Binary

by Sarah Cole

  “Yes, please. I need you, Carter. Give me what I need,” she pleads as I still hold her tightly in my arms. I take her hand and hold it over the massive erection that threatens to rip free from my athletic shorts.

  “Do you feel how fucking hard you make me? No one has ever done this to me before. I can’t control it, and God help me, but I can’t get enough. I don’t think I ever will.”

  Releasing my grip on her hand, I pull my t-shirt off over my head and I take a moment to watch as her eyes roam appreciatively over the toned body I work my ass off to keep. I finish undressing, and Anika must be as eager as I am since she follows suit, ridding herself of the scrap of fabric she calls underwear.

  “I want you on your knees, kneeling for me like the little slut you are, Anika.” I say and I see her eyes flash with desire as she complies with my first command, kneeling in front of me.

  “Do you like it when I talk dirty to you and call you names?” I ask.

  “Yes, I love it,” she says, peering up at me.

  “That’s what I thought. Would you also like it if I forced my big cock in your mouth and made you choke on it?” I run my fingers through the top of her hair, gripping it by the roots roughly and forcing her head back so she has no choice but to look up at me with those hypnotizing eyes.

  “You know I would,” she says, her voice strained from me holding her head like I am.

  “You dirty girl. Open up.” Her lips part and I shove myself into her mouth forcefully, loving the way she gags on me as I hit the back of her throat.

  “I want you to understand one thing. I will not stop unless you ask me to and I know you mean it. I don’t care if you’re gagging… I’m not stopping. Now open up.” I smack her cheek firmly, but not enough to really leave a mark and she smiles around my cock with a wicked gleam in her eyes and I know she’s in this with me. She’s so dirty and twisted and I fucking love it, but in the back of my mind, I want to understand all of the reasons behind her desires. I know mine, but why does she need this?

  “Hands clasped behind your back, baby,” I say, a bit softer. I thrust harder and faster, the wet sounds of suction, spurring me on, and I grip the sides of her head for more leverage. The harder I go, the more frequent her gagging becomes and the spasms of her throat around me bring me closer and closer to falling over the edge.

  “You’re loving this aren’t you? You love it when I fuck your throat don’t you, you twisted little girl? You’re sick like me, aren’t you?” I spew dirty thoughts from my mouth like it’s my second language, and I can’t peel my eyes away from her face as she gags on me with tears streaming down her face. She’s fucking stunning as her face begins to redden from lack of breath.

  “Do you realize just how beautiful you are?” I grunt out as I continue to violate her and her tongue dances around my shaft in a sinful way. She’s got such a sweet mouth but it does such wicked things. “Hmm?” she shakes her head slightly, still peering up at me just taking everything I have to give her. “You’re stunning with me in your mouth, using you, and the most beautiful part is you love it just as much as I do, don’t you? I’ll bet that you’re dripping for me right now, aren’t you?” I ask through clenched teeth. When she doesn’t respond, I dig my fingers into her hair and grip it tighter and her eyes snap back to reality and meet mine.

  “Yes,” she barely manages in a muffled grunt and I shove myself deeper, hitting the back of her throat as she gags around me again. The sensation coupled with the look of anger and defeat on her tear soaked and snotty face pushes me to my limits and a warm, tingling pleasure fills my body as I spill myself down the back of her throat, only causing her to gag more and heightening the sensation for me.

  When I finish I pull myself from her mouth, still impossibly hard. Anika gives me one miserable look and launches herself from her position at my feet and across the room into the bathroom. I follow her and find her crouched in the corner by the toilet, hugging herself tightly as she gags. Rushing to her side I grab her warm, naked body and pull her to me, settling her shaking body in my lap.

  “Shhhhh,” I soothe as I press her face to my chest and softly rub her head. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know you were actually upset. You didn’t say anything… I’m sorry.” I say, feeling the heavy feeling of guilt creeping in.

  “It wasn’t you, Carter. Don’t apologize,” she says hoarsely, but firmly despite her trembling body and I hold her tighter, cursing myself for still being so turned on in this moment. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted it. It just brought back some bad memories of so many things from my past that I didn’t realize were still an issue, but the worst part is despite all of that, I still want this. I want what we just did. I want to do it over and over again. I love being able to give it all to you, and trust you. I love you keeping me in line and punishing me and rewarding me… taking care of me. I didn’t realize that it’s what I needed until you.”

  “What happened to you, Ani?” I whisper, needing to know what memories she’s talking about beyond the horrific ones she’s already shared.

  I watch her debate whether or not she’ll say anything, but finally I watch her shoulders sag in defeat before she begins to speak. “Nothing happened to me, Carter. I did what I had to do to keep my brother out of trouble.”

  “What does that mean, baby?”

  She sighs and leans her head against my shoulder, and just when I don’t think she’ll say any more, she surprises me again. “I wish there was a flowery explanation… something more poetic about it, but there’s not. To put it bluntly, I whored myself out. I traded my body to keep Erik safe. He had a lot of problems after what happened to my mother, and my father wasn’t around. I didn’t have access to the kind of money they wanted. I couldn’t put any more stress on my father because he was already broken. As it turns out, I didn’t need the money because I had something else they wanted. So, I gave it to them. It wasn’t pleasant, but it served its purpose,” she says matter of factly, and I feel sick. Not at what she did, but the fact that she felt like she had to do it at all. I squeeze her closer to me, because despite the nonchalant tone she was just using, I hear what lies beneath it. I hear the pain, the anger and the embarrassment. I hear what she’s trying to hide, and it makes me want to love her harder.

  “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” I kiss her face tenderly.

  “It is what it is, Carter.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Does it honestly matter now?” she asks defensively.

  “It does, and you know it. If you weren’t of age…” she places her hand over my mouth effectively silencing me.

  “I was young. Let’s just leave it at that, Carter. I don’t want to rehash that. Those men will get theirs one day, so don’t worry about it. Karma’s a bitch like that,” she says, and the way her eyes flash sends a cold chill down my spine.

  She erases the chills from moments before in only a way that Anika can for me. Leaning forward, she places a trail of kisses up my neck and onto my stubbled jaw line and repositions herself so she’s straddling me with my hardness pressed tightly against her warm wet pussy. She rubs her nose against mine in a sweet, intimate gesture that shocks me momentarily.

  “You really are incredible. So strong…” I trace her lips with my thumb before placing the barest of kisses to her lips. In this moment, I am completely hers and she is mine. There is no part of me that isn’t bound to her in some way, and I love the way that feels. I’m taking a piece of my own advice and relinquishing just a little bit of myself and my control to her, and at the same time she shoulders my demons, letting me take out my anger and pain on her, and loving every moment of it. We’re a match made in hell.

  “But I’m not…” she says, softly as she continues to kiss me softly.

  Ignoring her self-deprecation, I continue, “I’ll always take care of you, Ani. Despite whatever fucked up reasons we both have for what we like, you always come first for me. Do you get that? You are everything. I can�
��t explain it to you in words, baby. I can’t, because I’m not so sure I understand it myself, but you fit inside this gaping hole I’ve been walking around with.”

  “Carter…” she begins to cut me off, and I feel her body tense. I know she knows what’s coming and I don’t give a fuck if she wants to face it or not, she’s going to. She can’t deny that she’s got these feelings too. I see them, I feel them when our bodies connect. It’s electric. It’s like lightning, fire, and an earthquake met and shattered every piece of who we used to be and reshaped us to make us whole…and better together.

  “No, Anika. You’re going to shut up and you’re going to listen to me, for once. Please,” I plead, taking her face in my hands. Her eyes search mine, and I see her accept the fact that she’s going to listen to what I have to say. “I love you. I fucking love you, and that’s all there is to it. As screwed up as we may be, we were made for each other. You don’t have to love me back, but you do have to accept the fact that I love you and I’m not going anywhere and I’m not going to stop trying. Maybe someday you will love me back. Maybe someday I’ll earn your trust enough for you to let me in completely and show me who you are… I don’t know. All I know is I need you, and us.”

  “Oh, Carter,” she says in a pained whisper as tears shimmer in her eyes and she runs her hands down my face, almost as if she’s trying to soothe herself by consoling me. “You shouldn’t love me. You don’t want to see who I really am,” she says kissing me, her wet tears salty on my lips.

  “I love you,” I say again insistently, thinking if I say it enough she’ll understand.

  “I’ll break you,” she whispers sadly against my ear, as she places a soft kiss just below it.

  “You can’t break someone who’s already broken, baby.”

  Anika:

  He’s broken like I am. I know he is…I’ve seen it in the way he thirsts for control, for domination, and even in the way his own control seems to snap from time to time. He’s just better at controlling his demons than I am. Maybe to him what he said was an off the cuff statement that he doesn’t think I understand, or maybe this is his own way of unravelling the tightly wound parts of himself so I can see what he’s made of. Either way I already know everything. I was able to uncover all of his dirty secrets and what feeds his monsters. We’re both damaged goods, but if he only knew the level of my depravity, he wouldn’t feel the same way. Knowing everything I know has only confirmed one thing for me. I need to stop being selfish and push him away for good if I’m going to keep him safe from this sick game I’m playing with Lance Jennings. I just don’t know how I’m going to let him go.

  “Carter,” I say his name and rub my aching sex against him, because despite the haunted memories and professions of doomed love, the sick and twisted sexual deviant in me aches for him and the release he brings me every time we’re together.

  “Anika,” he echoes in reply, and the way he says it just sounds dirty.

  “I’ve been a very bad girl,” I say, knowing that sex is the best way to distract him.

  His eyes sparkle with humor. “I see. I suppose we’ll just have to do something about that then. Would you like bondage and suspension or gagging and cuffs?” he asks before licking his way up the side of my neck.

  “Oh, I get to choose? What a lucky girl I am.”

  “Don’t say I never did anything nice for you.” he leans forward, taking my taut nipple in his mouth and biting it, sending a deliciously painful ache between my thighs.

  “I’ll take bondage and suspension for four hundred,” I reply and he chuckles softly, grabbing the backs of my thighs and lifting me up with him. As he walks with me back into his bedroom, I feel his hard erection brush against my slick opening, sending shivers through my body. He gives me a knowing smile and sets me down in the middle of the floor. I look around his room which has an upscale midcentury vibe to it. Sleek black leather mixes with natural wood tones and crisp white bedding and rugs. There are only a few personal items scattered throughout. Books, a notebook and pen, and a few pictures on the dresser, but that is all. I look above my head to see where Carter is using a pulley system to drop some harnesses from the exposed ceiling rafters.

  Once he finishes he looks at me with almost a goofy, proud smile. “That was easier than I thought.”

  I raise my eyebrows in question, and he replies. “This is the first time I’ve used this.”

  “That’s reassuring,” I shoot back.

  “Careful, pretty girl, or I’ll fuck that mouth of yours raw.” I smile sarcastically at him, and he continues. “I’ve used this system before, just not here. No one comes here, Anika. Me, my housekeeper three times a week, and occasionally if I’m unfortunate enough, my mother.”

  While a bit shocked he doesn’t entertain here, I don’t show it. I just nod my acceptance and wait for his next order. It is so unlike me, and I think that is part of the thrill in it. I’ve always thrived on pain – giving and receiving, but it was always on my terms and how I wanted it. Giving everything so completely to someone else is exciting. You don’t know what is spinning on the wheels inside their head, and all you can do is hope it will be good, and in my case, secretly pray it hurts so bad that I feel like I’ve been absolved from my sins.

  “Hands behind your back,” his sexy, commanding tone is back and his demeanor has changed, becoming more powerful in a sense.

  I feel the smooth rope slide around my wrists, winding and knotting its way up, binding my arms tightly together. He then works it around my front, tying intricate knots around my breasts leaving them exposed but rendering me completely helpless above the waist. Silently working with only a tender brush of fingers here and there, he slides a soft leather harness under my arms and around my shoulders, firmly securing the straps with the buckles.

  Carter taps my ankle. “Step through here for me, baby.” I step through the lower body portion of the harness and slides it up my legs where he attaches it to the other harness. Placings a rough kiss on my lips, he pulls the main rope, lifting my body off the floor completely and leaving me exposed to him.

  “Let’s play.” He flashes me a smile and pulls harder, lifting me so I’m at perfect height for him. Slowly, he walks into his closet, returning with a large black leather box and placing it beside us on the floor. He opens the lid to reveal a selection of toys, whips, floggers, canes and other things I can’t name.

  He reaches down and pulls out a shiny black metal object. “Open.” He taps it against my lips and I open up letting the cold, smooth metal slide across my tongue. He pulls it from my lips with a pop. “Spit on it.”

  After doing what I’m told, he kneels in front of me, looking up at me with nothing but adoration and intense need. My heart thaws for him a little bit more against my will, and I have this burning need for him just to hold me and hug me close. It’s unsettling and I push it away for the moment to focus on nothing but the man in front of me as he trails his tongue down the outside of my thigh. Gently, I feel his fingers spread me apart and his finger run through the wetness at my core.

  “Christ almighty,” he curses under his breath as he touches me and traces a small circle around my puckered entrance before using his other hand to guide the cool plug inside.

  “Relax, Ani. I’ve got you. Just push out a little. There we go. See? I’m not going to hurt you like that,” he says, as the plug slides in to the hilt. The feeling of fullness is not the unpleasant one I remember, but instead causes me to clench, seeking some sort of release from this throbbing need that has yet to be satisfied.

  Sitting up on his knees, Carter reaches forward sliding his hands through my slick heat and holds them up for me to see. “Look how wet you are for me. Only for me, right?” he asks. Knowing he expects answer, I reply.

  “Yes, Carter. Only for you…it’s only been for you,” I say truthfully. Running his fingers against me again, he takes my wetness and spreads it in a line up my stomach. Looking up at me through hooded lids, he licks the line
he just traced, his eyes rolling back in his head like an addict taking a hit.

  “So fucking good, baby. Like candy,” he says as he spreads more of me directly on his own lips. “Taste yourself, Anika. Lick yourself off of me,” he says pressing his mouth to mine and I slide my tongue against his lips before sliding it all the way in and consuming his mouth in a kiss.

  He pulls away, working his way down my chest and stomach, only to stop at my breasts momentarily to place nipple clamps upon them. The sharp ache it creates seems to be directly connected to my swollen sex. Finally, by the time he reaches my clit I’m about ten seconds from exploding into a million pieces. He delves into my soaked opening with his tongue and briefly flicks my clit before moving back and forth, creating a dizzying frustration, but I know from the warm buzzing in my body that I’m so close.

  “Don’t come,” he orders and bites down on my clit, flicking the most sensitive part rapidly with his tongue. I come suddenly and violently as my whole body seizes and I’m helpless to the sensations flooding my body. Carter only stops briefly to peer up at me and he smacks me hard across the sex, and I let out a loud guttural moan that echoes off the walls. The sharp sting only heightens my arousal and the intensifies the ache that fills the lower half of my body.

  “I told you not to come, you little slut. Now I’m going to have to punish you,” he says with a devilish grin.

  “Oh my God, yes. Please…” I moan.

  “Open your eyes, Anika. Look at me. If you close them again, you will not come again. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, please just…” I trail off as he smacks me across the thigh. I can already feel the warm delicious tingles spreading across my skin, buzzing with the electricity of his touch. He alternates between my thighs, breasts and sex. Every time he lands a blow the need deep inside of me strengthens, causing me to crave more.

  Carter kneels down briefly, only to bring a flogger and a devilish look back up with him.