“I didn’t need saving, mom,” I reminded her, “I own a business. I have a whole community who care about me. I have friends who love me. I’m successful, I’m happy. And I just want to go back home.”
“You are home,” my mom said finally looking up from her cup, “You are home. You have a wolf; she belongs with the pack. With me, with her mate.”
“I was kidnapped, stolen from my-”
“You were brought home; it was a grand romantic gesture by your mate and mother-”
“But you did, you kidnapped me,” I said, “I was kidnapped, attacked, caged, publicly humiliated, now I’m supposed to mate him? That’s not happily ever after. This isn’t a fairy tale, it’s a living hell.”
The sound of breaking ceramic forced me to look at her again. She was angry with me, “I would move heaven and earth to have my mate back. I would walk a thousand miles barefoot through broken glass just to catch a whiff of his scent. Your mate... your mate is right there. He mourned for you. The way I mourn your father. But unlike me, he doesn’t have to anymore.”
44
20 years earlier
I wake to mom howling in her sleep again. I usually crawl beside her when she’s like this, but it doesn’t work anymore. The first few weeks after dad...she’d howl, and I’d crawl in bed with her. She’d hold me in her arms and cry until dawn. Now nothing stops the howl. I look at the clock on my bedside table, it’s 3 in the morning.
I won’t be able to sleep with the bone chilling sound. I walk from my room and sit looking out to the forests. Sometimes I see sentinels run past on patrol. Other times I see deer. Today, I see the snow start to fall. Dad always liked the snow.
The sun peeks through the trees and I no longer hear the howl. Mom would be waking up soon. I go back inside. Despite being the only one in the house who sleeps, mom doesn’t act like an adult anymore. She moves around the house with a vacant expression on her face like she can’t remember what she’s supposed to be doing.
I make breakfast. I have to use a chair to reach the cereal in the cupboard, but I manage, I have every morning since dad... since then. The milk in the fridge has soured, but I have no money and if I did, I couldn’t get to the store. I was glad I grabbed the frosted cereal, the extra sugar helped hide the smell of the milk.
The clock on the stove reads 7 am. I start a pot of coffee. It is one of the few things I know mom will drink without an alpha’s force demanding it. She’ll even pour it herself. I quickly dress and grab my backpack. The bus picks me up at 8 and I go to school.
Mrs. Lorde is my third-grade teacher. She’s wearing a jean dress with large sewn on buttons in bright colors. Her hair is pulled back in a banana clip comb. She’s teaching multiplication tables. She doesn’t like me very much. Today is no different.
My eyes start drooping. No Aster, I tell myself, Stay awake. I am holding my head in my hands, forcing my eyes to stay open. One of the kids laughs at me, thinks I’m making a goofy face.
Mrs. Lorde is yelling at me now. I can’t focus on what she’s saying, I’m so tired.
The bell rings. It’s recess. I heave a sigh of relief. I file out to the playground with all the other kids. There’s a bench in the corner. No one pays attention if I curl and sleep under it. I fall asleep.
“Aster Fields!” Mrs. Lorde is yelling at me. She must have had recess duty today. I’m being dragged out from under the bench by my ear, “Get to class now.”
I run into the classroom. My feet feel heavy. I sit in my seat. Mrs. Lorde follows me in.
“Now that Ms. Fields has decided she’s done playing we can do our spelling test,” she says.
I forgot about the spelling test. I groan and lift my desk to get a pencil. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I was a smart kid. Before dad... before that, I read every night, I knew loads of words. I was the best speller in the class. But that was before.
I took a deep breath as the strips of lined paper were handed out.
“Number your paper one to twenty,” Mrs. Lorde instructs. I obey.
The test does not go well.
The bell finally rings, and I run to the bus. The warm air in the bus and the steady rock as it moved across town rocked me to sleep.
“Aster Fields!” The bus driver is yelling my name. I jolt from my seat and run off the bus, “Stop sleeping on the bus kid, next time I’ll let you miss your stop.”
“Sorry,” I apologized climbing down the steps.
I trudge home. The lights are off in the house. Mom is probably back in bed. She rarely got out of bed these days. I get inside and drop my bag. I walk to the couch and lay down. Maybe I could take a quick nap before I needed to figure out something for dinner. My stomach rumbled. No, not now. I needed to sleep.
I’m shaken awake by Jackson Lorde, “Why are you sleeping?”
I blinked at him, “What time is it?”
“My mom brought a casserole,” he says with a shrug, “She’s talking to your mom in the kitchen. You need to stop sleeping all the time.”
I didn’t say anything. Jackson was Mrs. Lorde’s son. He was in my class. He was nice enough, usually.
“Jackson-” Mrs. Lorde called from the kitchen, “Put on your coat, time to go home.”
“Yes mom,” he said, giving me a small wave before he left my sight.
I rubbed my eyes and walked into the kitchen. It smelled like Mrs. Lorde made her famous chicken enchilada casserole. If I worked it right, it could feed mom and me for a whole week.
Mom was sitting at the table eating from the casserole dish with a fork. Over a quarter of the food was already gone. I frowned, there went my plan. But at least she was eating. That was an improvement.
“Your grades are slipping, Aster,” she tells me. Her eyes are surrounded by dark puffy circles. She doesn’t resemble my mom. I can’t look at her, “Aster. You need to focus on your studies.”
“Yes mom,” I told her. I dragged a chair over to the cupboard, climbed up, and grabbed two plates, I dragged the chair back over to the table.
She looked at me, “What are you doing?”
“Dinner,” I told her.
“You failed your spelling test today, you need to study,” mom said.
I looked down at the dish of food. I could smell the chicken, the salsa, the cheese. My stomach growled again. Mom’s wolf growled in her throat. I hid my frown and went back to the living room and pulled out my word list. I’d eat some in the morning.
45
Present day
I sat in the snow looking out to the forest. I’d sat in this spot for so many years growing up. I used to marvel at the glimpses of wildlife I could get. From my spot I swore I could see the whole valley. The sun was setting and made the snow look orange against the trees. Darkness would fall soon. It was warmer this afternoon than it had been since I’d walked Louie home. It felt so long ago, although it had been less than a week.
A wolf howls in the distance. My wolf wants to return the call. She’d been silent since the punishment. I feel guilty that I forced her into that position. She hadn’t wanted to fight, but I made her. She wants to run. She wants to be free. For the first time in my life, I’m not afraid what would happen if let her.
I strip off my clothes and she leaps from my skin. I don’t fight her for control. I don’t tell her where to go. She’s strong when she wants to be. When my wolf fought in truth, she’d taken down Mama Biel. She didn’t need me back seat wolfing any more. She wanted me to trust her.
So, I did.
We raced through the trees. We were running along paths I had overheard sentinels tell each other about in the diner when I waitressed. A frozen lake came into view as the final burst of sunlight disappeared beneath the horizon. My wolf sat and enjoyed the view.
It was full dark when we heard a twig snap. My wolf turned to look and found Kendrick’s wolf was watching us. He took careful steps toward my wolf. He kept his head low and posture non-threatening.
My wolf snarled at him. Her lips
were curled, exposing the missing fang. Her hackles were raised and claws out. She had longed for this wolf to find her. She mourned his absence since her birth.
Kendrick’s wolf whimpered, but he kept coming closer.
My wolf lunged at him striking his hind quarters violently. She was so angry. She wanted to kill him. This wolf was unworthy to be her mate. He didn’t deserve her. She lunged again biting his flank again. A bit of fur flecked in blood touched her tongue.
He was not fighting. She didn’t understand. She lunged again, going for the neck. He didn’t move to defend himself.
She stopped attacking. He was going to just let her kill him? My wolf didn’t understand. She licked the blood from where her three remaining fangs had pierced his neck.
Kendrick’s wolf groaned and almost purred. He buried his snout in my wolf’s fur and inhaled. He rubbed his face and neck along her side. When she didn’t move away, the massive black wolf nipped playfully at her hind leg.
For some reason, this pleased my wolf. She’d never gotten to play before. She yipped and bounced on her front paw before nipping at his hind quarters and bounding away.
They played with each other for hours. My wolf chased Kendrick’s; Kendrick’s wolf chased mine. She was careful to keep him ahead of her and on her left. She wanted to watch him. She needed to see him. She was content for the first time in her life. I couldn’t remember ever feeling the sensation she felt. She was with her mate, she was home.
My wolf hadn’t noticed where they’d run until Kendrick’s wolf nudged her toward the Alpha house. She snarled low at the wolf. The contentedness of their play forgotten in an instant. My wolf didn’t like being tricked. Kendrick’s wolf whined. My wolf didn’t know her way back to the house. I gently nudged her in the correct direction. I knew the way, she listened.
Kendrick’s wolf stayed a few feet behind us as we made our way along the long driveway into town. We rounded the corner and climbed the hill to where my mother’s house sat. The lights were off. I wandered around back to the forest edge where my clothes sat. I shifted and dressed in the clothes now stiff with cold and snow. Kendrick’s wolf nudged my leg as I pulled on the pants knocking me into the snow. The wolf nuzzled my exposed stomach tickling me with his cold snout.
“Kendrick stop it,” I managed to bite out moving the massive wall of fur and flesh off of me. The wolf lifted his hind quarters playfully, his tail wagging. I glared at him pulling on the sweatshirt. The wolf walked over to me with a bowed head. I reached out with my left hand and rubbed behind his ear the spot my wolf loved so much when Kendrick scratched her. He leaned into it, clearly enjoying the touch.
He was a magnificent creature. One of the largest wolves I’d ever seen. His yellow eyes seemed to glow in the soft light of the moon hidden behind the shelf of heavy clouds. I rubbed the other part of his face with my residual limb and Kendrick’s wolf tenderly licked the scar. It was a delicate gesture for such a massive beast. The wolf’s eyes were soft when he looked at me. He was studying my face.
My wolf wanted to come out again, her annoyance at being herded to the Alpha house long forgotten. She was jealous that I was rubbing the wolf.
“I can’t do this,” I said up so fast I was dizzy. Kendrick’s wolf reacted, quickly bouncing behind me to balance me. I looked down at the wolf and pet his head again, “Why can’t the human side be more like you?” It was an idle thought. Wistful from my mouth. Kendrick’s wolf apologized to mine. He let her be in control. The wolf was willing to die if his mate willed it.
I let my hand drop and went back inside my mother's house.
She still howled in her sleep. So, did I.
46
10 years earlier
“You two need to figure out how to get along,” Earl was holding court at his table in the Tooth and Claw. The pub would be opening for Saturday lunch in a few minutes and Earl had walked in to find me and Evan in a heated argument.
I couldn’t even remember what we were fighting about. I’d wanted to tear his throat out every day since the festival. He looked at me like I was helpless, I wasn’t helpless. I wasn’t weak. I glared at Evan from across the table. He was so huge that in order to fit me in across the table in the circle booth my legs had to sit between his.
“We get along fine,” Evan’s voice was a low rumble, “Lee’s just a whiny wolf.”
“I am not whiny,” I said immediately shutting my mouth hearing the whine in my voice, “You just don’t like women.”
Evan’s eyes narrowed, and he leaned slightly over the table. At nearly seven feet tall his slight lean brought him inches from my face, “I like women just fine. But you’re not one, are you? You’re just an annoying little wolf girl who’s ruining my life.”
“I’m ruining your life?” I scoffed, “Puh lease! I was doing just fine before you came along, now I’m stuck sleeping on a lumpy couch listening to you snore every night!”
Evan rolled his eyes and leaned back in the booth.
“Stop it both of you,” Earl hissed silencing Evan’s retort before it could come off his tongue, “When’s the last time you shifted?”
I gulped. I hadn’t shifted since the rest stop. Panic flooded me. Evan’s nose twitched then he looked at me with a furrowed brow. Damn it, damn shifter noses.
“I ran last week,” Evan said, “Took a run around the lake after the festival.”
Earl turned to me, “What about you, Lee?”
I bit my lip, “May,” I whispered.
“What?” Earl asked pretending he hadn’t heard me.
“May,” my voice was a squeak, “I haven’t shifted since...”
Earl’s eyes flew to my stump which I dropped to my lap. My face reddened.
“How often did you shift...before?” I barely recognized Evan’s voice, it was so soft, concerned, almost kind. The smug grin that usually marked his face was gone. He was serious. He was staring at me. He was pitying me.
“Once,” there I admitted it. I refused to look at their faces. I didn’t want to see the pity. I hated it. I hated them for thinking less of me because of it.
The pub was silent save for the whir of the ice maker. The Easterling men were watching me carefully. I hated that look. The look that I’d break if they breathed too hard.
“I’ll take you to the forest after work tonight,” Evan said. It was a statement of fact, “We’ll let your wolf stretch out, I’ll keep other animals away from you when she does.”
“I don’t need pro-” I started to argue but one look at Evan’s face cut me off. His jaw was firm, but his eyes were soft. My wolf ached to be free from my skin again. She wanted to run. She also wanted to feel safe, “Fine.”
“Excellent,” Earl said clapping his hands, “Now get to work.”
The drive to the forest by the lake was incredibly awkward. Evan hated my driving, but I refused to let him drive my car. He barked directions seconds before I’d have to turn which only heightened my already high anxiety. My wolf was so close to my skin, fur was starting to sprout on my arms. If it was anyone other than my arch nemesis in the passenger seat, I might have died from embarrassment. But because it was Evan it was so much worse. I could see his eyes looking down at my arms slowly sprouting dark fur. I focused on the road. Anything but the smug man beside me.
“Stop here,” he growled pointing to a tiny parking lot I’d nearly passed. I slammed on the brakes getting angry honks from the car behind me. I turned into the small lot and Evan was out of the car before I’d shifted into park. He had a large bag he threw over his shoulder that looked tiny against his back. He marched down a small path in the woods. Disappearing into the pine trees.
“Damn it,” I cursed pulling out the keys and running after him. If I couldn’t keep up, I’d be lost for sure.
My wolf led me down the path to him, she seemed to know the sooner we found the bear, the sooner she was free. Evan was tying the bag to a birch tree when I found him. He barely looked at me when I approached.
&
nbsp; “I don’t know what wolves usually do,” Evan’s voice was much gruffer than normal, “But my mom taught me to tie my bag to the tree. I put my clothes, keys, and phone in here. When I’m done shifting, my clothes will be dry and safe.”
He started pulling off his shoes and socks. I was too anxious to do anything but stare. His Shirt came next. He folded it carefully and put it in one of the small pockets of the bag. His brows knit when he saw me doing nothing.
“Are you shifting or not?” he growled. He was unbuttoning his pants now.
“What are you doing?”
“I like these pants,” he said, his tone still angry, “If I shift in them, they will be destroyed.”
“Oh,” I remembered my sundress and graduation robe. Both had been destroyed the two times I’d shifted. I started taking off my shoes. I put the socks in them, and Evan picked them up, putting them in his bag, “Uh, thanks.”
“Hurry up,” he was completely naked now. He was hairier than I’d thought. Not that I’d thought about what Evan looked like...My heart was racing. This was not what I’d anticipated. It was the first time I’d seen a man naked.
I turned my back to him and took off my shirt and sports bra and with a deep breath I took off my sweats and underwear. I turned around holding my clothes over my important parts. Evan held out his hands for my clothes with a bored look on his face, I hesitated to give them to him, “Come on Lee. I don’t have all night.”
I passed the clothes over and Evan shoved them into the bag, “Careful,” I said, “My car keys and phone are in the pocket.”
Evan rolled his eyes and secured the bag. It was a hook and buckle clasp. I’d yet to be able to fasten or unfasten those. Damn it. I was going to be dependent on Evan to get my clothes back.
Evan walked a few steps from the tree and crouched. A minute later a massive grizzly bear stood in front of me. He turned and growled at me impatiently. I wasn’t sure what he wanted. That’s a lie, I knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted me to shift so he could get on with it. I willed the wolf out. She wouldn’t come.
Tooth and Claw (Kootenai Pack Book 1) Page 12