by Sarah Cole
“I’m disappointed, but somehow not surprised.
You warned me time and time again, but I ignored it because I trusted you.
I loved you…but never again.”
Tears I haven’t consciously let fall in over a decade, cascade down my cheeks, spilling all of the feelings I’ve tried in vain not to feel. I should’ve known he would figure out what I was doing here sooner or later. Carter is brilliant, and I didn’t give him enough credit.
“Ma’am, it’s time to go,” one of the guards says, and I grab a tissue to quickly blot my eyes like it makes a bit of difference. I stand and grab the few personal items I have and shove them into my black Celine bag.
I follow the guards out, handing Leanne all of my keycards before leaving.
“Anika,” she calls, stopping me and I turn.
“He really loved you. I thought you were the one for him,” she says with an emotion I can’t place, but it looks like disappointment.
“I’m not the one for anybody, but I really loved him too. Someone should know,” I say and make my escape before more tears have a chance to fall.
I pace back and forth across the rug in my living room. It’s been several hours, and Carter still will not answer his phone, texts remain unread, and I’m losing my mind with worry over him over us. There is no us, I realize. But it doesn’t change the face I’m losing my mind over this. I know I have to do something, and I curse myself. The old Anika would keep going and not look back, but this version of myself, I don’t even recognize. My world is collapsing and I can’t hold it up on my own. How can I when Carter was the one holding me up? The tears continue to fall, emptying my soul, and I feel like there will be nothing left of me if I can’t make them stop.
I give myself another ten minutes to pull myself together before I run to my room and change into comfortable clothes. I strap myself up with weapons, not having any idea of what my plan is. Carter may be OK, he may be avoiding me, but either way I figure that being overly prepared is better than not being prepared at all. Running to my garage, I slide into my car and drive like a lunatic through rush hour traffic to find him. No plan comes to me because the only thing running through my mind is how much I need Carter to hear the truth even if it doesn’t change the outcome.
I arrive at Carter’s building, just as it begins to pour. The once sunny day, turning dark just like my mood. The doorman opens the door, not meeting my eyes, and I’m assuming it is because of my swollen face and disheveled appearance. Quickly, I walk towards the elevator bank putting my keys, wallet and phone into the front zip pocket of my pullover. I almost make it to the elevators, when the security guard at the desk calls out to me.
“Ma’am.” I don’t turn, I just hit the button. “Ms. Borkova! Stop. You’re not on Mr. Linwood’s approved guest list anymore. If you don’t leave the premises immediately, I’m going to have to call the police.” I turn to face the man, and don’t say a word as I walk out the door and down the sidewalk into the rain.
I pull the baseball cap down and the hood of my pullover up. Although, it does very little to block the pounding rain, it hides my face from security cameras, and that’s all I need for five minutes. It’s early evening, but with the low hanging clouds and tall buildings, it is dark enough that I know the street lights will begin to turn on any moment. Knowing I only have a small window of opportunity to get inside, I keep my head down and skirt around the side of the building and into the alley. Thankful I’m wearing my tennis shoes and running tights, I jog down the alley and around behind the building where the loading docks are. I pull my small Glock from the back waistband of my pants, not having time to take off my pullover to get to my chest strap.
Keeping my face shielded by my hat and hood, I point the gun at the first security camera and pull the trigger. The sound echoes off the building, but I don’t stop, aiming it at the second, and pulling the trigger again, busting the camera and lens. I look around for the control panel that I know operates the loading doors and is attached to the security system. I may or may not have done my research on his building at one point or another because I’m nosey like that. I know I have only moments before people come to investigate from the shots I fired.
I see that the front cover of the control panel just pops on, like a cheap piece of shit, but I can’t pry it off with just my fingers. I reach to my hip where my knife is strapped and I use the back of the blade as leverage to pry off the front casing. I let it fall to the concrete landing as I stare at the jumble of wires in front of me. Shit. I’ve only done this once before. I hold the hilt of my knife with my teeth as my wet fingers trace the colored wires in the box trying to track where they originate. This probably isn’t the smartest idea I’ve ever had, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Finally, I manage to track the wire I was looking for, and I pull the knife from my teeth, looping the wire around the blade. I don’t second guess it, I just yank and make the cut. Sparks fly from the box and they sizzle in the pouring rain, smelling of hot burning plastic. I cut the second wire and hit the lever on the side of the box. Miraculously, just as I hear police sirens in the distance, the heavy segmented door begins to slide up revealing the maintenance hallways in the basement. I sprint inside using the emergency release to close it again.
Cold and wet, I jog down the service hallway, my running shoes squeaking on the gray tiled floor. At the end, I see the door for a stairwell, and I check the fire escape map to verify where I’m at and where I should be going. I exit the stairwell and go back to the large freight elevator at the other end of the hall that serves the maintenance workers and building staff, and I hop inside hitting the top floor. This should come out in another service hallway that connects to the fire escape on Carter’s floor. I wait impatiently as the slow-moving elevator climbs floor after floor, until I finally reach the top. The doors open with an obnoxious ping, and I exit, opening the fire escape door and exiting into the foyer like hallway that contains the main elevator and Carter’s front door.
I breathe deeply to prepare myself for this as I walk the extra few feet to his door and hit the doorbell. After a moment, there’s small tap on the door from the other side and a heavy thump, but nothing else.
“Carter. I can hear you. Please open the door,” I say, loud enough for him to hear.
Nothing.
“Carter. I really think we should talk,” I call out again, but once again am met with disheartening silence. He needs to understand. I need to make him understand, even it means showing him all of me. He begged me, and I couldn’t let him see me. I still don’t want to let him in, but if he’s going to hate me for something, he should at least hate me for the truth. I’m a monster. I won’t deny it, but I’m finding that there may be room for more in my heart than hate, and all I’ve done is try to keep him safe. We can’t be what he wanted us to be, but he should know what he felt wasn’t one sided. It was the only honest thing about us, and it was real even if I didn’t want to admit it to him or myself.
After waiting a few minutes, I realize that he isn’t going to let me in. Fine. It doesn’t matter if he will or not. I take a look at his door handle and wonder if I could pick the lock. Probably, but I don’t have anything with me to do it. I could blow the handle off, but he’s got a security system. Ok then. I go back to the fire escape and climb the two flights to the roof exit. I use my baseball cap to wedge in between the latch so it doesn’t lock on me just in case this plan is a bust too. I walk over to the edge and I can see, Carter’s upstairs patio from here. It is really only a few feet over, but about a fifteen foot drop from here. The rain has abated some, but it is still steady and penetrating. I’m desperate, and I’ve literally got nothing to lose so I go for it. Taking a few steps back, I sprint in a mad dash for the roofs edge. At the last instant, I hurdle the railing and I’m in a free fall.
Time seems to slow as I see the city street spread out beneath me and feel the rain and wind pelting me. For a moment, I freeze, but quickly realiz
e I need to tuck and roll if I don’t want to wind up with two broken legs. I curl my body protectively and take the impact with my shoulder as I roll, and crash into the black metal lounge chairs.
“Shit!” I curse, feeling the goose egg, already forming on my forehead. The hot trickle down the side of my face tells me, I split it open, but ask me if I give a damn. I stand quickly and walk to the glass doors that lead into Carter’s bedroom. The lights are on, but the room appears to be empty. I grasp the handle and turn, feeling the door’s latch click open, and I feel satisfaction knowing all my efforts weren’t for nothing. Taking a step inside, I close the door behind me, and the silence is almost deafening compared to the dull roar of the city outside. I feel almost calm again knowing he’s near, and smelling him all around me. My feet somehow move forward on their own, my body just knowing where I’ll find him.
My hand slides down the metal stair railing as I descend on shaking legs. From where I am, I can see Carter leaning over the kitchen island with a bottle of scotch in front of him. He doesn’t look like the Carter I know. He looks defeated, and I did that. I take another step, and he must sense someone is watching him because he snaps to attention his shocked eyes meeting mine.
“How the fuck did you get in here, Anika?” his contemptuous tone is expected, but still feels like a punch to the stomach.
“The balcony,” I answer simply, continuing down the stairs towards him.
“How in the ever-living hell?” he begins to question before he shakes his head and shuts me down.
“I want you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving until you hear what I have to say, Carter.” I close the gap until we’re only inches apart. His jaw ticks as he stares daggers at me.
“Get the fuck out of my house before I put you out,” he says calmly and quietly.
“No,” I say defiantly as the first tear falls down my cheek. My heart is breaking inside my chest, but I’m not done fighting, and he hasn’t seen what I’m made of yet.
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” he roars in to my face, so loud my ears ring. He turns suddenly, slamming his fist into the stone countertop before taking a pull directly from the bottle.
“I’m not going anywhere until you listen.”
“I hate you,” he spits, and I see the tears shimmering in his eyes.
“You should. I do…” I agree and he looks up, piercing me with his green gaze. I can feel the disdain dripping off of him and it makes me feel pathetic.
“I know you’re going to stand there until you get what you came for, so get on with it. I don’t know what else you could possibly want because it can’t be anything you haven’t already taken from me.”
“I need to tell you the truth,” I say, and he laughs.
“The truth? That’s hysterical coming from the woman that doesn’t know the meaning of the word. So, let’s hear it, Ani. What have you got to say?” the way he’s speaking to me slices me open, and he pulls out a seat at the island and sits down looking at me with a cold stare.
“I don’t know what you know, or what you think you know. So, I’m just going to lay it out there for you.” I begin to pace.
“Ok, why don’t we start with Braxton?” he asks and I stop. He knows a lot more than I thought he did. The question is, just how much?
Chapter FIFTEEN
CARTER:
I stare at Anika, wondering who the hell this woman is. She’s a liar and about just how much, I can’t be certain. She stands before me looking unlike the woman I know, soaking wet and blood trickling down her face. Though she looks more fierce than usual, she looks defeated and unhinged, and I can’t stop thinking about how gorgeous she is. When I mention Braxton’s name she stops her nervous pacing and stares at me with shock.
“What about Braxton?” she asks, and the weird calm thing she does from time to time replaces the uncharacteristic behavior from moments before.
“Did you or did you not fuck my brother?” the rage I feel at the thought of his hands on her begins to surface again.
“I’ll explain from the beginning,” she says nervously.
“Answer the god damn question, Anika,” I grind out.
“Yes, Carter! Yes, I did,” her voice raises, and I feel like I want to throw up, but she continues, “But that was before you, before I knew anything about you, before I met you…It was just sex!” she yells in exasperation, and continues to ramble.
“We were nothing. It was almost a year ago now that I ended the relationship, if you could even call it that. I didn’t hear another word from him until a few months ago. I ignored his calls, but as I was going home one night I was kidnapped, I guess you could say. I’ll spare you the details because they don’t matter here. When I woke up, Braxton was there. He’s working with… some people…” she pauses and I can see that she’s choosing her words carefully.
“Tell me who Braxton is working with!” I demand, needing to know.
“I’m not going to tell you that. It’s better if you don’t, but just know I’m going to take care of it.”
I see the resolve in her eyes, and I know she isn’t budging, but I will find out one way or another. I sigh in exasperation and aggravation at her, “Fine, go on then…”
“I’m still not sure what their end game is, but they wanted me for my skills. Who he’s working for knows about me, and it was either hack into Lintech and steal the information on the Quantum division launch, or they would use what they knew against me and I’d go to prison for life. So, you obviously know what I chose.”
“So, you played me, got the job at Lintech, and then what? Thought you’d fuck with me a little more? What the hell is wrong with you? You’re insane!”
“Carter. You don’t get it! I didn’t do it! I didn’t actually steal the information for them. They only think I did!” her voice continues to raise desperately, the already raspy quality intensifying. “The more I got to know you, I just couldn’t… for once I actually felt guilty about something. For once I felt like I needed to protect someone other than myself or my brother. I couldn’t let them ruin this for you, and so I hacked in. The first time, I scrambled some things just because I could. I’ll admit, I’m cocky like that, but then I just went through and as I took down the information, I rebuilt your firewalls because they were complete shit.” She’s off on a tech tangent, and I legitimately am beginning to wonder how crazy she really is.
“Stop!” I interrupt her, standing up. “You copied the information? Isn’t that stealing? You aren’t making any sense.”
In true Anika fashion, she looks at me like I’m an idiot and explains. “Yes, I copied it, but only so I could reformat and rewrite everything. I had to feed them files that seemed legitimate just to prove I was holding up my end of the deal. What I gave them when put together, looks like your plans but they aren’t. They don’t hold the same coding or details. I had to go through every file and every piece of software and hardware and break it down to basics and rebuild it all. As I did it, I made your information impenetrable so no one else would be able to hack it. You’re welcome by the way.”
“You’re crazy,” I think out loud.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, Carter,” she says seriously, then continues to ramble. “If they were to take the specs and info I gave them, it’d build something, but not with nearly as much power or capability.”
“So, wait, you managed to rebuild nearly ten years’ worth of my company’s work in a matter of weeks to make an entirely different prototype?” I marvel at her.
“Yes.” she nods like it’s obvious, but then it’s like a lightbulb goes off inside her head and she gets this excited look suddenly like everything that is going on doesn’t matter. “Oh, but the best part is the external hard drive I collected all the information on is embedded with a virus. It will eat away at the files on their computer and deny them access while simultaneously pinging the NSA, FBI, and CIA. It will let them access the data on that computer to know who the user is and
the location.” She looks at me with an unreadable expression, but waiting for me to say something. I wish I could, but I honestly have no idea what to think. It all begins to make some sense.
“They want to weaponized the technology,” I say and her eyes widen. She looks genuinely stunned, and for the first time, there’s a spark of hope as I realize she honestly wasn’t the mastermind, but a tool.
“Carter. I won’t let them do that. Even with what I built, they won’t get that far. I’ll make sure of it,” she says, completely sure of herself.
“Anika, what are you going to do? You’re just a pawn in their game.”
“I know, but they don’t know that I control the board.” Her excitement is gone, and is replaced with this look of malevolence.
“God damn it, Anika. I don’t know what you’re into. I don’t know what to believe, and I feel so fucking useless.”
“Just trust me, Carter. Let me fix this.” she places her hands on my biceps, squeezing lightly. My head tells me I should be pulling away from her, but my heart and the look in her eyes tells me to grab her and hold onto her forever.
“Christ, Ani. How do I trust you? All you’ve done is lie to me from day one.”
“You’re right. I don’t know how you trust me. I’m not sure I know how to tell you the truth, and you don’t really have to. I just needed you to know that I did everything I could to save you from this even if my initial intentions were dishonest. This will all be over in a couple days, and then you won’t have to see me again.” She lets go of my arms and steps back. I see the tears shimmering in her eyes, and something tells me this may be the first time I’ve seen Anika…really seen her, and not just what she wants me to see.
“That’s it?” I ask her.
“What more is there, Carter?”
“Everything!” I yell. I know what I said, I know how mad I was and still am, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t still love her with my whole damn heart. “You’re so damn cryptic. What the hell is going on?!”