by Jean Ure
Tomorrow I am going back to school. I am still a bit self-conscious, even though Simon has assured me I don’t look pickled any more, and I know he wouldn’t lie, not even to be kind. He is very trustworthy. Thank heavens Hattie is the only person who knows why I’ve been away. I told her to tell everyone I had the flu, otherwise they would all be peering at me. I couldn’t take that!
Next morning I met up with Simon at the station and we travelled in together. He said, “How are you feeling?” I said, “Nervous!”
“No need,” said Simon. “You look great!”
I thought again how nice he was, and what a comfort. Just for a moment I almost wished I were going to Founder’s Day with him instead of with Matt, but the moment passed. Matt might not be as nice and he certainly wasn’t as comforting, but he was utterly and totally the most gorgeous boy I had ever been out with. Tanya’s eyes, when she saw me with him, were going to jump right out of their sockets!
Hattie was waiting for us when we got off the train. She needn’t have, cos I’d told her I was coming back to school and so there wouldn’t be any homework for her to pick up, but she said she’d kind of got used to it.
“Anyway,” she said, “as it’s your first day back I thought you’d like some company.”
I beamed at her, gratefully. There are times when Hattie can be just so thoughtful.
“You didn’t tell anyone?” I said.
“Not a soul! Honest! Cross my heart and hope to die.”
If Hattie said she hadn’t told anyone, then she hadn’t. She is always, absolutely, one hundred per cent truthful and she isn’t a prattler. In other words, she is not one of those people that open their mouths and just let stuff pour out in a mindless stream. I hate people like that! Hattie said she hadn’t told and I believed her. So how come Tanya knew??? She made a beeline straight for me, all oozing with sympathy and a kind of patronising gush.
“Scarlett, are you OK now? God, you poor thing, it must have been awful! I’d be absolutely petrified if anything like that happened to me. I’d think I was going to be scarred for life! Did you just wake up one morning and find it had happened?”
Someone said, “Find what had happened?”
“Her eyes,” said Tanya. “They all swelled up!”
“Really?”
As brightly as I could I said, “Like footballs. I had to wear sunglasses or people would just have dropped dead on the spot.”
Tanya said, “I would have dropped dead on the spot if I woke up and found my eyes had turned into footballs. It’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever heard!”
“But why did it happen? What caused it? What was it?”
Now they were all clamouring at me, like a load of ghouls.
“Oh, I’m just a bit allergic,” I said.
“You are so brave,” said Tanya. “If that had been me …”
She threw up her arms and went, “Aaaargh!”
It didn’t help that I suspected she was quite genuine. In other words, she wasn’t deliberately trying to upset me. Tanya is quite maddeningly nice.
“Well, anyway,” said Hattie, “it’s all cleared up.”
“Yes, thank goodness,” said Tanya. “You wouldn’t ever know, unless you peered really closely.”
So then, of course, they all had to peer at me until I felt like some kind of exhibit in a freak show. I wailed at Hattie later.
“How did she find out?”
“I dunno,” said Hattie. “I didn’t tell her, I promise!”
“But who else knew?”
“No one – except Matt and Simon.”
“They wouldn’t have told her!”
“Simon wouldn’t,” said Hattie. “Matt might have done … maybe it was Matt?”
“But he doesn’t even know her!”
“Well … he did meet her at the fundraiser. When she won the beauty contest? Which you would have won,” said Hattie, “if you’d been there, and which is the only reason he actually came, cos he thought you were going to be there, only of course you weren’t, so— ”
“D’you mean he talked to her?” I said.
“Yes. Well! Yes,” said Hattie.
“They didn’t go off together, or anything?”
“No! I don’t think so.”
“Well, did they or didn’t they?”
“I don’t know!”
“You might have told me at the time,” I said.
“How could I tell you when I didn’t know? And anyway, what’s to tell? He just went and, like, congratulated her, for goodness’ sake! Oh, and I think they might have met up at a swimming gala.” She tossed this bit out all casually, like it was of no significance whatsoever. “The interschools thing? A couple of weeks ago? I don’t know for sure. It’s just what someone said … that Tanya had met this gorgeous bloke. I mean, it might have been someone totally different. It probably wasn’t Matt at all. I really don’t know.”
A fat lot of help she was. I tortured myself all evening. I completely forgot that I’d been going to offer Simon to Hattie; I forgot that she was still partnerless. All I could think of was Matt with Tanya …
Next morning I went marching up to Tanya at the start of school and asked her, straight out, “You weren’t thinking of going to Founder’s Day with Matt by any chance, were you?”
Well, huh! At least I had the satisfaction of seeing her thrown into some kind of panic. She’s very together, is Tanya; it takes a lot to rattle her. But she deserved it, is all I can say. Poaching someone else’s property! Cos I knew at once she was guilty. I’d have known even if she hadn’t gone bright red like a tomato.
“You mean Matt Stanton?” she said.
I said, “Yeah, I mean Matt Stanton.”
“Oh! Well – no, not really. I mean … only if you weren’t going to be OK in time.” And she gave this silly little apologetic tinkle. “See, the boy I was going to go with can’t make it, so I just thought … if you were going to have to back out— ”
“You’d jump in in my place.”
“No! It wasn’t like that. Honestly, Scarlett! I was thinking of Matt, he was going to be so disappointed if you couldn’t make it. He knows Founder’s Day is a big thing and he’s been just so looking forward to it.”
I said, “Yeah, it would be really sad.”
“Well, I think so,” said Tanya.
She is such a truly annoying sort of person. Always so sweet and reasonable. Yuck!
“So who are you planning to go with now?” I said.
“Oh, I’ll find someone. Don’t worry about me,” said Tanya.
Like she really thought I would? Pur-lease!
When I told Hattie about it, she said she didn’t think it was fair to put all the blame on Tanya.
“What about Matt?”
“Well, but if she went and asked him,” I said, “you couldn’t expect him not to go … not if I wasn’t able to.”
“Why not?” said Hattie. “Why couldn’t he come round and spend the evening with you, instead?”
“Oh, God,” I said, “I wouldn’t want him to do that! The state I was in.”
But I knew that wasn’t the real answer. The real answer was that Matt was not the sort of boy to spend quiet evenings in when he could be out enjoying himself – specially if he could have a girl like Tanya hanging on his arm.
I brooded silently to myself during afternoon school. I came to the conclusion that Matt was nothing but a status symbol. We would go to Founder’s Day together and all the older people would look at us and go ooh and aah and say what a handsome couple we made, and the younger ones – well, the girls – would be consumed with envy; and it would all be very satisfying, on a kind of superficial level, and I would enjoy the attention, cos I do like attention, but it would be absolutely hollow. That was my conclusion. Hollow! I wasn’t even sure that I wanted Matt to be my partner any more. I had this vision of telling him so. I sat at the back of Mr Dainty’s geography class and let the vision unfold …
I’m afrai
d I just don’t want to go with you any more. I’m sorry, but that’s the way it is.
Scarlett, my God, how can you do this to me? How can you be so cruel? I’ve been so looking forward to it!
Boo hoo. That is just so sad! But I’m sure you’ll find someone else to ask you.
I don’t want anyone else, I want you! You ‘re the one I’ve always wanted. Scarlett, please! I’m begging you!
Well, OK, so perhaps it wasn’t very realistic, but at least it was fun and paid him back for even thinking of going to Founder’s Day with someone else. In my vision, I graciously handed him over to Tanya, telling her she could have him and welcome.
“I’m going to ask someone far nicer!”
Simon. That was who I was going to ask!
I grew quite excited as I thought about it. I forgot – yet again – that I’d been going to offer him to Hattie. Perhaps I didn’t exactly forget; perhaps I just preferred not to remember. It did make me feel a bit bad. Poor old Hat! On the other hand, I was sure I could find someone for her if I really put my mind to it, which I would – I would! – just as soon as I’d got my own problems sorted. Plus I couldn’t help reflecting that it would be the hugest feather in Simon’s cap if he were to go to Founder’s Day as my partner. It would do wonders for his self-esteem!
I grabbed Hattie the minute school let out. “Hey! Guess what?”
“What?”
“I’ve decided … I’m not going to Founder’s Day with Matt, after all.”
“Oh?” She widened her eyes. “So who’re you going with?”
“Simon!”
“Simon?”
Hattie’s jaw did this comic clunking thing. I might have laughed if I hadn’t been so fired up with my own mad enthusiasm.
“I know, I know! It sounds completely crazy, when he can’t even dance. He’ll probably get all silly and self-conscious and try to wriggle out of it, but I am not taking no for an answer! I’m going to call him tonight and ask him. Correction: I’m going to tell him. I’m going to order him. He’s coming with me whether he likes it or not! Then everyone will be able to see that the great Scarlett Maguire— ” I twizzled my fingers round the words as I said them, making quote marks in the air to show I was just joking. I didn’t really think of myself as great “—everyone’ll be able to see that it doesn’t matter to me in the least little bit about his leg. It’ll show him, as well, cos you know what he’s like, he just gets so wound up about it. I mean, he pretends not to care, but you can tell that he does. It was like me and my eyes. I mean, I can sympathise cos I’ve, like, been there. I’ve hidden myself away. But I actually got him into the pool the other day! Did he tell you? I actually got him swimming! So— ”
At this point in my burbling stream of words, something brought me to a full stop. It was Hattie’s face. Her jaw had cranked itself back up into its normal position, but her face had been growing steadily pinker by the second, so that it was now like a big setting sun, all blood red and throbbing.
“What’s the matter?” I said.
Hattie swallowed. “S-Simon— ” she bleated.
“What about him?”
Now she was gulping, like a gold fish. “I’ve already— ”
“What? You’ve already what?”
“I’ve already asked him!”
This time, it was my jaw going clunk. “You’ve asked him? To be … my partner?”
“My partner.”
“Your partner?”
“Yes!” Hattie nodded; rather too vigorous and secretly pleased with herself for my liking.
“So what did he say?”
She beamed. “He said he’d love to!”
“I see.” I just said it to give myself time to think. This was a real bombshell! “When, exactly, did you ask him?”
“Last night … I rang him.”
And there was me, not even knowing she had Simon’s number. Hattie can be such a dark horse.
“Scarlett, I’m sorry, I know I should have told you. I was going to, it’s just— ”
“Oh, don’t worry, don’t worry!” I said. “If he’d rather go with you, that’s fine.”
“Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t rather.” She was blushing again, all bright fiery red. “I don’t suppose anyone would rather. Not if they could go with you.”
“You don’t have to butter me up!” I said.
“I’m not, it’s true, it’d be so much more prestigious for him if he went with you. I can see that!”
So maybe she should ring him again?
Simon, it’s wonderful, Scarlett’s gone and junked Matt and wants you to go with her, instead!
But she didn’t offer. She said, “I wouldn’t have asked him if I’d known you were going to. If only you’d told me before!”
I snapped, “I didn’t know before.”
“No. Well— ” Hattie spread her hands. She looked at me, beseechingly. “What can I do?”
I certainly wasn’t going to tell her; it had to come from her. If she were really thinking of Simon rather than herself—
She obviously wasn’t. She was obviously being totally self-centred. I suppose I couldn’t really blame her, but still it was considerably annoying.
“You’ll still come,” she begged, “won’t you?”
I said I couldn’t make any promises. “To be honest, I’m kinda going off the idea.”
“Oh, Scarlett, please!” said Hattie. “Don’t make me feel guilty!”
Serve her right if she did. Fancy going and asking Simon off her own bat, without even bothering to tell me! I felt like pointing out that I was the one who was supposed to be finding a partner for her. I was working on it! I’d got someone in mind!
Only I hadn’t, so I shut up.
I decided that after all I had better stick with Matt. At least he was a status symbol, and at least it meant Tanya wouldn’t be able to get her thieving hands on him.
Next morning, on the way in to school, I told Simon how glad I was that he was going to partner Hattie. I meant it. I really did! I was glad. It would have been mean not to be, for Hattie’s sake. I just had this feeling that if I’d only got in first …
“It’s so lovely for Hattie,” I said. “I’d promised to find someone for her, and it just went right out of my head!”
Simon said, “That’s OK. It’s only thanks to you that I’m going.”
I said, “Really?” What had I done???
“That day you forced me into swimming?”
“Oh,” I said, “yes!” And I gave a little laugh, to show that I was cool with it. “You made me show my face and I made you take your trousers off!”
“We made each other brave,” said Simon. “If Hattie had asked me the day before I’d have said no, I don’t go to dances. So it was entirely thanks to you.”
Oh, dear! It was very hard to bear. But there are times you just have to put a brave face on things.
I wasn’t very brave when Mum finally packed her bags and left. Mum wasn’t too brave, either: anyone would have thought she didn’t want to go. At the last minute we clung to each other and she kissed me, and I swear she had tears in her eyes, though I couldn’t be certain cos I’d got this kind of mist thing going on and couldn’t see properly.
“Mum,” I whispered, “do you have to go?”
“I think I do,” she said. “I think I really need to … just to give myself a bit of space. But Scarlett, I’m only half an hour away! We’ll see each other all the time. Why don’t you come over on Saturday evening, and I’ll make us something special, just the two of us, and you can tell me all about the Dinner and Dance … what d’you say? Shall we make a date?”
I said that I would like that.
“So would I,” said Mum. She hugged me to her, very hard. “It’s time you and I got to know each other!”
Dad and I stood watching as Mum’s car turned out of the drive.
“She’ll be back,” said Dad. “All this nonsense!”
I said, “Dad, I don’t thin
k it is nonsense. I think Mum does honestly need to work out where she’s going.”
To which Dad merely said, “Huh!” and went stomping off into the house. I did feel sorry for him, cos I knew he really couldn’t work out why Mum was doing this terrible thing, but I also knew that that was part of the problem. Until Dad understood, Mum couldn’t come home. I was only just beginning to understand myself; it was going to be a lot harder for Dad. Simon had been right; it was up to me to help him. I wasn’t quite sure how, except I had this feeling that me and Dad needed to do a lot more serious talking in the future. It wouldn’t be easy, cos Dad really doesn’t like serious talking, but you have to fight for the things that matter to you. And having Mum and Dad back together again mattered to me more than anything else in the whole world.
I didn’t write in my diary about Mum leaving. I didn’t even write about Founder’s Day. I’d been looking forward to it for so long, up and down and over-the-moon so many times, but then in the end it came and went without so much as a mention. In fact it was months before I really started writing again and then only tiny snippets. I don’t quite know why; it’s not like I was specially unhappy or specially busy or specially anything. I guess it had just served its purpose and I didn’t feel the need of it any more.
Founder’s Day was fun, just not quite the earth-shattering event I’d built it up to be. I went with Matt and I suppose I might as well admit that it gave me a buzz, knowing he was way the most gorgeous guy there and that everyone was looking at us. Well, OK, not everyone, that’s a bit of a stupid exaggeration. But certainly lots of people. It was what I’d always wanted and I couldn’t help basking, just a little. I think anyone would bask, in that situation. It’s only human nature!
Loads of photos were taken, including one of me and Matt that appeared in the local newspaper. Dad was so proud! He ordered lots of big glossy prints and sent copies to all of our relatives. He also had one framed and put on the wall. In his office, thankfully, where I didn’t have to cringe and listen to Dad telling everyone that came in, “This is my daughter Scarlett and her young man.” I mean, it was a nice photo, someone even said that me and Matt were like the latest Hollywood golden couple and ought to be on the cover of Hello! magazine (which sent Dad into ecstasies) but Matt isn’t “my young man”, he never really was, and I’m long past the stage of wanting to be told all the time how beautiful I am. There are more important things in life! Besides, it’s really immature.