“Yes,” Tess blurts out and all three of us looking at her in surprise. “Tell him the truth. What we did there…it’s not all of who we are, but we don’t regret it. Shit Liz, without working there, Carrie wouldn’t have been able to pay for school and now working where she works with no school loans hanging over her fucking head like every other damn teacher there, like every damn teacher in the state! We wouldn’t have the shop and employ ten people full time and another six part time. My mom wouldn’t have medical insurance that covers chemo! We wouldn’t have met one another!” She says, slightly louder, her eyes on fire. “Liz, if he is even half of everything he’s made himself out to be, he’ll understand.”
“Tess.” I whisper, her green eyes on mine, giving me strength, in a way only a girlfriend could. Only the way a sister could, even if there was no blood shared between them.
“We’ve never seen you this happy,” she says. My eyes feel wet as she continues, her voice is full of ragged emotion, “Don’t let this take that away. You deserve to be this happy.”
“He won't understand.” I admit my fear, my breath hitching slightly. Her eyes go soft at my reaction.
“If he doesn’t, he doesn't deserve you,” she says and somehow it makes me feel a little less scared.
***
My phone rings, just as I am walking back to the kitchen from helping customers in the front.
“Hello?”
“Liz?” Jake. It makes me want to roll my eyes and hit something.
Jake hadn’t gone away. I had been getting texts and calls since my birthday, texts and calls that I’ve been really good about ignoring. It’s time to face him. I can’t ignore him anymore.
“What, Jake?”
“We need to talk, Liz.”
I stay quiet, silently weighing my options. Tess’s speech had infused me with a strength I didn’t know I had. I am done being scared. Even in my own little happy bubble I’d noticed Lucy’s serene expression and jumpiness lately. I’m not an idiot. I know something’s going on. As her friend it’s my job to protect her.
“Yeah... we do.”
“I just think… wait what?” Jake asks, clearly surprised I was agreeing with him.
“You’re right. We need to talk. How about tomorrow? Parker has some business thing….”
“You don’t go with him?” He asks sounding curious.
“I’m not talking about him to you. Do you want to meet up or not?” I tell him seriously.
“Yes.”
“Great, you pick where, I’ll meet you there. It just has to be after seven.”
“Sounds like a date!” Jake says way too happy and it makes me grind my teeth.
“It’s as far from a date as possible. I’m not joking, Jake. Parker and I….”
“Yeah... I know. You met the family. Let me ask you something, babe… did he do this super romantic thing on the beach? Water front picnic?” Jake asks me and I feel slightly sick.
“What?”
“He isn’t as great as he thinks he is,” Jake mutters almost to himself but I’m done. I know who Parker is.
“I’m not talking to you about him and me, is that understood?” I repeat, trying to stand strong and not wonder how Jake even knew about that.
“What if I think being with him could hurt you?” Jake asks and I roll my eyes.
“Jake…,” I groan, my patience is wearing thin.
“I’ll text you tomorrow. Bye,” he quickly hangs up just as I’m re-thinking my sit down with him.
My phone rings again and without looking at it I answer.
“What?” I bark, ready to go off on Jake. Who does he think he is making insinuating comments when it came to Park?
“Angel?” I hear Parker's deep voice through the phone and I take a deep breath, suddenly feeling slightly better.
“Hi.”
“You okay?” He asks, worry in his voice.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, honey. What’s up?”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, umm you okay?
“No. I’m not.”
“What happened?” I ask a sick feeling in my stomach. I need to tell him. I didn’t want him finding out on his own, and I really didn’t want this looming over my own head.
“Did you hear me? Liz?”
“I’m sorry. I must have hit a bad spot for reception. What did you say?”
“I need to fly to New York with Tony and Robert to the location of the new movie and smooth down some ruffled feathers.”
“Ruffled feathers?”
“It sounds worse than it is. The director is on an actor’s ass because the actor isn’t doing his job, but the actor isn’t doing his job because he’s dealing with a couple of things.”
“Oh,” I mumble, not knowing what could make him feel better.
“Yeah,” he mumbles, sounding slightly discouraged.
“I’m guessing you decided to take on the partnership?”
Robert Montgomery and Tony Garibaldi, who I wondered if he is somehow related to Belle by marriage or if it was sheer coincidence, had been trying to talk Parker into joining them and their production company.
“Seems that they think I have. Fuck, baby, I would ask you to go….”
“But I just came back from Miami. I need to give Tess time off.” I cut him off, finishing his train of thought.
“I thought that’s what you’d say.” He sighs.
“When do you leave?” I ask, not liking the emotion that fills me at the thought of him being gone, of not sleeping next to him.
“Tonight,”
“Really?”
“Yeah, look babe, Joan just gave me a look I have to go meet a client and then I have to go home to pack.”
“Oh, okay then.”
“If I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t. I would…,” he starts to say, but he doesn’t have to explain.
“I know.” My voice is soft, “Be safe. I’ll try to leave early to meet you at your place to say bye….”
“I don’t think that will work. I’ll probably be gone. Shit, way it’s going Joan might have to go to my place to pack for me. I’ll call you when I land though.”
“Oh,” I mumble feeling slightly deflated, so deflated I don’t say much other than to whisper, “Okay.”
“Shit, babe. I have to go.” He says, clearly busy, before I can respond the call ends. A small slither of doubt is creeping into me. Trying to shake it off I head to my office.
***
He didn’t call or text. The only text I got was from Jake, telling me he’d pick me up from my place at seven.
I went to my place and for the first time in almost two months, I went to sleep alone.
Chapter Twenty-One
The familiar blue-green eyes staring back at me from across the table makes me laugh.
“You’re an idiot,” I say smiling. His blue-green eyes crinkle slightly at the corners. His hand is covering mine.
“I’m glad you came with me to let me explain.” Jake tells me, and I roll my eyes.
“Yeah. Whatever.”
“You didn’t used to be like this, you know?” Knowingly I turn the lighthearted conversation into a more serious venue. Taking his hand away, his fabric napkin that had been on his lap goes to the empty plate on the table in front of him. His crisp white dress shirt is spotless; one button is undone at the neck and his tailor made expensive grey pinstriped suit jacket is open.
“Like what?” Tilting my head, I act oblivious to what he means.
“Tough, a damn ball buster.” He observes. His eye serious on my face and my relaxed body straightens.
“I….” I don't know what to say. He’s right. The girls had a nicer version of calling me a ball buster, but they hadn't known me before Jake. Before Jake, I’d been sweet.
“I messed up, Liz.” His voice is grave and I can feel his eyes on me even as I look down, my fingers touching the hem of the fabric napkin.
Jake had picked me up from my apartment, but before picki
ng me up he had told me to dress up because he was taking me to Perch, a French inspired rooftop bistro that had a 360 degree unobscured view of Downtown Los Angeles that made you feel like you were somehow floating on the skyline. It’s beautiful and ridiculously expensive, so the girls and I had never been there before. Not even when we were bringing in huge tips and making big money at Shine. So when I read his message I immediately decided that he was going to be buy me the most expensive entree on the menu and dessert to go because I was determined to hear what he had to say shovel expensive ass food in my mouth and head home with my dessert as fast as I could.
But plans never work the way you expect them to.
I’d forgotten how charming Jake could be when he wanted to be. He’s charismatic and charming and we have history. From the first moment I saw him standing in front of me and he smiles, bringing out a stupid white flag from the inside pocket of his jacket waving it in front of me, I hadn't been able to hold on to my anger and bitterness. He made me laugh.
Swirl in the beautiful restaurant with the cast iron furniture, and great table he’d reserved for us, I’d forgotten to stay angry...kind of.
“That was a long time ago, Jake.” I say. My voice is soft the way it used to be with him.
He was even more handsome than the first time I had laid eyes on him in the English class we had met in so many years ago. His face has matured and filled in. He’s lean, making it obvious he still enjoyed running, but he had also packed on muscle. Nowhere close to Parker, but more than he’d had when we were together. His strong jaw is lightly filled with a five o’clock shadow instead of the clean shaven face he used to have.
“It doesn’t make it right.” He says and I look at him.
“No, it doesn’t.”
His eyes on mine, I take a deep breath.
“What’s all this about anyhow? I mean. I know you haven’t been holding a torch for me all these years. Why now?”
“Because I can give you what you deserve.”
“What?” I whisper, my eyes going wide.
Jake
“I wouldn’t have even a tenth of what I have, without you, Liz.” I start to tell her, but she starts to shake her head saying my name but I put a hand out.
“No, babe. You need to let me say this. You got me through school. You got me through Business School, without you no way would I have landed that job in London. Not debt free. Not the way I did.”
“I don't understand, Jake. I’m happy for you. But you have to know, since in every voicemail you’ve left me, you told me that you have kept tabs on me, that I’m not struggling. I’m not….”
“Why are you still in our old place?” I ask her, something about her still being there burned me. Every time I walk into my high-rise penthouse, it burned in my stomach that she was still living in that small apartment.
“What?” She asks her soft face turning hard. I immediately know she’s somehow twisted my words in her head, but I let her spit them out, “Do you.... what… do you think I’ve been holding onto the idea of you all these years?” She asks with attitude and anger heavy in her voice. Damn, did I know her or what? I smiled inwardly.
“Babe….”
“Don’t. You left. You didn’t fight for me. You didn’t even try to convince me to go with you. You didn’t try to plead your case so that I would forgive you. I had quit my jobs! JOBS! Plural, Jake! Because I worked three, VERY tiring jobs all for you. Mr. Lee liked me, so he let me keep the place, mostly because it hadn’t been rented out. I looked for a job and there was nothing! Only the few emergency shifts that Mrs. Garcia at the dinner off of Broadway needed filled.”
“Where Belle found you.” I tell her, to remind her I knew the story. I know what she did. The wind blown out of her sails, she breathed out and I leaned my body close, glad that Perch had small tables, and grab her hand.
“At Shine you made good money... Why not get a nicer place in a nicer area?” She didn’t answer me, so I share my theory with her. “You grew up the way you did, you held on to me, even when you knew you deserved better. The little we had, we made it nice and not all three years together were shit. I know that and you know that. I was your family and you were mine.”
“Jake….” Her eyes are slightly glassy.
“I messed up, babe. I messed up a really good thing and hurt an even better woman. I wish I could sit here and tell you that fucking you over helped to set me straight and I never made any other mistakes, but I’m a fucking stubborn jackass and I mess up a lot.”
“Parker?” She asks, dark eyes staring back at me, all I can do is nod.
“What I did to him and my sister. Shit babe, my entire family. I was messing up before that, but then two years after I left, I messed up even more, putting work ahead of family when they needed me the most.”
“What happened?” She asks, squeezing my hand. The familiarity of her touch is comforting.
“My brother-in-law died in a car accident. We’d had a fight over the phone a week before that.”
“But you didn’t…?”
“I didn't come home. I didn't call, I didn't check in. Nothing! I dropped off the face of the Earth with no contact with them.” She closes her eyes slowly, opening them only to show me they are filled with sadness and confusion.
“Do you know what I would do to have my parents, shit even siblings...anyone to cling to?” She tells me and a knot in my throat forms.
“I know.” Still holding my hand, I realize this is the most open she’s been about her family with me. She clears her throat.
“So what inspired this whole thing? You’ve been back in LA for a while. Make me understand because I genuinely don’t get, why now?”
“I saw you at the Breast Cancer Gala, you catered that dessert table. I saw my sister that same night. Neither of you saw me. I got home that night and ….”
“And what?” She encourages me to keep talking, as if sensing I would lose my nerve. She squeezes my hand encouragingly, reminding me that this is what she used to do when we’d been together.
“I’m tired of not recognizing the man in the mirror.” I admit and she stares at me, silently watching.
“So you thought getting me back would fix that?” She asks, curious not one bit upset.
“No… yes...I don’t know. I wanted to make it up to you.”
“I don’t need you to.” She tells me and I wince.
“I know that. You never needed me. Don’t you get that? I mean you weren't a ball buster when we were together, but you never needed me. Not really. I needed you more.” I admit her eyes, clearly surprised.
Liz
You never needed me. I needed you more.
His words are on repeat in my mind instantly, repeating over and over again.
I never thought of it that way, but he’s right. I never really let him in. Not in any way that mattered. I’d loved him, but was afraid to really let him love me. If I was honest, I’d never really let go and loved him either. Not like I’d blindly already done with Parker. Not that it was just occurring to me that I’d let Parker in at that moment. I’d had this epiphany before. I am only now reminded of it. The few times we had been apart highlighted more so now that we were on two different coasts. Thousands of miles away from each other, and hadn’t really been able to talk.
I’m in love with him. I love Parker. With everything that I am, I love him.
Oh my God. I love Parker.
“You’re right.” I tell Jake, his eyes surprised, “I didn’t let you in. I really never let myself need you. But what I did, I was happy to do, I don't need payback. I’m genuinely glad that I was able to help you. Who knows, maybe I’ll call in a favor when you least expect it and we’ll be even.” I tell him as he looks away, his eyes looking suspiciously glassy.
“He got in?” He asks, glancing towards the darkened skyline, and my heart stood still. This isn’t about Jake still being in love with me, that I am sure of. No. This is about the man he was when he was with me
not having been able to break through.
“Jake…”.
“How?” He looks at me slightly pained. The pain is real even if only a small amount shows through. We’d both hurt one another, yet he’d carried the cross for both of us, and I felt like shit for having let him do it.
“I don’t even know.” I answer semi-truthfully, “He kind of just crept in.” I tell him, smiling shyly.
After a moment, he nods his head, taking a deep breath.
“He’s a good guy.”
“One of the best,” I retort. He nods, sighing dramatically, rubbing his face.
“Two big favors and one normal sized one…. Can we try to be friends?” His voice is serious and I wonder if this is what he’s like during business negotiations. If so, he’s clearly good at what he does.
“Friends?”
“We were better friends than anything else,” he admits and I smile.
“Deal!”
We smile overlooking the beautiful downtown skyline. Now a dark and uncommonly clear night for LA that is filled with shining stars. We share an orange cardamom crème brulee that is beyond delicious.
“You’re thinking about how to make this aren’t you?” He asks as he licks his spoon, and I laugh.
“Shut up, and tell me what the hell you’re doing with Lucy.” His face goes slightly red and I laugh.
***
My night ended with me laughing at Jake’s stupid stories and lame jokes. He takes me home and leaves.
I sleep with the phone by my side, but it never rings. Not once since Parker had left and my feelings were starting to hurt. So much is going through my mind. I know I needed to tell him about what I used to do at Shine, especially if I wanted to let him know how completely in love I am with him.
My mind is coming out of my happy cloud of denial. I’d let myself fall into. I had a past. Not a nice one. One that without knowing, had crossed our paths. A past that would change the way he felt about me and looked at me.
Slowly, but surely I fell into a fitful sleep with dreams of Parker. I dreamed of all the different ways that he could possibly react to my confession. None of which had a happy ending.
Etched in Stone (Six Degrees Series Book 2) Page 22