by Anne Hagan
“This is called the ‘fish out of water’ stage; it’s one of the last stages before death.” we were informed in gentle tones. “You might want to say your final goodbyes now.”
“She can hear me?” Janet asked.
The nurse nodded. “We think so. Do you want me to call her sister for you?”
“How much time do you think we have?”
“It could be minutes hon; it could be an hour or so.”
“That fast?” Janet chocked out.
“Yes, unfortunately.”
“No. Thank you though. I’ll call her in the morning. She needs to rest.”
“That’s fine. I’ll just step out and page the on-call doctor.”
At 12:37 AM, Wednesday, March 11th, 2015 my most recently made friend, Edith Mason passed on. Her daughter Janet, all but completely estranged from her mother for most of the previous nine years, wept and I wept for her and for myself; the sting of loss cutting through me again like a knife.
Chapter 24
Janet had ridden to the hospital in the squad that she’d called to come for her mother. Leslie’s car was still in the nearly vacant visitor parking lot since, exhausted, she’d ridden home with Bob but Janet didn’t have a key for it. I couldn’t, in good conscience, leave her to fend for herself anyway, even if she had, had access to the car.
After bundling her into my own vehicle in the coolness of the night and getting the address to her family home since I’d never been there, we were off. We rode in silence, Janet lost in her misery and me reliving my own pain of loss and the depression that followed it.
“This is it, right here.” They were the only words she’d spoken in more than ten minutes. She pointed to a craftsman style bungalow on the right side of a residential street in an older Zanesville neighborhood.
Two cars filled the tiny driveway that led back to a single car garage set apart from the house. I pulled my SUV into any empty space along the curb in front and parked. Janet didn’t move; she just stared out at the house.
“Do you want me to go inside with you? Would that help?”
“Yes,” came in response and then she opened the door and slid down out of the seat. I turned and did the same. By the time I made it around to the other side of the truck, she was standing upright and fumbling in her coat pocket for something but she hadn’t moved otherwise.
When she finally pulled out a set of keys, she looked first at me and then proceeded down the driveway to a side door.
We entered through the kitchen. Janet moved far enough inside for me to get in myself and get the door closed but she seemed hesitant to go any further. Not knowing what else to do, I moved in behind her and embraced her. She sank back against me and we just stood like that for several long seconds.
She was taller than me by a few inches. Tilting my chin up after a minute or so, I told her, I’ll stay as long as you need me but, honestly, you need rest.”
Janet looked back at me and gave me the slightest smile. She turned then and I loosened my hold just a little to allow her to do so.
Once we were face to face, she said to me, “Thanks…for everything, for…for…”
“Shh. It’s okay. You’d do the same for me.”
She looped her arms around me then and pulled me in for a hug. I don’t know how long we stood there like that as first she rocked us gently and then she shuddered, stopped rocking and clung tightly as she broke down into sobs.
I just let her cry. Eventually I cried along with her in sympathy with her own pain now. For the first time in a couple of years, my thoughts weren’t on my own loss but on the needs of someone else.
Janet eventually tried to pull back but I wouldn’t let her go all the way; not yet.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Look at me blubbering like a baby.” She let go of me with one hand and raised her arm to dab at her eyes with her sleeve.
I let go with a hand too and, after brushing my own eyes with two fingers, I ran the back of my hand down the tear trail of her cheek. She pulled me in then and kissed me, softly, on the nose.
I raised my chin at the tickle her kiss gave me and, quite by chance, our lips brushed. This kiss was far more hesitant and ever so gentle.
Almost as if drawn by some gravity between us, our lips pressed together a little harder. Through the grief, a subtle note of pleasure was added.
Janet’s tongue gently caressed my lip and I trembled wondering; do I respond? Part of me wanted to, desiring that intimacy and the sensuality of connection. Another part of me didn’t want to take advantage of a woman who might only be acting in the throes of her grief. Thoughts of Lisa though didn’t even cross my mind. My focus was only in the present.
Without a word, Janet reached to me and, slipping her hand behind my head, she pulled me up to her into a kiss that it seemed later, when I recalled it, had been too long in coming. Like before, the touch of our lips was gentle at first but then grew harder. This time, though I hesitated when her mouth opened, I didn’t pull away.
Giving in finally, my own lips opened slightly as our kiss deepened and I feel the brush of her tongue. That was all it took for me to give myself fully to the kiss as I tangled a hand in her long blond hair.
We laid side by side, naked and slightly chilled at first in the initial coolness of her sheets. I could feel her body heat but we weren’t touching, not yet. As Janet pulled her comforter over us, I reached across to her to move a lock of hair off her face.
She reached out to me then too and let her hand caresses my hip and thigh. I closed my eyes and responded by gently running my hand over her shoulder and down her back. The feel of her skin, so soft and so smooth, was wonderful. Her warm breath flowed across my lips just before our mouths connected. This time our kiss was deeper, leaving me panting, wanting more.
My body responded. My nipples grew tight and hard and so did Janet’s. The feeling when we rubbed together was so intense, I immediately felt hot and wet at my center. I could feel swelling and slick, slippery wetness as I moved my legs to adjust my position and press closer against her.
Her hand slid up and she gently stroked my breast. I couldn’t help the sigh that wrenched out of me at the pleasure of her touch.
My response encouraged her and she brushed a thumb back and forth across my already hardened nipple. The feeling was so fantastic, I cried out.
She went further then, squeezing the nipple and rolling it between her fingers. I ran my hand lower from the curve of her waist until I felt the swell of her bottom and couldn’t resist squeezing it. Her skin there was smooth too but she was firm and toned.
She bent her head then and another new sensation from my breast and nipple sent exquisite tingles though me as her warm, wet tongue circling my aureole and nipple.
Janet pushed me gently from my side onto my back where she straddled me while she continued to suckle. The feeling of her weight on me, of our skin touching and what her mouth was doing to me set every nerve ending in my body on fire.
As I writhed beneath her, she started to move down my body. The comforter that had been tented over her shoulders now moved down with her, leaving me exposed, naked on her bed.
I gasped as a feathery kiss was placed at the top of my little strip of pubic hair. I looked down and watched as she rose up to her knees, the comforter falling away from her, the single bedside lamp illuminating her toned, beautiful body. Her breasts were firm and smooth atop a stomach with abs defined by exercise I didn’t even know she did. There was, I realized then, so little I really knew about her.
My eyes travelled further down to see that her own hair was trimmed in a neat, narrow ‘V’ shape that terminated just above her cleft. I admired her longingly, wantonly.
Her hands caressed my thighs as she looked down at me while I gazed up at her.
"I want to make love to you Barb," said simply. I nodded, too excited to speak or to think beyond the moment.
She started stroking the inside of my thighs and my legs parted of thei
r own accord. Whatever anxieties were playing in my mind, my body seemed to have decided on what it wanted on its own.
Her fingers slipped through the dampness of my little strip of pubic hair and ever so softly traced the line of my swollen inner lips. She parted my nether lips and worked her fingers through my folds, sliding them gently up and down.
I raised my hips, forcing her deeper. The feeling was incredible. It had been so long since I'd been made love to, I couldn’t get enough. I begged her to enter me and, when she did, gently moved my hips in time with her thrusts, the excitement building inside me.
Her fingers withdrew all too soon and my eyes flicked open to see was happening. Janet looked me in the eye as she raised her fingers to her mouth and sucked them, her eyes closing as she savored the taste of my juices coating them.
"Barb, you taste so good," she told me as she lowered herself. I heard her inhale, smelling the musky scent of my arousal before her exhaled breath glided over my folds. I caught myself biting my lip in anxious anticipation. The first gentle lap of her tongue brought both intense pleasure and the nagging pain of my engorged clit, begging for attention and release.
Her tongue licked and probed, caressed and tasted. I was soon writhing on the bed again as my climax built within me and yet her mouth seemed to keep finding new ways to stimulate me.
She gave my throbbing clit tiny little laps and then slid her fingers once again into my hot, dripping core. I was so close to the edge then, my gasps and moans increased in volume and tempo.
Her fingers and her mouth switched places then; her tongue probing deeply while her fingers strummed away on my throbbing clit.
I bucked and my muscles spasmed with the climax that rocketed through me. Her mouth and fingers kept playing me, stretching my orgasm beyond anything I could rightly recall. Finally, with a last gasping sigh, I flopped back onto her bed, dizzy, exhausted, spent and tingling in the aftermath.
Janet crawled up to lie beside me pulling the comforter along with her and over us as she put her arm across me.
I kissed her then. I could smell and taste myself on her mouth. I could not possibly deny the passion and arousal I felt for her. I didn’t want to.
Without a word between us, we both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 25
Janet
Some Time After 5:00 AM, Wednesday, March 11th, 2015
Mason Family Home
I did it again! I was sitting in the living room on the sofa, my knees drawn up to my chest, only a thin blanket wrapped around me. I felt like I should suffer in the morning chill of late winter.
It was evident in my mind that I’d made a terrible mistake with Barb. Now, I thought to myself, another woman who really had no feelings for me would be completely distancing herself from me. I hugged the blanket in close and rocked myself, trying to will away the memory and the pain that was sure to come with the dawn.
At some point, sleep overcame me again and I curled into a fetal ball on the couch. That’s where Barb found me later. She was wearing an old bath robe that I never used but for some reason left hanging on the back of my door and, it appeared, nothing much else.
“Why are you out here? I didn’t push you from your own bed did I?” she asked.
“No. I couldn’t sleep…at least…not very long. I’m used to being up early, I guess. I just sat here for a while. I must have drifted off.”
“Oh.”
That was all she said. I tried for polite. “Do you want some coffee?”
“No thank you. I’m fine.”
She was being polite too.
“If you don’t mind though, do you have a pair of sweatpants or something like that and a T-shirt I could borrow? I’ll certainly return them.”
Of course, I thought. She wants to leave. Her dress clothes from the day before were strewn across the living floor. I looked over them with an intense pang of guilt. “I’ll just be a minute,” I told her.
I went into the bathroom first and splashed my face with frigid water. With the cold came clarity and I knew that no matter what I felt for this woman, I couldn’t divulge those feelings to her. I didn’t want to drive her away and lose her completely like I had Gevona. Being casual friends with Barb would be better than heartbreak and the total loss of any sort of connection to her at all.
Dressing quickly, I picked some things out that I thought might fit her and carried them out to her. While I was gone, she’d collected her own clothes and folded them neatly. She was setting the little pile of them on the corner of the kitchen table nearest the side door when I walked into the room.
“Here you go. The pants might be a little long,” I said as I held the clothes out to her.
“Thanks,” her cheeks tinted slightly red, “I’ll just be a minute. Though I’d seen her in all her glory just a few hours before, she retreated down the hall toward the bathroom.
Before Barb could return to the kitchen, a knock sounded at the front door. I trudged through the living room, released the bolt and pulled it open to find Mel and Dana on the front porch. They were loaded down with bags and Mel was toting a box as well. Puzzled but stepping aside, I invited them in.
“What on earth are you two doing here? And, shouldn’t you be at work?” I addressed my uniformed boss.
“First of all, our condolences,” Dana offered. “We’re both really sorry for your loss.” Mel nodded to punctuate her wife’s statement.
“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“Now then, we’re here to see after you,” Dana went on. “We come bearing food and coffee for one thing and, though Mel will have to leave shortly, I’m here to help you and your aunt with whatever you need today.”
“Don’t be surprised,” Mel added, “if my mother and Dana’s don’t both show up to lend a hand with arrangements and such or whatever you might need as well.”
“They don’t have to do that. You’ve already done too much with this.” I swung my arm to indicate the stuff they were still holding.
“Oh wait,” Dana said. “If Zanesville is anything like McKeesport where I grew up, you’re going to have people showing up in droves bearing food and sympathy. Let’s get this stuff put away while there’s still space available.”
At that remark I smiled but the smile was short lived as Barb emerged from the bedroom hallway just as we three moved toward the kitchen.
“I thought I heard voices out here. Mel, Dana; good to see you. I wish it could be under better circumstances.”
Jumping in quickly, I told them, “Barb stayed with me at the hospital until mom passed last night and then brought me home since I didn’t have a way back here so late.” My words tumbled out in a rush as Dana looked from me to her and back again.
“You could have just called the station, you know,” Mel said.
“It’s okay,” Barb said. “She didn’t need to be alone last night anyway. I’m afraid she didn’t sleep well, regardless.” She addressed all of that to the two of them as if I wasn’t even there. Dana looked at me again and then turned back and studied her.
She knows what really happened; that I screwed up, I thought. “Did you say there was coffee?” I was grasping for straws now.
“Yeah, sure,” Mel answered. She seemed oblivious to my real plight. “There’s three cups in the box there. You three go ahead. I’m really not much of a coffee drinker anyway.”
The phone rang just as I reached for the box. Excusing myself, I answered it instead and spent the next couple of minutes filling Aunt Leslie and Uncle Bob in while Barb, Dana and Mel made small talk.
When I hung up, I said to the group of them, “That was my aunt. She’ll be here in about twenty minutes. We’re going to work on funeral arrangements.” I looked at Mel, “I’m going to need a little time off, uh, Sheriff.”
She shook her head hard, “Of course you are. I wouldn’t dream of having you come in to work right now. We can handle it for the rest of this week. You do what you need to do. If you ne
ed more time than that, just let me know.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
Chapter 26
Dana Rossi-Crane
Saturday, March 14th, 2015
The viewing and funeral were held at Edith’s church. Mel and I waited in line between rows of pews for several minutes before we reached the bier and the little cache of actual blood relatives Edith Mason had left.
Janet, standing closest to the casket, was holding up about as well as could be expected, better even than under the circumstances I’d found her in on Wednesday morning. Leslie was right by her side today which, I thought, was giving her some measure of comfort. She seemed to be close to her aunt.
“Dana, Mel, this is my Aunt Rhoda; my mother’s other sister,” Janet introduced us. “Aunt Rhoda, Dana helped with a lot of the arrangements for today and Mel is actually my boss; Sheriff Melissa Crane.”
Rhoda eyed me and then Mel. Addressing my wife, she asked, “You use Mel? It seems so masculine.”
Mel just gave her a tight lipped grin and we moved on but, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leslie shoot her sister a quick ‘be nice’ sort of look.
Finding seats a few rows back, we sat but not before I caught sight of Barb entering the church. She was properly dressed in an understated black pantsuit for a funeral, yet she was strikingly beautiful with just a hint of jewelry and makeup on, something I’d rarely seen from her. More than one set of male eyes traveled her way, I noticed.
As I got settled, I watched the receiving line proceeding toward the front. Over the shoulder of one mourner, Janet looked out at the line in Barb’s direction. She quickly looked away and focused back on the people directly in front of her.
There was some sort of issue between those two but I didn’t know what was going on. I’d felt the tension in the room on Wednesday morning but that wasn’t the time or the place for me to ask nosy questions. Barb left when Mel did that morning which was to say, she didn’t stay more than a few minutes after we arrived.