Gripping her hips, I begin rocking her back and forth over my thigh. She arches back, her hands fumbling through my hair. It’s wild to think that I’m controlling her masturbation. She’s so light; the weights I lift in the gym are far heavier. I could keep going for days. This is one form of exercise I’d never get tired of.
I’m working her into a steady rhythm when a moan escapes her mouth. She bites down hard on her bottom lip as color invades her cheeks. She looks so fucking desirable right now. I don’t want to be distracted when she finally lets go. I want to watch every second of it. I ease my motions slightly, expecting her to resume them on her own, but she doesn’t. Instead, she rests her full weight on my leg, closing her eyes.
“Didn’t you like that?” I whisper softly. I try to hide my disappointment at losing out on the chance to watch her come since she seemed like she was on the brink. Now I wish I’d never stopped what I was doing. I almost guided her orgasm to completion, but I was too selfish, hoping she’d take herself there without any further assistance. I thought she’d want to.
“I’ve never done anything like that before.” Her eyes are still closed like she’s afraid to admit how inexperienced she is. “I just wanted you to kiss me.”
“Did I hurt you?” I thought what we were doing was pretty tame, but I’m going to have to be extra careful with her from now on.
“No, it’s not that. I just…I don’t know…wanted to work up to it.” Her face is scarlet now. “You obviously know what you’re doing, and while it feels good, I can’t stop thinking about how you must have done the same thing to other girls and got the same reaction.”
I’m floored. How do I respond to something like that? She’s right, but I can’t tell her that. I don’t want to lie to her either.
“I’m sorry if I’m moving too fast. I don’t want to pressure you or anything.” But I’ll admit I’m kind of bummed. It’s not like she hasn’t already seen me naked. How slow are we going to have to take things if she’s freaked out by a little dry humping? My dick seems like it’s been throbbing for three solid days. Man, I need a release.
“Thanks.” She finally opens her eyes, but she still doesn’t look at me. I lower my leg to the floor, and she slides off of it, unintentionally rubbing against me. I jerk in response. “Sorry,” she murmurs again. Hell, I don’t want her apologizing. I want her screaming my name as she loses herself to my touch, not slinking away in embarrassment.
“Katie, this is what people do. It’s okay. You don’t have to be ashamed.” I tuck her hair behind her ear before turning up her chin.
“I’m not, but…” She’s having a hard time vocalizing what’s going through her head.
“But?” I repeat, praying that she’ll tell me what’s bothering her.
“Adam, I’m a virgin.” Judging by the look on her face, I’d swear she was admitting to being a murderer or a terrorist or some other terrible thing.
“I sort of figured that out.” I lean forward and kiss the tip of her nose.
“And well…I’m not comfortable rushing into things. I’m not good when it comes to exploring my boundaries. I mean, we haven’t even kissed lying down yet. And with Kelly taking a bath in the next room, it makes me feel dirty to have you getting me off in the hallway. I’d rather it happen behind closed doors, in the dark, after we’ve done some other stuff first.” She looks so sweet and innocent that I can’t be mad at her. We weren’t even really doing anything, but she thinks we were and I have to respect that.
“Okay, I won’t take you against the wall any time soon. I promise.” I massage her shoulders, pleading with her to trust me again.
“It’s not that I don’t want you to, Adam.” My name on her lips makes me even harder, if that’s possible. Now I’m the one who has to close my eyes, wishing my jeans weren’t so damn tight. “I’m just not there yet. I’ve never felt good about my body and it’s going to take me a while to get used to what you do to it. I want you to take me over the edge, but I want to be prepared the first time, not just have it happen without any warning.”
“Katie, you’ve never…even by yourself?” Wow, this girl has some powerful self-restraint. She’s really and truly untouched. I can’t wait to teach her everything I know. If only she’ll let me.
She shakes her head, once again lowering her eyes.
“Hey, look at me,” I urge gently. “I’ve never been with a girl like you. Most want to hurry things along for their own satisfaction. You’re going to have to hold me back if I start taking you places you’re not ready to venture into yet. I get so lost in you, Katie, but don’t be afraid to rein me in.”
I’m about to kiss her in order to reassure her of my intentions when the door behind us swings open.
“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” Kelly asks, clearly aware that she’s intruding on a private moment.
Grudgingly, I step away from Katie. Kelly has her wet hair turbaned in a towel, a pink fluffy robe hugging her body. The scene couldn’t be more awkward. No wonder Katie feels put out. I should’ve shown more consideration for our surroundings. I’m in my brother’s home trying to titillate myself with her arousal while the woman I inconveniently got pregnant is bathing within earshot. God, I’m such an asshole.
“Kelly, did you sneak your phone in there with you? I told you to take it easy today.” Katie breaks the tension by shifting the focus onto her cousin. “I just saw you slip it into your pocket.”
“Busted!” Kelly holds up her hands. “You caught me.”
“You didn’t call Brian, did you?” I ask, already annoyed.
“No, of course not,” Kelly replies, and I’m surprised by the vehemence of her denial. I thought she’d be calling him nonstop since we left the Outer Banks, begging him to take her back.
“I know who she was calling,” Katie spits out like she wants to strangle her.
“It’s all part of the job,” Kelly responds nonchalantly, only ratcheting up Katie’s anger.
“He doesn’t own you,” Katie cries out.
“Katie, have you ever had a boss?” Kelly asks wickedly, driving her point home.
“No.” Katie sulks. I place my hand against her neck, realizing how hard it must be to admit another one of her insecurities in my presence. “You know why.”
“Of course I do. It’s because of your health. But until you know what’s it’s like, don’t get on your high horse and tell me how to run my life.” Kelly folds her arms across her chest, daring Katie to continue down that path. “Besides, you should be glad I called him because he doesn’t think it’s such a good idea that I leave the city.”
Instantly, I advance on Kelly. “What are you saying? You’re not coming with me? What about Katie?”
“Hold on, Adam. Let me explain,” Kelly huffs impatiently. “Dr. Savoy’s found me a place on campus where I can reside for a month or so. He needs me close by. We’re at the end of a highly sensitive project and I don’t intend to abandon him when he needs me the most. The baby’s not due for a while. I can stick it out.”
“But, Kelly, you promised. I can’t go home. Not now.” Katie’s voice shakes as she tries to hold back her tears.
“Who said anything about you going home?” Kelly teases her consolingly. “The two of you will proceed as planned. I’ll be joining you soon, so what’s the difference? And after what I heard on the other side of this wall, don’t you want some alone time to get reacquainted or whatever you want to call it?”
“That’d be nice,” I can’t help muttering.
“But what about my dad?” Katie’s frightened eyes dart around, unsure of which one of us to focus on.
“Katie, how often does he come into the city?” Kelly asks, placing a hand on her hip.
“Hardly ever,” she says meekly.
“And what are the chances of him coming to Brian’s apartment or walking onto Penn’s campus?” Kelly demands, already knowing the answer.
“Not very likely,” Katie admits, even though she does
n’t sound convinced.
“Exactly. You have nothing to fear. Maybe it’s about time you enjoyed yourself instead of always looking over your shoulder.” She nudges Katie in the ribs, causing the corner of her mouth to turn up.
“Do you need me to drive you over there?” I sound way too eager, but the sooner I can get back on the road with Katie, the better. I have to get out of this apartment before I crack up.
“No, Dr. Savoy is going to stop by and help me transport some of my things. I’ll take with me only what’s absolutely necessary and come back for the rest in dribs and drabs. Hopefully I won’t bump into Brian in the meantime. Then, when this project wraps up, I’ll hire a moving company to cart out what’s left and place it in storage until I’m ready to look for a new place. See? It’s all going to work out perfectly.” She exudes such confidence, but is it all an act? Why such a drastic change in plans? I’m getting the impression that she likes to keep us off balance, making it seem like she’s the one in control and we’re not.
“So it’s cool if we take off?” I ask again, and Kelly smiles at me indulgently. If she were tall enough, I think she’d reach up and pat me on the head.
“Yes, the two of you can go, Adam. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” There’s a hint of self-pity there that I pick up on. Should the woman who is seven months pregnant with my child be reduced to living in a dormitory?
“And where you’re staying…you won’t be alone?” I can’t restrain that protective instinct from kicking in. She’s playing right into my weakness.
“No, I won’t.” She doesn’t elaborate and I don’t press her for details.
“Adam, are you sure you’re up for more driving?” Katie asks, glancing at me in concern.
“Sure, what’s two more hours?” I try to be jovial about it, but honestly I’m wiped. “You wouldn’t have any source of caffeine I can take with me, would you, Kelly?”
“I have something even better. One of Brian’s energy drinks. He swears by them. He always keeps the refrigerator well stocked.” She doesn’t allude to Brian’s frequent hangovers and the ways in which he manages them. We both know my brother is a borderline alcoholic. We’re just too polite to mention it.
Opening the door, she rummages through the bottom bin. “Hmm, that’s funny. There’s only one left. He’s usually so fanatical about keeping enough on hand. He doesn’t like to run out.”
“Kind of like how you are with straightening out your office,” Katie chimes in, hitting her target. I knew she wouldn’t let Kelly’s comment about never having a boss go that easily.
“Yeah, something like that,” Kelly responds absently, only half listening. It’s as if she’s trying to figure something out, but what?
“Well, we’ll be on our way.” I take the can from her outstretched arm and hustle Katie to the door. I quickly unload Kelly’s luggage from my trunk while Katie says farewell to her cousin. We might be on speaking terms, but I’m definitely not hugging Kelly goodbye. That’s where I draw the line. Getting behind the wheel, I turn on the radio and shuffle through my iPod. I don’t even have time to settle on a song before Katie slides in beside me.
“Are you ready?” she asks like she can’t believe this is happening. We’re going to have a whole month to ourselves.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to get you alone.” I back out of the driveway before I place my hand on her knee. Soon Brian and Kelly’s apartment complex is out of view, and I exhale loudly in relief. “How about we run away together and never come back?”
“I’d like that. Until we run out of money or my father has you arrested.” She smiles, trying to make a joke out of it even though I know she’s dead serious.
“Maybe someday we’ll make our escape,” I muse, flipping the tab on the can of Red Bull.
“We can dream, can’t we?” She’s being completely ironic and I love her for it.
“Yeah, that’s an activity we’re definitely good at.” I start to laugh. Her hand once again finds my thigh, and I know that this is not a dream. It’s real. And for the first time in what seems like forever, I remember what it’s like to be happy.
Chapter Eighteen
Katie
Wow, this is really happening.
I’m standing at the base of the steps that lead up to Adam’s apartment. It’s exactly how I envisioned it, nestled at the end of a country road, surrounded by a dense forest. Only this time, I’m not running away…and this isn’t a dream.
I still can’t believe that my dad didn’t make me come home. He was kind of agitated when he found out that Kelly didn’t go through with the wedding, but due to her condition, he reluctantly said I could help her move into her new digs. If he knew that Kelly was actually in Philadelphia and I was shacking up with some guy, he’d flip out.
And since there’s only one bedroom, I have no clue where I’m going to sleep tonight. Talk about déjà vu. I have to snap out of it or Adam’s going to think something’s wrong, especially after I turned him down in Kelly’s hallway. But I’m terrified that my mind is playing tricks on me. It’s getting harder and harder to separate my dreams from real life as my fantasies start converging with reality. Talk about a head trip.
My palms get sweaty when I recall what happened between us in my dream world. It wasn’t long after I crashed at his place that we slept together. If the pattern holds true, I won’t be a virgin much longer, and I don’t know how I feel about that. He’s not the same Adam. That sense of security I clung to in my head isn’t translating into the vibe I get from the guy standing behind me.
“I hope it’s not too messy up there,” Adam comments, moving by me as he climbs the stairs.
I freeze, rooted to the spot. Those are the exact words he used in my dream. A chill runs through me, and I’m scared to death. It’s getting impossible to distinguish what’s real from what’s not. That familiar sense of dizziness overwhelms me and I grip the railing before crouching on the bottom step.
Adam’s hurries back down, his footfall echoing off the concrete walls. In an instant he’s at my side, his arm draped around my shoulders. “Hey…what is it?” he asks, genuinely concerned, although I can tell I’m freaking him out as his fingers automatically encircle my wrist. “Take some deep breaths for me, okay? Your pulse is skyrocketing.”
I breathe in. I breathe out. I breathe in. I breathe out.
When he’s taking care of me, his touch feels like it did before—tender, gentle, kind. There’s none of the wanting, the desire, the hunger. And while most girls seek that kind of attention, I don’t. I’d rather feel cherished and protected. Knowing that Adam respects me will do a lot more to lower my inhibitions than some random grope session. I hate being made to feel like an object, like he could be thinking of some other girl while he’s feeling me up. In my mind, we haven’t really known each other that long to justify such an intense physical relationship. I mean, I enjoy kissing him, but it dredges up things I’d rather forget about.
It’s why Kelly suggested that I start seeing Dr. Savoy in the first place.
***
I was confused after what happened to me at a bachelorette party for my cousin, Jennifer. I got drunk, really drunk, downing five beers, three whiskey sours, and a shot of tequila in just under three hours. Weighing a little over one hundred pounds, that was enough alcohol to have me floating off the ground—and enough to have a guy I knew from high school see how far gone I was at the bar. All of the other bridesmaids were wasted and he had no problem separating me from the group, marking me as unsuspecting prey.
Immediately, he shoved his tongue down my throat, roughly kissing me. It was my very first kiss from a guy—ever. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. His hands touched me in areas he had no business touching me in public. Getting nowhere fast, he proceeded to lead me out of the club and into his car. Stupidly, I thought I could trust him because I knew him. He wasn’t some random stranger. He was the older brother of Heather Thompson, the girl
who sat in front of me in homeroom for four years. There’s no way he would hurt me…right?
After driving to an abandoned parking lot, he pulled down my jeans and panties, positioning himself on the floor mat on the passenger side. Spreading my legs onto the dashboard, he kneeled down, placing his body in between them. Without warning, his fingers tore into me and all I felt was the jaggedness of his hangnails chafing me. His actions didn’t bring any sense of arousal, only discomfort and pain. I begged him to stop, but he kept going, sticking three fingers inside of me instead of two. I don’t know what he was after, what kind of response he was hoping to elicit from me, but I obviously wasn’t giving him what he wanted. Finally giving up, he withdrew from me, leaving me to awkwardly pull on the bottom half of my clothing. Clearly frustrated, he got back behind the wheel. After starting the car, he didn’t say a word to me.
In fact, I never heard from him again, but the events of that night replayed over and over in my mind. I tried to repress them, forget about them, but they kept coming back. I was brokenhearted that I’d waited so long for my first kiss, only to have it happen like it didn’t even matter. He didn’t love me. Hell, he didn’t even like me. I was just an easy target. Probably the only reason he didn’t take it any further was because he did know me. Maybe he didn’t shove his dick inside of me because he didn’t think he’d be able to face his sister, knowing he’d raped one of the girls she graduated with in the front seat of his car. Maybe he felt some hesitation, which prevented him from following through on what he intended to do. I should be grateful that I got away unscathed, even though I felt used, cheapened.
I never told Jennifer what happened, although she was a nervous wreck when I wandered into the bar after he unceremoniously kicked me out of his car like a discarded cigarette butt. But her anxiety was mistimed. No one stopped me from leaving with him, and it was too late to feel bad now. There was nothing anyone could do. The damage was done. I didn’t want to prolong Jennifer’s guilt trip. She was days away from becoming a bride and getting her happily ever after. That sure as hell wasn’t the scenario I was facing.
I Am Yours (Heartbeat #3) Page 10