by Cat Mason
The door slams with finality, making my heart stutter in my chest. “Shit!” I scream, throwing the coffee mug in the sink causing it to break. The tears I have been pushing back slip down my cheeks as I sink to the floor. I’m angry. Angry at myself, at him, and at the thought of how badly my hopes for today have quickly gone to shit because of a blindsiding conversation.
The truck roars to life, the engine revving loudly before I hear him speed away. No person is perfect, and of course I know that no relationship will be either. When you find the other half that makes you whole, you push your way through the rough patches. All that sweet and good is always worth the sour and painful, right? My biggest fear is: what if Mitch and I can’t come back from this?
Chapter Three
Mitch
The screen door closes with a slap as I step onto the enclosed porch of Becky’s grandfather’s home. Both the American and Naval flag wave proudly from a pole in his yard while he sits in a rocker, sipping what I know is moonshine from a Mason jar. I don’t know how long I drove around, but I always knew I would end up here. Frank is possibly the only man who would can possibly see both sides of this and help me understand where I went wrong. I’m hoping he can give me some clarity and peace of mind that I am not losing my girl or my sanity.
“Didn’t expect to see you so soon,” Frank says before raising the jar to take a swig. He swishes it around in his mouth a second, swallows, then sucks in a breath through gritted teeth before smacking his lips. “Ah, now that’s good shit. Have a seat, son. Glad you’re home.”
“How’s it hangin’, sir?” I ask, taking the rocker beside him.
“All right, all right,” he replies with a nod. “Caught a cooler full of fish this mornin’ to fry up for supper, got another jar of ‘shine in the fridge already cold for ya, and there’s a nice breeze comin’ through the porch for us while we shoot the shit.” From the corner of my eye I can see him smirking. “Tell me, what there is to complain about?”
“Did a lot of thinkin’ over there,” I start, trying to get my head together. “Plans for Becky and me, for our life together, ya know? I feel like we’re standin’ still, and even though it’s a great place to be, I want more.”
“Everyone wants more, son.” Taking another swig, he chuckles. “The world doesn’t afford us much time to stand still, it has a way of forcin’ you to move your ass. Besides, ya can’t leave your footprints on the world if you never fuckin’ go anywhere.”
“I proposed to Becky yesterday,” I blurt, staring out into the yard. “Then, this morning, we fought and I left.”
“Mhm,” is his simple reply for me to continue.
“I want to get married and start a family,” I add, scrubbing a hand over my face. “She shot that down pretty damn fast.”
“Didn’t figure she’d go out lookin’ at chapels and crib sets your first day home, did ya, son?” Frank deadpans, before chuckling. “You really think that droppin’ that in her lap first thing was the smartest idea, Mitchell? Your job is to do your mission and come home and be her man, not start spoutin’ off like a Commanding Officer puttin’ swabs through the paces.”
My heart stops in my chest. The man is always quick to call me on my bullshit and isn’t afraid to bust my balls. “So you’re sayin’ I was wrong about tellin’ her what I want?” I ask, knowing that I have grown to trust this man’s judgment. I would not be the man I am today without Becky and those she has placed in my life, that much I know without a doubt.
“Not what I’m sayin’,” he replies, taking another swig. Frank hisses through his teeth again as he swallows. The alcohol no doubt burns a path straight down to his gut. “Been over fifty years since I enlisted. We were newly married and expectin’ Becky’s momma to be born in just a few months only to have me sent halfway across the world. Wasn’t easy for me, but it had to be hell for Joyce giving birth alone. Raising Mary Ann without me around for months on end wasn’t a walk in the park either, but she never complained. I’ll tell ya, it takes a strong woman— an exceptional one— to live this life. Being in the military isn’t easy, but being the spouse is just as hard. Sometimes, it’s harder. I know she glossed over how things were at home so that I wouldn’t worry. She made everything picture perfect in her letters,” he replies, smiling fondly. “Damned woman was more concerned about keeping me focused on what I had to do so she carried the brunt of everything here herself. Stubborn, damned stubborn, but I loved her.”
“So I fucked up, is that what you’re sayin’?” I groan, turning to face him.
“Mhm,” Frank replies with a grin. “Best you get used to it, son. You’ll do it a lot more than she will.” Reaching over, he pats my arm. “You get your head on right and go make up with our girl. She loves you fierce, Mitchell. Gotta know there’s nothin’ she wouldn’t give you if she’s got it in her. I got that from her Granny— love like that is a national treasure in itself. It’s like your first barrel roll in flight training: scary as hell and yet, you can’t wait to feel that again. You’d give your life for love like that. That’s what you fight to protect.”
“Yes, sir,” I agree. “Sorry that I won’t be stayin’ for fish and moonshine, sir.”
“Mhm, don’t guess you will be,” Frank replies, chuckling to himself. Pushing to my feet, I walk out into the yard before he calls to me. Turning back I see him standing at the screen door. “Glad you’re makin’ my Becky an honest woman, son. Not a man I’d approve of more. Damned stubborn, though, the both of you.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “That’ll make for some interestin’ days and nights. It’ll make for some fiery-ass ankle-biters too when the time comes.”
Nodding, I make my way to the truck and head home to my girl. The drive seems to take forever, but I finally pull into our parking spot. Blowing out a breath, I climb from the truck and prepare to grovel if necessary. I hurt her by leaving like I did, I know that, I could see it in her eyes. A part of me was so concerned with what I wanted, that I wasn’t hearing her. I let her believe that I wasn’t worried about her fears, that her feelings weren’t important to me.
Yep, Taylor, you fucked up royally.
With every step to the door, my footsteps feel heavier. I don’t regret telling Becky what I want for our future together, but my delivery sucked ass. Apparently, so has my timing. I am just hoping that she is here and I don’t have to wait to say the things I need to say to her.
The sun is setting, so when I open the front door, the house is dark. “Becky? Babe, you home?” I shout, kicking the door shut behind me, but she is nowhere to be found. I have to force back the dread that starts to creep over me at the thought of her ever leaving me. I don’t admit it to anyone, but my greatest fear isn’t dying while being deployed, it’s coming home and learning that I’ve lost her. It’s not until I walk through our bedroom, and see her through the cracked balcony doors, that I relax.
Becky sits in a lounger with her back to me writing in her journal. Her black hair waves in the breeze and my fingers itch to touch the strands, to feel her skin. Everything in me wishes there wasn’t this awkward feeling between us right now. I want nothing more than to be us.
“You know what hurt growing up, sailor?” she asks, softly. Closing her book, Becky sets it on the glass table beside her. The glass top is covered with Now and Laters wrappers, while all the flavors I like sit stacked beside them waiting for me just as she has been.
“What’s that, baby?” I ask stepping closer, my heart breaking because I know she endured a lot before Frank and Joyce stepped in. Then unexpectedly, Joyce passed soon after, so by the time Becky was five it was just Frank taking care of her.
“I wasn’t enough for her to stay.” Her voice is so soft that I can barely hear her speak the words. “She left me there because I wasn’t enough of a reason for her to give up the life she was living. I don’t want to feel like what we have isn’t enough for you, that I’m not enough, Mitch. I’m afraid to bring a child into this world and fuck everything up, because
I will.” Taking a deep breath, she blows it out and stares down at her empty hands, clearly trying to reign in her emotions. “Jesus, to be responsible for a life, this little person, who relies on you for everything. It terrifies the shit outta me. I don’t want to fail a baby like my mother failed me.”
“Beck—”
“I want to give that to you,” she replies, turning to face me. Tears run down her cheeks and it twists my soul into knots. “You have to know that. Today I can’t make that decision and I don’t think it will be tomorrow, or next week,” she adds, choking on a sob. “I need to know that marrying me will be enough for you. I can’t wear this ring thinking that you’ll ever regret your choice for one minute.”
“Baby,” I whisper. Taking her hand, I pull her into my arms. “I’ll never regret one second I’ve spent with you. I fucked up, okay? The last thing I wanted was to upset you. Today was supposed to be special, I’m sorry I made you feel like I was pushin’ you, or tryin’ to change what we have into something it isn’t yet.” Tipping up her chin, I meet brown, tear-stained eyes that are rimmed in red. Her face is splotchy and all I want to do is kiss every ounce of that away. “You’re it for me. There’s no one else I want beside me and no one else I want giving birth to my children when we decide it’s time.”
“Okay,” she replies just as I brush my lips over hers.
Lifting her up, I urge her legs around my waist before settling us on the lounger. Tugging my shirt over my head, Becky kisses up my chest before letting her lips stop on my collarbone to feel my heartbeat. “It beats for you,” I tell her, like I often do, because it does.
“Mitch,” she whispers against my skin. Sliding my fingers into her hair, I silently thank God because I am a lucky son-of-a-bitch to have her and I know that. “I love you so much.”
“Forever or bust, Becky Lynn,” I repeat the words that I say to her every time she says she loves me, knowing that they are the only thing that matters. I may not say “I love you” very often, but I make sure that I show her with my actions. She knows just by the way I look at her that I can’t get enough, because I can’t, and I don’t think I ever will. Everything I do is for her, for us, and the life we are building. Our truth— it’s a vow that means more than even a fucking gold band on my finger. Of course this is enough for now; this moment is enough for a lifetime.
Chapter Four
Becky
I had been pacing the floor until Pop called letting me know Mitch had been there and was heading home. Now, siting in the lounger with Mitch’s arms around me, our little part of the world is right. The stars twinkle above us, the night sky is completely cloudless. Mitch’s hand grips the nape of my neck, not hard, but enough to anchor himself to me. The look in his beautiful eyes as he searches mine tells me that he needs the connection between us right now just as much as I do. “I need to know that you’re okay, that we’re okay. Everything else in this world can go to shit as long as I have you.”
“Forever or bust, Mitch,” I reply, brushing my thumb across his bottom lip. Catching it between his teeth, he groans. His eyes drift closed and my stomach flutters. Involuntarily, my hips roll against him and all I can think of is getting us naked as quickly as possible. Cursing loudly, he grips my other hip with his free hand. Arching my back, I roll them again causing his fingertips to slide beneath my shirt, moving toward my breast.
“Becky,” he growls in warning.
“Take me now, Mitch. Right here,” I whisper, knowing what he is going to say. “I want all of you, every ounce. Pour it all into loving me.”
Grabbing my shirt, Mitch rips it open, causing the buttons to scatter onto the patio around us. My hands immediately grip the back of his head as he nips and kisses across my collarbone. Stopping the trail of his lips, Mitch yanks my bra cups down before taking my nipple into his mouth.
“Yes!” I cry out when his teeth bite down on my sensitive flesh, my back arching in a plea for more.
Smiling against my skin, he runs his tongue along my chest before doing the same to the other nipple. I love it. I live and breathe for the moments I get to see the real Mitch, the one he hides away from the world. The sweet, yet commanding side that makes me weak in the knees. He says that I’m his safe place from all that haunts him, but he forgets that my world was dark too. I never knew I could feel this way but now, I can’t see my life without him. I wasn’t looking for Mitchell Taylor, but he’s the best thing in my life and I would do anything to protect what we have and keep it safe.
Yanking up my jean skirt, Mitch groans when he finds no panties. “Less damage this way, sailor,” I explain, moaning when his finger skims along my pussy. “The first few weeks you’re back, you rip a lot of them.”
“Are you sayin’ I’m an animal?” Mitch asks, his eyebrow raising. His lips quirk up wickedly, making me laugh.
“Yes, and I’m just as crazed for you.”
“Makin’ up is gonna be fun, we should do it more often,” he says before slipping a finger inside me. My muscles clench around him, greedily wanting more than just his hand.
“Since we’re making up, I sure hope you’re prepared to give me more than this,” I pant as one finger becomes two and his thumb finds my clit. My pelvis grinds against his hand as I drive myself toward release, fucking myself on his fingers. His eyes heat as he watches me rock my hips, his other hand sliding into my hair and fisting the strands.
“First, give me this, Becky. Come for me, then I’ll give you my mouth, my cock, my entire fuckin’ world. You don’t even have to fuckin’ ask. It’s yours,” he says through gritted teeth before slamming his mouth to mine.
Mitch’s thumb moves faster and faster, keeping pace with my movements. I gasp into his mouth when his tongue dives past my lips, stealing my cries as I feel my body racing toward the edge of release. Ripping my mouth from his, I bury my face in his neck and let it consume me. With his name on my lips, I fly apart, just as he wanted. His hand grips my neck again, forcing me to make eye contact.
“Don’t hide your eyes from me, Becky,” he growls, his brown eyes blazing. “I. Need. More.”
The mask he has on for everyone else falls away and I see it: vulnerability. Something Mitch doesn’t let anyone see because he defines it as being weak. The fact he trusts me enough to give me that part of him is one reason I continue to fall in love with him over and over again.
Reaching to the side of the lounger, I pull the lever to recline it back. Mitch’s fingers slip from me as I cup him through his shorts. “Me too, Mitch. Me too.”
Yanking the waistband down on his basketball shorts, I wrap my hand around his length. I stroke slowly from base to tip, letting my thumb skim the tip when I come to the head. “Fuck,” he hisses sharply, making me grin victoriously. I want to feel him inside me, losing himself. I need to watch his eyes as he does and know it’s all because of me.
It is that love between us that drives me, this undeniable, overwhelming feeling that I can’t ignore any more than I could stop breathing. I know Mitch feels the same way. It fills all of the hollow parts we have carried inside of us for so long. It completes me. Without moments like these, the emptiness and loss would consume us and leave us to drown. It would still be life, but not one of substance or true worth.
***
The next morning, I stretch my arms over my head just as Mitch shuts off the alarm clock on his night stand. Turning in bed, he pulls my body flush against his. “You’re seriously going back to work today?” Pressing his lips to the hollow of my throat, he sucks a patch of skin between his lips making me shiver. “How about we stay here until noon then take a drive out to the lake or somethin’?” he asks, trailing his lips up to my ear. The tone in his voice and the erection pressing into my hip tells me what his idea of “somethin’” is, all right.
“As appealing as that sounds, today, we can’t.” Pushing the blanket off my body, I scoot to the end of the bed, instantly wanting to curl back into him and draw in his warmth. “I have appoint
ments all morning.”
“Who knew life was such a cockblocker?” Mitch grumbles, yanking the covers back over his head. “Take your sexy, naked ass outta here, woman. It hurts too damn much to look at you.”
Standing to my feet, I giggle and head into the bathroom. I shake my head, amused at my playful fiancé this morning. Twisting the knobs on the shower, I adjust the water before stepping inside. The glass stall steams up as I let the memories of last night flood my head while I rinse my hair.
Mitch and I making love on the patio until he hauled us to the bed, only to do it all over again. Eating ice cream after and falling asleep while watching some of the shows he missed while he was away.
It was perfect.
The shower door opens behind me and strong arms circle my waist as lips move against my shoulder.
Mitch.
“You didn’t go back to sleep?” I ask, his mouth making a trail up the side of my neck to my ear.
“Can’t go back to sleep knowing you’re naked and wet in here, Becky.” The tone is his voice makes me shiver. “It’s a law somewhere.”
Turning in his arms, I press a kiss to his chest and hold him to me. He surrounds me, even with the hot water spraying down on us, the warmth I feel is all Mitch. “You have no idea how much I missed this,” I whisper over his skin before meeting his eyes. “I want this every single day for the rest of my life.”
His brown eyes soften as he moves his hands down my sides and grips my hips, flexing his fingers. “Yeah, I do,” Mitch replies, releasing one of my hips to cup my face. Tipping my chin, he leans down so that his lips are almost touching mine. “I may not tell you, but it gets harder to leave you every single time. My worst fear isn’t dying over there, Beck, it’s comin’ home and findin’ out you got tired of waiting for me. The shit I see over there tears at what’s left of me every fuckin’ day because I can’t un-see it. I’ll never forget the times that if I’d done one thing different, I’d be sent home in a goddamn box because of someone with a vendetta and a death wish.”