope. She needed to pick a side. Commit.
The car had come to a stop. The harbor was a blurred wet, gray backdrop. She recognized their location as one of the old wooden finger wharves at The Rocks where restaurants and theatres abounded. It was too early for any of them to be trading and they were safe from prying eyes and since Rick and Hassan had gotten out of the car and made a dash for shelter, they had all the privacy they needed.
“I know I’m a difficult proposition.” Haydn said, shifting sideways to face her. “I have to win your trust. I have to show you I mean it when I say I love you and I want to be with you, wherever that is.”
Doubt was practical and Teela had always been that way. A broken engagement had taught her to doubt she’d find a partner who wouldn’t feel threatened by her ambition and was secure enough to support her.
“You need time to think about this. Please say you will,” Haydn said. “I’ll back off to give you space. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”
“You worked on your begging.” The right amount of respect and low expectations.
He laughed. “Teela, you walked into my night wet and unexpected, a delightful diversion, but you seeped into my skin and invaded my conscience and you changed me. I love you. I need you in my life. If you send me away, I’ll sulk. I’ll get another dozen dogs. I’ll get counseling about how to move on and find something that can make me feel the joy you did.”
Joy was in his laughter and his smile and in how she felt in his presence. There was doubt but there was also upside. She was a calculated risk-taker and never let a good opportunity pass her by. “That would be a lot of dogs.”
“Turns out I’ve got a lot of love to give.” He kissed her forehead, brushed his hand over her head. “It’s all yours if you want it.”
On a sliding scale of I like this man to I’ve met the love of my life, and he is complicated and wonderful, this was put a ring on it.
“I want it.” Haydn blinked on watery eyes. She leaned into him and kissed his cheek. “I want it so badly I’m not convinced you’re not a figment of my imagination.”
He put his arm around her and drew her into his side. “I’m real, Teela. More real with you than with anyone else.”
“How do we do this?” She could feel tears building. To have his love but not know how to keep it was going to wreck her. “We’re not easy pieces to fit together.”
“I figure we make it feel real by exchanging contacts. My phone number for yours. My address for yours. Our own private message app. We start by courting. I’d like to meet your mom. Let’s work up to Evie. And me being able to show up in your office without an appointment.”
“Isn’t that going backwards?” It was hand holding when they’d turned each other inside out with sex.
“I want to fill
in all the pieces I skipped with you. I don’t want to miss a single thing or go too fast, or risk losing you. Are you saying you’re up for it?”
“I fell in love with you but you’re a lot and I’m not a good fit with your life. There are things I want to do.” To love him without losing herself she had to love her own life. She had to be her own shining star alongside his.
“Your business.”
“I need a partner who understands I love my job and I have plans, and I wouldn’t want you giving up on being you to fit with me.”
“Australian quarantine is tough on dogs, but we’ll manage. I can live anywhere if you can cope with me leaving for work?”
He knew about quarantine. “Leaving but coming back?”
“That would be the idea. And when we can, leaving and taking you with me.”
He’d had his vasectomy reversed. He’d move for her. She rested her hand on his chest. “You and me, huh. I’m not Hollywood ready. I’m not sure I’ll ever want to be. How would that work?”
“My people would be your people.” He took her hand and placed it right over his heart. “They’ll work out a deal with the press. You don’t need to be in the spotlight unless you want to be.”
Haydn’s heart was strong, steady under her hand. Could they be the same together? “I’m punching above my weight.”
“Who told you that?” he snapped.
“Your net worth and property portfolio.”
“Never think that. I sold shoes before I got lucky. I could never have had the smarts to start a business from scratch. I just proved that by shutting down the set and flying halfway around the world because I needed to tell you I love you. I’m the impatient one. I’m an industrial and environmental hazard. My co-star is shitty with me. The director hates me. The producer will never work with me again. My agent is livid, and Rick thinks he broke me with too much lifting. I’m not a prize, my darling. I’m a work in progress who has a lot of baggage.”
My darling, my darling. Nothing that she couldn’t work with so far. “What if I want kids?”
“As it turns out, I can help with that. They’d have their own security detail and grow up with funny hybrid accents and a love of dogs.”
One Night with the Sexiest Man Alive (The One Book 1) Page 16