Grabbing her shoulders, I slowly pull her toward me, wrapping her in my arms. She snivels against my shirt, her hands entwining behind my back as she lets it all out. “Fucking ass wipe he is!”
I hug her tight, letting her know I’m still here for her, even though we haven’t seen each other in years. Nothing will change the way I feel about her.
“Oh, Lin …” I mumble. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“It is,” I murmur, and she gazes up at me, her kissable lips tempting me. “I shouldn’t have let you go.”
She wrenches herself loose from my arms. “Please, don’t say that. I can’t.”
“What? Think about all of the shit we’ve gone through?”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know what it’s like, Jaret.”
“I do know. I’ve always known. You hate this.”
“I can’t do anything about it!”
“Your parents taught you to feel pride above everything else, and now you’ve lost it all. Just like I have.”
“Stop. Just stop. I don’t want to be reminded of it.”
She backs away slowly, but I step forward, grabbing her hands. “Listen, we can still fix it. I found you. We found each other. I don’t think that’s for nothing. There has to be a reason.”
She snorts. “That’s bullshit and you know that.”
“Who cares? Do you know what I’ve been doing for these past few years? Nothing. I fucked up college. I joined a fucking gang to sell drugs. Yeah, I was a dealer.” Her pupils enlarge with shock. “That’s all done, too. Now I’m nothing. A junky to random amusement and fucks. A clubber. A wanderer. I don’t do anything worthwhile. And you know what? I bet you know exactly what that feels like.”
She shakes her head, so I cup her face with my hands and look her straight in the eye. “Lin, don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to yourself. Remember how you used to feel about me and tell me you don’t feel it still. Because I do. I remember all of those times we played together, the times we bothered your parents in the kitchen at my house, the times we messed with the food they prepared and how my parents spit it out. All of the parties we went to, the time we spent together in high school, and during camp. God, I keep thinking about all of the things we did together. It’s what keeps me alive, Lin. Us, going to the school dance together, our first kiss—”
She places a finger on my lips. “Shhh …”
It takes all of my willpower to hold myself back; not to purse my lips and kiss the tip of her precious finger. God, she still looks just as amazing, if not more. “Lin … please, tell me why. What happened to you? All I remember is you getting sent off to a boarding school, and then that was it. Until I saw you at Kitties.”
She sighs. “You know my parents never had the money to pay for it all.”
“I know.”
“And you also know how much they care about honor and reputation.”
“They should’ve taken the money when my parents offered it to them.”
“It’s too late for that now. They wanted me in college after I graduated boarding school. I wanted to make them proud. You know they would never let me take your money …”
“So you went and got it somewhere else,” I say.
She nods against my shirt. “After I graduated boarding school, a lot of things happened between me and my parents. We fought a lot. They never approved of me hanging out with some bad kids, one of those was Bobby. They were right, but I wanted to be cool. You know how it works, rebel years. Yet I never stopped searching for their approval. I wanted to go to college to make them proud, but they never wanted to accept anyone’s money, so they were mad at me for even trying to raise some. It was what I wanted the most … They value their honor more than anything, which is why I wanted to make them proud by succeeding. So I went to Bobby without telling them and took the money he offered. I should’ve never accepted it.”
“You’re indebted to him?”
“Worse. I couldn’t pay him for the loans he gave me, so he took me in as his …” She sucks in those last words as if they’re a sin. My hands turn to fists behind her back. I want to punch that fucker in the nuts for doing this to her.
“Working at Kitties on the weekends gives me a chance at paying it off quickly and getting rid of his claim on me.”
“Fuck that,” I spit. “He doesn’t own you.”
“I wish that it wasn’t true, but it is. You saw him, he’s a fucking bulldozer. He’ll rip anyone to pieces if they stand in his way, including me. I’m glad I got off by offering my body.”
I tip her head up so her eyes lock with mine. “Don’t you say that, you hear me? Your body is not for sale.”
“You keep saying that like I have another option. I don’t.”
“You do. I can fix it.”
“How? You know my parents won’t like it if they hear I took your money. My parents worked for your parents. They don’t want to feel indebted to them or you any more than I want to be indebted to Bobby.”
“You should’ve taken my parent’s money when it was still an option.”
“That’s easy for you to say, I can’t change the past, and you know that.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” I sigh. “You deserve better than this. I would give everything I have to you … if I had anything. Unfortunately, I was a motherfucker for quite some time.” I rub my head. “Blew all of the money they left me within months.”
“Left you? As in, it’s all they gave you?”
“Yes. They basically cut me off after they found out what a mess I made of my life. Turns out, they won’t support failures.”
“Hey, don’t say that about yourself, you’re not a failure.”
“I appreciate you trying to make it look better, but honestly, you and I both know that I’m a royal screw-up.”
She snorts. “True. You did always love to get in trouble.”
I smile. “As long as it involved you, I didn’t mind.”
A flush appears on her cheeks, which she tries to hide by lowering her head. “Listen, I don’t want to make a big deal out of this.”
“I do. I’ve found you again, and I’m not letting go that easily. I’m done being a loser. I’m done doing nothing. I’m done wasting my life. I fucking waited for something that never happened, instead of going after it myself.”
“What?”
“You.”
Her lips part and her breath falters. Her gaze is bewildered, in shock. Dead-sexy. Goddamn, I want to kiss her. She probably wouldn’t let me, but damn, I can’t get last night out of my head.
“I want to help you,” I murmur, “but you have to let me.”
“I can’t accept that.”
I grab her arms tight. “Stop letting your pride get in the way. It’s not a request. You can’t say no. I’m going to help you and fix this, end of story.”
“But you know my pare―”
I place my finger on her lip. “Your parents are not what matters right now. You do. You are here, I am here, and I’m damn well going to make sure you’re happy again. I don’t care what your parents think.”
Her eyes glisten with happy tears, a smile making her look even prettier than before. “How?”
“Hmmm …” A devious smile quirks up my lips. “Some chips, a smart game, and one heck of a poker-face.”
♥♥♥
A few hours later …
A tiny smile forms on my lips as I eye the cards in my hands and wait until my opponents make their move. I have a solid hand, but I know how to play it cool. I sigh and shift in my seat as they throw a few chips on the stack and I go along, giving them the idea that I have zero chances of winning. Of course, with four-of-a-kind Queens I’m set to win. The final card is put on the table. One of the players folds when given the option to follow with the raise the previous player gave. The player across from me doubles his bet. I go along.
As we place our cards out on the table, it’s obvious he was bluffing. With a
double two-pair in his hand he didn’t stand a chance. Cash in.
I rake in the chips and leave the table with a cheeky grin. Lin bites her lip in anticipation, putting her drink down on the table.
“I did it!” I say. “Now, I’m going to exchange all of these and pay off your loan with it. That should get Ass-Wipe-Bobby off your back.
“Are you sure?” she asks, biting her lip even more.
I grab her hand and squeeze it. “Don’t worry about it. I want to do this for you.”
She smiles as I walk off to the booth and exchange the chips for money. It feels strange knowing that I can help her with this. Gambling usually isn’t the thing that gets shit done, on the contrary, I often lost money on this. Guess luck is on my side at the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m doing something good for once.
“Thanks,” I say as I take the money and walk back to Lin. Her eyes are closed and she blows out a huff of air.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
She takes in a sharp breath. “I need some air.”
“You okay?” I wrap my arm around her and take her outside, where we sit down on a bench right in front of the casino. She’s shivering, so I take off my jacket and cover her shoulders with it.
“Thanks.”
I smile and count the money in my hand. “Do you think this is enough?”
Gazing at the stack, she swallows. “I … I don’t know.” With furrowed brows, she stares down at the ground, her teeth clattering. I don’t need to hear it from her mouth to know what she’s thinking; she’s always avoiding me when she’s ashamed of something. It must be the money.
I grab her hand, turn it palm-side up, and push the money inside.
“This … this is a couple thousand dollars. If I put this and my hard-earned money together, I have enough to pay it all off …” She lets out a huge sigh. “I can’t take this,” she says, pushing it back to me. “Take it back.”
I refuse. “Nope. It’s yours now.”
“You don’t understand, this will only add to the pressure my parents put on me. If they find out I’ve paid off one loan with another loan, they’ll disown me.”
“Bullshit, this isn’t a loan. It’s a gift, and gifts you have to keep. I won’t take no for an answer.”
She sighs.
“Besides, you know giving back is rude, Linny-prude.”
She playfully shoves me. “You’ve got nerve, Jaret.”
“See, now there’s the girl I used to know.”
“Ha-ha, she never left.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.” I smile cheekily at her, and her cheeks turn red.
“Charmer,” she scoffs.
“As if you don’t like it.”
“Hmm …” She tries to hide a smile by smashing her lips together. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be calling Bobby my boyfriend if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d probably kill me if I didn’t.” She laughs, but it isn’t really funny to me. “You know, he’d kill you too if he found out you’re here with me, helping me pay off that loan of his. He won’t take it lightly.”
“I can handle him. No problem.” I crack my knuckles.
“You don’t know him very well, do you?”
“He fights in the ring, has the brain of a monkey, and loves to belittle people. Am I missing something?”
She snorts. “Dead right, but you’re also forgetting the fact that he’s kind of good at what he does. I don’t want you to end up in the hospital.” The hand that was holding the money is steering my way again, so I make sure to cut it off right now.
“No. I’ll take him on. You’re not the only one who’s changed a bit. I’ve learned to fight while I was in the gang.”
“A gang, huh? Boy, you did stoop low.” She laughs.
“Yeah … but I wanna make it better, you know? I’m tired of wasting my life. It’s time to get into action. Starting right now. This is my first good deed.” I place my hand on her knee, squeezing softly. She holds in her breath. “If this is what I can do to help you, to make things better, this is what I’ll do. You keep that money and use it to pay off your loans. If only because I want you to. Do it for me.”
With that doe-like expression of hers, she looks up at me; her dark, folded eyes ensnaring me. Goddamn, this girl never ceased to stop me in my tracks. She forces me to look at myself and revaluate what I’m doing with my life. Now that she’s back, I don’t intend to lose her again. I have to shape the fuck up and make us both happy again.
“Give this money to him, turn around, and don’t look back. Just leave. Don’t ever go back to that douche. You deserve so much better.” I grab her hands and lean in. “You deserve someone who takes care of you, who listens to you, who cheers you up when you need it. Like now.”
She giggles when I smile at her.
“And even though I’m a pig, and doing fuck knows what with my life, I’m still here for you when you need me. You should know that. I don’t care that our parents are from a different ‘class’ or whatever you want to call it.”
I cup her face with both hands, caressing her cheek with my thumbs. “I like you the way you are, and that’s all that matters. I don’t fucking care how much time has passed since I last saw you. I know you’re still that same smart-ass, know-it-all that I fell in love with all those years ago. I might not care about my own self-esteem or worth, but I damn well care about yours. If that’s the only pride I have, then so be it, but I will not let anyone trample over you. Got that?”
She nods slowly, her pink, plush lips parting in a way that makes me want to lean in and kiss her. Just to taste her again, if only for a little while, would be amazing. I know I don’t deserve her, but at least I can try to make up for it. Each step is a good one in the right direction.
Except, she beats me to it.
I’m taken by surprise as her hands rise and wrap around my neck, catching me off guard as she crashes her lips onto mine.
Chapter 4
The Fire Never Dies
5 years ago
Her eyes fill with tears as she looks me in the eye and mouths to me that she has to go. Our feet are still moving, our hands still trembling as they feel each other’s waist. The music blaring through the speakers isn’t loud enough. I can still hear myself think. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to know that she’ll leave me and that I’ll probably never see her again.
I lean in and put my head against hers, gazing down at her dark brown folded eyes. In her long, light blue dress she looks like an angel, and I want nothing more than to hug her and never let her go. But I know I can’t. After this dance is over, the party will stop, and she’ll be gone forever.
“I don’t want you to go.”
“Shhh,” she murmurs. “You know I have to go to boarding school. My parents …”
“I know … they want a future for you … and them.”
“Don’t make it harder for me, please.” She swallows away the tears, smiling. “I just want to enjoy this last dance with you.”
I cup her face and purse my lips, pulling her in for a kiss. It’s gentle and soft, but at the same time I yearn for more. I don’t want this to be the last one, and yet I know it is. Her parents don’t want our help, no matter how much we try to give it to them. Honor is more important, and for that, they have to tear us apart. I hate it. All I want is her. These succulent lips, her silky touch, her smooth skin, I want it all. She makes me happy, makes me laugh, pulls me up when I need it, and she pushes me to work hard and care for my future. Without her, I wouldn’t even fucking be interested in life. She keeps me going. She’s the only one I would want to make proud. My parents are never there, they don’t care. Only Lin is here for me. And I will lose that after tonight.
My mouth desperately clings to hers; I crave her kisses for as long as possible, wanting as many as she can give me. I need to feel her one last time, need to remember what it’s like to swirl my tongue around hers and leave little pecks on the side of her mouth. I need to remember her smell, her
touch, her taste. Because after tonight, it’ll all be gone.
She won’t come back. The boarding school is states away. It’s the best there is. It cost a fortune, and her parents spent it all on her, because they want their daughter to get the best education there is just so she can earn it all back and make her parents proud. Her family needs her right now.
As she unlatches her mouth from mine, I can see it in her eyes: it doesn’t matter how much I tell her I love her, how much I beg her to stay, or how many kisses I give her … I’ve already lost her.
To her, this must be done. Her parents’ will is law. There is no other choice.
♥♥♥
Present time
Now I have her in my arms again. Her lips are tantalizing, smoldering hot. My cock is hard and throbs in my pants as I lick her lips. I’m just getting into the mood when she unlatches her mouth from mine. Her eyes are wide, her mouth open, and for a moment she just stares at me, breathing loudly.
“Shit,” she mumbles. “Shit, shit, shit!”
“What?” I ask as she jumps up from the bench.
“We can’t do this.”
“Yes, we can,” I say, chuckling.
“No, Bobby would kill you.”
“Let him try.” I get up and grasp her hand, preventing her from leaving. “I’m not letting you get away again.”
She cocks her head. “Jaret—”
“Don’t deny yourself this. Don’t deny me this. You want this as much as I do.”
She sighs. “I know, and you’re right … I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.” She rubs her forehead, smashing her lips together. “Could you just take me home? I need to think about this.”
I let out a breath. “If that’s what you need right now, then okay.”
“Thank you,” she replies, smiling.
We walk to my car. She fumbles with her shirt while I will down my cock. It was getting too enthusiastic again. After all this time of not seeing her, a simple kiss made me hard as fuck. All I can think about is burying myself deep inside of her. I wonder if she’s as snug as I imagined her to be all of those years ago, if her pussy is as wet and lickable as I imagined it to be. Hmm …
Filthy (New Adult Romance) - #3 Fierce Series Page 3