Invisible Crown

by T. A. Hardenbrook

“Let’s go change your clothes.” Slowly walking out of the bathroom with her hand still firmly attached to my arm, we made our way up the stairs and into Reid’s bedroom. Sitting down on the bed, I fought back the tears as Danielle pulled some clean clothes from the closet.

  “I’m fine in these, Danielle.”

  “No, they are all damp and gross. Let’s just change you real quick before Megan gets here.” Standing in front of me on the bed, I let Danielle change me like a baby, lifting my arms and legs when she instructed me to.

  “Holy shit, Reid has a baby.”

  “No, you both have a baby.” Danielle’s eyes welled up with tears as my lip started to tremble.

  “I can’t have a baby, Danielle. I can barely take care of myself.”

  “You love that man and plan on spending the rest of your lives together. Well, now that life includes someone else, someone else that is going to need a mother.”

  “It’s not fucking fair!” I cried out loud. It wasn’t meant to be like this.

  “I know, sweetheart. But these are the cards that have been dealt. Now, you are going process this information and deal with it. We’ll know more when Megan gets here, and then we can figure out what the next step is.” Danielle took up space next to me on the large bed. Reaching over, she grabbed my hand and threaded her fingers through it. “He’s going to need you now more than ever, Molly.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Me too, babe. Me too.”

  Chapter 20

  Picking up the pieces, but fuck if there wasn’t a whole lot of them.

  It was times like this that I wished I still spoke to my mother. Actually, I wished I had contact with the nannies that raised me, because babies were creatures from an entirely different planet. I always thought I wanted children, and then when I had that scare with Reid, I realized that maybe I was okay with not having any. Now, I had one because of the sheer cruelty of the world, and a fiancé that was completely lacking in feelings toward the kid.

  How do you prepare for something like this? One second I was getting help bathing and changing my clothes and the next I was watching as the world started spinning a million miles and oh damn……here’s a baby.

  My heart broke the first time I laid eyes on Reid at the hospital. He was sitting in a hard plastic chair, in a small room that was painted a cheerful yellow. He looked completely lost and broken, and I myself didn’t have a clue how to feel on the situation either. I seriously stood in the doorway for a good five minutes before I got the courage to walk into the room. It took everything in me to walk up to my fiancé as he sat there hurting. How in the heck was he going to process everything that happened when he went into the whole thing believing the kid wasn’t his?

  That melt down happened in the car for me. Megan was driving, Danielle in the passenger seat, and me in the backseat sobbing hysterically that the baby was Reid’s. That either there was no condom and the man lied to me, or it was defective and then it was a big fuck up to the manufacturing company. Either way, a baby was born as a result of those two fucking around when they shouldn’t have been. I was pissed at Reid for sticking it in her, but then how could I really be mad when she no longer was living over this situation? She died giving birth. Birth to a child that my fiancé created. There was no reason for me to carry that anger into the hospital when the story was already written out in history. They had sex, she got pregnant, gave birth, and was now gone.

  How do you provide comfort to your spouse when you are completely torn and confused on the inside too? All I heard in the car was how I needed to be strong for Reid, but who was going to be there for me? Completely selfish, yes. But all these feelings were drowning me. I knew this child was Reid’s, but what was my role in this story line?

  “Molly Anne, I don’t know what to do.” Reid’s voice was completely void of emotion. It was like he was an empty shell, sitting alone in that hospital room trying to sort out what just happened.

  My body was shaking as I took the seat next to him. “I have no idea either, Reid.” Looking over at him, his head was still dropped down in his hands, and it pained me to see him that way. Reaching over, I laid my trembling hand over his thigh and held my breath. The emotion might not have been evident in his voice, but the moment our bodies connected there was no stopping the tears from spilling down my face.

  “I can’t raise a baby,” Reid mumbled softly.

  Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath and paused for a second. “No, you can’t, Reid. But, we can.” My insides were screaming at me to run. Break the connection between the two of us, and get the fuck out of there. I needed to run, run away from the problems, run away from the responsibility, run away from it all.

  Reid looked up and directly into my terror stricken face. Grabbing my good hand, he gave it a squeeze and leaned into my body. Our heads touched as we continued to hold hands, sitting there in the silence of the empty hospital room. We didn’t have a clue what in the hell we were going to do, or even where to start, but it didn’t matter. It would always be the two of us tackling problems and taking on the world together. Sure, this wasn’t exactly how we planned to start our married life together, but nonetheless we were doing it together.

  “Do you want to see her?” A short older nurse broke the silence in the room a few moments later.

  Reid looked over at me, his eyes riddled with confusion.

  “Have you not seen her yet?” I asked softly, still holding tight to his hand. Reid just shook his head slowly.

  “That would be great,” I said to the nurse, forcing a weak smile on my face. I squeezed Reid’s hand tighter. “You can do this. We can do this.” Reid’s eyes continued to stare into mine as we waited a few moments until a knock came on the door frame.

  Nodding my head, I tore my eyes away from Reid and watched as the nurse brought in the tiny little bundle wrapped in a thin white blanket. Bending down for Reid to take her, he quickly shook his head and dropped my hand. Sitting back further in his chair, I could tell he was starting to panic.

  “I’ll take her,” I said softly. The nurse gave me a questioning glance at my arm in the cast. Holding out my good arm in a makeshift cradle, I nodded my head, indicating that I was ready, as she gently deposited the small bundle into my arm.

  “You okay to hold her?”

  “Yes, I’ve got this,” I replied, bracing myself on the armrest of the chair.

  It was a terrifying moment when someone placed another life into your arms, even scarier when you hadn’t planned on this moment and only had one arm to work with. But, the moment I looked down at the little girl I had propped up in my arm, my entire world stopped for a fraction of a second. She was tiny and delicate. Her long dark lashes splashed over her rosy cheeks as she peacefully slept in my arm. I smiled at the little pink hat that fit perfectly on her egg shaped head. Everything was flawless. With all the pain that surrounded her birth, she came out absolutely perfect.

  “Hello, baby,” I whispered while softly rocking her in my arms. I heard Reid whimper next to me, but couldn’t tear my eyes away from the little girl fast asleep in my arms. Even with everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours, this little human didn’t seem to have a care in the world. My insides were screaming, kicking, and sobbing as the situation was all too cruel, but she didn’t even flinch when the nurse handed her over to me.

  How was it possible to love something so much, that you just laid eyes on and had so much animosity toward only a few hours before?

  “I don’t know what to do, Molly Anne,” Reid whispered next to me.

  Breaking my eyes away from the little girl, I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Well, we need to see what kind of legal things Cassy had in place. But, for right now, all you need to worry about is holding your daughter.” My heart cracked a little when I said the word daughter. This wasn’t our daughter, she was Reid’s. I didn’t carry her for nine months, I didn’t spend hours in labor with her, I had absolutely nothing to do w
ith the little one I was holding.

  Panic crossed Reid’s face as I motioned for him to take her. He shook his head quickly, but I ignored his protest. Carefully, I laid her down in his protesting arms and bit my lip while taking a step back. Our entire world had changed in a matter of seconds, and as much as I wanted to kick, scream, and cry over the fairness of the world, it didn’t seem to matter.

  “I hate to bother you both, but we need a name for the birth certificate,” a nurse broke the silence as I stood there in awe of the sight before me.

  “Rain. Her name is Rain.” Looking at the nurse, I offered a small smile as she nodded her head. “It’s what Cassy had planned, and I think it’s perfect.” Reid looked up and I watched as a single tear fell down his beautiful face. The world had a strange way of bring you back to reality, and even though sometimes it felt more of a complete disaster, it was exactly what your reality needed

  A knock on the door caused me to turn. “Hi, Stephanie,” I said softly.

  “We have a few things to discuss, Reid.” Hovering awkwardly at the door, I knew whatever she had to say wasn’t something Reid needed to hear at the moment.

  “Can I go over them with you Stephanie?” I asked, sending her a pleading glance. All Reid needed was time with his daughter, and all the logistical bullshit that came along with this PR nightmare shouldn’t even be on his mind. “Please,” I whispered.

  “Yeah, that will work. Let’s go grab a coffee, Molly.”

  Walking over to the two of them, I softly pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’ll be back shortly.” Reid’s eyes never left little Rain, as I forced myself to walk out the door with Stephanie.

  “Wow, what a couple days, huh?” Stephanie let out a half chuckle as her heels tapped out on the hard tile flooring.

  “You could say that.” Forcing my short legs to keep up with her long strides, I trailed a few steps behind Stephanie as she pounded down toward the cafeteria.

  “How’s your arm feeling?” Pushing through the metal turnstile, Stephanie marched over to the coffee like she had staked out the place earlier. Actually, she had probably been there since yesterday, so I doubted this was her first cup today.

  Looking down at my arm, I shrugged my shoulders. “Good drugs.” Grabbing a cup off the stack, I placed it under the large coffee pot and instantly frowned.

  “Here, let me help you,” Stephanie said quickly, pushing the top of the pot down so the liquid goodness flowed into my waiting cup.

  “Thanks. I’m still trying to figure out how to get things done with this arm contraception.” Stephanie quickly went up to pay the cashier.

  “I’ve got this.” Paying the cashier, Stephanie motioned to a table on the far wall, facing the rare sunshine tumbling into the room.

  This meeting totally felt like a kid waiting to hear their fate in the principal’s office.

  “Wow, what a complete shit storm,” Stephanie commented, sitting back in the hard plastic chair.

  Bringing my hand up to my lips, I tried to stifle the laughter, but it didn’t do the job. The last few days had been anything but a walk in the park, and hearing Stephanie so bluntly call it out, had me rolling in laughter.

  Forcing myself to stop, I cracked a small smile, then took a much needed sip of my dark roasted anytime needed crack juice. “How can I help?”

  “This is seriously a disaster, Molly. We just sent out a blurb on your accident, and how it wasn’t affecting the wedding, and now we have a whole other issue to deal with. The child that Reid adamantly claimed wasn’t his the entire pregnancy is actually his child, and the mother who was an A-list starlet died during childbirth due to a severe hemorrhage.”

  “Yeah, I’m at a total loss as to what to do, too, Stephanie.”

  “I talked with the PR department, and they are trying to figure out which release to spin first, either the postponement of your wedding or the fact that Cassy has died leaving, Reid the child. It’s not like the world doesn’t already know that she passed away……… that was leaked to the press hours ago, but what do we come out with first?”

  The cup fell from my lips and clattered on the table. “My wedding is being postponed?”

  “Don’t you think that would be the best option right now, Molly? I mean, you broke your arm a couple days ago, had surgery, go back into surgery only days before the nuptials to get those metal spike things removed, and now we have a whole baby to deal with. The wedding is pretty low on the totem pole right now.” Stephanie looked at me as if I had three heads and didn’t see the end result in how she was wanting to spin things.

  “No, this is my wedding. We are not canceling my wedding.” Anger started to take over my body, as I refused to let go of something that I had been planning for the last couple weeks. This wasn’t something that we could just push back a couple months until things got sorted out and it became more convenient to everyone around us. This was the start of our lives together, and it wasn’t going to be placed on the back burner.

  “Molly, we have a major issue upstairs. Somehow we have to spin this as a positive thing with Reid and that baby, otherwise there could be major backlash against the upcoming album and tour.”

  “That thing has a name, Stephanie, and she is a beautiful little baby that doesn’t need all this bullshit. We are not moving our wedding, and will be taking our daughter home at the end of the day. There is nothing to figure out or how you’re going to spin it to the public.”

  Standing up, I grabbed my empty coffee cup and tossed it into the garbage behind me. “Oh, and I’m going to need the next couple weeks off. I’ll catch Megan up on everything that will be happening. Thanks.” Storming off, I refused to look back at my boss. Our wedding wasn’t up for discussion, and our daughter wasn’t going to be put on display and paraded around for the world to see and feel sorry for.

  Stopping dead in my tracks, my mind replayed the words ‘our daughter’ over and over in my head. How in the hell was I ever going to pull this off?

  Chapter 21

  A swift kick to the balls should solve that problem.

  “Reid, the baby is crying,” I mumbled, carefully rolling over to avoid penetrating myself with my cast. Reid didn’t move as Rain continued to cry from the bassinet across the room. “Reid, can you please get Rain?”

  Grumbling, Reid shifted next to me in the bed as I pushed his shoulder back and forth.

  “Reid, your daughter is hungry.” Snapping, I gave Reid a hard shove then glared at his sleeping state. How someone could sleep through the piercing cries of a newborn was something that baffled me. The moment she let out a whimper, my eyes popped open and I was up. The first night we brought her home we had agreed to share the responsibility in the nightly feedings, since we decided against the night nurse. Everyone had given their two cents on how a night nurse was basically a given, and going without one was basically crazy talk. Sadly, I had grown up with nannies and refused to let our daughter be brought up like that. So, we lacked a little sleep, big deal.

  “Fucking douche canoe.” Sliding out of bed, I padded over to the bassinet and carefully lifted Rain out. The first day was the hardest, trying to figure out how to do things with an awkward cast and really only one functioning arm. Now, I’d gotten pretty good at adapting things to make it work.

  “Shhh……I know you are hungry,” I cooed to Rain, positioning her in the crook of my good arm and wandering out of the bedroom for the kitchen.

  The amount of stuff a baby needed was unreal. Danielle ran out the first afternoon and picked up a car seat, just so we could bring her home from the hospital. Then, thankfully, between her and Megan, they managed to clear out the baby store with every possible item we might need. Reid’s once large house was now full of crap that consisted of everything pink and frilly. Sliding the still whimpering Rain into a bouncy seat on the counter, I grabbed a bottle from the cupboard and went over to the appliance that mixed the formula. Who knew there was a thing that mixed the perfect amount of powde
r crap to water ratio, and even heated it up? Seriously, the things they came up with, basically make parenting the easiest thing in the entire world.

  “Hold on, it’s only a few more seconds.” Pulling the bottle off the stand, I carefully wedged it between my body and cast, screwing the top on tightly. Stuffing it in the crook of my arm, I then walked over and grabbed Rain, making our way back up the stairs for the bedroom. It was so much easier feeding Rain with my arm propped up and in bed then trying to hold her, the bottle, and my damaged arm upright in a chair.

  Climbing back in bed, I glared at Reid, who was still curled up in the same position that I left him in.

  “Must be nice getting to sleep all the damn time.” After getting situated, I stuffed the nipple into Rain’s mouth and leaned my head back on the pillow. Thankfully, she was hungry enough to not fight me on taking the bottle. It had taken us a good week to find a brand that she didn’t hate, and after at least thirty or forty different brands, the little girl finally decided to like the most expensive damn bottle we could have purchased. There was nothing cheap about raising a baby, and bottles were the least of my concern for the future.

  ***

  I had completely panicked when I awoke a couple hours later, realizing I had never laid Rain back in her basinet and she was no longer curled up in my arms. Looking over to yell at Reid, I realized he was no longer lying next to me.

  “Reid!” I screamed in a panic, throwing myself out of bed and scampering around the room. How in the hell could I have been that careless and stupid?

  “Why are you yelling?” Reid questioned while walking into the room with Rain in his arms.

  “Oh, thank you baby Jesus.” Placing my hand over my heart, I could feel it start to slow down as my breathing started to even out. “I thought I lost the baby.”

  “You really need to get more sleep, Molly Anne.” Reid shook his head and wandered over to place a kiss on the side of my head.