‘This little boy from here?’
‘Yes,’ Baines said. Philip could tell that there was a message he was trying to convey, but he shut his mind to it. He loved Baines, but Baines had involved him in secrets, in fears he didn’t understand. That was what happened when you loved – you got involved; and Philip extricated himself from life, from love, from Baines.
‘The doctor’s here,’ Baines said. He nodded at the door, moistened his mouth, kept his eyes on Philip, begging for something like a dog you can’t understand, ‘There’s nothing to be done. She slipped on these stone basement stairs. I was in here. I heard her fall.’ He wouldn’t look at the notebook, at the constable’s spidery writing which got a terrible lot on one page.
‘Did the boy see anything?’
‘He can’t have done. I thought he was in bed. Hadn’t he better go up? It’s a shocking thing. O,’ Baines said, losing control, ‘it’s a shocking thing for a child.’
‘She’s through there?’ the constable asked.
‘I haven’t moved her an inch,’ Baines said.
‘He’d better then –’
‘Go up the area and through the hall,’ Baines said, and again he begged dumbly like a dog: one more secret, keep this secret, do this for old Baines, he won’t ask another.
‘Come along,’ the constable said. ‘I’ll see you up to bed. You’re a gentleman. You must come in the proper way through the front door like the master should. Or will you go along with him, Mr Baines, while I see the doctor?’
‘Yes,’ Baines said, ‘I’ll go.’ He came across the room to Philip, begging, begging, all the way with his old soft stupid expression: this is Baines, the old Coaster; what about a palmoil chop, eh?; a man’s life; forty niggers; never used a gun; I tell you I couldn’t help loving them; it wasn’t what we call love, nothing we could understand. The messages flickered out from the last posts at the border, imploring, beseeching, reminding: this is your old friend Baines; what about an elevenses; a glass of ginger pop won’t do you any harm; sausages; a long day. But the wires were cut, the messages just faded out into the vacancy of the scrubbed room in which there had never been a place where a man could hide his secrets.
‘Come along, Phil, it’s bedtime. We’ll just go up the steps . . .’ Tap, tap, tap, at the telegraph; you may get through, you can’t tell, somebody may mend the right wire. ‘And in at the front door.’
‘No,’ Philip said, ‘no. I won’t go. You can’t make me go. I’ll fight. I won’t see her.’
The constable turned on them quickly. ‘What’s that? Why won’t you go?’
‘She’s in the hall,’ Philip said. ‘I know she’s in the hall. And she’s dead. I won’t see her.’
‘You moved her then?’ the constable said to Baines. ‘All the way down here? You’ve been lying, eh?’ That means you had to tidy up . . . Were you alone?’
‘Emmy,’ Philip said, ‘Emmy.’ He wasn’t going to keep any more secrets: he was going to finish once and for all with everything, with Baines and Mrs Baines and the grown-up life beyond him. ‘It was all Emmy’s fault,’ he protested with a quaver which reminded Baines that after all he was only a child; it had been hopeless to expect help there; he was a child; he didn’t understand what it all meant; he couldn’t read this shorthand of terror; he’d had a long day and he was tired out. You could see him dropping asleep where he stood against the dresser, dropping back into the comfortable nursery peace. You couldn’t blame him. When he woke in the morning, he’d hardly remember a thing.
‘Out with it,’ the constable said, addressing Baines with professional ferocity, ‘who is she?’ just as the old man sixty years later startled his secretary, his only watcher, asking, ‘Who is she? Who is she?’ dropping lower and lower to death, passing on the way perhaps the image of Baines: Baines hopeless, Baines letting his head drop, Baines ‘coming clean’.
1936
A CHANCE FOR MR LEVER
MR LEVER knocked his head against the ceiling and swore. Rice was stored above, and in the dark the rats began to move. Grains of rice fell between the slats on to his Revelation suitcase, his bald head, his cases of tinned food, the little square box in which he kept his medicines. His boy had already set up the camp-bed and mosquito-net, and outside in the warm damp dark his folding table and chair. The thatched pointed huts streamed away towards the forest and a woman went from hut to hut carrying fire. The glow lit her old face, her sagging breasts, her tattooed diseased body.
It was incredible to Mr Lever that five weeks ago he had been in London.
He couldn’t stand upright; he went down on hands and knees in the dust and opened his suitcase. He took out his wife’s photograph and stood it on the chop-box; he took out a writing-pad and an indelible pencil: the pencil had softened in the heat and left mauve stains on his pyjamas. Then, because the light of the hurricane lamp disclosed cockroaches the size of black-beetles flattened against the mud wall, he carefully closed the suitcase. Already in ten days he had learnt that they’d eat anything – socks, shirts, the laces out of your shoes.
Mr Lever went outside; moths beat against his lamp, but there were no mosquitoes; he hadn’t seen or heard one since he landed. He sat in a circle of light carefully observed. The blacks squatted outside their huts and watched him; they were friendly, interested, amused, but their strict attention irritated Mr Lever. He could feel the small waves of interest washing round him, when he began to write, when he stopped writing, when he wiped his damp hands with a handkerchief. He couldn’t touch his pocket without a craning of necks.
Dearest Emily, he wrote, I’ve really started now. I’ll send this letter back with a carrier when I’ve located Davidson. I’m very well. Of course everything’s a bit strange. Look after yourself, my dear, and don’t worry.
‘Massa buy chicken,’ his cook said, appearing suddenly between the huts. A small stringy fowl struggled in his hands.
‘Well,’ Mr Lever said, ‘I gave you a shilling, didn’t I?’
‘They no like,’ the cook said. ‘These low bush people.’
‘Why don’t they like? It’s good money.’
‘They want king’s money,’ the cook said, handing back the Victorian shilling. Mr Lever had to get up, go back into his hut, grope for his money-box, search through twenty pounds of small change: there was no peace.
He had learnt that very quickly. He had to economize (the whole trip was a gamble which scared him); he couldn’t afford hammock carriers. He would arrive tired out after seven hours of walking at a village of which he didn’t know the name and not for a minute could he sit quietly and rest. He must shake hands with the chief, he must see about a hut, accept presents of palm wine he was afraid to drink, buy rice and palm oil for the carriers, give them salts and aspirin, paint their sores with iodine. They never left him alone for five minutes on end until he went to bed. And then the rats began, rushing down the walls like water when he put out the light, gambolling among his cases.
I’m too old, Mr Lever told himself, I’m too old, writing damply, indelibly, I hope to find Davidson tomorrow. If I do, I may be back almost as soon as this letter. Don’t economize on the stout and milk, dear, and call in the doctor if you feel bad. I’ve got a premonition this trip’s going to turn out well. We’ll take a holiday, you need a holiday, and staring ahead past the huts and the black faces and the banana trees towards the forest from which he had come, into which he would sink again next day, he thought, Eastbourne, Eastbourne would do her a world of good; and he continued to write the only kind of lies he had ever told Emily, the lies which comforted. I ought to draw at least three hundred in commission and expenses. But it wasn’t the sort of place where he’d been accustomed to sell heavy machinery; thirty years of it, up and down Europe and in the States, but never anything like this. He could hear his filter dripping in the hut, and somewhere somebody was playing something (he was so lost he hadn’t got the simplest terms to his hands), something monotonous, melancholy, superficial, a twa
nging of palm fibres which seemed to convey that you weren’t happy, but it didn’t matter, everything would always be the same.
Look after yourself, Emily, he repeated. It was almost the only thing he found himself capable of writing to her; he couldn’t describe the narrow, steep, lost paths, the snakes sizzling away like flames, the rats, the dust, the naked diseased bodies. He was unbearably tired of nakedness. Don’t forget – It was like living with a lot of cows.
‘The chief,’ his boy whispered, and between the huts under a waving torch came an old stout man wearing a robe of native cloth and a battered bowler hat. Behind him his men carried six bowls of rice, a bowl of palm oil, two bowls of broken meat. ‘Chop for the labourers,’ the boy explained, and Mr Lever had to get up and smile and nod and try to convey without words that he was pleased, that the chop was excellent, that the chief would get a good dash in the morning. At first the smell had been almost too much for Mr Lever.
‘Ask him,’ he said to his boy, ‘if he’s seen a white man come through here lately. Ask him if a white man’s been digging around here. Damn it,’ Mr Lever burst out, the sweat breaking on the backs of his hands and on his bald head, ‘ask him if he’s seen Davidson?’
‘Davidson?’
‘Oh, hell,’ Mr Lever said, ‘you know what I mean. The white man I’m looking for.’
‘White man?’
‘What do you imagine I’m here for, eh? White man? Of course white man. I’m not here for my health.’ A cow coughed, rubbed its horns against the hut and two goats broke through between the chief and him, upsetting the bowls of meat scraps; nobody cared, they picked the meat out of the dust and dung.
Mr Lever sat down and put his hands over his face, fat white well-cared-for hands with wrinkles of flesh over the rings. He felt too old for this.
‘Chief say no white man been here long time.’
‘How long?’
‘Chief say not since he pay hut tax.’
‘How long’s that?’
‘Long long time.’
‘Ask him how far is it to Greh, tomorrow.’
‘Chief say too far.’
‘Nonsense,’ Mr Lever said.
‘Chief say too far. Better stay here. Fine town. No humbug.’
Mr Lever groaned. Every evening there was the same trouble. The next town was always too far. They would invent any excuse to delay him, to give themselves a rest.
‘Ask the chief how many hours – ?’
‘Plenty, plenty.’ They had no idea of time.
‘This fine chief. Fine chop. Labourers tired. No humbug.’
‘We are going on,’ Mr Lever said.
‘This fine town. Chief say –’
He thought: if this wasn’t the last chance, I’d give up. They nagged him so, and suddenly he longed for another white man (not Davidson, he daren’t say anything to Davidson) to whom he could explain the desperation of his lot. It wasn’t fair that a man, after thirty years’ commercial travelling, should need to go from door to door asking for a job. He had been a good traveller, he had made money for many people, his references were excellent, but the world had moved on since his day. He wasn’t streamlined; he certainly wasn’t streamlined. He had been ten years retired when he lost his money in the depression.
Mr Lever walked up and down Victoria Street showing his references. Many of the men knew him, gave him cigars, laughed at him in a friendly way for wanting to take on a job at his age (‘I can’t somehow settle at home. The old warhorse you know. . .’), cracked a joke or two in the passage, went back that night to Maidenhead silent in the first-class carriage, shut in with age and ruin and how bad things were and poor devil his wife’s probably sick.
It was in the rather shabby little office off Leadenhall Street that Mr Lever met his chance. It called itself an engineering firm, but there were only two rooms, a typewriter, a girl with gold teeth and Mr Lucas, a thin narrow man with a tic in one eyelid. All through the interview the eyelid flickered at Mr Lever. Mr Lever had never before fallen so low as this.
But Mr Lucas struck him as reasonably honest. He put ‘all his cards on the table’. He hadn’t got any money, but he had expectations; he had the handling of a patent. It was a new crusher. There was money in it. But you couldn’t expect the big trusts to change over their machinery now. Things were too bad. You’d got to get in at the start, and that was where – why, that was where this chief, the bowls of chop, the nagging and the rats and the heat came in. They called themselves a republic, Mr Lucas said, he didn’t know anything about that, they were not as black as they were painted, he supposed (ha, ha, nervously, ha, ha); anyway, this company had slipped agents over the border and grabbed a concession: gold and diamonds. He could tell Mr Lever in confidence that the trust was frightened of what they’d found. Now an enterprising man could just slip across (Mr Lucas liked the word slip, it made everything sound easy and secret) and introduce this new crusher to them: it would save them thousands when they started work, there’d be a fat commission, and afterwards, with that start . . . There was a fortune for them all.
‘But can’t you fix it up in Europe?’
Tic, tic, went Mr Lucas’s eyelid. ‘A lot of Belgians; they are leaving all decisions to the man on the spot. An Englishman called Davidson.’
‘How about expenses?’
‘That’s the trouble,’ Mr Lucas said. ‘We are only beginning. What we want is a partner. We can’t afford to send a man. But if you like a gamble . . . Twenty per cent commission.’
‘Chief say excuse him.’ The carriers squatted round the basins and scooped up the rice in their left hands. ‘Of course. Of course,’ Mr Lever said absent-mindedly. ‘Very kind, I’m sure.’
He was back out of the dust and dark, away from the stink of goats and palm oil and whelping bitches, back among the rotarians and lunch at Stone’s, ‘the pint of old’, and the trade papers; he was a good fellow again, finding his way back to Golders Green just a bit lit; his masonic emblem rattled on his watch-chain, and he bore with him from the tube station to his house in Finchley Road a sense of companionship, of broad stories and belches, a sense of bravery.
He needed all his bravery now; the last of his savings had gone into the trip. After thirty years he knew a good thing when he saw it, and he had no doubts about the new crusher. What he doubted was his ability to find Davidson. For one thing there weren’t any maps; the way you travelled in the Republic was to write down a list of names and trust that someone in the villages you passed would understand and know the route. But they always said ‘Too far’. Good fellowship wilted before the phrase.
‘Quinine,’ Mr Lever said. ‘Where’s my quinine?’ His boy never remembered a thing; they just didn’t care what happened to you; their smiles meant nothing, and Mr Lever, who knew better than anyone the value of a meaningless smile in business, resented their heartlessness, and turned towards the dilatory boy an expression of disappointment and dislike.
‘Chief say white man in bush five hours away.’
‘That’s better,’ Mr Lever said. ‘It must be Davidson. He’s digging for gold?’
‘Ya. White man dig for gold in bush.’
‘We’ll be off early tomorrow,’ Mr Lever said.
‘Chief say better stop this town. Fever humbug white man.’
‘Too bad,’ Mr Lever said, and he thought with pleasure: my luck’s changed. He’ll want help. He won’t refuse me a thing. A friend in need is a friend indeed, and his heart warmed towards Davidson, seeing himself arrive like an answer to prayer out of the forest, feeling quite biblical and vox humana. He thought: Prayer. I’ll pray tonight, that’s the kind of thing a fellow gives up, but it pays, there’s something in it, remembering the long agonizing prayer on his knees, by the sideboard, under the decanters, when Emily went to hospital.
‘Chief say white man dead.’
Mr Lever turned his back on them and went into his hut. His sleeve nearly overturned the hurricane lamp. He undressed quickly, stuffing his
clothes into a suitcase away from the cockroaches. He wouldn’t believe what he had been told; it wouldn’t pay him to believe. If Davidson were dead, there was nothing he could do but return; he had spent more than he could afford; he would be a ruined man. He supposed that Emily might find a home with her brother, but he could hardly expect her brother – he began to cry, but you couldn’t have told in the shadowy hut the difference between sweat and tears. He knelt down beside his camp-bed and mosquito-net and prayed on the dust of the earth floor. Up till now he had always been careful never to touch ground with his naked feet for fear of jiggers; there were jiggers everywhere, they only waited an opportunity to dig themselves in under the toe-nails, lay their eggs and multiply.
‘O God,’ Mr Lever prayed, ‘don’t let Davidson be dead; let him be just sick and glad to see me.’ He couldn’t bear the idea that he might not any longer be able to support Emily. ‘O God, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do.’ But that was an empty phrase; he had no real notion as yet of what he would do for Emily. They had been happy together for thirty-five years; he had never been more than momentarily unfaithful to her when he was lit after a rotarian dinner and egged on by the boys; whatever skirt he’d been with in his time, he had never for a moment imagined that he could be happy married to anyone else. It wasn’t fair if, just when you were old and needed each other most, you lost your money and couldn’t keep together.
But of course Davidson wasn’t dead. What would he have died of? The blacks were friendly. People said the country was unhealthy, but he hadn’t so much as heard a mosquito. Besides, you didn’t die of malaria; you just lay between the blankets and took quinine and felt like death and sweated it out of you. There was dysentery, but Davidson was an old campaigner; you were safe if you boiled and filtered the water. The water was poison even to touch; it was unsafe to wet your feet because of guinea worm, but you didn’t die of guinea worm.
Mr Lever lay in bed and his thoughts went round and round and he couldn’t sleep. He thought: you don’t die of a thing like guinea worm. It makes a sore on your foot, and if you put your foot in water you can see the eggs dropping out. You have to find the end of the worm, like a thread of cotton, and wind it round a match and wind it out of your leg without breaking; it stretches as high as the knee. I’m too old for this country, Mr Lever thought.
Twenty-One Stories Page 15