by S. J. Bishop
I breathed a sigh of relief. My car keys were buried deep in my purse. I pulled them out and headed for the exit, thinking that I had to get a pregnancy test. Maybe even a couple of pregnancy tests. Like, for backup. Hell, maybe even a few. Like three or four or ten. Sure, ten pregnancy tests seemed reasonable.
My mind was already racing. What would I tell Axel? What would I tell my boss? What would I tell my dad? I stopped walking. For half a second, I'd forgotten that my father was dead. Tears brimmed in my eyes. I was a grown woman, but I still needed my father, especially now.
Calm down. Just calm down. Nothing was for sure yet. And even if it was, so what? I could take care of myself. I didn't need Axel. But I didn't quite believe that. Deep down, I still felt the need to be protected.
"I've royally fucked things up, haven't I, Dad?" I said out loud.
"I wouldn't know," a woman's voice replied, "but if you're still with Axel, I'd say that's a giant yes."
I spun around in time to see Taylor step into the locker room.
24
Axel
My doorbell was ringing. I looked at my dad who nodded toward the door. My mom looked up from the floor where she played with Riley.
"Want me to get it?" my dad asked.
I shook my head and went to the window. The reporters had thinned out a bit over the last couple of hours. Apparently, some Hollywood starlet who was in town to shoot a film had totaled her car. I looked out the living room window. Only a handful of reporters remained. For one brief moment, I thought I saw Kaitlyn. Then I realized it was just a neighbor out walking her dog.
My eyes shifted from the reporters just outside my property line to the cop car in my driveway. The doorbell rang again.
I mouthed the word, "Police," and my parents' eyes widened. A second later, they were back to normal.
"Come on, Riley," my mother said, taking her hand. "Your dad told me you got a new doll. Can you show it to me?"
"Betsey," Riley said, setting aside the blocks she was playing with and running to her room, my mother trailing behind her.
My father stood up as I answered the door. Lately, it felt like everything was going wrong for me. The one good thing in my life had been when Kaitlyn entered it. If only things had gone a little differently, I might be introducing her to my parents right now instead of opening the door to a bunch of cops. My parents would shit a brick if I actually brought a girl home to meet them. Especially one as put together as Kaitlyn.
"Hello," I said, reminding myself to keep my temper in check. Just because there were about four cops on my doorstep didn't mean I had to lose control. "Can I help you?"
"Axel Cooper?" a woman asked. She had steely eyes and a tan jacket over matching slacks. She looked like a grade school teacher.
"Yes."
"I'm Mrs. Sedgewick. I'm with child services."
My heart froze. "Oh my God," I said. "You're here to take Riley." My hand curled into a fist.
My father stepped up behind me and placed one hand on my shoulder. "Let them in," he whispered.
It took every ounce of strength I had not to slam the door in their faces, but I knew that would only make things worse.
"We're only here to talk to you and Riley," Mrs. Sedgwick was saying, and my heart relaxed a little.
"Then why are the police with you?" my father asked.
She looked behind her shoulder at the four officers who stood by. "They're just here in case there's any confusion or misunderstanding."
I nodded, but I knew what that translated to. The cops were here in case I decided to attack someone.
"I'd like to speak with Riley alone if I may?" Mrs. Sedgewick said.
"Do I have a choice?" I asked.
"No," she said softly.
"Then I guess you can talk to her."
"Go call your lawyer," my dad said. "Don't do anything until you talk to him."
"I've already talked to him," I told my dad. I knew he was just trying to help, but there was no way around this. My lawyer had warned me to expect something like this. I was almost surprised it hadn't happened sooner.
Mrs. Sedgwick questioned me briefly first. Had I ever hit her? Did I leave her unattended? Drug use? Alcohol use? Yada yada yada. Finally, she decided she'd asked me enough questions and it was time to talk to Riley. Another woman who I hadn’t noticed initially, identified by Mrs. Sedgewick as a second caseworker named Renee—apparently caseworkers traveled in pairs—entered Riley's room with us. My mother looked up as we came in.
"Riles," I said, "this is Mrs. Sedgewick."
"Hello, Riley," Mrs. Sedgwick said, stepping into the room. I wanted to chase her off with a broomstick but refused to give in to my temper. I closed my eyes for half a second and pictured all the good things in my life: the football field at Mile Marker Stadium, Riley's sweet face smiling at me... Kaitlyn. I opened my eyes, wondering how her face had become so entangled in my mind. Her image soothed my nerves.
"Mrs. Sedgwick wants to talk to you for a little bit, okay?" Riley looked at me with wide eyes.
"She's a stranger," Riley said, and the woman laughed. My mother looked at me uncertainly.
"It's alright," I told them both. "Nana is gonna come with me so you can talk to this nice lady. Just answer her questions honestly, okay? We'll have ice cream later."
Riley smiled at the mention of ice cream but still looked distrustfully at Mrs. Sedgwick. Closing the door to Riley's bedroom was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I joined my parents in the living room where the rest of the police stood waiting with their guard up.
It felt like they were in there forever, and it drove me crazy that I couldn't hear what they were saying. A short while later, Mrs. Sedgwick and Renee came out of Riley's room. I had to force myself not to start cursing at them.
"I think we're all done here," Mrs. Sedgwick said, handing Riley back to me. "We'll be in touch."
"Wait," I cried. "That's it?" I was desperate for some hint of how things had gone. What did she believe? Was I going to lose my daughter? More than anything, I needed something to comfort me and make me feel safe again. Something that I could grasp onto and not let go of.
"That's all for now, Mr. Cooper. As I said, we'll be in touch."
Mrs. Sedgwick left, and my parents immediately began questioning an alarmed Riley about what she'd been asked and what she'd said. I finally told them to stop it.
"You're scaring her."
My parents looked ashamed, then immediately changed the subject. My mom waited till Riley was thoroughly involved with her new bowl of ice cream before taking me aside.
"Would you like us to take her for a little while? Maybe have some time to yourself?" I nodded, feeling numb.
"Thanks."
"Of course, honey. Anytime. Don't worry; I'm sure it will all work out." She patted my arm in that way mothers do.
"I don't know," I told her, taking a deep breath. "When Mrs. Sedgwick was talking to me alone, she told me that they were awarding Taylor visitation rights."
25
Kaitlyn
"Taylor!" I said. I tried to hide the shock on my face but couldn't do it.
Taylor smiled. "Hello, Kaitlyn."
"How do you know my name?"
"I've been asking around about Axel. About you. I like to do my homework." She smiled at me, and I realized that her teeth were yellow. The skirt she wore hugged her hips in all the wrong ways, and her legs looked like two red sausages with blue veins popping out every which way.
"Axel's not here."
"Yes, I know. I've been trying to get in touch with him, but he won't return my calls."
I stared blankly at her. I had no intention of letting her goad me into another fight. The memory of when I struck her came back in a flash, and anger seethed in me.
"Why are you lying about Axel?" I demanded. "You know damned well that I'm the one who hit you last time you were here, not him."
Looking at Taylor now, it was easier to believe Axel's side o
f things. He'd said that she was nothing but a lying druggy. She certainly looked the part. It wasn't that her hair was stringy or that her face was oily. It was that she looked... bad. Like someone who'd only recently pulled themselves up out of the gutter. I didn't understand how the cops could listen to someone so obviously sick, but then I remembered the other two women who were also claiming that Axel had hit them.
"What do you want?" I asked Taylor. My eyes shifted toward the door. Security at this stadium really did suck. Though, to be fair, the guards were probably wrapping it up for the night. Both teams had gone, and the fans had emptied out. Who was left to guard right now? Me?
"I wondered if you could deliver a message to Axel for me?"
I shook my head. "No way, Taylor. I'm not getting involved."
"Aren't you already involved?" She smugly rubbed her jaw where I'd hit her not so long ago.
"Axel and I aren't seeing each other, okay?" I yelled. "So just fuck off and leave me alone."
"I'm not going away just because you decide to tell me some bullshit lie."
I took a deep breath. "Look, you want to see Riley, right? So just go through the courts like you're already doing, okay?"
For half a second, Taylor's hard exterior fell away. Her eyes grew misty. "Riley hates me," she whispered.
I blinked, uncertain as to whether or not this was some sort of act. "Riley doesn't hate you. She doesn't—" I'd started to say "she doesn't even remember you," but that was probably untrue. Taylor had beaten Riley when she was only two. For Riley's entire life, her mother had let her down. But still, children had an amazing capacity to forgive. Maybe this was for real. Maybe Taylor just wanted her daughter back in her life.
"Look," I said, a little softer. Tears fell down Taylor's cheeks, making two thick stripes where her makeup was washed away. "Just talk to Axel. Don't threaten him, just talk to him."
But Taylor shook her head. She was wiping away her tears. "No. It's too late for me and Riley."
I stepped back, confused. "Then why are you here? Why are you trying to get custody?"
Taylor hesitated, then suddenly, the mother in her was gone and the hard-as-nails addict was back. "I need money."
"How much money?" I asked her.
"Two million dollars."
I laughed so hard I almost choked. "Two million... does Axel even have that?"
"Of course he does. Don't you read?"
I'd nearly forgotten about Axel's new contract. It was upwards of fifty million dollars.
"Tell Axel to give me the money, and I'll go away. I'll drop everything and just leave."
I couldn't believe Taylor would make things so easy for him, though. Give her the money and she'd disappear? "What about the other two women suing him?" I asked. "You can't make them disappear, too."
"Oh yes, I can," Taylor said. Her eyes glistened under the lights. She looked both excited and sad at the same time. "Those women are friends of mine. They'll do what I tell them to do, or they won't get anything."
"Friends of yours?" I asked. My stomach churned. I couldn't believe it. Axel had been telling the truth all along. Christ, I was an idiot. What a fucking fool.
"Two million dollars, and you'll make it all go away?" I asked again. Taylor nodded. "And you'll sign something? Whatever Axel needs to make sure you never come back?"
Taylor hesitated. Her eyes were round and wet. "Yes," she said, softly. "Two million dollars, and I'll sign anything he wants me to. As long as I get the money, he can have Riley."
I couldn't hide the shock and anger on my face. That a mother could be so cruel and devious made me sick. I placed one hand protectively over my stomach and swore to myself that if I was pregnant, I would never do anything so heartless to my child.
Taylor's face was a mixture of emotion as she stared back at me. "Don't you dare judge me," Taylor suddenly spat. "I'm not a bad person. I'm just doing the best I can. Besides, Riley will be better off without me. Oh, and there's a time limit on this deal. Shall we say forty-eight hours?"
"Forty-eight hours or what?" I asked her.
"Or he can kiss Riley goodbye."
26
Axel
"It's not good," my lawyer, Mark Devereux, told me.
Everything he'd warned me about was happening. It was official. Taylor had visitation rights. I questioned how she could get rights like that so quickly when she'd put Riley in the hospital the last time she'd seen her. But apparently, Taylor's documented rehabilitation, coupled with staying out of trouble for two years and the new allegations against me, was enough to win her at least temporary visitation rights.
"The good news is that the child services people didn't find anything. Riley was perfect!"
"She was just being honest," I told him.
"Sure, sure. Just tell her to keep it up."
I hesitated. It almost sounded like Mark didn't believe me. But then I supposed that he wasn't exactly being paid to believe me. He was being paid to defend me, and that was a big difference. We hung up, and I tossed my phone onto the coffee table, trying to block everything from my mind.
It was the first moment I'd had to myself in what felt like weeks. I lay back on the couch and tried to shut my eyes, but every time I did, I was bombarded with images of Riley and Kaitlyn, Kaitlyn and Riley. They swam through my mind together until it felt like a screw was being drilled into the side of my head.
"Okay," I said, suddenly sitting up and slapping my thigh. I popped two Tylenol and stood up. "What are my options?"
This is how it always happened during a game. Coach went over all the available options to score a touchdown. If someone objected and thought they had a better idea, well, Coach would probably tell them to go suck an egg, but not if the idea was sound. I just had to figure out what my options were in my current situation and make it a good one.
"Alright," I started pacing, which was difficult to do with crutches, but not impossible. It would have been easier if I could just sit, but I couldn't keep my feet still.
"Let's start with Kaitlyn." I could call her, but she might hang up. I could go down to the stadium, but then I'd drag all those reporters behind me, and the team would suffer for it. I tried to think of another option but couldn't come up with anything.
"Fine," I mumbled. "I'll come back to her. What about Riley?"
My parents had Riley now, and in some ways, I felt safer with her at their place. The reporters weren't camped outside my parents' doors. They weren't following them in cars. "Maybe I should just let her stay with them for a while." It would be hard, but if separating Riley from the situation was what I had to do protect her, then I'd do it.
But if Taylor gets custody, none of that will matter.
If Taylor actually won, then the courts could have Riley removed from whichever home she was residing at. Whether it was mine or my parents' didn't matter.
I could run.
I pushed the thought from my head. That was a ridiculous idea. Run where? For how long? Forever? That wouldn't be fair to Riley.
But it could work.
I took several deep breaths and tried setting aside my crutches as I walked around the room. If I was gonna run, I'd have to be able to move fast. I lightly placed my foot on the floor, careful not to put too much weight on it just yet. I had to wait and see. I was able to balance all right without the crutches, at least for a moment. I put some weight on one of my toes. Still good. I added more weight to the rest of my foot. Then I felt something pop. My leg trembled, and my knee gave out. I fell to the floor, howling in pain.
Coach was right. I needed to keep up my exercises. I lay on the floor until the pain settled back down to its normal roar, then used my crutches to help me back up. I was almost to the couch when there was a thundering crash from Riley's bedroom.
"What the fuck!"
I hobbled as fast as I could up the stairs and saw a bottle with flames shooting out of it on the floor of Riley's room. Smoke was filling the space fast. I stumbled out of the room,
my leg throbbing, and made it down the hall to the fire extinguisher. By the time I got back to Riley's room, the smoke was thick and putrid. The flames hadn't spread much, though. They seemed confined to the bottle. I sprayed white foam all over it, and the fire disappeared.
"Fuck," I said. "What the hell?" I stepped into the hallway to catch my breath, then took a deep one and held it before going back into Riley's room. The shattered window glass lay scattered over the floor, but there were still two other perfectly good windows. I opened them both and turned on a fan. I went back into the hall to let the smoke clear out.
My first thought was that Taylor was somehow behind this, but I quickly ruled that out. Even though Taylor was a piece of trash, she wasn't an arsonist. She wouldn't do something like this. When the smoke had cleared out enough for me to breathe again, I picked up the bottle to examine it. It had been stuffed with some type of smoke bomb. Attached to the bottle with some wire was a small glass vile, like the kind of thing you'd see in a chemistry lab. There was something inside it. I opened it up and unrolled a note. It was short and to the point.
CHILD ABUSER DIE
I wondered what the person who wrote this would say if they knew they'd thrown it into Riley's room and not mine. I rolled the note up and stuffed it back inside, wondering if I should have touched anything. Maybe there were fingerprints I was fucking with right now. I went to call the police, unable to stop the passing idea that this was some sort of sign. Riley wasn't safe here anymore. If she'd been home... I didn't want to think about that. Maybe my plan hadn't been so crazy after all. Maybe running was the only option left.
27