by Melody Rose
He cocked his head and then perched at his personal throne at the head of the dining table. “I’ve hurt your feelings,” Theo stated robotically. “That wasn’t my intention. I simply wished to point out that you would have a better time here if you made a real effort. If you’d been taking the process seriously and took stock of what you had to offer, you might have ended up with better attire.”
“Jesus!” I wanted to stomp, but I didn’t want to startle Aurelius, so I chose to beat my first down on the table. “Can we get off this topic, please?! I’m about to faint from hunger, and this is the worst dinner conversation I’ve ever had. That’s saying a lot coming from someone whose family treats her like a virus.”
Theo paused with a faraway look as though he relished the idea of starving me until I was too weak to keep lashing out at him. He then shook his head to bring himself back to reality and looked at me with what I had to suspect was mock concern. His eyes even glistened with empathy as he spoke to me.
“I am sorry…” Theo adapted to my mood with an apologetic expression. I crossed my arms because I could already predict he wouldn’t actually ever hold himself accountable for his actions. “... that you feel that way about your family. In a way, I believe that I can relate. What would you like to start with for dinner?”
I breathed a sigh of relief, both because we weren’t going to turn this meal into an emotional baggage claim where we swapped stories about our shared hardships, and because I was finally going to get fed. Anyway, I imagined that Theo’s idea of adversity probably was being told that he couldn’t outfit the castle with diamond-encrusted doorways or skip classes to enjoy a getaway to a private island with the two-faced Lydia.
“Well, it’s getting pretty late,” I reasoned, “and I don’t want to bother Chef Douglas with having to cook up anything new on my account. It’s about time for dessert at this point, right? That’s my favorite meal of the day, to be honest, and it’d be great to just have whatever is available and then be on my merry way.”
I was met with a dramatic cringe as Theo processed my suggestion. “Nonsense!” he exclaimed like I had genuinely offended him. “You really don’t look after yourself, do you? You’ve had a taxing day that included an encounter with a skinwalker, a long carriage ride, and walks around our expansive castle, and I imagine you haven’t eaten at all since I brought you here. Why are you so reckless with your health?”
“Okay, uh, I appreciate the concern, but it really does sound like a huge hassle I don’t want to be a part of,” I explained as I tried to talk him out of making this an over-the-top and energy-consuming affair.
An anxious feeling stirred in my stomach as I started to get a hunch that Theo was going to ask Chef Douglas for special treatment and prolong his shift when we could have just eaten what the cook had already put together for the other students. I wasn’t sure all that went into these communal feasts, but preparing meals in my own world had a ton of demands. I thought that at Bouclier, one extra banquet for two, especially when one of those guests was the needy Theo, would really put a chef out for the night. It seemed like the equivalent of asking me to cater a kid’s birthday party right after a wedding.
“You know, it’s not polite to bite the hand that feeds you, Joan. Where are your manners as a guest?” Theo lightly reprimanded me. “And why would it be a hassle for a chef to create a meal for the two of us? He’s under my employ, and he should be glad to attend to my requests.”
My point had sailed right over his head, and Theo kept pressing the matter of being a major inconvenience. I was also ticked off that he implied that he was feeding me and that Chef Douglas was his employee. I didn’t find it endearing that he was taking credit for someone else’s work, and I guessed it was probably more accurate that his father was responsible for writing the paychecks, so to speak.
“You told me that spells require energy and that a mage needs to rest, so won’t we drain Chef Douglas if we ask for anything more than what he’s already made?” I hoped that I was wrong in my suspicion that Theo was pushing the envelope and being inconsiderate of the chef’s need to rest.
“Well, yes. It will require extra stamina and will to arrange a separate dinner for us, and if he hasn’t taken care of himself, then there is the possibility that his energy can be quite spent after he carries out his task,” Theo admitted. “However, as I said, he will be pleased to serve me. And my guest.” I balked at his arrogance. Is that what he considered hospitality? Catering to dinner companions by treating others like pawns?
As if he were trying to dazzle me with a peace offering, he had circled his fingertip onto the plate before him. After he had completed his chant, Chef Douglas’ face had appeared at the center of the dish.
“Ah! Young master, I was jes’ about to call it a night. Abelard likes me to put on a show for the first dinner of the year. Would ye like me to whip up a replication spell so ye can eat tonight’s meal? I’ll make sure it’s good an’ warm,” the kindly chef greeted Theo without any resentment.
Theo shook his head and turned down the perfectly nice offer. “That won’t do, Douglas. I’m not interested in the celebratory banquet the rest of Bouclier has had. Most of that is too festive and rich. I have one of my father’s... esteemed guests... and she has had a strenuous journey. Please listen carefully because I want to make sure that our dinner is satisfactorily nourishing.”
“Ah, so I see. I am all ears, young master.” Chef Douglas’ voice carried some fatigue, but his smile was ever present. Still, I thought I could feel a pang of secondhand disappointment. I wasn’t convinced the cook was up for this.
Theo launched into his culinary demands, “Roasted pheasant, grilled river fish, a dish of almonds, boiled cabbage, fresh figs, barley bread, and steamed carrots. And since my guest does have a palate for more… overly flavored… dishes, you may humor her with some buttered mashed potatoes with that blasted gravy peasants rave about and honey biscuits.” He glanced toward me as though he were doing me a huge favor for which I should be head-over-heels about.
Only, I wasn’t charmed by the way Theo acted like the hardworking and accommodating cook was at his beck and call. He was essentially demanding a video conference to list off all the entrees that he thought were appropriate for the occasion, while they had struck me as entirely excessive. I couldn’t believe he was willing to put the man through all that trouble when I had made such a modest request. The nerve of his high maintenance attitude was more than I could handle.
“Excellent choices, Theodore,” Chef Douglas confirmed. I watched as the cook closed his eyes and meditated deeply on all the requests made of him. I saw a vein pop out on one of his temples, and he even seemed to shake slightly as he called upon the last dregs of his energy. I felt awful that he had to expend himself so much on our behalf. Within a few moments, entrees and side dishes had materialized onto our fine dinnerware. The smells were unquestionably decadent, but they really just stirred up my guilt.
“May you be merry and dine well!” the chef exclaimed as joyously as he could. I noticed that his forehead was wet with sweat, and his face looked more haggard than I remembered.
“Thank you very much! You’re the best!” I had to answer for the two of us because Theo hadn’t made an attempt to express his gratitude. After Chef Douglas’ cheerful expression disappeared and the center of the plate returned to its empty state, I allowed the dam keeping my anger back to burst.
“That was really cruel of you to ask him to cook all of this after he’s already had a whole academy to feed, something you’ll never be expected to do!” I bellowed. My mood was bound to worsen and hit rock bottom with each minute I sat around with an empty stomach listening to this pretentious wannabe prince scrutinize my lifestyle choices, and after this display of arrogance, I was fed up. “In case you forgot, you dragged me into this whole catastrophe, and you know what?! I’m even more pissed now that you’ve admitted how exhausting it’s all been and how someone else should be expected to pi
ck up the slack for you.”
My tiff was turning into a real outburst, and my diatribe continued to spill forth. “You didn’t offer me one snack the whole ride! I bet you could have magicked some trail mix into existence, but you didn’t do that, did you?! You just let me waste away until you got the random idea to have dinner, and then you’ve just continued to harass me every step of the way!”
Theo blinked in bewilderment as he scanned all that he had to offer, clearly at a loss as to why I wasn’t falling over myself to relish in the culinary decadence. “Trail mix? I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like twigs and seeds that one would gather from the ground.” He gestured at the luxurious feast. “I can assure you that what I’ve had Chef Douglas arrange for us far exceeds whatever you had in mind.”
“There won’t be any ‘us’ tonight!” I screamed as I had now reached the peak of my aggravation and picked up a platter of mashed potatoes. To be honest, they smelled heavenly, but I had a statement to make. “I can’t believe that you think that everyone should serve you, and it disgusts me that you would make someone drag out their shift just to draw attention to how much you think you deserve!”
To punctuate my rally against entitlement and Chef Douglas’ working conditions, I dumped the fluffy white side dish over his head. For good measure, and probably because adrenaline was pumping through my system and I was feeling pretty tough, I also grabbed a sterling silver gravy boat and unloaded its sticky cargo onto Theo as well, shaking it so that I could splash him with every last drop.
As he fumed, too enraged to find the words to chew me out properly, I tossed a couple of plump sausages to Aurelius, retrieved my broom, tucked a basket full of steaming biscuits into the crook of my arm, and stormed off. I was going to have to skip dessert after all, but at least I would be able to savor Theo’s humiliation and some enchanted carbohydrates.
12
Joan
As satisfying as the conclusion of our dinner service was, I realized that I should have probably pressed Theo for some information about my lodgings before unloading on him. When I found myself fighting back a yawn with each step, I decided that my own stubbornness wasn’t in my best interest at this point. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep my eyes open before I collapsed on the ground, and I certainly wasn’t going to allow Lydia and her devious crew to screw with me while I was passed out.
Anyway, I’m sure my reaction was only a temporary inconvenience to Theo. Couldn’t he just perform a cleaning spell to get him back to his usual sparkling, snobby condition? I was willing to swallow my pride for the night and give him some half-assed apology to soothe his stupid, bruised ego if he would tell me where I was supposed to sleep for the night.
I breathed deeply to try to settle my nerves and fight back my natural instincts to jump down Theo’s throat for wasting so much time taking advantage of Chef Douglas instead of giving me any useful knowledge about this enormous castle. There were so many corridors that just a few missed turns could keep me wandering until the sun rose.
Mostly, I just really wanted to unwind and lay my head down on a pillow. I’d even get to cuddle a dog properly for the first time in my life because Deirdre never allowed an animal in her home. She complained that it would have been an unnecessary expense and that all the fur would damage her cashmere. Come to think of it, Theo’s vanity gave me some nauseating flashbacks of my narcissistic stepmother, so I felt my annoyance override my fatigue. I was going to unleash the full extent of my impatience upon him until he coughed up the specifics about where my room was.
I picked up the dragging hem of my ill-fitting robe while balancing my bowl of biscuits under one arm so that I could stomp quickly over to Theo and demand that he escort me to the door of my room and no further. By the time that I returned to the dining hall, most of the people had left, and I was seriously jealous that they were already fully situated and aware of where they were meant to be. It was also probable that they scattered in order to avoid putting their beloved Theo through any embarrassment or to avoid him lashing out at them. I’m sure that any small stain or loose threat on his upscale clothing would have thrown him into a hissy fit, so he must have turned into a raving lunatic after surviving the assault of two sticky dishes.
Once I finally made my way to his exclusive section, I had no one to yell at, because instead of a sourpuss blonde in wet and disheveled clothes, my two reliable buddies, Yavo and Irk, stood in front of me as they assessed the damages.
“We were gonna get this all cleaned up, but I told Yavo to wait.” The beaming goblin winked at me, “I wanted to congratulate you personally for whatever happened here. All I can say is that the spoiled twit deserved it.”
The guilt from my one-sided food fight started to creep in as I looked at the seat that Theo had once occupied. Its once pristine satin was defiled with cold mashed potatoes that had crusted over and the muddy slime of gravy. Even though I was trying to stand up for a chef who I knew was pulling all the stops only to be unappreciated and to have his hard work passed off as Theo’s genius plan, I should have known that whatever mess I made would’ve been deserted. Since he didn’t have a considerate bone in his body, he obviously ignored the sopping mayhem for some other unsuspecting victim to deal with.
I smirked at Irk as though we were caught up in a fun conspiracy, but then hung my head as I spotted Yavo. The troll didn’t exactly seem upset with me, though he did look shaken. He had clearly taken Theo’s threats to heart and was pretty traumatized by them. Considering what they were, I couldn’t blame him.
“I know, I know,” I sheepishly admitted. “I shouldn’t have lost my head like that and splattered his feast all over him, but in my defense, I was starving, offended by his treatment of kitchen staff, and completely fed up.”
To try to alleviate the anxiety that coursed through Yavo so intensely that I could sense it from ten paces, I walked up to him and rubbed his shoulder with friendly affection.
“Please don’t get too worked up.” I looked into his eyes with a warm smile. It was only the first day that I had met them, but these two already made it difficult for me to maintain a bad temper. “You know I didn’t want to get either of you in trouble, and I didn’t want to get you two caught up in my own poor judgment. I’ll make sure this is all clean and back to normal before breakfast.”
Before I knew it, my jaw had unhinged with a yawn that was so dramatic and involved that my eyes had watered. I swayed as my level of exhaustion ate away at my sense of balance.
Yavo’s apprehension melted with my kind but misguided offer. He placed a hand on mine, shaking his head in mild amusement. “You’ve had a long and trying day, Mademoiselle,” he pointed out and soothingly refused my offer, “and we are more well-versed in the spells required to correct this… blunder.”
“And even with all our clean-up charms...” Irk looked as though he was about to give me a high-five if he even knew what that meant. If not, I’d eventually teach him after my next victory over Theo. “... you really did a number on the upholstery. If we hadn’t spent decades as castle hirelings, even we would be stumped about how to magic this debacle away. Good work!”
The more demure troll looked quizzically at his celebrating companion. “Right… well, as I said, we have this under control. We’ll summon a servitor to carry out all the necessary tasks to get Theo’s dining quarters back into order, and in the meantime, we’ll show you to your room.”
I nodded, a little sad that I hadn’t known where my room was earlier so that I could have eaten my biscuits in peace before they lost their ideal warmth.
Irk and Yavo each retrieved carved sticks, which I assumed might be wands, from what looked like leather holsters sewn into their belts and synchronized their chants until they summoned a ghostly entity in the shape of a water dragon. It was very impressive and intently gazed at the chaos I had created with bright white eyes that seemed supercharged with an important mission. In fact, the spirit gave me chills because I go
t the sense that it was designed with a singular purpose in mind and so fixated on the damage that had been done to Theo’s dining area that it seemed oblivious to the rest of the world around it.
Unlike Chef Douglas, this transparent being was nearly empty inside. This apathetic helper that my friends brought forth struck me as one-dimensional like it was perfectly satisfied with a dead-end job. Where did it come from, and where would it go after its task?
“What’s its deal?” I asked as I inspected the frigid water dragon. “It seems so… dead inside. Does it even have a name?”
Yavo gave a polite smile as he humored my question. “A name? Not as such. This is a servitor, and it is simply the combined will of Irk and myself,” he explained. “It is our shared desire that this area is fully cleaned before Theo arrives, and so we have given shape and our own energy to that cause. It is not separate from us, but rather part of us.”
“Yeah,” Irk chipped in. “And since we don’t live and breathe to serve Theo, as much as he’d like to this that, that ‘desire’ of ours is pretty short-lived.”
I blinked as I tried to wrap my head around this whole servitor concept. I appreciated that neither Yavo nor Irk ever made me feel like I was stupid for not understanding how everything worked in Bouclier.
“Meaning,” he continued, “that since a servitor is a representation of what we want to get accomplished, once the task is done and we’ve gotten what we wanted, the energy we summoned will just go away.”
Yavo chuckled softly when my eyes widened with fear. “The worst that can happen is that Yavo and I will need some rest afterward if the chore required a large amount of energetic effort,” he reassured me.