by Erin Zak
“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“You really know how to take good care of me,” she commented, and I could tell she was smiling.
I kept my eyes glued to the water, the waves, the way the moon was sneaking through the clouds. I didn’t respond because I didn’t know what to say. I was being way nicer than normal for me, yes. In the beginning, it was all for Beth because I saw how sad and scared she was. But now? It wasn’t only for Beth. It was for Susan, too, and I couldn’t stop myself. She was so easy to take care of, to like, to want more from. It was frightening. I mean, what would happen when she and Beth left? What would happen to the start of my relationship with Beth, to whatever was happening between Susan and myself, to this weird little family unit we were creating? I’d be heartbroken, and they’d go back to Savannah. Maybe Susan would go back to Steven. Maybe not. But she wouldn’t be sleeping in my bed next to me. That was for sure.
“Jackie?” I heard her say with a voice that sounded like silk. She was so close to me that I could feel her body heat through the blanket. I could feel her gentle intake and outtake of air. And when I looked at her, all I could see was how gorgeous she was. I wanted to touch her hair and bring her closer to me, press my lips into her full, dark red ones. I was not able to focus on anything but the curve of those lips and the way her tongue parted them and licked them lightly before she said, “I have had such an amazing night with you.”
Her words had my heart clenching in my chest. “I’m really glad.”
“When I first met you,” she started, and I could smell the wine on her breath still. Why did that turn me on so much? “You were so…not what I had anticipated.”
I let out a tiny chuckle. “You mean because you had no idea Beth had come to meet me?”
“Well, yeah, that but also…” She paused again and looked away from me. “Y’know, Beth asked me about you. Like, how I felt about you. And the only word I could come up with was that you were so unexpected. And even now, I feel the same way.”
I shrugged. “I guess that’s good. It’d be a real drag to be exactly how you pictured me.”
“You are nothing at all how I pictured you.” Her voice was so low and seductive. It sounded like sex and felt like honey, and I could barely handle it. How was I supposed to not kiss this woman?
“Is that good or bad?”
“It’s scary,” Susan responded after she looked at me in the moonlight. Her eyes were searching mine as if she was looking for answers, a lifeline, something, anything… But I didn’t know what to say because I was also hoping for some sort of lifeline. “What is happening to me?” She asked, and her voice—her dear sweet, beautiful, sexy voice—cracked at the end, and it made my entire body shiver.
I couldn’t respond. My voice was caught in my throat behind all of the emotion I was feeling, all the joy and happiness and fear. I waited one second, two, three, before I finally asked, “What do you mean?”
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” she said with more conviction than I imagined she’d have right now. “Ever since you said you knew me…and you touched me.” She reached up to her face and ran her fingers along her jawline where I touched her only days earlier. “You ran your fingers right here. But,” she stopped and turned more toward me, “but you touched me here.” Her hand rested now on her heart and goddammit, I was crying. I could feel the tears sliding down my cheeks. I was so fucked.
“Susan,” I whispered. “You don’t have to do this. I am really okay with us only being Beth’s moms.”
“I’m not okay with us only being Beth’s moms, though.”
“You’ve had quite a bit to drink,” I said. “You’re tipsy and probably get super emotional when you drink. I mean, who doesn’t, right?”
She smiled at me before she placed her hand on my cheek. She turned my face toward her. “I’ve never done this before.” Her voice was so quiet I barely heard her.
“Never done what?” Even though I knew what her answer would be.
“Cheated on my husband?” she replied.
Maybe I didn’t know the answer. “Susan, we haven’t done anything wrong.”
Susan smiled at me as she moved her hand from my face. When she reached down and took my hand in hers, I allowed her to pull it until she placed it on her heart. “Can you feel that?”
And I could. Her heart was beating so hard.
“You do that to me. Every time you look at me, talk to me, get near me…”
I could barely breathe. Was what I wanted really going to happen?
As I thought that, Susan’s cell phone started to ring. She let out a breath as she let go of my hand and growled. “What the hell?” she said as she patted the pockets of her light jacket and pulled out her phone. “It’s Beth.”
“You need to answer it.”
“Jackie—”
“We have time,” I said softly as I picked her free hand up and brushed my lips against her knuckles. The look on her face made my stomach bottom out.
“Hello?” she said after she slid her finger across the screen and put it up to her ear. “Honey, we went to grab dinner. I left you a note.” Susan was looking at me the entire time. “You were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.” I reached forward and moved her hair behind her ear, and she leaned her head into my touch. “No, what? I’m sorry. You broke up.” I smiled at her and then turned her hand over and kissed her palm. “I know. We’re okay, though. I promise…. I know.” Her breath hitched in her throat when I pushed the sleeve of her jacket up slightly and kissed the soft underside of her wrist. “But we talked…. I guess you could say that we made out.” I smiled against the palm of her hand and heard her breathe out a chuckle. “No, no, no! Made up! Not out. I said made up!” I glanced up at her, and she rolled her eyes while she held in her laughter. I bent my head back down and kissed her palm again. “Yeah, Jackie is a wonderful person.” She moved her hand to my chin and tilted my head so I was looking at her. She smiled at me, and all I could think was that smile was going to be the death of me. “Yes, honey. We’ll be home soon. No, we’ll leave now and come home… Okay, I love you, too.” When she hung up, she groaned. “I’m so sorry.”
I chuckled at her exasperated voice. “That’s what it’s like having a kid, eh?”
She nodded while continuing to smile at me. “Can we press pause on this conversation?”
I rearranged myself on the blanket and knelt in front of her, leaned into her space, and kissed her on the forehead. “Of course.” I felt her hand on my side, and even that gentle touch made chills shoot through me. “Let’s go home.” I stood, helped her up, and we both grabbed a blanket as we started toward the car. After we took about ten steps, I felt her get closer and then her hand as she intertwined it with mine. When I looked over at her as we trudged through the sand, her eyes locked with mine for the briefest of seconds. No words were exchanged, but for some reason, it was the most intimate moment that we’d had.
* * *
BETH
So, my moms were out to dinner together. Like, in the world of really strange and fucked up things, that was near the top of the list. And it made absolutely no sense. Why would they be out together? There was really no need for them to be all chummy. I mean, them both being in my life now didn’t mean they had to actually be in each other’s lives. Or did it? I guess it kind of did mean that, didn’t it? I was the one that thrust them both into this whole thing.
It seemed really crazy that they were out to dinner. I mean, like, six hours ago Jackie basically said she crossed a line and freaked my mom out, and now they were sharing a meal together? Like two actual adult human beings?
Something smelled really fishy.
Maybe they were fighting? Or maybe we were going to go back to Savannah? If Jackie really did freak my mom out, then maybe that was what was going on. I could totally see Mom being completely over all of this and throwing in the towel. Even though I would be so upset with her for giving in and giving up.
Man, I hoped none of that was the case. Aside from the fact that Mom should not go crawling back to Dad after everything he put her through, most of which I was still finding out about, I was actually enjoying it in St. Pete. Of course, I wasn’t in school right now, and I had a couple new friend prospects on the horizon, so it wasn’t a complete drag anymore. But still…I wasn’t ready to leave whatever it was Jackie, Mom, and I were figuring out.
And I was really starting to like getting to know Jackie. We hadn’t shared enough of our deepest and darkest secrets yet, but the conversations we did share were kind of meaningful in a weird, oddly sentimental way. The idea of having to stop all of that and hightail it back to smelly ol’ Savannah was not appealing at all to me. I especially didn’t want to see my dad anytime soon. That was for sure.
As I waited for Mom and Jackie to come home, I felt my cell phone vibrate. I picked it up and saw Peggy on the screen. I tapped the screen until I got to the message.
Hey… It was nice meeting you today.
I smiled at the message. And then another popped up—It’s Peggy, btw.
I typed out, I know who it is, you dork. You put your name in my phone, remember?
Within seconds, she had sent back a smiley face emoji, and the rolling eyes one was next.
Brock liked meeting you, too. He hasn’t shut up about it.
Oh, really? Well, you can tell him I thought he was cute.
Um. No. You can do that on your own. I am not passing messages.
I laughed. Wasn’t that exactly what she was doing? Okay, okay. I guess I’ll text him.
Peggy sent the rolling eyes emoji again, and again I laughed.
I’m looking forward to your show tomorrow, I said and waited while the response bubble flashed at me.
You are going to be impressed. At least, I hope you will be.
I will be.
The door to the condo opened, and Mom was the first person to come in, followed by Jackie. Myrtle went berserk and ran up to both of them, wagging her entire body the whole time. Mom looked amazing. She was in tight pants and a cute shirt, and Jackie was in a dress straight out of a magazine about Floridian lifestyles.
“So,” I said, and they both jerked their heads up at the same exact time. “What is going on?” I motioned to both of them and their outfits. “You both look great.”
“We went to dinner. That’s all,” Mom said hastily. I was not born yesterday. There was something behind that fast answer.
Jackie scooted behind my mom to get past her, and I saw the hand she placed on Mom’s hip as she did so. “We were both hungry, and you were passed out, so we thought, what the hell?”
“Mm-hmm… Did you go to like, a nice place, or what? You’re both really dressed up.”
“This old thing?” Jackie looked down at her dress.
Mom laughed. “Beth, honey, if you think this is dressed up, I think I need to teach you a thing or two.”
I couldn’t see myself, but I was pretty sure the look I had on my face said I didn’t believe a damn thing either of them was saying to me. “Where’d you go then?”
“A wine bar,” Jackie shouted from the kitchen. She glided back with a glass of white wine for herself and a glass of water for my mom, who took it and smiled at her as if she handed her a million dollars.
“Thank you,” Mom said, never taking her eyes off Jackie.
“What happened to you guys? You seem…happy.” I glanced from Jackie to my mom and then back to Jackie. “Do you no longer hate each other?”
My mom gasped. “Beth! I never hated Jackie.”
“And I never hated Susan,” Jackie commented as she sat on the arm of the couch. “We did have a good conversation, though, if that’s what you mean.”
“Uh-huh.” I looked at Mom, who was still looking at Jackie. They really must have been crazy if they thought I didn’t realize something was going on. I had no idea what it could be.
“You should probably get to bed, Beth.” Mom looked at her watch and then at me. “It’s pretty late.”
“It’s eleven.” I looked at her and saw her raise her left eyebrow at me. That was the I mean business eyebrow. “Fine,” I said softly as I stood. “I let Myrtle out already.” I watched her run toward Jackie and plop down next to where she was perched on the arm of the couch. “I guess she’ll stay out here with you guys.”
They both chuckled at the dog, who was now on her back letting Jackie rub her belly. So much for not liking dogs!
Mom was right behind me when I got to my room after cleaning up in the bathroom. Something was definitely up because she was all giddy and breathless. “What has gotten into you?” I asked as I got into bed and pulled the covers up. She smiled at me and shrugged. “Are you drunk?”
A small laugh that I hadn’t heard in forever slipped from her mouth. “A little.”
“Mom!” I laughed with her as she sat on the edge of the bed.
“Are you disappointed in me?”
“Oh my God, no. I am so happy you’re not still sad.”
“Well,” she said as she smoothed her hand over the comforter. “I wouldn’t say I’m not sad anymore… But I’m at least feeling a little better.”
“Did something happen?” The look on her face was undeniable. Something happened, but what I couldn’t tell.
“No, honey.”
She was lying. I knew her lying face, and that was it. The way her mouth was slightly pouty, and she wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t meet her yesterday. “Well, I don’t believe you.” She gasped, but before she could verbally protest, I smiled and said, “I honestly like that you’re smiling. And not thinking about Dad.”
Mom finally looked at me, and that look? That was the look I trusted. And when she leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, I thought maybe we were going to make it. It was the first time that thought crossed my mind since we drove out of Savannah.
“Good night,” Mom said when she stood and walked over to the door. “I love you, Beth.”
“I love you, too, Mom.”
When she closed the door and I knew she was far enough away that she wouldn’t pop back in and scold me, I checked my phone. I tapped the screen until I got to the message from Peggy. I typed out Hey and waited to see if she would respond. I didn’t get a response, but my phone did light up with a random number.
It’s Brock.
My heart leapt into my throat. What the heck? How did he get my number? I thought the ball was in my court?
Pegs gave me your number. Finally. I made her.
I reached up to my mouth and realized I was smiling. What did I say? Did I answer? I didn’t want to seem too eager. Maybe I should ignore him?
You must be sleeping.
I quickly typed out, No. I’m awake, and hit send.
Hey there. Are you excited for the show?
I was grinning like an idiot. Yes. I am.
You’re going to love it. We rock. Hard.
I’m excited to hear.
Good. Get some sleep.
I put my phone down and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t believe it. Brock texted me. He actually went out of his way to get my number and text me. Holy fucking shit. Tomorrow night was going to be such a fun night.
* * *
SUSAN
When I went to find Jackie, she was on the balcony with Myrtle. Clearly, Beth and I weren’t the only ones enamored with Jackie Mitchell. “According to Beth, you aren’t a fan of animals,” I said as I walked into the fresh air. It was significantly warmer on her balcony than it was on the beach, and it felt nice. I sat next to her on the outdoor couch and welcomed Myrtle as she curled up in between us. She breathed out deep when I started to pet her.
“Well, Myrtle is kind of cute. So, I’m making an exception.”
“She certainly likes you.” I looked over at Jackie. “Can’t say that I blame her.” I felt accomplished once again when I noticed the pink in her cheeks. Was that twice in one night that I got her to blush?
My heart was racing for some reason. It had to be the wine, or maybe it was the way she was looking at me from her position on the couch. She was still in her dress, but she had taken her hair out of the bun, and waves upon waves were cascading over her shoulder. “Yes?”
“I had a great time with you tonight.” She wasn’t smiling, but I could hear a hint of happiness in her voice. It was really nice, because Steven hadn’t seemed happy about spending alone time with me in years.
Our eyes locked. It was hard to breathe around her sometimes. The way she looked at me was so intense, as if she was searching for answers to questions neither of us had even asked yet. I couldn’t figure out how to handle it or how to handle these feelings that seemed to form at an alarming rate.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
She was being so perfect and so kind. I needed to put a lid on my dopey grin, or she would think I was a complete idiot. I was enjoying everything with her entirely too much, especially for a married woman who spent her entire life as a straight person. “Yes, I am.” I shook my head and looked out toward the gulf. “It’s been a long time since I let myself have fun.”
“Oh, so you did have a good time with me? Me whom you apparently hate?”
I gasped and smacked her on the leg. She laughed when Myrtle picked her head up and looked at me and then her. “Sorry, Myrtle,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to hit the woman you’re falling in love with.”
Jackie reached over and took my hand. “You realize that I’ll be whatever you need me to be, right?”
Was I supposed to say thanks to something so wonderful? I looked at our hands, then over at her, and in that moment, I was completely speechless. I didn’t want to say a thing and ruin this moment. The only thing I wanted was to kiss her. And that was not what I anticipated. Ever.
“I know you’re hurting and scared and this,” she said and motioned to herself and then me, “is not a priority. And it never will be if you aren’t okay with whatever could happen.”