“You’re spoiling me,” I said to Shelly when we arrived at the first of many stores I was sure we’d patron that day. “Breakfast in bed, a day out shopping. I don’t deserve this.”
Shelly sifted through the clothes hanger by hanger, taking time to pull each top out and examining the fabric, and every detail down to the buttons. “Sure you do. You’re Perry’s sister and my favorite guy’s sister doesn’t deserve anything less.” She put the top up against her chest for my opinion. I shook my head, and she put it back. “You’ve been dealt some rough cards, too, from what Perry told me last night. You need time to indulge yourself.”
I supposed truth existed in her words; more than I ever would admit. Why didn’t I deserve time to myself, time to reflect and be taken care of? Lord knew Seth was getting himself taken care of by Alyssa. I could buy myself a sexy outfit, flaunt myself out on the town, and go back to Perry’s, draw myself a bubble bath, toss some One Direction on my iPhone, and entertain myself I guess. Man, who was I kidding? My life was a joke.
“I don’t need indulging, Shelly. I need therapy.”
Handing me her purse, she said, “Hold this. I’m going to try these on. Follow me.”
I did as told, taking a seat outside a bench of the dressing room. The dressing rooms were simply a line of rooms separated by linen for doors, and a wall that didn’t even reach the bottom. The store didn’t fit my style. Since I normally was a yoga pants and tank kind of girl, a posh boutique with flowery sun dresses, fancy blouses and expensive jewelry wasn’t up my alley. I humored Shelly, though, as one of my hosts and the fact she only wanted to cheer me up. Her thin figure brought a little insecurity to me as I felt through my shirt to the tiny pouch. I worked hard to be fit and healthy, but Shelly’s frame fit one of those who didn’t need to lift a finger and her weight stayed the same.
Shelly shut the curtain and started talking. “You don’t need therapy, Ally. You’re what, twenty-nine years old? You need to find what makes you happy and just do it. Perry said you hated your job. Think of getting fired as an opportunity.”
“For what? Having no money?”
The curtain flung open and Shelly appeared in a long, black shimmering gown. Her light hair rested on her shoulders, and her bright eyes shone even more against the dark dress. “No.” She put her hands on her hips. “To take control of your future. Set up a plan. If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never obtain it.”
I had no idea what I wanted. Losing my job at the bank was embarrassing and a detriment to my income, but worse things could have happened. However, if I couldn’t figure out what my skills qualified me for, and the bank was the only job I had for the past six years, what was I to do with myself? “You’re right, Shelly. The key is knowing what I want.”
“And you don’t?”
She shut the curtain again to change out of the dress and try on another outfit. “I always knew. My life’s goals have always been succeed in a career where I make my own hours, a beautiful home, and a man I love who treats me like I deserve. I got it.”
A sales clerk smiled as she walked past me to assist a customer. I glanced around the store, many of the customers women in their late twenties, early thirties. Each woman browsed through the clothes racks, standing tall and with purpose. None of them appeared lost. That didn’t mean they weren’t, but they certainly didn’t show it. Could it be so … easy? “You make it sound so simple.”
“It is.” Shelly appeared again. “Take this blouse.” She tugged at the buttons of the lavender blouse before grabbing another blouse of the same cut and design, but in a cornflower tone. “The purple and blue are the same exact shirt, only different colors. The blue is nice, and looks good on me, but the purple, the purple brings out my eyes and looks amazing against my skin.”
“Sure.” The point was lost on me.
“My job, Perry - they’re the purple blouse. They’re what makes me happy, bring out the best in me. Whatever makes you happy, whatever brings the life out of your eyes - that’s what you need.”
Had I spent the last years of my life lost in a sea of blue blouses when I needed purple? Were my years spent with Josh convenient and what seemed right, and what made it so easy to walk out on him? Did I always subconsciously know how much I hated my job and it wasn’t right for me, so, when I got fired, while upset, I really didn’t care? Did all these things from my past drain the light out of my eyes?
“You okay, Ally?”
I hadn’t noticed Shelly finished trying on her clothes and stood in the entry of the dressing room while I sat dazed staring at the perfect linen curtain of the room next to her. “What? Oh, yeah. I think … I think I made a mistake coming here.”
“Mistake? How? We’re shopping. Shopping is never a mistake.” We waded through the aisles of clothes to the checkout counter, where she promptly set her clothes on the counter and pulled out her credit card.
“Not the shopping. This trip. Coming to Vegas. I should have tried to work things out with Seth.”
“Oh, dear. This trip is what you needed. Trust me - hopping on a plane and getting some time away is never a bad thing. It clears your mind. Finish your week off here, enjoy yourself, and then go back home and talk with Seth. You haven’t seen Perry in years. Seth can wait another week.”
I contemplated this as Shelly thought nothing of handing her credit card to the cashier and placing over two hundred dollars of clothes on it. Changing my plane ticket would only cost me money I didn’t have, and I hadn’t taken a vacation in years. Seth didn’t bother to text or call my entire time in Nevada thus far, so another few days wouldn’t hurt.
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“A makeover?” My eyes widened in disbelief at what Shelly suggested. We were almost finished eating lunch, and she cleared out the rest of her schedule to spend the day with me. I found it touching my brother’s girlfriend wanted to take so much time getting to know me, and I loved how down to earth she was. We got along so well, and I thought it was such a shame I didn’t have her in my life sooner.
We sat at the mall food court, each munching on our salads. They didn’t quite qualify as healthy, but anything was better than the cheeseburger and fries I really craved. Shelly reached over the table and took my hair in her hands, smoothing down each side. “Your hair is gorgeous, Ally, don’t get me wrong, but is the length practical?”
“Hair can be practical?” I patted down the top of my head as though my non-girly roots showed.
Throwing her head back in a laugh, she said, “Of course! You love to work out at the gym, right?”
“Right.”
“How annoying is it to be on the treadmill with a huge ponytail hitting you in the back? And how long do you need for this to dry? Four hours?”
“Only around two, if I don’t blow dry, and that even takes awhile.”
“There you go. Do something drastic. Go back to Wisconsin with a new look and make Seth regret ever going out with his ex-wife.”
Shelly made a valid point about my hair and working out. Having shorter hair would add at least an hour, up to two, into my day every single day. Wow. Cutting my hair would give me more time. Time for what, though? To miss Seth? No. I needed to stop thinking like that. Every time I washed my hair and spent God knows how much time waiting for it to dry and even styled to my standards (low), I secretly chopped the locks off in my head. My hair, though, was a staple of my personality for years. It took all of high school to grow so long, and since I graduated almost eleven years ago, I only ever bothered to have it trimmed, determined to keep the length.
Maybe this was the problem. For so many years, I maintained the same hair, the same job, and the same things always held me back. If I did this, I refused to do so for Seth. I’d do it for me, one hundred percent. I agreed to take the plunge and cut the hair I took years to grow. An hour later, a whole different Ally reflected in the mirror - happy, confident, and sassy, with the short and sleek hairstyle to match.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
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br /> Summer finally hit Wisconsin once I arrived back from Las Vegas. July arrived with mid-eighties and the forecast suggested the warmth planned on sticking around for a while. Sometimes in Wisconsin, we went straight from Spring to Fall, so the hot weather made me ecstatic. With my newly acquired short hair, the air felt so much nicer on my neck, instead of plastered down like a wet blanket.
Upon my return, I got right to my mission at hand. I didn’t even stop at my place to drop off my suitcase, driving right past and parking on the street outside the bed and breakfast. Seth may not have even wanted to see me, and if we ended up back together remained up in the air, but I needed to confront him. My only option at saving any relationship we may have depended on this conversation. After explaining my history with Josh, and how I felt about Chelsea and Daniel, why would he do what he did to me? Why even divorce Alyssa if he still loved her? I up and left Josh with no explanation, but yet I reached closure. With Seth, I needed an answer.
The bell above the door dinged as I raced into the building, my speech planned and all my courage worked up before I lost my gusto. As soon as I saw Seth, I wouldn’t waste any time and lay right into him, demanding answers. No one manned the counter, so I walked up and slammed my hand on the bell, expecting Seth to waltz up front from around the corner. Someone did, not Seth, and not anyone I had seen before.
A brunette around my height came to the counter, her olive skin only interrupted by light freckles. “Can I help you?” Her lips rested gently on one another when she smiled.
“Um, yes, I’m looking for Seth.” I glanced around the room, trying to see if I could find him myself.
“I’m sorry. He and his sister left to tend to some family business. Is there something I can do for you?”
Family business? I hoped everything was okay. Did something happen with his dad? God, being gone only two weeks sure pushed me out of the loop. Of course, he didn’t send so much as one text while I visited my brother, so maybe I wouldn’t have known either way. “Probably not. Did he say when he planned to be back?”
She shook her head. “No, he didn’t. Soon, I hope. Their appointment was this morning. I’m Alyssa. How do you know Seth?”
The other woman. Wait, or was I the other woman? She stood before me in her perfect business attire, straight, flawless hair cut right below her chin, smiling with her bright teeth, acting so … so nice. She didn’t have a clue who I was, and if she did, she didn’t let on. I could turn around and leave, and she’d be none the wiser. I could let it all go, move on with my life, and forget Seth ever existed. On the other hand, when Seth came back from where ever he went with Kate, Alyssa would be sure to tell him some girl stopped by asking for him. He was smart enough to realize it was me.
“My name is Ally Couper.” I inhaled, diverting any eye contact, waiting for Alyssa to reach across the counter and smack me.
“Oh, Ally!” Alyssa said in the perkiest voice possible for someone whose husband, or ex-husband, or whatever he was to her, cheated on her with me. “It’s wonderful to meet you. Seth told me so much about you.” She came around the counter and I tried to step back when she wrapped her arms around me in a huge hug. She let go and I allowed the eye contact to return. They were green. Green! A perfect match to her face. “Seth told me what happened. I’m sorry.”
She knew? She expressed sympathy for the fact he left me for her, but not in a ha ha she won kind of way, but a genuine, apologetic tone. “You are?”
“Yes, of course. He told me you stopped by when he and I were out, and you were pretty upset. When Kate told him you told her to make sure he never call you again, he was devastated. What made you come by? Do you want to talk with him now?”
“Wait a minute. Kate said what? I never told her I didn’t want him to call me again.”
She sighed and put her hand on her cheek. “Oh, brother. Kate’s a piece of work sometimes.”
Even Alyssa admitted what a bitch Kate was. Glad I wasn’t the only one.
“She means well, really. She only wants to protect Seth.”
“From what?” I questioned. “I’m hardly someone he needs protection from.”
Alyssa pointed to two chairs separated by a small table with a lamp. “I have a few minutes. Why don’t you sit down?”
Uncertain I wanted to, I still sat, palms gripping the chair, trying to keep my leg from bobbing up and down. Sitting down with your ex’s current girlfriend, or wife, certainly wasn’t comfortable.
“Relax, Ally. There’s no need to be so nervous.”
“That obvious, huh?” I loosened my hands, but kept them in place. Coming off what I considered a huge epiphany when I left Perry’s, I hadn’t prepared for this. There I was again - unprepared - apparently, the theme of my life.
“Look, Seth and I aren’t together.”
Relief breathed out of me. “You aren’t? But Kate said you two went out together and you always spent the special day together. I assumed it was an anniversary.”
“Seth and I broke up years ago. Our relationship didn’t withstand the pain put in front of us. He’s moved on, and I have, too. However, every year, Seth and I get together on Willow’s birthday.”
“Who’s Willow?”
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh, you don’t know.”
“Know what?”
“Willow was our daughter.”
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Now it made sense. Seth’s fear of committing too much to me had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with protecting his heart. I lost my dad a few years ago, but the loss of a child I couldn’t even begin to fathom, much less comprehend. Did the whole thing stem from a fear of me getting pregnant? Did he think he would lose every child he fathered? Going through life with such defeat couldn’t be easy.
Seth and I had such a wonderful time in May and early June. I would have spent every waking minute with him if time allowed, and the whole reason we no longer were together was my fault. Had I just called him instead of running to Nevada, those two weeks wouldn’t have been lost. The newfound information came from Alyssa, though, not Seth. Why couldn’t he tell me? At this point, I didn’t care. In time, I would ask that question. First things first, we needed to be talking again.
Alyssa thought Seth would be home by lunch. After our long discussion, it was already eleven. It was vital we discuss this; his grieving couldn’t keep us apart. If he let me, I could help him through it. Or at least try. Facing your worst fears, pushing yourself through your most difficult times of life, is what made you stronger. Alyssa accepted what happened in the past, and moved on without forgetting. Seth could do the same. He needed someone who cared for him to be with him every step of the way. When I lost my dad, I spent a few weeks shutting everyone out, but once I opened up and talked through my emotions with other people, accepting his death was much easier. I hoped the same for Seth.
After spending time with Alyssa, and learning Seth didn’t cheat on me with her, I realized how much I really liked her. I found Alyssa sweet, and helpful, not a vicious tramp as I wanted to believe. It took a special kind of person to be willing to help your ex-husband out in a bind. And, by putting our heads together, she helped me, too. We came up with a plan for me to win Seth back.
First things first, I tossed my suitcase in my room. The laundry could wait until later, a shower, however, couldn’t. My brother’s shower, while fantastic with handles and levers than I knew what to do with, couldn’t compare to a shower in my own bathroom, even my tiny, cramped one. Although, I did miss the rainstorm function. After my fifteen minute dunk in the water, I grabbed a yogurt and a banana to eat while I browsed the geocaching website.
My experience in geocaching only spanned about two months, and in that time, I never researched into hiding my own. Logging onto the site, I was delighted to see a spot specific to the topic of how to hide one as a beginner. My list of finds consisted of about only fifteen, and the site recommended I’d experienced at least twenty or
more, but I didn’t have time for that if I wanted Seth and I to forge a future together.
The guidelines on placing one read like a novel. Who put such rules in place for basically a game of hide and seek? Many restrictions existed on where I couldn’t hide one, yet, space was listed as a potential place to put one. Sure, I’ll just hop on the nearest spaceship and head up there. I definitely had my work cut out for me. In order to place a cache, I required permission from someone where ever I placed it, if not public property. Once done, I needed to submit a request online and wait for approval for the cache to be added to the database, which may take up to a week. Could I wait a week? In a week’s time, would Seth lose all interest in me, although it seemed he already had, and would I lose him for good?
Reviewing the rules, I couldn’t place my cache within a certain distance of another. I clicked on the map of caches to see where people hid them in town. Luckily, the library space didn’t list any, and the nearest one reached almost two miles away. After discussing the situation with Alyssa, we came up with the perfect idea, so I headed out to the library to speak with the Director.
The library was new territory for me. In the years I’d lived here, I’d never been there once, and the library actually moved into an entirely new building. No longer housed above City Hall, it owned its new space, two stories of brick and mortar with tall windows overlooking a small pond. The back of the building boasted balconies with tables where patrons relaxed with a book in the sun.
Opening the door to this unknown place brought a little discomfort. It wasn’t like I’d never stepped foot in a library before, but I didn’t come to browse the books. I didn’t even own a library card! I went to ask a favor, permission, and basically pronounce my undeniable love for Seth to a complete and total stranger.
I passed through security partitions - did people steal books? - to a front desk on the right. An older woman with graying hair sat behind the desk, sorting through books on a rolling cart. I glanced at the cart, grabbing the titles but none sticking out in my mind. I recognized a few author names, but nothing I had ever, or probably would ever, read. “Can I help you?” The woman placed a book down on the cart.
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