"Tiger's a man who manages to cover his feelings well, Bella. Don't think he don't care, 'cause I'd say he bears the scars of what's happened same as you."
"Huh! If he cared a fig, Thelma, he'd own up that it's his baby kicking inside of me right now." Tenderly she stroked her belly.
"Is the little one on the move again?" Thelma grinned as she came to put a hand on Isabella's swollen stomach. "Bless me if that isn't the liveliest child I've ever felt."
Though she smiled Thelma's eyes were filled with wistful longing. Isabella knew she'd prayed for a baby of her own, but her prayers had not been answered.
"Isn't it an energetic so and so?" They laughed, their heads together.
The kitchen door opened and Tiger strode in. He came to an abrupt halt, his eyes riveted on their hands, still on Isabella's stomach.
"The baby's a lively one," Thelma said, grinning.
Tiger turned abruptly away, his attention apparently caught by a flock of parrots flying past the window.
"Come and have a feel?" she invited, ignoring the scowl Isabella tossed at her.
"'Tis stopped now." Isabella pulled her apron down and turned back to the peas she'd been podding.
Tiger gave Thelma a quick glance, then went through to his room. Tossing his hat on the floor he slumped on the side of his bed and ran his fingers through his sweat dampened hair.
"Damn her to hell," he muttered when he realized his hands were trembling. He'd actually yearned to put his palm over her swollen belly; had felt a great longing to feel the baby stirring inside her.
The woman had grown more beautiful as her shape changed. Her hair was lustrous, as were her green eyes. The eyes of a temptress. Whether she knew it or not each look she threw his way was filled with the same hot unbidden emotion that swirled inside him. This dark and terrible longing was engulfing his deeper feelings. Damn it, but often he awoke in a fever of heat, Bella's name on his lips.
He spent too many hours away from his home. But since she'd let Dougal back into her room, and obviously into her bed, he was ravaged by jealousy when he heard the muted sounds of their coupling on the other side of the wall.
Fool! Why pine for something you willingly tossed away? Getting up impatiently, he bent to retrieve his hat. She could be sharing his bed now if he'd been able to take what she'd offered. No, he could never be sure. What would a relationship without trust be like? Better this way by far.
He'd started courting Mistress Prudence Bacon. Her name suited her, she was the biggest prude in the colony. Her mother watched over her like a hawk protecting its fledgling. What a joke. Even if the girl was inclined to accept his advances he had no desire to offer her more than a chaste kiss on the cheek. Even that small show of affection seemed to send the maiden into a twitter of nervousness. He knew he scared her to hell, but all the better. As far as he was concerned once he had the ring on her finger he would leave her to her own devices, knowing she would be more than content to see him go his own way.
* * *
"Dougal, wake up." Isabella gritted her teeth as a pain quivered through her. "'Tis time, I think."
Dougal shot to a sitting position, his eyes wide. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure." She wasn't really but was scared, though she'd not admit it to him. He was already out of bed and pulling on his trousers. He reached for his shirt and began to push his arms into the sleeves, staring at her as if he thought she might deliver the babe that instant.
"You'd best get Thelma." Isabella put her feet to the floor, watching Dougal as he jumped about on one leg, pulling on a boot. "Don't get in a state. Just fetch Thelma, then light the lamp. Thelma will tell you when 'tis time to get Doctor Neale."
Dougal was already on his way out, carrying his other boot. She heard him yelling for Thelma as he raced along the verandah. Tiger had insisted the doctor be fetched, although it wasn't common practice to have more than a midwife in attendance. Isabella hated the local woman who helped at the births and wasn't about to argue with his decision.
"Is everything all right?" Tiger asked warily. Isabella looked up as he came in and bent to set a candle on the chest beside the bed. She swallowed when he stood at her side, his scent all around her. He'd pulled on his trousers, but nothing else. The golden strands of his hair were tangled and sleep messed.
"Course 'tis." Isabella pulled a face. "You'd best get out of here afore Thelma starts to bustle about. Dougal will ride for the doctor, but she'll tell him when."
Another pain cramped through her, and she hunched over, her arms about her middle. In a trice Tiger was on his knees in front of her.
"Is it bad?" he asked, his brows furrowed. He had a hand on each of her knees, then as if it suddenly occurred to him where they were he removed them, with an awkwardness totally out of character.
"I've felt better," Isabella mumbled.
"What can I do?" His earnest inquiry stunned her.
Isabella stared at him. "You actually spoke to me? Did my ears hear right? Did Tiger Carstairs really ask me, the whore who's about to give birth to his child, if he could do anything to help her?"
"Don't start that again." He stood over her, making her feel tiny and vulnerable.
"Do you know what today is?" she asked, looking up at him sideways.
"September the eighteenth. What's that got to do with anything?" He frowned.
"Everything, as a matter of fact. I told you all along this child is yours, Tiger." She pointed a finger at him. "This proves it."
"It proves nothing. The baby's most likely early."
She shook her head in disbelief. "Have you looked at the size of me lately? Unless I have three babies inside me I couldn't be much bigger. You're a stubborn devil, Tiger Carstairs. Get out. I don't need you, and I don't want you. Dougal's my husband. He'll take care of me."
For a moment he stood as if undecided. Then, with one more odd glance, he left. Isabella let out a long sigh, rocking backwards and forwards, her arms folded across her breasts.
Thelma rushed in, Dougal right behind her. "Tiger's going for Doc Neale. He offered to go so's Dougal could be with you. How's it going, Bella?"
"Not so bad. I think I'll walk about. Have we got everything ready?" She pushed herself up, a hand on her lower back.
"Don't worry about a thing, lovey. We have it all set up, just like the doctor told us." Thelma put an arm about Isabella's waist and the two of them paced the kitchen.
* * *
Tiger pounded on the door of Doctor Neale's house. It was unusual, he knew, for the doctor to be summoned for women in childbirth, but Thelma told him how Bella mistrusted the midwife. Let people talk, he wasn't about to put a woman who was in his care in danger. Doctor Neale was a close friend, as well as his physician. The man had asked no questions when Tiger first broached the subject of his attending at the birth.
"All right, all right. What is it?" The doctor opened the door and squinted out, a candle held high.
"'Tis Bella, Neale. She's started. Thelma said for you to come straight away." Tiger stepped into the kitchen.
"How long since her pains began?" Neale walked back into his bedroom as he fired the question, pulling his trousers on as he came out.
"Just a while before I left. I think. Dougal was after coming, but I told him to stay with her." Tiger went from foot to foot jerkily, then stopped moving about when he saw his friend's smile. Neale patted his arm.
"Just where a husband should be. With his wife when she produces his first child. How's the boy standing up? I've yet to see a first time father who hasn't got himself in a fever of anxiety." He chuckled as he pushed his shirttail into the waistband of his trousers. He gave Tiger a mischievous grin. "You look slightly anxious yourself, my good man. Anybody would think you had a hand in the proceedings."
Picking up his leather bag he ushered Tiger out, then closed the door, so missing the look Tiger shot at him. The good doctor was far too perceptive for his own good.
"I'll saddle my mare.
Be with you in a minute."
Soon they were cantering towards the farm. There was little time for talking, but as they dismounted Tiger caught Neale by the arm. "Just one thing, Doc. Could this baby be early? Would you say there's a good chance that it's coming too soon?"
"Too soon? Ah, I see." Neale nodded twice. "You mean because the pair of them didn't wed 'til March. Well, there are not many that wait 'til after the priest has joined them before God, if that's your meaning. No, the lass is far too big for it to be a premature birth. I'd say the child was conceived just before Christmas. I'll know for sure once it's born." He grinned as he patted Tiger's arm. "No need to worry. This child will be fit and strong, like his father. Isabella's a fine woman. I doubt she will have a moment's trouble delivering a bonny baby."
"Aye, she's a fine woman." Tiger took the reins from his hands and turned his back on him. "You'd best be getting in," he muttered before he led the horses around to the stables.
Inside, alone, he threw back his head and let out a groan. God! 'Twas not possible.
After he'd unsaddled both mounts and watered and stabled them he sat on an upturned bucket and buried his face in his hands. Neale could be wrong. That was it, he'd made a miscalculation this time. Soon the truth would be out. The child would be a scrawny bundle, born before its time.
* * *
"Come lass, look at your bonny boy. 'Tis the finest babe I've delivered in a long time." Doctor Neale put the swaddled baby on Isabella's breast, urging one of her hands to its head.
Isabella opened her eyes wearily and squinted down at the bundle. Her baby; Tiger's child. "Is he. . .? Is he healthy?"
"As healthy a babe as you'll ever see. And not a moment's worry over his birth. You'll give birth to many fine children, madam," he assured her, touching the downy head of the baby and smiling. "In a while we'll put him to your breast."
Isabella shook her head.
"What, you don't wish to feed your baby?" he asked, shocked.
"No. Of course I intend to feed him. I mean I will not give birth to any more. This will be my only one, Doctor Neale."
For a moment he just looked at her, then he asked softly, "You dislike children?"
"No, I just dislike the idea of having them." She gave her son a kiss on his forehead.
"She's just feeling a bit down after the birth," Thelma said, coming back into the room in time to hear the last part of the conversation. "Lord, I'll take whatever ones she don't want."
Isabella felt a moment of remorse for her hasty words. Thelma yearned for babies, but had never been able to get herself with child, let alone carry one for nine months.
Dougal came in then and sat on the side of the bed. "Would you like to hold your son?" the doctor asked, patting him on the back.
"He's not. . ." Dougal jumped up, pacing over to the narrow window. "No, I'll have plenty of time to hold him later."
"He won't break, you know. Surely you wish to cradle your son in your arms. All new fathers do." The doctor chuckled as he finished washing his hands and began to dry them.
"I don't wish to. Does that make me strange?" Dougal's voice rose. "I thought I could accept it, but I can't." He glared at the three of them and rushed from the room, his boots thudding fiercely on the boards.
Isabella and Thelma exchanged a glance. The doctor shrugged. "It takes some men a while to get used to it," he muttered. "Ah, Tiger, come in and take a look at the new member of your household."
Tiger hesitated by the door. "'Tis a boy, then?"
"Aye, a fine lad. I've delivered a few bigger and healthier, but not many. 'Tis strange he hasn't his father or mother's coloring. But often babes are born so fair yet turn dark after. No doubt he's your child, Bella, but I can't see much of Dougal in him. No doubt that's why the lad has no wish to have much to do with him yet. He feels let down."
"How about a cup of tea, doctor?" Thelma asked, picking discarded towels up from the floor and walking to where Tiger still hovered by the door. "Or perhaps something stronger, eh?"
"Tea sounds just what the doctor ordered, my good woman. Don't stay long, Tiger, the baby has to be fed." He patted Tiger's broad shoulder as he went out, still smiling.
"So, I was wrong." Tiger moved to the bed, staring at the baby as if mesmerized.
"More wrong than you'll ever know." Bitterly Isabella looked away from him, pressing the babe closer to her breast and kissing the head covered with fine, almost white hair.
"I'll admit I was mistaken about the babe. But still I have no way of knowing how many men you lay with while whoring with Selena."
Isabella shook her head tiredly. No sense in arguing any more. He'd never see the truth. Some men didn't wish to see what was right beneath their noses. "He looks like you. Would you like to hold him?"
Tiger took a pace back, his eyes wide, but as if drawn to the infant by some invisible cord he moved close again and touched the tiny fist protruding from the shawl.
"Go on, take him," she insisted. "It may be the only chance you'll ever get. He's mine, Tiger, and no one on this earth will ever come between us."
"Perhaps no one will ever want to."
"I've found you never can be sure about what folk are likely to do. People change so suddenly that before you blink an eye their feelings have altered." Bitterness made her voice brittle.
Tiger sighed heavily. Isabella held up their son and he tentatively took him into his arms. With a tenderness Isabella had never seen on him before he looked down on the small pink round face. Touching the soft fluff on the baby's head with his lips, he whispered, "He's very strong," as one of his long fingers was trapped inside a small fist.
"Aye, like his father. Let's only hope he isn't as stubborn." Isabella swallowed as she watched the changing expressions on Tiger's face. His features, always implacable, had softened until for the first time ever he looked vulnerable. She wondered what he would say if she told him that too much of the side he preferred to keep controlled and hidden away was showing.
"What are you going to call him?" Tiger must have realized his feelings were showing for abruptly he masked his emotions, and his face became blank as he handed the baby back to her, carefully ensuring their fingers didn't meet. But as he went to withdraw his hand it accidentally brushed one of her breasts. She flinched.
"I'm sorry," he blurted, dark streaks staining his cheekbones.
"It's all right." Isabella covered her own blush by bending over the baby. "I'm just full," she mumbled. "The baby should be fed."
At that moment the doctor came back. "Just what I was about to suggest. Off you go, Tiger." He gave Tiger a push in the back. "And what are you going to call this fine lad?" he queried.
"Timothy."
Isabella gave Tiger a defiant glare when he stopped in his tracks and faced her, his eyes wide.
"A fine name," the doctor declared.
"Aye," she agreed, outstaring Tiger. "'Twas the name of a man I once cared for who is gone from me forever."
Without another word Tiger turned on his heel and left.
Chapter Twenty Four
May 1821
"I'll put Tim to bed, shall I?" Thelma asked, pushing herself up from the seat beneath the verandah.
They watched Tim as he chased one of the dogs, chuckling when the animal dodged away and took off in another direction.
Isabella looked down at the baby in her arms. Dougie gripped a fistful of bodice in his strong little fingers. At seven months he was already willful. She smiled up at Thelma.
"Thank you. If you can catch him, that is. The little so-and-so gets faster every day. I'll just finish feeding Dougie and follow you in. Come here, Tim, time you was in bed," she called. "Leave the poor dog be, you'll make it sick and yourself along with it."
Isabella sighed. Her fair-haired son was a miniature of his father, even down to the same arrogant stance when Thelma tried to take his hand.
At twenty months Tim was full of life and forever into new tricks to pull on Thelma, who had
slowed down so much in the past year Isabella was often filled with fear for her friend.
Tim finally allowed himself to be caught, just as Tiger strolled from the back of the house to join them. Holding Thelma's hand Tim stood before the man who was his hero.
"Don't wanna go to bed yet, Tiger," Tim stated, grinning mischievously, his blonde eyebrows going up, much as Tiger's did when he issued an ultimatum.
"You'll do as your mother says." Tiger reached to pick him up, growling in his ear as he turned him upside down until Tim squealed in delight.
"Put him down, he'll never get to sleep if you excite him so," Dougal ordered, scowling.
Tiger stood still for a moment, and Isabella wondered how long it would be before he defied Dougal where the child was concerned. Slowly he lowered his son to the ground, then with a silent nod patted Tim on the head. The look he sent Dougal was filled with contempt. "Off to bed, Tim," he said. "Do as you're told." With a shrug he headed for the stable.
Thelma sighed heavily and glanced at Dougal before saying, "Come, Tim, let's go." She took his tiny hand. "We'll get some of that dust washed off you afore you go to your bed, eh?"
"Why?" Isabella heard him ask. She smiled. He was always so curious. He'd even wondered only recently why his own hair was so light in color, yet his baby brother's so dark.
While Timothy resembled Tiger to the last eyelash, so Dougie was the image of Dougal, his hair as black as a raven's wing.
Running her fingers over Dougie's dark head Isabella spared a rare moment's thought for how things would have worked out if Tiger had been willing to accept the child she had carried was his. Not for anything would she give up Dougie, but everyone admitted he was a difficult and troublesome baby.
"I'm taking him in now," she said, rising with the sleeping baby cradled against her breast. Gillie said a quiet goodnight, but Dougal said not a word. As she walked to the room Tiger had added to the rear of the house after Tim's birth she heard them talking in lowered tones about the sheep. Always they discussed those blessed sheep.
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