I hear a sound, or maybe it’s a voice, I can’t be sure, because the ability to concentrate is not within my grasp. There’s hollowness around me, like an echo that goes on forever. Even my thoughts travel through the hollow space, like ripples in the water, before coming back to me again.
Maybe the echo is actually inside my head. I’m tired and I don’t want to think, so I stop thinking and it feels good. Sleep tries to claim me, but suddenly that elusive thought comes back once more. ‘Josh, don’t let me go.’
Something touches my hand and I feel as if I’ve broken into a million tiny pieces. I’m travelling through the hollow space full of echoes and I think I can hear Josh’s voice.
Chapter 41
‘I’m here.’
My eyelids flutter, but I can’t seem to open them. As awareness sweeps over me, I begin to panic. Why does everything hurt? I try to lift my body up off the bed a little, to ease the stiffness in my back. Why am I in bed? Was I sleeping?
‘Gently, gently.’
The words wash over me, familiar and soothing.
‘It’s Josh. I’m here, Ellie.’
As if someone has just woken up my body, sensations begin to kick in as the blood starts to flow. Suddenly I’m conscious of my hands, then my arms and this peculiar sensation continues on around my body, until everything suddenly feels connected correctly. It’s a strange feeling. Why would I feel disconnected? I try to stretch my back again, arching it slightly against the hard surface of the bed. Something touches my shoulder.
‘Don’t try to move too quickly, Ellie. Just relax and let yourself wake up gradually.’
‘Have I been asleep?’
‘Yes, you’ve been asleep.’
‘Am I okay? I can’t seem to open my eyes. Can you hold my hand?’
Josh places both of his hands around mine and I realise he’s hunched over, his cheek resting against my skin.
‘I’m going to wipe your eyes, Ellie. Just lie still.’ It’s a voice I don’t know and I wonder what’s happening. Josh squeezes my hand, encouragingly.
The coolness of the wipe against my eyelids is refreshing and gradually I feel them ungluing as if they were stuck. But as I open my eyes fully, everything is hazy and I realise the lights around me are so very bright that I have to squeeze my lids shut again.
‘The light hurts, Josh. I can’t stand the light.’
Immediately the brightness dims and I open my eyes again, searching for him.
‘Here I am. Give me your hand again. You’re in hospital, Ellie, but you are going to be okay. You’re going to get well, my darling.’ A sob catches in his throat and suddenly he leans over me. His arms are so gentle and warm as they surround me; all of my anxiety begins to slip away.
‘Where are the girls?’ Fear grips me once more and I try to lever myself up.
‘Sshh, lie back. The girls are fine. You’ll see them very soon. Can you remember what happened?’
As my eyes begin to adjust, things start to come into focus. We’re in a small room and we’re alone. I turn my head and Josh looks at me.
‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he whispers. ‘But you came back.’
‘I chose you, Josh. I couldn’t let go.’
He doesn’t seem to understand, but as he smiles at me there are tears in his eyes. I so badly want to stay awake, but tiredness overcomes me once again.
‘Stay with me,’ I call out to him and he increases the grip on my hand.
‘I’ll be here when you wake up, Ellie. I’m not going anywhere.’
~
‘A week? I’ve lost a week of my life just lying in this bed?’
Josh is trying his best to encourage me to eat something, as he explains what happened.
‘Clare and the girls came back home and you were on the bed, fast asleep. She made them some hot chocolate and they said goodnight. Clare went in to let you know the girls were safely tucked up in bed, when she saw the empty bottle on the floor and a few sleeping tablets scattered on the bedside table. She couldn’t rouse you and called an ambulance.’
Tablets? ‘Why was I taking tablets?’
Josh edges his seat a little closer to the bed.
‘You had a migraine, do you remember? When Clare left with the girls she put your medication on the coffee table. You took your tablets and then went upstairs. You had a bath and you sent me a message to say you were going to lie down. Is it coming back to you, now?’
It’s all hazy. Why was I crying in the bath? And then I remember. Poor Max, my poor love. I turn my head to look at Josh. I chose you, my darling. You and the girls. Max will understand.
‘A little. Why was the bottle on the floor?’
Josh has a pained look on his face.
‘We think you wanted to take two painkillers, as you usually do. But something happened, maybe you fell asleep and forgot what you’d taken and you took some more. We’re not sure how many.’
He thinks I took an overdose on purpose. I reach out and grab his hand, unable to stop myself bursting into tears.
‘I wasn’t trying to escape, Josh. If I took more than I should have done it was a mistake. Please believe me when I say I would never leave you and the girls. Ever.’
He pushes away the tray in front of me and comes to sit beside me on the bed.
‘Thank God, Ellie. I thought I’d let you down. I thought we’d put you through too much. I need you: we need you. Nothing is the same without you, Ellie, and the girls have been distraught.’
He kisses my forehead, his tears soft and warm against my skin.
‘We’re so lucky, Josh. Fate pulled me back when it could so easily have taken me away.’
My heart grieves for Max, but I’m where I belong. I know he’s finally gone, not because I can remember Bella’s words, but because the link between us has been severed. As it was meant to be.
Chapter 42
The wind whips my hair from beneath my hat, as the cold, salty spray begins to sting my face. The girls are striding ahead, eager to traverse the sandy beach and begin the walk from Caswell Bay along the coastal path to Langland Bay.
Josh and I walk hand in hand, content to pace ourselves for the two-mile trek along a stunning part of the Gower coast.
‘Careful on the steps up near the top, girls. The rain will make them slippery.’ My voice carries on the wind and fortunately it’s in their direction. Hettie looks back and acknowledges my warning.
‘I’m glad we decided to get away for a week. It’s not quite the rest I wanted for you, but the fresh air will do you good.’
I smile, knowing full well what he means. Renting one of the apartments that sit on the edge of the sandy beach here at Caswell Bay takes us back to our honeymoon. He wanted this trip to be just the two of us, but after what we’ve all been through I didn’t want to leave the girls at home.
I feel as if I have taken back control of my life. Each day I savour the normality of it. The fact that I could so easily have lost it is still shocking to me. If Aunt Clare had left me to sleep and let herself out that night, it would all have been over. The hospital pumped out my stomach and then it was a waiting game. Anything could have happened, but I was spared.
Now I’m here, alive and well, tasting the saltiness in the air and seeing my girls letting off steam. And Josh, holding my hand and stealing a kiss or a hug at every opportunity.
As we leave the sand behind us and begin the climb on the first leg of the walk, the view out across the bay is stunning. The low sun has turned the pale-grey water into a liquid silvery gold. So bright that it hurts the eyes as the light skims and bounces across the uneven surface.
Overhead, despite the light rain mixed with the spray from the heavy waves, the seagulls wheel and dive, their raucous call grating on our ears.
‘Do you remember?’ Josh asks, tweaking my hand in his.
‘Yes. We did this walk every morning and every evening. There’s something special about watching the sun rise and set when the only thing stand
ing in the way is the ocean. It’s magical, Josh, isn’t it? And now we’re here with our beautiful girls.’
We hasten our steps, wanting to catch up so we can all walk together.
‘I wish we could bring Alex here,’ Hettie turns towards us, the hair that has escaped her hood falling in straggles around her face.
‘We will,’ Josh promises.
‘Even though it’s your special place? I mean, look how long it took you to bring us here,’ Rosie adds, sounding mildly peeved.
‘We weren’t keeping it to ourselves, darlings. It was always something we meant to do. And in future we’ll make more time for trips like this.’
‘Can we sit on the seat – that one over there?’
As we mount the sweeping steps that take us up to the highest part of the walk, I nod my head. ‘It’s rather windy, so let’s walk over there together.’
We link arms at the very top, edging forward towards the bench. The only one that is so close to the edge and looks out across both bays.
Rosie and Hettie let out little shrieks of laughter as the wind tries its best to push us back towards the path.
‘Keep going, we’re nearly there,’ Josh shouts, his words obscured by the swooshing of the water below us.
We press ahead and eventually we’re there, all four of us staring out to sea.
‘Okay. One thing you’d like us all to do this year. Hettie first.’
Josh turns towards her. She laughs and then puts on her thinking face.
‘We should go to a concert. But I get to choose which one.’
‘You next, Rosie.’
Rosie is untangling her hair and trying to push her hat back on. I take off my gloves and manage to catch most of it, twisting it into a ponytail as she forces the hat down over her ears.
‘I want to get a kitten.’
Josh and I exchange glances.
‘That’s not really something to do together, Rosie,’ Hettie levels at her. ‘But I second that.’
I roll my eyes at Josh and he raises his eyebrows, shrugging his shoulders.
‘Mum next.’
‘No, you next, Josh. I’m still thinking.’
‘Well, I’d like us to fly to Italy for a holiday.’
My heart skips a beat and I look at Josh. His eyes reflect a loving smile and I relax as I continue to look at him.
‘What? It’s an experience I think we should all share.’
The girls do a high-five.
I scan the horizon as I filter my thoughts. I have no regrets about Italy and I know we will have a wonderful time there.
‘Come on, Mum. You have to choose something.’
‘Well, I’d like us to do a family run.’
Three sets of eyes peer at me, as if I’ve lost my mind.
‘I’d like us to raise money for the hospital.’
‘I’m in,’ Hettie calls out, having to turn her head sideways to avoid the buffeting wind.
‘Me, too,’ Rosie chimes in, standing up and spinning around to face me. The wind presses her forward and I laugh as she half-stumbles into my arms.
Josh nods his head in agreement and when I look at him I can see his emotions, mapped out so clearly on his face.
This is my life; this is exactly where l’m supposed to be at this moment in time. I will no longer take anything for granted. I will strive to live in the moment and enjoy every single day of the rest of my life with Josh and the girls, knowing I have been truly blessed.
Epilogue
Max:
True love is such a powerful emotion that it never dies, even with the passing of time. And many, many years had passed before I was to meet once more the woman with whom my heart was inextricably linked. How I wish those memories were clear to me when I first saw Ellie on the terrace that day. Instead, I simply knew that she had been sent for a reason and that was to help not just me but a whole community of people. As a stranger, she was no stranger to me, or I to her. She was our guardian angel. We both knew that, but our minds simply could not comprehend it. How can you love someone you don’t even know? Until you realise we can only see what we are supposed to see at any given time.
I understand now that she could not, and would not, be unfaithful to her husband. Not because she was self-righteous, but because she was in love with him. And it was their time, not ours.
I had no idea that I had a congenital heart condition. Or that fate had, in fact, been smiling down upon me, because timing is everything. In allowing me to meet Ellie once more, it was simply taking me towards another part of my destiny. A destiny that would always be linked to her, because the day I died, the part of her that is mine came with me this time. It allowed her to be free to finally live her life in peace, as it was intended. And that is our ongoing destiny.
As for my darling little daughter, I will always walk alongside her and guide her footsteps as best I can. Aletta will make a good mother and will ensure that history doesn’t repeat itself because of what we’ve all been through.
I turn my head to smile at Ellie as we walk across the terrace, past the sweet-smelling oleanders and head out towards the olive groves. Every day is special and Ellie has given my life a meaning again, as she did once before, a very long time ago.
As we walk along, hand in hand, Ellie leans into me.
‘Fate had a plan for us, after all,’ she whispers. And for that I’m eternally grateful.
Acknowledgements
The main thank you has to go to the very beautiful town of Castrovillari, in Southern Italy. While the story and all of the incidents, people and places used are purely fictional, the setting is very real; as was the worst Italian olive harvest on record, in 2014. It was, however, the key to the story I wanted to tell. The setting had to have a magical feel, a sense of paradise: for that reason, it will always hold a very special place in my heart.
Hugs to my awesome editor, Charlotte Ledger, for her guidance in helping me to make this story come alive on the page; also for her overall support and for being a listening ear. You are a star!
As usual, no book is ever written without there being a long list of people to thank in getting the book out there, publicising it and, of course, the kindness of reader/reviewers. You continue to delight, amaze and astound me with your generosity and support; it’s truly humbling. Without your kindness, I wouldn’t be able to indulge myself in my guilty pleasure … writing.
A virtual hug to the lovely Shona Lawrence for the cover quote – one to treasure! And a special shout out to wonderful reviewers Kate, Shaz, Suze, Anniek, Nikki, Shona and Kaisha for their amazing support in spreading the word. I am honoured to count you as my dear friends.
Feeling blessed and sending much love to you all, Linn x
About the Author
Bristol-born Linn B. Halton lives in the Forest of Dean, in the UK with her lovely husband and Bengal cat, Ziggy.
“I’m a hopeless romantic, self-confessed chocaholic and lover of strong coffee. For me, life is all about family, friends and writing.
At the weekend, I can be found either in the garden weeding, or with a paint brush in my hand - house renovation and upcycling furniture is another passion of mine! Oh, and I do enjoy the occasional glass of White Grenache …”
Linn’s novels have been short-listed in the UK’s Festival of Romance and the eFestival of Words Book Awards. Linn won the 2013 UK Festival of Romance: Innovation in Romantic Fiction award.
Linn writes chick lit, cosy mystery/romances, romcoms and women’s contemporary fiction– written from the heart, for the heart!
Twitter @LinnBHalton
@LinnBHaltonAuthor
Website: www.linnbhalton.co.uk
Also by Linn B. Halton
A Cottage in the Country
Falling: Angels Among Us (The Complete Series)
About the Publisher
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The Secrets of Villa Rosso Page 25