by Tracy Brown
The next few weeks consisted of a series of hearings concerning Sheldon’s custody. Jada appeared at each one with her attorney, trying to establish that she was fit to have sole custody of her son. At the final hearing, the judge listened to Jada’s attorney explain how she had turned her life around. He gave the judge recommendations from her rehab counselors, and Sunny and her mother Marisol both testified on Jada’s behalf. But the judge was reluctant. Jada still had no job, and she had no prospects for getting one with a rap sheet as long as hers. She had her own place—an apartment in Brooklyn—but the court wasn’t satisfied that her son would be safe in her care without the supervision of another responsible adult. The charges Jamari had leveled against her were serious. The amount of crack she’d used during her last two months of pregnancy was hard to ignore. As Jada stood in the courtroom, listening to the judge speak, her heart sank. She knew that he was about to deny her custody. But then a voice spoke out in the courtroom, and made Jada’s heart stand still. It was her mother.
“I’m willing to take my daughter and her son into my home, your honor.” Edna stood in the back of the courtroom, and everyone turned toward her.
Jada couldn’t believe her eyes. She stared at her mother as if she was crazy. There was no way Jada was going to move back in with Edna. “Your honor …” Jada began to protest. Her lawyer cut her off, placing his hand on her forearm. He whispered to her, “Be quiet. This may be your only chance.”
The judge motioned for Edna to step forward, and he asked her who she was.
“My name is Edna Ford. I’m Jada’s mother. I would be happy to have my daughter and her son come and live with me in Staten Island. I don’t work, so I can provide child care for my grandson while my daughter gets herself into school, or gets a job. I’m a Christian woman, and there will be no drugs of any kind in my home. You have my word that I will make sure that Sheldon has the best stable environment possible.”
Jada stood there dumbfounded, wondering how Edna had known that she would be appearing in court that day. She wondered what would make her mother think that she would want to live with her. Jada still had not forgiven her. She looked at Edna speechlessly, and the judge spoke up at last.
Looking at Jada, he asked, “Would you be willing to relocate and live with your mother, if you were given custody of your son?”
Jada shook her head. “Your honor, with all due respect, I don’t think I need to be supervised …”
“May I please have a few minutes to confer with my client?” Jada’s lawyer interrupted. She shot him an evil look, which he ignored, and the judge granted them a five-minute recess to discuss the new developments. Her attorney grabbed Jada by the arm, and motioned for Edna to follow them. He led Jada outside of the courtroom, and pulled her into a secluded corner. Edna was right behind them.
Nelson Doyle was no stranger to family court cases before this judge. He knew that Jada would not get custody of her son unless she pulled a rabbit out of a hat. She needed magic, or some kind of miracle, in order to walk out of that courtroom victorious. And when Edna spoke up it seemed to Doyle that their miracle had just arrived.
“Jada,” he said, “you should listen to your mother—”
“Nah,” Jada interjected, shaking her head. “I don’t even wanna talk to her. She’s never been there for me.”
Edna heard her daughter speak about her as if she weren’t there. “I’m here now, Jada. It’s not too late for you to talk to me. But one day it might be.”
Jada frowned, and looked at her mother. “It is too late. Where have you been all this time? All this time I was out here by myself, fighting for my son, fighting for my own life. And where were you? Now you wanna come in here and …”
“And help you get your son back.” Edna finished Jada’s sentence, and stood there staring at her. “I want to come back, and try to salvage what’s left of our family. You deserve the chance to be a mother to your son. I want to help you, Jada. And maybe we can start to fix what’s broken with our own relationship.”
“I don’t want to fix our relationship. What’s the point?”
Doyle spoke up. “I think the point is that reuniting with your mother could be the one thing that persuades the judge to give you custody.”
“How? What is that gonna do for me?”
“It would show him that you’re so determined to be a good mother to your child that you’re willing to relocate and reunite with your mother. It’ll show him that you and your mother are committed to your recovery. That you’re willing to make whatever adjustments are necessary to give Sheldon a stable upbringing. If you do this, Judge Blackburne will have reason to believe that sending Sheldon home with you will be a good decision.” Doyle saw the pain on Jada’s face, and tried to soothe her somewhat. “Jada, I know that you’re a good mother. I know that Sheldon will thrive under your care, that you will make sure that you stay clean for him. But that judge doesn’t know that. When he looks at you, he sees a drug addict who is still on parole. He sees a mother who got high while she was pregnant, and had an underweight, crack-addicted baby. He’s not going to trust that you’ve recovered fully. Not to the degree of giving you sole custody so soon after your release from rehab, and Jamari’s murder. That judge wants to give Sheldon some stability for a change. And he’s going to believe that living with your mother will give you that stability.” Nelson looked at Edna, hoping she would have something to add to his pitch.
Edna cleared her throat. “Jada, I know that you don’t want to come and stay with me. But this is for Sheldon. He needs you. And the only way that judge is going to give him what he needs is if I help you.” Edna reached for Jada’s hand, which was given to her reluctantly. “There’s been a lot of mistakes between us, Jada. You’ve made them, and I’ve made them. But we have to put all of that aside in order to do what we can for Sheldon. I wasn’t always there for you. You’re right about that. But I’m here now, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”
Jada felt so awkward. She had been so angry with her mother for so long; so disappointed in the choices her mother had made. Yet she understood the enormity of the situation at hand. Sheldon was inches from her grasp. She’d already missed his first birthday. She was being given a shot at being there for his second—without Jamari or any court-appointed professional to interfere. She wanted to cry. She was frustrated, and felt like she was being forced to forgive before she was ready to do so.
Edna knew what was bothering her child. “Jada,” Edna said, softly. She handed her a tissue, and waited as Jada wiped her tears and blew her nose. “I’m not asking you to forgive me right away. All I want is for you to come and stay with me. You and Sheldon. And let’s see if we can try to get along. Not for us. But for him, Jada.”
Jada dabbed at her face with her tissue, and looked up at the sky for guidance, and sighed. She looked at Doyle, and nodded. “Okay. If it helps me get my son, I’ll do whatever I have to.”
Doyle breathed a sigh of relief, and led the two women back into the courtroom. The judge reconvened the case, and addressed Jada directly.
“Miss Ford, before the recess your mother indicated that should the court grant you custody, she is willing to allow the two of you to live with her until such time as you’ve exhibited a determination to remain clean and sober. Are you in agreement with that?”
Jada wondered if she understood exactly what the judge had just asked her. But she thought he was asking if she was willing to go and live with her mother if they gave Sheldon back to her. “Yes.” She felt Doyle’s reassuring hand on her back, and she exhaled.
The judge addressed Edna. “If I release your grandson to the two of you today, will you accept responsibility as his legal guardian, while the court conducts periodic visits to determine your daughter’s suitability as a parent?”
“I will, your honor.” Edna nodded her head affirmatively.
“Your honor, Miss Ford and her mother will comply with any regulations the court
sets forth should they be awarded custody of Sheldon. There’s nothing like a mother’s love. And in this instance, Sheldon would be benefiting from the love of not one, but two mothers—”
“Spare me the melodrama, Mr. Doyle.” The judge looked annoyed. “I don’t need to hear that. I’ve made my decision. Sheldon Ford is released into the custody of his mother and grandmother for the period of six months. During that time, the court will appoint a social worker to go out to the custodial home for unscheduled visits with the child and his guardians. Is that understood?”
Jada wanted to cry for joy. “Yes. Thank you!”
“He will be monitored closely for signs of abuse. The home will be inspected for safety, and for any signs of neglect or unsanitary conditions. You will be required …”
Jada had stopped listening. All she knew was that her son was going home with her. She was getting Sheldon back. She was turning over a new leaf in her life, and she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. She waited until the judge banged his gavel, and she hugged her lawyer tightly. Nelson Doyle hugged her right back, and then shook Edna’s hand firmly. “Good luck to you two. Congratulations!”
Doyle left in order to complete the necessary paperwork to facilitate Sheldon’s release. And Jada was left standing with her mother, shrouded in an awkward silence. Finally, Jada made eye contact with Edna, and saw a strength in her eyes that she had never seen before. “Thank you,” Jada said. “I appreciate you doing this for me.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Jada. I owe you for all the times I let you down. I can probably never make up for what I did in the past. But I want to try. If you’ll just let me.”
Edna wanted to hug Jada, but decided against it. She wasn’t sure if Jada was ready for that. Instead, she reached out her hand, and let Jada make the decision of whether or not to take it. Jada stood still, and hesitated briefly. She looked at her mother long and hard, seeing how beautiful Edna still was. Edna had lost a lot of weight, and her hair that had once been long and flowing was now cut short in a choppy style. But she was still such a pretty woman. Throughout her childhood, Jada had thought her mother was as lovely as she was shy and reserved. She smiled inwardly, seeing that Edna’s beauty hadn’t diminished over time. Jada was so happy to get her son, and so grateful to Edna for coming to her rescue at last. She took her mother’s outstretched hand, and managed a weak smile. Together they went to bring Sheldon back home, where he belonged.
Jada moved out of her Brooklyn apartment and into Edna’s home in Staten Island. The first few weeks were tense and awkward in the home. The two women rarely spoke to one another, unless it regarded Sheldon’s well-being. Jada wasn’t ready to make nice with her mother, and Edna didn’t want to push too hard too soon. But one night Sheldon awoke after having a nightmare. And both women rushed to his bedside simultaneously. Jada scooped him out of bed, and cradled him lovingly in her arms. She rocked him back to sleep, as Edna stood in the doorway watching. As Sheldon fell into a deep sleep in the comfort of his mother’s arms, Edna smiled.
“You know it’s still amazing to see you now as a mother. I remember—it seems like just yesterday—that you were in my arms just that way.”
Jada smiled, wishing that she, too, could remember. “I bet you wish you could snap your fingers, and start over. I guess I should cherish him being this little, huh? Someday he may be as much of a headache for me as I was for you.” They both spoke softly, so as not to wake Sheldon.
Edna stepped into the room, and leaned against the dresser. She was so glad that Jada finally seemed ready to talk. “Your son is a lot like you were. He looks just like you, that’s obvious. But Sheldon is also very strong-willed. He’s very bright for his age, just like you were. And he smiles, and it melts the coldest heart.”
Jada looked at her mother. She was happy to hear Edna say such nice things about her. But she was still getting used to their new relationship. She wanted to know what had prompted it. “Why did you come to court and do that for me?” she asked, getting right to the point. “How did you even know that I had a hearing that day?”
Edna pulled her bathrobe tighter around her small frame, and leveled with her daughter. “Your attorney called me. Your friend Sunny told him that he should see if I was willing to step up and help you win custody. They told me that they were threatening to put Sheldon in foster care because Jamari was dead. Sunny said that you were too stubborn to ask for it on your own, but she thought you needed my help. I told him that I would do anything to help you.”
Jada laid Sheldon gently back in his bed, and tucked him in. She continued to sit on the edge of his bed, and she looked at Edna. “So Sunny orchestrated the whole thing, huh?” Somehow Jada wasn’t surprised.
Edna nodded. “I’m glad she did. I was waiting for a chance to talk to you about everything that was happening. Everything that happened before.” She searched for her daughter’s eyes in the darkness of the bedroom. “Jada, I knew for a long time that you were using drugs. I knew when you were living with me, and you would come home high. You thought I didn’t know, but I did. The same way I couldn’t stand up to J.D., I couldn’t stand up to you.”
Jada hung on her every word. Edna folded her arms across her chest, and kept talking. “So I ignored it. I started going to church, and praying for you. I remember I used to beg you to go with me, and you refused. So I went by myself, and prayed and prayed for you. They kept saying that prayer changes things. And I wanted my prayers to change your problems. Every week I went to church, every night I pulled out my Bible and prayed for you. And then I caught you with Charlie.”
Jada looked at the floor in silence, feeling ashamed. She hated that she had done that to her mother. She hated that she had fallen that far down to do something so terrible.
“Jada, I was so hurt when I found you doing that with him. But I wasn’t just hurt because I liked Charlie. I made you get out because I couldn’t handle it. I saw for the first time, just how strung out you really were, and I felt like you and Charlie had betrayed me. It was obvious that he knew you were using. Why else would a beautiful young girl like yourself want his old behind? I felt like an idiot. I was embarrassed. I was an emotional mess after that. I lost contact with everyone—you, your sister—everybody. Ava didn’t hear from me for years, and I know you and her didn’t speak either. I got a letter from you while you were in rehab for the first time. I read that letter so many times that the pages started to fall apart from all the folding and unfolding. But I couldn’t find the words to write you back. What could I say to you? I was so angry with you, so disappointed. I just went into seclusion and all I did was go to church. I prayed for you all the time. I prayed for Ava, too. Ava wrote me a letter after Ms. Lopez, her counselor, convinced her to do it. And I wrote her back. One letter at a time, we put the relationship back together, and it wasn’t easy.” Edna took a deep breath, as if she was admitting something out loud to herself for the first time. “I don’t want you to think that I love her more because I wrote back to her and not to you. It wasn’t that. It was that her problems were small compared to yours. Our problems were easier to fix.” Edna sighed. “I was never strong enough, Jada. I would always hide when the going got tough. And I hid when you got caught up. I ran to God, and threw my problems on the altar. People would come up to me and tell me that you and Shante were smoking crack. All I could do was keep praying. Looking back now, I think the Lord was telling me to go and find you and bring you home. But I couldn’t do that. I didn’t want to do that. And then, I saw you for myself.”
Jada held her breath as she listened to her mother, and remembered the encounter vividly.
“You were in the corner store in West Brighton, and you looked a mess. I wanted to cry out to you, and hug you, and bring you home. And I wanted to hit you all at the same time. But I didn’t know how you would react to me, or if you wanted to talk to me. As grown as I was, I was scared of what you might say to me. So I walked away from you. That was the most heartache I
have ever felt in my life.”
Jada let the tears fall from her eyes, as she recalled the day her mother had walked past her in the store. Jada had been so desperate to get high, had no money, and was really at one of her lowest points. She remembered crying on her way home, devastated that her mother had walked past her. Now she understood that it had hurt Edna just as much.
Edna watched her daughter cry in the dark, and she knew that Jada remembered the day. “I wanted to reach out to you, but I was afraid. And the Bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear. But he has given us a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind. So that voice in my head telling me not to reach out to you, telling me not to bring you home again—that was nothing but the devil. I didn’t see it that way then. I thought that you were too far gone for me to help you. But then Ava told me about you and Born. How you got yourself together, fell in love, and you were living happily ever after.”
Jada smiled at this, her face still slightly damp from crying. She knew that hers had been anything but a fairy tale. “Yeah, right.”
Edna smiled, too. “Well, she was happy for you. And that was when Ava began trying to get you to come and talk to me. But you weren’t ready, and I understood that. I was happy that you had cleaned yourself up. I thought that my praying had finally done the trick. Then Ava found you using one day at your house, and she left and came to stay with me. When she came to my house in tears, and I found out that you were back on drugs, I was devastated. I kept praying for you, Jada.” Edna let a tear fall from her own pretty eyes. Her heart was breaking for her daughter’s pain. “And the Lord really does work in mysterious ways. I picked up the paper one day, and saw that you had been arrested. I saw that as a blessing in disguise. At least you were going to get help. I wrote to you while you were away, and you never wrote me back.”