by C. Michelle
He reaches the phone propped against the wall facing him; I do the same on my side. I take a moment to closely observe him. He’s a handsome man, but appears tired and completely defeated. Almost as if he’s given up on himself. He has olive toned skin, dark hair in a tight fade, and deep brown eyes. He has a long mustache that connects to his goatee. Even though he sits before me humbly, his presence is still intimidating. “Hija…What are you doing here? I’m supposed to place people on a visiting list. How did you manage to get an exception?” It feels strange hearing his voice along with his accent; we’re so close, yet completely out of each other’s reach.
“Please don’t refer to me as your daughter. I came here for clarification on things that have me perplexed. Our time is limited, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to know as much information regarding you, my mom, and Mateo Blanco.” This encounter isn’t about reuniting with my long, lost father; it’s about getting answers, nothing more.
He hesitates and pinches the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed. “Fine. You deserve to know my side.” With somber articulation, Diego Cruz begins to tell me his story. “I grew up in unimaginable poverty. I lived with my mother and youngest sister. I stole regularly and did whatever it took to put food on the table. As I grew older, I became more relentless. I was determined to get money fast and through any means. I always made sure to provide for my family. Even after my sister began a family of her own, I still provided for everyone. In my early twenties, I was introduced to trafficking drugs by my best friend, Mateo Blanco. The fast money quickly became addicting. I was willing to eliminate anyone that stood in my way of getting rich. By the early eighties, Mateo’s family soon considered me part of their organization. In time, they became incarcerated or killed. Mateo eventually became leader and I, his second in command. I traveled a lot to the U.S. conducting business. During one of my trips visiting some Columbians and New York mobsters on behalf of Mateo, I met your mother while she was attending school. I liked her, but I wasn’t serious about her. Unfortunately, our relationship caused her to get disowned by her family. Her dad knew about my part in the drug business. He was in the mafia and looked down upon my lifestyle. Gambling and racketeering, that was okay with him, but not drugs, that was beneath him.” He pauses and chuckles sarcastically.
“Your mom decided it was best for her to start a new life away from her controlling family. So, I helped her move across the country to San Francisco where she could begin a new life independently. I would see her on occasion, never telling her when we would meet next. Despite allowing a long time passing from each visit, I always found her happy to see me.
During this time, Mateo began dating an actress, an actress who I used to fantasize about many times. When I finally met her, I realized she was more beautiful in person than in her movies. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. One day after a meeting with Mateo, he called me shortly after and ordered a search for Kaitlyn, the actress. Apparently, she had fled with her and Mateo’s unborn baby and a large sum of his money. I was ordered to find her before she ran to the police. I had to threaten and force several cops to provide all pertinent information regarding the protection of Kaitlyn. It took a few months to find her, but I did it. Before I gave the information to Mateo, I called her father. One of the cops told me her dad used to be with DEA. I left an anonymous message stating Mateo was aware of Kaitlyn’s new identity along with her whereabouts and needed to leave now in order to remain safe. By the time I reached Missouri with lieutenants from the cartel, she was gone. My plan to keep her safe worked. Almost immediately, I was able to coerce the new agents handling Kaitlyn’s protection to relocate her to San Francisco. I knew that once Kaitlyn had her baby and was found by Mateo, he would kill her. I couldn’t have her death on my conscience. I loved her. I wanted her safe and was determined to keep an eye on her from a distance.
Despite my love for another woman, I continued seeing your mother. A year later, she informed me that she was pregnant. Immediately, I ended the relationship. I was well aware of what my lifestyle entailed and having a family wasn’t one of them. I loved money and power, but it all came at a high price. I knew that if I ever made a mistake, my mother, sister, and I would pay the price with our lives. I didn’t want to put you or your mother through such a risk. Although I kept my distance, I regularly provided you both with large sums of money. It was the least I could do.” He looks down at his hands with shame. “Throughout these years, I saw you grow up, but never allowed myself to get near you. I knew you were in the best hands.”
I take a moment to allow this new found information to register. “You provided us with money? This whole time, I thought it was my mom’s father.”
“No, he pissed me off for treating your mom the way he did. I had him set up. That’s why he ended up in prison.” Diego admits.
“Oh.” A question comes to mind right away, I fear the answer. I push my concern aside and ask it anyway. “Were you involved in the murders of Celeste’s parents and best friend?”
His look is subdued, he closes his eyes slowly and once he opens them again, he maintains eye contact with me. I notice the color of his eyes is the same shade of brown as mine. I also realize anything he says may incriminate him further. Regardless, he responds, “Yes.” I feel my heart shatter. “I did it on behalf of Mateo’s orders, but I was responsible for the execution. You can ask me whatever you want, I have nothing to hide. I’ll be getting served with a life sentence, if I’m lucky. I’ve accepted my fate. It’s the least of what I deserve for all my malicious actions.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat and decide to take advantage of the situation. I want to know as much as possible. “What made you use Emme as an informant?” Saying her name still brings me pain.
“You were in your second year at Berkeley, you began dating, going out, dressing differently, it was a pretty drastic change on your part. I became concerned. She was your age and was in a bad position; I seized the opportunity to find out more about you on a personal level. I was worried.” Diego confesses.
His reasoning comes across as very fatherly. I push the thought aside and continue listening to him. “I became very anxious regarding you once you became a teenager. During one of my visits to San Francisco, I realized you had changed middle schools. Something didn’t seem right. I contacted the counselor at your new school to find out how you were doing. She informed me that you didn’t speak, that you had been in school for about a month and didn’t talk in class or to anyone.” Diego’s eyes become red and swell up with tears that he refuses to shed. I look down on my hands, concentrating on his words.
“I went to your old school and asked the kids around if they knew you. I made sure to ask only individuals. I paid them to tell me everything they knew, most of the information was useless, until I found some piece of shit little bastard who was high. He said you had the reputation of being easy. He mentioned you gave it up to him and his friends at the same time. He also stated the whole school knew and that’s why you were transferred elsewhere.” His words bring a blow to my chest; I look up and see Diego’s tears running down his face.
“I made him tell me the names of the other boys. He did. I knocked him out and dragged him into the car I was driving; I brought him to a closed location and beat the truth out of him. He admitted that he and two of his friends forced themselves on you.” Diego becomes silent and after a few moments, he continues. “That day, I got rid of him and the next day, I did away with the other two boys.” Diego declares in a dignified manner.
Shock overcomes me. I vaguely recall hearing about one of the boys being a runaway or being missing years ago, but remember getting nauseous at the sound of his name. I quickly drew him out of my mind, not giving him a second thought. I always wondered what I would do if I ran into those three boys again, but that moment never came. Now I know why, my father killed them to avenge me. His truth sits heavy in my heart. I remain quiet, not sure what to say to his revelations.
> Diego studies me carefully, unsure of continuing to shed light to his actions. He works past his hesitation and proceeds to speak. “I remained by Mateo’s side for several years. Killing him wasn’t an option for me, although it would have been easy to do. The repercussions would have been too immense. His extensive family would have put an immediate hit on my head. I’ve never feared death, but until you came into my life, I was frightened of not being there to protect you. I couldn’t get rid of Mateo, I felt that would also leave Kaitlyn in a vulnerable state since his youngest son has been raised to hate and retaliate against her. Keeping Mateo alive meant I was able to be informed of his plans and whereabouts. Once he was incarcerated, I took the opportunity and became the leader of my own drug organization. Upon Mateo’s release from prison, we became allies to overturn other cartels and their areas. Our alliance provided us a major fortune. Business was fine between us until he saw portraits of you. He inquired a lot about you. He wanted to know where I had found you since I have large pictures of you that were turned into art throughout my homes and offices. I downplayed you by indicating you were just some model and that I didn’t know much about you. Since Mateo has a thing for trophy girlfriends, you quickly became an interest to him. We argued about you and ended our alliance.” An evil glare overpowers Diego’s eyes as he reminisces about that quarrel with Mateo.
“Somehow, Mateo found out that Dillon was the photographer of every portrait I have of you. Mateo coveted you because he wanted to take what was mine. He assumed I loved you in a romantic way, never did he imagine it was in a fatherly manner. One of my informants was security for Mateo. He notified me that Mateo was meeting with Dillon and a model for one of his businesses. Instantly, I knew he had found you. I rushed here as fast as I could under one of my aliases. The rest, you’re aware of.” Diego exhales deeply, finally feeling relief for admitting his truth to me.
I’m left in an emotional state of shambles, my head is spinning, and my heart is racing. All this new information has me feeling distraught, yet slightly in awe with the man in front of me. Diego Cruz is a ruthless man, a murderer, drug trafficker, the leader of a cartel, and…my father. Most of his actions are merciless and despicable, but a few were caused out of love for Celeste and me. How can I respect him or tolerate him when his hands are full of innocent blood shed? Do some of his reasons justify his actions and make him less of a monster?
As my mind is in turmoil, Diego interrupts my thoughts. “I know I’ve done malicious things in this world, things that I am not proud of. I’m ashamed of the example I’ve set as a father. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but know that I am truly sorry for abandoning you, not protecting you enough, putting you in danger, and most important, for never giving you my love. Despite being an evil man, you have always been in my heart. I love you, hija and hope that one day you’ll be able to grant me the forgiveness that I know I don’t deserve. Your mother is wonderful woman who did an amazing job raising you. You’re the pride in my eyes, the only thing in this world I did right. I don’t have the entitlement to take claim on you, but I want you to know how much I admire the woman you have become, you’re strong, determined, intelligent, absolutely beautiful, and a fighter. Staying away from you was the only way of ensuring your safety. I hope that one day, you can understand that.” Now, Diego’s tears are flowing freely. Just then, the guard walks in and informs me our visit is over. Where did the time go? It feels as if I just got here. I barely said a few words.
“I’ll put your name on the visiting list, just in case you have any more questions for me.” Diego says hopefully. “It was really nice seeing you. Thank you for coming. Drive safely. I love you, hija.” I can easily see he doesn’t want me to leave. I nod and give him a half smile as I hang up the phone and stand to depart. There’s so much I would like to say and ask, but I can’t seem to speak past the lump in my throat. I wave at him slightly as a traitorous tear escapes my eye. I walk out of the room leaving my father behind.
I return to my car feeling distraught. I sit in the parking lot of the dreary building gathering my thoughts. For some reason, the chain with the dog tags of both Bettys catches my attention. I remove the chain from the rear view mirror and notice the back of one of the dog tags reads, “The cost of forgiveness is nothing, yet its value is priceless.” My chest tightens. Josh and Diego come to mind. The other dog tag has engraved, “I love you. You’re always in my thoughts. – Josh” It’s strange how I am just now noticing his words that have been with me since the day I received his gift.
As I’m driving home, I do my best not to think of the disturbing conversation I had with Diego. I’ll be reliving the emotions from that discussion once I retell it to everyone who is directly affected by my father’s actions. Right away, I think of Josh. In a way, my father saved him and his mom from Mateo, but on the other hand, Diego murdered his grandparents. I have to tell him, he deserves to have closure in his life regarding his family. How will he feel? Whatever he experiences, I’ll be there to support him. I decide to push all my thoughts aside and simply enjoy the drive with Betty. I turn on some music, the song, “Heavy Cross” by the Gossip begins to play, I crank up the volume and lower the rag top of my car. The loud lyrics vibrating through my soul and the long drive put my nerves at ease.
I head to the hospital. I can’t wait to see Josh and finally let him know that I’m aware he didn’t cheat. I don’t want another minute to pass without the truth being exposed. His mom is feeling much better and I simply can’t hold back on loving him any longer. Later, we can discuss the conversation I had with Diego, but as of now, I need to be in his arms.
I walk into Celeste’s room and I’m caught completely by surprise. To my left is a stranger, a man I’ve never met. He’s an older, distinguished gentleman dressed in a refined suit. He’s handsome with silver hair; his tan face looks at Celeste with absolute adoration.
“Nina, my dear, I’m so glad to see you. Please, let me introduce you to my friend, Michael.” Celeste is beaming. She’s definitely feeling a lot better. “He’s the friend I told you about who lives in my building.” She adds.
Oh, her male friend. Of course, I remember hearing about him. Josh jokingly referred to him as a gigolo. “Hello, Michael. It’s nice to finally meet you.” I’m thrilled to meet him, knowing that Celeste has a friend who is concerned for her, puts my mind at ease. They both seem to be happy in each other’s company.
“The pleasure is all mine, Nina. I would have been here sooner, but I just found out today that my Celeste was in the hospital. I’ve been a mess. It’s been nearly two weeks since I last heard from her. The worst thoughts crossed my mind. I’m just relieved she’s feeling better and may even be released this weekend if she continues to do well. I’m so glad I thought of asking the concierge of her whereabouts. He told me her son, Josh informed him of Celeste’s hospitalization when he stopped by to pick up some of her personal things. I came as soon as I found out.” Michael’s rambling is endearing. At once, I like him.
“Well, I’m glad you’re here and keeping her good company.” I can’t help but smile warmly at the two of them.
“Me too.” Michael says with a sigh of relief.
I turn my attention to my right side. Sitting beside Celeste is none other than my mom and next to her, holding her hand is Dillon. As an automatic reflex to my shock, my jaw drops. Well, well, well look who became extra friendly. “Hello, mother. Hi, Dillon. How are you guys? Anything new happen lately? Anything you care to discuss?” I ask with extreme curiosity seeping from my questions.
My mom looks at Dillon with a radiant smile and says, “Nope.” Dillon smiles shyly and runs his free hand through his hair. My mom then directs her focus on me and gives me a wink along with a devilish smirk. Oh. My. God. My mom’s a cougar! Way to go, mom! She’s slightly over a decade older than Dillon. I couldn’t be happier for them.
After seeing both ladies happy and moving on with their lives, I decide it’s best to hold onto th
e conversation I had with Diego. Why rain on their parade? We’ve all been through a lot lately; happiness on all ends is well deserved. Once Celeste is fully recovered and I’m able to speak with her and my mom in private, I’ll notify them of my discussion with Diego and my new found information. After all, they deserve to have closure as well. For now, they need to just focus on their relationships and living a peaceful, happy life.
“Celeste, where’s Josh?” I ask.
“He left a short while ago; he had to take care of some work issues.” She replies.
Damn! I missed him. I guess I’m going to have to go hunting for my man. “Okay, well I’ll let you crazy kids continue to get acquainted. Call me if you need anything, otherwise, I’ll be here tomorrow for a nice, LONG visit.” I emphasize the word long, it’s important they know I want all the juicy details about them going steady with these boys. I grin at Celeste and my mom while raising my eyebrows twice at them. They both laugh. They’re so cute.
I look at the time and realize that Josh is probably at his office. Since he’s usually the stalker, I decide to reverse the rolls. I ask Siri on my iPhone the location of E-Con Solutions.
Siri responds in her automated voice with, “I found fifteen places matching ‘Econ’ a little ways from you.”