by Nina Lane
He put his hand on the counter and gritted his teeth, fighting the sense that he was about to fall. When it finally passed, he realized he was sweating. He wiped his forehead and took a breath, hating the sense that he wasn’t in control of his own body. Hell, his own mind.
He’d always been in control. He wouldn’t let that change now, especially not when he had everything he both wanted and needed to start the rest of his life.
Chapter
FIFTEEN
“Holly Rocks, you’re next,” Julia called, her pointed-toe Manolos clicking as she descended the stage steps.
Tomorrow night was Christmas Eve. The final Deck the Halls show was scheduled to start at six p.m., and tonight’s dress rehearsal was onsite at the outdoor town stage.
Hundreds of seats had been arranged in a semi-circle around the stage. Julia sat in the front row as three women dressed as gift-wrapped presents with wreaths of holly in their hair came out with guitars. Their rendition of “Santa Baby” was followed by a comedy skit (“Where do snowmen keep their money? In a snow bank!”), a ballet dancer, and a group of bell ringers.
Julia found herself actually enjoying the acts—not only because the performance was going smoothly but because they were finally reaching the culmination of all their hard work.
Metaphorically, organizing Deck the Halls had been a bit like climbing a mountain. Not exactly the Matterhorn, but still…
She shook her head. Warren had been right. Time was short, and dwelling on the past or overthinking ones choices was a waste of that precious time.
Of course, she didn’t know what would happen when they told the boys and Hailey, but she and Warren had agreed to keep their new relationship to themselves at least until after Christmas. Maybe even until his climb was over.
Not that she wanted to think too much about that either. Clearly he was determined to go and finish what he’d started—a philosophy Julia had developed a whole new appreciation for in recent days. And she would never try and convince him to not go simply because she was scared for him. He would never try and stop her from doing what she wanted to do.
Yet another mature lesson she’d learned. Life was about both compromise and learning when to STFU and just deal with it.
When all the Deck the Halls acts had finished, they came out one by one for their individual bows and then a big group bow.
Julia glanced at her watch, pleased that the entire show had ended on time. Aside from one final light and audio check, they were ready to go.
“Thank you all,” she said into the wireless mic Marco handed her. “You’ve worked so hard, and you should all be proud of what you’ve done. We’ll see you tomorrow night for the final performance. Call time is four-thirty.”
As the performers began dispersing, she picked up the bag loaded with the wrapped gifts for Gail’s soon-to-arrive granddaughter and went backstage. The four Jingle Belles stood in the wings, assessing their rehearsal performance. They all wore their custom-made gowns, which had generated a number of compliments from their fellow performers.
“Julia, we’re going out for drinks as soon as we change,” Connie said. “Can you join us?”
“I’m sorry, I have to attend the Sugar Rush holiday party tonight.” Julia glanced at her watch, disappointed at having to decline a second invitation.
“What time does it start?” Sharon asked. “We want to get to Asante by five. Connie is going to her daughter’s piano recital tonight, so we’re not going to stay long.”
Julia calculated her timing. Since Warren had… dismissed her from organizing Sugar Rush’s party, she didn’t have to be there early to set up and ensure everything was in place. For the first time in ten years, she could actually arrive at the party when it started. Heck, she could even be fashionably late.
“I’d be happy to join you,” she said. “If I leave by six-thirty, I’ll have time to go home and get ready before the party.”
“Great.” Connie smiled. “We’ll go get changed right now.”
Julia handed Gail the bag of gifts. “These are a few things I picked up for your granddaughter.”
“Oh, Julia, you didn’t have to do that.” Gail’s eyes widened as she peeked into the bag at the elaborately wrapped gifts. “How incredibly thoughtful of you.”
“I was happy to do it.” Not wanting any gushy thanks, Julia started back to the seats. “I’ll meet you out front, and we can walk to Asante.”
Half an hour later, the Jingle Belles were dressed in their regular clothes, they’d procured a table at the upscale bar, and were ordering cocktails.
“I’m getting us tickets for a January tour of Filoli, the estate up in Woodside,” Beverly told Julia. “Have you been there?”
“Once or twice.” Julia didn’t find it necessary or desirable to tell them she’d attended many private events and organized several photo shoots at the historic mansion set in an eighteen-acre garden. “It’s lovely.”
“Would you like to go with us?” Gail asked. “We’re hoping to reserve a table for their afternoon tea, but if we can’t, we’ll pack a picnic lunch. Maybe a Saturday toward the end of January. Are you interested?”
If Gail had asked her a month ago, would Julia have even considered it? For so long, her socializing had consisted of charity dinners and events for the Rebecca Stone Foundation or high-society galas. Aside from occasional dating, she’d either spent her spare time with the Stones or used it to catch up on work. She certainly didn’t get together with a group of girlfriends for drinks or to picnic at a historic mansion.
“I’d like that,” she finally said. “Thanks for asking me.”
The other ladies inputted Julia’s contact info into their phones so they could keep her informed. The conversation turned to Beverly’s son’s new girlfriend, Sharon’s difficulties in hiring a new children’s librarian, and Gail’s boot camp clients. Julia found herself enjoying the conversation. She’d never be “one of the girls,” but she decidedly liked the idea of being “one of the women.” Of having friends.
Friends. It wasn’t a word she used often or lightly. While she’d had numerous close acquaintances, and even friends, when she was younger, the cutthroat fashion industry had made her wary of people who used friendship as a way to get what they wanted. Her ice-queen armor had successfully fended off anyone who might have had ideas about getting close to her.
But the Jingle Belles didn’t care who she was or what she could do for them.
Yes, they’d enjoyed the glamour of custom-made gowns and cosmetics, but they’d never asked her for anything. Certainly they’d never try to finagle their way into a career boost or free clothes and accessories. They’d never even asked her opinion on their wardrobes. And though they knew of her connection to Sugar Rush, they hadn’t hit her up for donations or fund-raiser requests like so many other people did.
The Jingle Belles seemed to like her just because… they liked her.
“I’ve heard they have Christmas peppermint martinis here.” She stood and reached for her handbag. “I’ll get us a round.”
She went to the bar for the martinis and distributed them to the other women. She stayed for a few more minutes, then apologetically explained that she had to leave for the Sugar Rush party. After telling the Belles that she’d see them on Christmas Eve, she headed back to her car.
She texted Hailey that she was on her way and drove to Warren’s house, where she’d agreed to help her niece get ready before returning to her studio to dress. She pulled into the driveway, mildly surprised to see only Hailey’s car parked by the garage. Warren must have already left for the party.
She knocked and went inside when there was no response. The house was oddly still and silent, the Christmas tree and decorations glittering in the dim light.
“Hailey?”
No response.
Alarm flickered inside Julia. She walked upstairs to her niece’s old bedroom, where Hailey still stayed when she came to visit.
“Hailey
?”
She pushed open the door. The light was on, and Hailey’s dress lay on the bed but there was no sign of the girl. She hurried back downstairs and checked the kitchen. Nothing. As she started through the great room, a light shining in Warren’s office caught her eye. She swiveled on her heel and walked down the corridor.
The door was partly open. She knocked and pushed it the rest of the way.
“Hailey?”
Her niece sat at the long table where Warren worked on his models, the work light illuminating her face. The parts of an airplane were strewn on the table, and she was turning the propeller around and around.
A weight whose source she could not place settled over Julia’s heart. She stepped into the room.
“Hailey.”
The girl looked up, her expression shadowed. Julia approached with caution, sensing that whatever was the matter had something to do with her.
“Are you all…” Dread knotted her stomach.
Oh no.
A creased piece of paper rested on the table beside Hailey. The large, looping cursive burned through Julia like a brand, searing her insides.
“Oh, Hailey. I’m so sorry.”
“This was the letter.” Hailey nudged the paper with her elbow.
“I… I made a terrible mistake.” She stopped in front of the table, curling her fingers into her palms in an attempt not to reach for her niece. “I was struggling with the end of a short-lived marriage, and I’d had too much to drink… I mean, that’s not an excuse and I behaved badly, but I want you to know your father did nothing wrong. Ever. He was trying to help me. It was totally my fault.”
Hailey focused on the propeller. Her eyes were dark, even in the brightness of the work light.
“This is the letter they were fighting about,” she said.
The world seemed to shift under Julia’s feet. “What?”
“I once heard Mom and Dad fighting,” Hailey said, her voice quiet. “I noticed it… I remembered it… because they never fought. They argued, but they never had big explosive fights. But once when I was maybe ten or something, I heard Mom yelling. Loud enough that I could hear her from upstairs. I got worried so I came down to see what was going on. The office door was partly open, so I peeked inside. They were over there…” she gestured to Warren’s desk, “…and she was holding a piece of paper and shouting about this letter and why didn’t you tell me. And Dad kept saying that it didn’t matter, it was nothing, he didn’t want it to ruin anything.
“Of course I had no idea what they were talking about. Mom dropped the letter back onto the desk and said, ‘That’s just the kind of thing she would do.’ Then she went to Dad and he took her in his arms. And they stayed like that.”
Julia couldn’t move. Everything inside her was cold, like she’d been turned to ice.
“I went back to my room,” Hailey continued. “Later that evening, everything seemed normal again. Neither one of them talked about the letter. I forgot about it until…”
She dropped the propeller, her shoulders straightening. “I needed scissors to cut the tags off my dress, so I came to get some from Dad’s desk. The letter was sitting by his computer. I didn’t intend to read it, but it caught my eye because it looked old and I didn’t recognize the handwriting… so I read it and suddenly remembered that argument. This was the letter. You wrote it to Dad, and Mom found it.”
Julia pressed her hands to her hot cheeks. Her stomach roiled with nausea as she tried to process the stark fact that Rebecca had known what she’d done. Now Hailey knew.
“Hailey, I’m so… so sorry.” Her voice cracked. “I didn’t know if your mother knew what I’d done. I assumed your father had told her, but… all I wanted to do was apologize. I was a foolish young girl who behaved badly, and I’m sorry. I was sorry then, and I’m sorry now.”
“I just can’t believe you did that.” Hailey pushed the letter away and stood, anger flashing in her eyes. “He was married. To your sister. And yeah, I get that you were upset and drunk and that people do stupid things, but… really? And it’s the one thing I heard them fight about, like you were this… this thorn between them.”
“I don’t…” A lump stuck in Julia’s throat. “I don’t know what to do to make this right for you. Whatever it is, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.”
“I need some time.” Hailey shook her head and walked toward the door. “I’ll get ready for the party by myself.”
“I love you.” Julia turned, her heart cracking in half at the thought that a thirty-year-old mistake could drive her niece away. “I love you so much. Not because I’m trying to make up for what I did but because I just do.”
Hailey hesitated at the door, turning for half a second. Julia’s heart surged with hope, but then Hailey turned away and went upstairs.
Julia stood in the office for a long moment, her heart pounding and her insides still frozen. She picked up the letter and tore it into little pieces, dropping them into the trash. She walked back out to her car. Pain stabbed her behind the eyes.
Chapter
SIXTEEN
Where was she?
Warren checked his phone for the hundredth time. Nothing except for a dangerously low battery. He shoved the phone back into his pocket, attempting to keep his expression neutral as he made his way through the crowd of Sugar Rush employees all decked out in their holiday finest. The party had been well underway for the past two hours, and he’d spent most of it attempting to be politely social while also trying to figure out where the hell Julia was.
And why she wasn’t answering his calls and texts again.
He caught sight of Hailey. His unease intensified. His daughter had arrived an hour ago with Carson, but she’d been subdued and quiet, only shaking her head when he’d asked if she’d seen Julia.
He crossed the foyer to the courtyard of the Spanish-style villa. Colorful lights twinkled around the exterior trees, and music from the live band drifted through the window. People talked, laughed, danced, and mingled, moving from the open bar to the buffet tables. Mia Donovan had done an excellent job with the party planning, incorporating an “around the world” theme that included roaming mimes and magicians.
Warren scanned the crowd yet again. Though Julia had been upset that he’d taken the party away from her, she wouldn’t boycott the event out of spite. Especially not when he was about to announce his retirement to the whole company.
Would she?
He hadn’t even realized until now that he’d simply expected she’d be there. At his side, like she always was. He didn’t want to stand on the stage without her, much less tell his incredibly loyal and devoted employees that he was leaving. He couldn’t do it without her.
Had he taken her for granted all these years? He’d never asked her for anything—not to stay in Indigo Bay, to help raise his children, to be there through thick and thin. But damned if he hadn’t come to rely on her more than he’d ever relied on anyone.
Thirteen years ago, he’d been sitting beside Hailey’s bed in the hospital, wrecked by the sight of his beautiful daughter with her head wrapped in a bandage and an oxygen mask covering her face.
Something had made him look up. Julia had been standing in the doorway, her eyes haunted, her face pale, her hair limp. She’d been wearing an old T-shirt and sweatpants, and for an instant all he could do was stare at her and wonder if he was seeing things. Last he remembered Julia Bennett was a gypsy girl who wore flowered dresses and sandals.
“Hello, Warren.”
She’d stepped into the room and walked around the bed to his and Hailey’s side.
And she’d never left. For thirteen years, she’d never left.
Warren swiped the screen on his phone again. No message. Had something happened? She’d had the Deck the Halls dress rehearsal this afternoon, but she’d said there was plenty of time between the two events.
He started back to the dining hall. Mia and Polly crossed the foyer in front of him, both of them sparkly vi
sions in red and green gowns.
“Hi, Warren.” Polly stopped and smiled. “What are you doing out here instead of cutting a rug on the dance floor?”
“I’m looking for Julia. Have you seen her?”
“No, but she said she’d be here.” Polly glanced back at the courtyard. “Do you want me to ask Luke?”
“I already did. If you see her, please tell her I’m looking for her.”
“Sure.”
He strode into the dining hall, still scanning the crowd. Evan approached from one of the tables near the window.
“You ready, Dad?” he asked. “Luke thought you’d make your speech half an hour ago.”
Warren’s chest was tight, both because of Julia’s absence and because he suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of telling everyone he was walking away from the company. He’d thought it was what he’d wanted, but now that he had to make it official…
“Give me fifteen minutes,” he told his son.
He needed to talk to Julia. Needed her.
He crossed the foyer and returned to the crowded courtyard. He made his way through the crowd, pausing to be polite to the guests who stopped to wish him happy holidays and thank him for hosting the party.
He turned just as the courtyard doors opened. His heart slammed against his chest as Julia stepped out onto the tiled terrace. Resplendent in a dark blue crepe gown that hugged her figure and showed off the elegant lines of her shoulders, she looked like a sculpture come to living, breathing life.
Several people paused in mid-conversation to look her way. He wasn’t surprised. It was like she’d stilled the air with her presence alone.
He started forward, then stopped. Her ice queen shield was in place, shimmering around her like a force field.
“Julia.”
Her eyes grazed his.
Something was wrong.