But he was here. My Marshal was here.
With a strangled sob I dropped the light, ran over and clutched him as tightly as possible. Tears streamed in hot rivulets down my cheeks. “You’re alive! I was so scared. I just couldn’t stop thinking, and worrying, and I didn’t know if I was going to see you again.” The words wouldn’t quit running out of my mouth. I ran my hands over his strong arms, his torso, needing the extra confirmation of his existence.
“Shh, it’s okay,” he said, his voice tight. He pressed his warm mouth to my forehead, my cheeks, kissing my tears. With shaky hands he cupped my face, peered down into my eyes. There was so much pain and sadness in them that for a moment it took my breath away. “There wasn’t a thing in the world that was going to keep me from coming to you. But I was afraid you’d already left. That I’d missed you. I am so relieved that you are still here.”
We stared at each other, absorbed each other. My strength was momentarily renewed in his presence.
I took a small peek over his shoulder. “Where’s your sister?”
With that, his face fell. He shook his head, swallowing hard.
“What happened?” I barely got the words out.
Taking a deep breath, Marshal said, “I didn’t know where they were keeping you when we got locked up. When the Machine stopped, I called out for you, tried to find you. I decided my best bet was to go forward with our plan, that you’d be doing the same. So I went to Linnis’s pod. She was still in there. But as the Machine released all of its held belongings, she got—” He paused for a moment, looking away.
“It’s okay,” I soothed, running a hand over the back of his sweaty neck. “You don’t have to talk about it right now.”
“I need to.” His voice was stronger now, though his eyes were still haunted. “She got stabbed by something that flew right into her stomach. She was lying there on the floor, bleeding to death. All alone. I got there right before Linnis died.” He sighed. “She asked me to hold her. She said she’d never been touched before and she wanted her first hug to be with me.”
I sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m so sorry, Marshal. But I’m also so glad you got to be there with her.”
He gave me a small nod. “She died in my arms. I just sat there and looked at her lifeless face for a long time, thinking about all those things I’ve never said to people I cared about. So brave, yet so afraid.” His gaze darkened as he stared down at me; the dim light from the flood exaggerated the planes and shadows on his face. “I won’t make that mistake anymore.”
We were silent, staring at each other for a long moment.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” Hanson said from his spot on the floor. “Cally’s been worried about you.”
I shot a watery smile to him and then turned back to Marshal, who stroked one hand along the small of my back. The sensations made me heady. “I have been. Partly because I never got…I never got to tell you…” I bit my lip then continued, focusing my gaze on his throat, too afraid to look into his eyes. “Marshal, you’re my best friend. And I never told you that I believe, with every bit of my heart, that I love you.”
I could see him blink in surprise. Then a big grin stretched across his face, and I looked up into his wide eyes.
“You are my light, Cally. I love you,” he replied then pressed his lips to mine.
I greedily stole this moment, needing his kiss more than I needed air. His mouth was frantic, taking and giving all the passion pent up within him. I responded in kind, threading my fingers into his hair and pulling him closer. My body exploded with the wildness of my love for him.
“What are you two doing?” Hanson asked in his sweet little-boy voice.
The comment made me laugh right against Marshal’s mouth. “Um, this is called a kiss,” I told my brother. “I have a lot to explain to you.”
“But now isn’t the time,” Marshal interjected as he pulled back a few inches. The worry lines were back on his face. “We need to go find Kuno and get out of here.”
I nodded, moving away. There was plenty of time for us on the surface to talk more, to share more of our feelings. But we needed to get there first. I bent over to grab the respirator but Marshal beat me to it. I divided up the dried fruit and gave some to Hanson to pocket, with me taking the rest.
The last step in our plan—find Kuno and get out of here.
Chapter 26
“Follow your heart in all things and never, never be ashamed of who you are.” ~ The Book of Cally
It took a good half hour to make our way to the closest vomitorium, the massive doors located on the topmost level where people would enter and exit the colonies to explore the surface of the earth. Since that kind of travel had been long-banned, those doors weren’t in use anymore.
But they still existed.
Which was why Kuno, Marshal and I had decided we’d meet and break out there, making our way to the surface together. Kuno was already over in that direction, hopefully having found his mother and convinced her to escape with us, in spite of her severe misgivings. We all knew the ventilation shaft exit we’d previously used would be completely sealed up by the Machine by now.
The whole time we walked, I couldn’t stop looking at Marshal, couldn’t stop being thankful that we’d gotten this far in spite of all the setbacks and sadness. And once we found Kuno, we would leave this hellish nightmare behind forever.
Though I was also leaving behind the bodies of Rab é and Sirama. And I didn’t know what had happened to Tessa or my mother. Had they made it out? Would I see them when we escaped?
Life on the surface—I couldn’t even fathom what it’d be like. Luckily we could find Areta, the perfect person to show us how to survive. Areta…thinking of her reminded me of the Shakespeare book. It had been taken from me by one of my captors, lost to us forever. A twinge of sadness crept into my heart at the thought of leaving it behind.
Marshal squeezed my hand. “We’ll be there in just a few minutes. I think I hear something ahead of us.”
It had been eerily quiet during our walk. Of course, our ascension up the ladder in the lift had been silent. But when we’d gotten to this level, we’d found little more than scattered bodies lying about. People who’d possibly had the same idea as us but whose physiques couldn’t handle the strain. People who’d been robbed and beaten to death for their belongings, left stretching forward toward their goal.
Cruel deaths, every one sticking in my mind. Each waxy, flaccid, lifeless face staring up at me, blank eyes piercing me through. Death, the great equalizer.
So many things I would feel later tonight. So many nightmares I might never shake off. But later. Once I escaped.
Finally I heard what Marshal had meant. There was a strange whooshing sound, combined with the pained groans that had come to punctuate my existence over the last several hours. The cries of misery and suffering. A sound that would surely haunt me for a long time, lodged deeply within my brain.
As we neared the vomitorium, the bodies were growing bigger in count, intertwined in each other, daring to do in death what they feared and hated in life—touching. My stomach tightened in response, and I wanted nothing more than to run at full strength away from there.
Hanson’s hand reached up for mine, trembling. I squeezed it, wishing I could protect him from this.
“Kuno said he’d be around here somewhere,” Marshal said, sad eyes scanning the wasteland of bodies stretching as far as the eye could see. Our meager light cast a hazy glow far off in front of us. “We just need to keep looking for him. He’ll be near the doors, which I think are just past the bend.”
I could do this. It was close to the end. Still, I had to fight the surge of bile rising in my throat as I tried to walk around the bodies. Hanson started shaking so badly that Marshal gave me the respirator and took Hanson, letting him curl around Marshal’s back. The sweetness of that simple gesture, Marshal’s efforts to help Hanson not be afraid, made my throat close in gratitude. I swallowed back tears
.
Hanson buried his face in Marshal’s back. I held the light in front of us and we moved forward.
Off in the distance I saw where the tunnel bent. I also saw threads of a bright light dancing through, with a dark, smoky haze caressing the air.
“Are the vomitorium doors made of glass?” I whispered. It was a strange amount of light to see, given how dark everything else was. A strong cord of worry twisted around my chest, tightened. That smoke didn’t seem right.
Marshal shrugged, tucking Hanson’s legs higher up his torso. “I’m not sure.” He sounded uneasy too.
The body count was thicker the closer we got to the bend. The whooshing sound increased, and I heard more cries of agony. I wanted to stop, to run away with my hands plugged over my ears, but I couldn’t. Kuno was waiting. We had to find him.
I swallowed my fear deep down and pressed forward.
The light grew more intense the closer we got to the bend, with smoke puffing out in huge huffs. My heart beat heavy in my chest, anticipation tightening my throat. When we made our way around it, the sight in front of me caused me to stumble and stop.
The vomitorium doors had been smashed to nonexistence…in its place was an air-ship, nose-down, crashed into the floor. The outside earth was evident through the massive hole around the air-ship. Debris and small fires were everywhere, with scrunched metal in piles all over.
And the dead. So many people trapped beneath the mostly intact air-ship, limbs and bloodied body parts thrown everywhere.
“Don’t look,” I managed to whisper to Hanson. “Please. Don’t look.”
The smell that suddenly hit me made me gag. I bent over, dry-heaving, wafts of smoke stinging my eyes. I just wanted to lie down somewhere and cry for hours over this horrific tragedy. Standing, I forced my stomach to stop curdling. Freedom was right there.
No doors. No walls. We could stroll right out, just past the air-ship to the surface, find air and nature waiting for us. But we had to walk all over the bodies of the dead to find our own life. How bitterly tragic.
I clenched my fists, scanning the crowds. Luckily most of the smoke was heading out of the hole, so we could see around us. The devastation was beyond anything I had ever imagined. “What happened here?” I asked Marshal. “Did the air-ship run out of energy or something?”
Was that the very one I’d been on earlier? The one I’d considered waiting for? It certainly looked like it, given the direction it was pointed. Like it came from the same way we had.
My mouth went dry. I pressed my hands to my stomach.
“Oh, no,” Marshal suddenly said in a strangled voice. He put Hanson down, taking my brother’s small hand within his larger one. Marshal’s whole body was stiff. “Cally…Cally, I found him.”
Something in his tone caused my heart to seize. I wasn’t going to like what he showed to me.
Marshal’s free arm stretched out to the right. He pointed over against the wall, where there were fewer bodies around.
I saw a very large woman staring with blind eyes toward the air-ship rubble, her hand gripping someone else’s. I followed that thin arm to a slender shoulder, to a thick nest of dirty gray but familiar hair.
“No, that can’t be him,” I said, shaking my head, denial pouring off my tongue despite the evidence right in front of me. “No.”
“What’s wrong?” Hanson asked me. His eyes were closed tightly because I’d asked him to not look around. But I heard his fear in the shake of his voice.
“Stay here with Marshal,” I told him, dropping the respirator in Hanson’s hands. Then I made my way to Kuno’s side.
Kuno was facing the wall. His body looked relaxed, like he was sleeping. But there was a large piece of metal in his lower back, his blood painting the floor with dark red. His mother was peppered with metal too, her skin scratched and scraped in hundreds of wounds.
I dropped to my knees, just away from his oozing blood, and couldn’t stop the guttural cry that slipped out of my mouth.
Why Kuno? Why did he have to die? So close to freedom. Did he die because he was waiting for us? Had I lingered too long waiting for Marshall and thus took away his life?
I’d never have the answer.
My heart was ripped in two for this man who was the father I’d never had. The one who had taught me how to feel, how to live.
“Kuno,” I whispered, stroking the top of his hair. Guilt shuddered just under my skin, mingled with a bone-aching grief. This man had been so good to us.
A warm, shaky hand pressed on my shoulder. “It’s okay,” Marshal said from behind me. “Don’t cry, please.” But the tears were in his voice too. His heart was breaking just as hard as mine.
I stood and turned into Marshal’s arms. “I didn’t get to say goodbye,” I cried out. “It’s not fair!”
He stroked my back. I stroked his. We comforted each other the best way we could. Our grief was a raw, living thing, clawing into our hearts.
After a moment he said against my forehead, “We have to go, Cally. It’s time.”
I couldn’t believe we’d gotten this far and had to leave without Kuno. “He never got his freedom,” I said, the lump in my throat growing.
“But look,” Marshal pointed out, nodding at Kuno’s body. “He reconnected with his mother. Look at how peaceful his face is.”
I didn’t want to look. But Kuno deserved better than to be forgotten, ignored. So I made myself study the small curves of his eyes, the softness around his mouth. In many of our conversations, Kuno’s sorrow about his distance from his mother had pervaded his words. Yet here he was, touching hands with her.
Their last minutes had been together. The way he’d always wanted them to be.
I could be happy that he’d had that.
I sighed, reaching down to brush Kuno’s cheek one last time. Then I stood, straightened my back. Kuno would want us to go on. He’d be angry if we gave up right now, if we gave in to our grief.
The time would come later to cry, to let the sorrow take over. But right now I needed to focus on getting Hanson out of there.
Marshal stared at Kuno’s body then nodded. He turned back around and headed toward my brother, who was holding the respirator in his lap, his back pressed against the wall, his eyes cast down. Once again I was reminded of my mother in the lines of his face.
I put the respirator over Hanson’s nose and mouth, strapping the small filter across his back, then took his hand in mine. Together, the three of us walked with determination up the stairs leading toward the now-destroyed vomitorium. The left side of the air-ship had the fewest fires and seemed to be most intact, so that was where we were exiting. The closer we got to the hole, the brighter the outside light was.
There were people on the floor with limbs gone, crying softly, their voices bleeding out with their life’s blood. It was so overwhelming. I felt as if I’d been through a war, that I might never forget these horrific images of disaster.
The doors were completely gone. The wall was thick, punctured, but there was a big enough gap that we were able to wiggle our way through.
Goodbye, Kuno. Goodbye, Hanna and Tessa, wherever you are.
And then we were outside.
Each step led us away from the disaster, into the hot sunshine, the bold green grasses, the small patches of dirt. Hanson gasped, the sound muffled as he peered around in shock. My lungs burned with the sudden burst of fresh air. In spite of the lung pain, I drew in long breaths, so relieved to not be breathing the stench of blood and stale air that I could weep with joy.
“Where now?” Marshal asked. In the full light he looked far worse than I’d realized. His skin was bruised and broken all over.
I must look the same.
Still, he was here. And I was here. And we’d made it out.
“We should find Areta,” I murmured in a soft tone, my throat raw from crying and the air and suppressing all the guilt I hadn’t expressed yet.
“Let’s head that way then,” Marshal sai
d, pointing toward the sun. “That’s back where our old entrance was.”
My head was growing lighter by the minute with a shuddering fatigue pouring from my bones. I was so desperate to just lie down and sleep for days, but I couldn’t. We needed to get much farther away from the disaster. There weren’t a lot of trees out here, so we were left walking in the heat.
I didn’t know how long we traveled. It seemed like an hour passed, but I’d lost all track of time. My lips started to burn a bit, and there was no moisture left in my body to wet them. All of my exposed flesh was growing pink under the heat of the sun. We had a small pouch of water, courtesy of Marshal finding it somewhere along his trip to us, but we needed to save that.
Hanson staggered, swayed. Marshal caught him just in time.
“He needs to rest up,” Marshal said, scanning my brother’s flushed face with concern, his brows drawn. “He’s exhausted. He can’t handle this much walking like we can. We need to find a place to stop for the night.”
I knew he was right. My fear of the disaster we’d left behind was telling me to keep walking, but our bodies certainly couldn’t take this pace much longer. “There are some trees over there.” I indicated a spot only a few minutes away, a cluster of trees that would provide much-needed shade. “We should stop there.”
We made those last steps to under the trees. I gasped when I stepped beneath the dappled shade, my burning skin instantly cooled. The breeze even felt softer, more welcoming here.
My legs finally gave out. I dropped down to the crook of a particularly large tree, panting. Marshal did the same after he lowered a sleepy Hanson between us. I made my brother take a few drinks of water then passed it to Marshal and took a swig myself. The liquid was warm but slaked the painful edge of my thirst.
In spite of our fatigue, Marshal and I couldn’t stop the relieved smiles that spread across our lips when our eyes connected over my brother’s weary body.
We were finally safe. I had Marshal and Hanson, and no one would keep us apart ever again. Marshal’s eyes were tired, but the love poured through into me, soothing the rough sadness that had tightened my chest.
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