The Tangled Web

by Lacey Dearie

  ‘I wish I’d known we were celebrating, I’d have bought some wine,’ Maria trilled.

  *****

  For the next half hour, the group excitedly talked about locations, bank loans and business plans. Pamela lost interest after ten minutes and began playing Angry Birds on her phone. The others were enthusiastic though and Flic watched with amusement as Adam’s brown eyes seemed to widen whenever the mention of the launch of his gym was brought up. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt that his of enthusiasm about something – or such an attraction to someone.

  Flic left the room briefly to help Maria arrange the fondue she had brought for pudding and Maria added some chocolate breast shapes to the fondue mix. When she returned, the topic of conversation had changed slightly.

  ‘I’m so glad one of my children is realising their dream. I always wanted to be a novelist. That was my dream. I wanted to be the next Ian Fleming. But those kind of novels weren’t my forte,’ Bob smiled wistfully.

  ‘Vicky wants to be a novelist too, but she wants to be the next Jackie Collins,’ Adam sniggered.

  ‘I’d like to think I still could be one day!’ Vicky objected.

  ‘I think that would be more up Dad’s street,’ Adam sniggered.

  Flic scowled, wondering what Adam meant with that comment. The only other person who seemed confused was Magnus. They exchanged perplexed expressions but said nothing.

  ‘You have to actually keep writing then Vicky,’ Maria warned. ‘I can’t remember the last time I read something of yours before that blog this week.’

  ‘You have a blog?’ Bob brightened.

  ‘Not really. I’ve lost my motivation,’ squirmed Vicky, hoping to avoid having to tell her father the contents of her New Year blog.

  ‘You really need motivation to follow a dream? That can’t be possible!’ Magnus scoffed. ‘It’s easy to follow a dream or a vocation. Fighting it is what requires drive. What inspired you before you lost your inspiration?’

  Flic was suddenly fascinated. Vicky didn’t strike her as a writer. She had an image in her head of overtly intellectual types who sit in Starbucks typing on their laptops, having done nothing but moan about how poor they’ve been since leaving university – where they had obviously studied something boring. That’s how writers were meant to be in Flic’s mind. Not blonde twenty-something single mother undertakers with crazy families. She was also curious as to what had made Vicky lose enthusiasm to pursue her dream.

  ‘I just don’t think I have an interesting life. You need to live life to write about it. I used to travel a lot and I had plenty of stories to tell. I had an active social life. I had inspiration! I lost it all in the last couple of years,’ Vicky shrugged.

  ‘Nonsense! What could be more inspiring than life itself! And being a parent?’ Bob enthused.

  ‘Whatever you need to write, I’ve lost it,’ Vicky snapped.

  ‘So get it back!’ Magnus exclaimed.

  ‘It’s not that simple,’ Vicky shook her head.

  ‘Make it up,’ Flic suggested. ‘Isn’t that what writers do? They invent.’

  Adam smiled at her. ‘That’s what I’ve been telling her for ages. Take something boring and mundane and turn it into something people want to read about. It doesn’t matter if it’s true. All she needs is the seed to be planted.’

  Flic returned the smile.

  The seven of them were silent for a moment while they mulled this over and divided up the bowls of fruit between them. Clearly nobody wanted to be the first to dip into the fondue. Sasha broke the silence by throwing a chunk of a peach into the chocolate, the warm gloop splashing onto Magnus’s forehead as a result and making Pamela hoot with laughter.

  ‘I think we should make a rule that nobody double dips,’ Pamela proposed.

  ‘Agreed,’ Vicky said, licking her lips.

  ‘And nobody should follow the baby’s example and start a food fight,’ Magnus grumped, wiping smatterings of chocolate from his scarf.

  ‘So what’s been your dream Flic?’ Adam asked, dunking a strawberry into the brown goo before ramming it into his mouth.

  Flic thought for a moment. She’d had two dreams when she was a child but had always told herself neither of them were realistic. She had also never mentioned them to anyone. Why do so now?

  ‘I don’t have a dream,’ she lied.

  Bob tutted. ‘Nonsense! This is a good time to stop being shy. You’re in a house full of strangers, and most of us are barking mad. There’s nothing to be gained from holding back.’

  Flic winced. He was right. This was as good a time as any.

  ‘Well, I had two ideas for careers when I was younger. One was to be a photographer, and the other was to be a private investigator.’ She waited for someone to laugh at her.

  ‘You can still be a photographer. Nothing stopping you,’ Pamela reasoned.

  ‘I wanted to be a celebrity photographer though. And sell my scandalous photos to newspapers,’ Flic giggled in Pamela’s direction.

  ‘Oooh, I’d love to do that. Catch out celebrity love rats! Footballers cheating on their uppity wives with glamour models and royals having affairs with commoners,’ Pamela enthused, a wicked glimmer in her eye.

  ‘Exactly!’ Flic grinned. Her enthusiasm dampened slightly as she started to think about her statement. ‘I suppose it’s not a very moral profession though. Maybe that’s why I never pursued it.’

  ‘There’s an element of immorality in most professions,’ Magnus shrugged. ‘Whether it’s helping people to indulge their vanity, charging a ridiculous price for an essential service or going out of your way to expose someone’s own dirty deeds.’

  ‘Nothing immoral in writing musicals,’ Pamela pouted.

  ‘There would always be somebody who would find something wrong with it,’ Magnus advised her, which was met with raised eyebrows and a sneer from the teenager.

  ‘Private detective sounds good,’ Maria mused, though she appeared to be talking to her chocolate covered mandarin segment rather than to anyone at the table.

  ‘I did consider it seriously once, when I was down south. I had moved from Bristol to Torquay in my early twenties and needed to find a job there. I’d worked alongside private investigators when I was working in family law and I always thought it was something I could be good at. I ended up taking a job in a solicitors’ office again though,’ Flic reflected. She had major regrets about that decision now.

  ‘You could do it now. You’ve been made redundant, so while you’re looking for another job you could start being a private investigator and see how it goes,’ Vicky offered.

  Flic opened her mouth to protest, then realised she had no protest to make. There was nothing holding her back from following a career as a private investigator.

  ‘Here’s a better idea - go into business together. It’ll give Vicky something interesting to write about!’ Magnus smirked.

  ‘Vicky has previous spying experience, she used to do a bit of mystery shopping with Dad,’ Adam commented.

  ‘How exciting! The two of you need to get Magnus to draw you up a business plan!’ Maria enthused, beginning to clear away plates.

  Bob stood up to help Maria and chimed in, ‘Do your research first girls, make sure you’re on the right side of the law.’

  ‘If you need any spies for your little agency, I’m here to help,’ Adam whooped with laughter as he and Magnus made their way out of the dining room and into the living room.

  ‘First time you do a stake-out, I want to be there. It’ll be hilarious!’ Pamela snorted, walking into the kitchen without taking her eyes or hands from her phone.

  Flic and Vicky looked at each other, each trying to gauge the other’s thoughts. They were silent and remained so in the midst of the jokes and sarcasm from Vicky’s family. There was some kind of unspoken dismissal of these jokes from both of them though, which was evident in their expressions when they looked at each other.

  Vicky leaned over the table and
motioned for Flic to come closer, which she duly did. Vicky glanced over each shoulder to check that no-one else was within earshot before she whispered, ‘So what are we going to call our detective agency?’

  4

  4th January

  Christos wants to chat with you!

  Vicky says…

  Hi Chris :D *hugs*

  Christos says…

  Hey Blondie :)

  Vicky says…

  How’s your night going?

  Christos says…

  It’s going ok thanks. Not as interesting as yours obviously!

  Vicky says…

  Why do you say that???

  Christos says…

  I just read an update on Tête-a-net that you’ve got a new career…?

  Vicky says…

  Oh right. That.

  Christos says…

  Care to share?

  Vicky says…

  Ok. Don’t judge though. And I know it sounds ridiculous…

  Christos says…

  You’re not entering Page 3 Idol are you? :D

  Vicky says…

  I would need boobs for that. Or at least a suggestion of them :P

  Christos says…

  I’m not getting into that boob job conversation again. You know my feelings on that. Just tell me what your new career is.

  Vicky says…

  Ok, do you remember I wrote that blog to say that I’d accidentally hit Flic from Pebworth & Co. in the face with a seagull? And to make amends, I’d invited her for dinner, even though I’d felt a bit pressured into it by Scarlett.

  Christos says…

  Ah yes, Flic from Pebworth & Co, the snooty unhelpful cow you were moaning about on Christmas Eve. And I thought it was a pigeon?

  Vicky says…

  That’s her! And no, it was a seagull. Long story.

  Christos says…

  Right. And you texted me while you were waiting for her to arrive to say she fancied Adam and you were worried she was an old lush trying to get into his pants.

  Vicky says…

  I didn’t exactly put it like that!

  Christos says…

  Those were your exact words Blondie :P

  Vicky says…

  Ok, maybe that’s how it came across but that was a bit unkind of me. It’s her I’m going into business with.

  Christos says…

  Explain?

  Vicky says…

  We were having a conversation at the dinner table about following your dreams, because Adam’s finally opening the gym he’s been banging on about for years and Pamela’s writing her Chaka Demus and Pliers tribute musical.

  Christos says…

  A Chaka Demus and Pliers tribute musical???

  Vicky says…

  I know, it’s very strange.

  Christos says…

  You’re not kidding. So starting up a business with an old lush is your dream?

  Vicky says…

  *slap* very funny! You know my dream is to be a writer but I need something interesting to write about. Her dream is to be a private investigator. So we’re starting a detective agency together, and I’ll write a blog about our adventures.

  Christos says…

  Ok.

  Vicky says…

  Or misadventures. What do you think?

  Christos says…

  Honest opinion?

  Vicky says…

  Yes please.

  Christos says…

  It doesn’t sound like a good idea. You barely know this woman. You said yourself that her customer service skills were non-existent when you had to deal with her on the phone. And what kind of detective agency is it? Are you going to be doing something dangerous? People don’t like being spied on.

  Vicky says…

  No no no! We talked it over. After throwing a few ideas around, we decided to do what I did with Bidean. We will create fake profiles on Tête-a-net and other social networking sites and catch cheaters using honey traps. It’s ALL done online. There will be no overheads so we can offer a cheaper service than other local investigators.

  Christos says…

  I’m guessing your market for that would be huge! The Internet is full of people carrying on with strangers.

  Vicky says…

  And people creating separate profiles for their real life and their life as a cheat :(

  Christos says…

  I think we can both relate to this problem, agapi mou. I can understand your motivation for this. It’s like a way of trying to get over what’s happened with Ian. I still think it’s a bad idea though.

  Vicky says…

  Well, it will all be done online. No meetings will actually take place.

  Vicky says…

  Are you still there?

  Christos says…

  Yeah. Just having a weird flashback moment.

  Vicky says…

  Sorry. Is talking about cheating bringing back memories?

  Christos says…

  Yeah. Even when it’s in the past, it still hurts because the memories are always there. And they don’t stop hurting.

  Vicky says…

  :( *hugs*

  Christos says…

  Never mind, tell me more about this. Whose pictures and names are you going to use for the fake profiles? And what will you call yourselves?

  Vicky says…

  Well, we’re still trying to come up with a name for our agency. The names for the fake profiles we’ll make up. I’ve been coming up with some ideas using clients from work and mixing up their first and last names. We’ve got a small database of “characters” already. As for pictures, we’ll use our own. Flic’s apparently had every hair colour under the sun in the past and we’ll use wigs to change our appearance if we need a new picture.

  Christos says…

  This is sounding less and less faceless :/ And using the names of the deceased??? That doesn’t sound right to me.

  Vicky says…

  It’ll be fine. I’ll mix the names up. And we won’t take on men we know as clients. Or even men from this area.

  Vicky says…

  Well, not after this first one.

  Christos says…

  Oh God. Who are we talking about?

  Vicky says…

  You know my friend Scarlett? She’s convinced her partner Peter is a cheater, and because Flic has never met him we can use her photo.

  Christos says…

  Scarlett? Oh no Blondie, this is a bad idea! Isn’t she the one who’s always in tears? Doesn’t she claim to have once been married to one of Prince Albert of Monaco’s official translators?

  Vicky says…

  She still is legally.

  Christos says…

  Why does she think Peter’s cheating?

  Vicky says…

  He works as an investigative journalist. He’s does freelance work for national papers and spends a lot of time away from home. Last weekend a woman answered his phone. He said it was a colleague, but Scarlett doesn’t believe him. He’s freelance. He has no colleagues.

  Christos says…

  I can’t fathom why you’re getting involved in Scarlett’s latest drama. Aren’t you worried her step-kids will do something horrible to YOU next?

  Vicky says…

  I can handle them. They just take the piss out of her because she’s so anxious and neurotic. She’s an easy and amusing target.

  Christos says…

  What have they done this week?

  Vicky says…

  Put Veet in her shampoo bottle. Her new wig is rather lovely though, I have to admit.

  Christos says…

  *rolls eyes* Why is she still with this guy Peter when he’s not sticking up for her and pulling them into line?

  Vicky says…

  She told me why a couple of months ago. She said she’s desperate for a baby of her own and she sees him as the sperm donor. Once she’s pregnant she says she’ll ditch him.


  Christos says…

  Might be a better idea to ditch him first and then find someone to have a baby with. Especially if she suspects he’s cheating. And the step-kids from hell will be in her life forever if she has a kid with him!

  Vicky says…

  Well, it’s up to her. You and I can see it but she can’t. I know how hard it is bringing up a baby on your own. I don’t know why she would willingly do it. At least I was able to move back in with my parents for help. She wouldn’t be able to. She just wants this baby because she wants someone to love who will love her back. It’s sad really. I know I moan about her and take the piss but it must suck to be her sometimes, being so nervous and uptight on a daily basis.

  Christos says…

  I know. She’s still better off without him though.

  Vicky says…

  She says quite often the best way she can contact him while he’s working or see what he’s up to is to check on Tête-a-net.

  Christos says…

  Sounds like a nice healthy relationship :P

  Vicky says…

  I know :/

  Christos says…

  So, how is Flic going to get the truth out of him? What does the honey trapping involve?

  Vicky says…

  It all depends on whether she can get him to flirt with her honey. If he does, we’ve been successful. If not, there’s no proof we can give that he’s a cheater.