by C. Michelle
I’m in hysterics. I take deep breaths and exhale. In the video, a person answers the door resembling a she-male. She…ummm…he has long hair, makeup, and only a bra to cover up her huge breasts…BUT the lower naked part shows an extremely long, floppy dick that dangles as he dances and sings a raunchy hook. I have tears in my eyes. I’m laughing so hard, I snort out loud without shame. “Babe. Wait. I can’t.” Speaking is a challenge since I can’t stop cackling. I would’ve given anything to see Josh’s expression when he saw the video, I’m sure it will be engraved in his memory for years to come.
“Lucy…you has son esplaining to do.” Josh says.
Oh. My. God! His impression of Desi Arnaz from that old show, I Love Lucy is dead on…including the accent. Now, I really can’t stop giggling.
“Baby, I gotta go. The meeting is about to start. Erase that nasty shit from your phone.” He laughs. “Awww…my little pervert. I love you so much! I’ll call you later tonight.”
“Bye, babe.” I manage to blurt out as I’m still chuckling. Then I hang up and immediately get out of bed to wash my hands.
I run into Kade at full speed as soon as I open my door.
“I knew you weren’t wearing a fuckin’ nightie! Oooh, girl, you’re the one who’s full of shit! I can’t believe you tried seducing your man while wearing a spaghetti stained t-shirt and old raggedy sweats that you’ve had since high school. You should be ashamed of yourself for full blown lying! Sexy nightie…my ass! High five for showing him the video I sent you last week though. His reaction was funny as shit!” He raises his hand for me to slap it. I happily do (with my clean hand) since my little prank wouldn’t have been possible without my bestie. “And to think, I was running behind you to tell you off for waking me up. Then I hear all the nasty crap you two kids were saying and I ended up getting one hell of a show. Cheesecake, you’re a freak!”
“Move out of my way before I make you smell my fingers.” I jokingly threaten as I laugh my ass off.
“Ewww! Real mature, Valentina…real fuckin’ mature. Now, I’m completely grossed out!” Kade states with pure disgust.
Good! That’s what he gets!
Sunday morning, Kade and I leave the house at 3 a.m. for the photo shoot of a vintage style magazine. One of the scenes has the sun rising in the background so timing is imperative for the success of the shots. Next month, I’ll be the magazine’s featured pin-up model. My excitement was so grand, it led me to temporarily dye my hair a combination of hot pink and burgundy to spice things up for the shoot. Although it’s not the dark, brown color I’m so used to, I’ll admit the vibrant shade looks great against my fair complexion.
We arrive at Ocean Beach in the Sutro Historic District. It’s dark and dreary, the only light available is from the few street lights. The moon and stars aren’t visible due to the thick fog. The only sound is from waves crashing, usually I find it calming, but this morning the atmosphere feels eerie. We drive until we spot a few cars and an RV. I park next to the RV I’ll be using to change my wardrobe, have my hair styled, and get my makeup done.
Since the shoot is located at the beach, the stylist opts for casual attire. My first ensemble consists of plaid turquoise high waisted capris, a white sweetheart top, and a black bolero with a turquoise plaid Peter Pan collar. My lips are outlined and painted to match the vibrant shade of my long locks. My dark eyes are enhanced by cat inspired eyeliner and exaggerated lashes that provide the perfect hint of sex appeal. The back of my vivacious colored hair is styled in retro glam curls while the front showcases perfectly shaped victory rolls. I take a moment to observe myself in the mirror. I resemble a flawless pin-up doll…I love it.
The photographer has set up his equipment and is ready to begin the shoot. I walk on the beach barefoot and feel the rough grainy sand beneath my feet. The air is piercingly cold, but the wind is still as the sun slowly begins to rise. Only a few patches of rays are visible due to the morning’s dense fog.
Various carefree pictures are taken with the sunrise as my background. Once the photographer is satisfied with his shots, I’m directed to change into the next ensemble. When I enter the RV, the stylist already has my clothes laid out before me, white capris and a navy blue pilot top with white details. My hair is restyled into a retro up do with victory bangs and white bandana. My rockabilly inspired makeup remains the same. By this time, the morning fog has passed allowing the sun to shine in all its glory, but since this is San Francisco…the air maintains its crisp, cool feel. I finish off my look with oversized, cat eye sunglasses.
Once we’re done with the photo shoot, Kade and I head over to the Cliff House for their brunch buffet. We enter the lower level of the historic building. We’re taken back by the astonishing views of Seal Rocks, Ocean Beach, and the Pacific Ocean. We enjoy our meal with champagne while listening to live harp music.
“I just love getting shitfaced drunk in a beautiful atmosphere.” Kade sighs heavily as he admires our amazing view. “We’re so fuckin’ classy, we shit diamonds.”
I laugh. “I know, right? Let’s toast to being classy bitches.” We clink our champagne flutes together. “I hope you’re paying because I would never pay over a hundred bucks for brunch. It better come with a fat cock for that price!”
“Don’t trip, boo. I got you. Unfortunately for you, it does come with a fat cock, it’s just not for you. Speaking of my fat cock, I’m gonna fuck the makeup artist you were just working with. When she wasn’t busy coloring your face, she was busy eye fucking the shit out of me. I got her number. Oh, yesssss…she def wants the D. She looks like she can take a dick.” Kade states as he takes a bite of his scone.
“What the fuck? What about Jacob? I thought you liked him. You just said you were willing to give a serious relationship a try. What changed?” I’m confused.
“Oh, yeah…that ship has sailed. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still date and fuck him, but that’s it. I’ve thought about it…I’m too much of a hot commodity to settle for one person. There are too many flavors in this world for me to sample. Why should I be in a committed relationship? I’m too young for that crap. I just wanna live a happy life and fuck all the beautiful people out there.” He says with a sweet boyish smile that reaches his baby blues.
“You’re such a hoe. I just can’t with you.” I shake my head as I take another sip of my champagne.
Kade reaches across the table to pinch my nose. “You say ‘hoe’…I say ‘sexually generous’…if I like it, I’m fucking it…end of. By the way, we’re either going for a walk along the beach or we’re hiking the Land End trails…you decide. We need to sober up before we go home. As a bonus, we’ll burn off these excess calories.”
“Damn! You bug! Why must you always kill the mood by wanting to do something healthy and active? I’m tired. I don’t feel like taking a walk or a hike. I hate that you can be such a health nut sometimes.” I look at him with an ugly sneer.
He chuckles and almost spits out his champagne. “You should be thanking me! Because of me pushing you and your mom blessing you with amazing curves, your body looks the way it does! If it were up to you, you would just sit on your ass, watch TV, read books, fuck, and shove junk food down your throat.”
I sigh dreamily as I picture doing just that. “A girl can dream.”
I sigh again. “Fine…we’ll go for a hike, but I’ll be pouting throughout the whole time. Why can’t I just eat whatever I want and not gain weight? I fuckin’ hate exercising. It. Sucks. Balls. And so do the people who love it!”
Kade laughs. “As a matter of fact, I do suck…suck very well…so I’ve been told.”
“Ewww! I just can’t with you…you’re such a perv! Let’s go back to being classy bitches and finish up our meal so that we can get that damn hike over with. I can’t wait to go home and call my man.” I raise my eye brows twice rapidly with excitement.
“You mean…be a dirty whore over the phone while you pet your kitty?” Kade winks at me.
“Mmm hmm.�
�� I state with absolutely no shame and a huge grin on my face. The more I think about it, the more anxious I am to return home and hear his sexy voice.